Chapter Seventeen
F elix
The warm, spring weather greeted Felix as he stepped out of his cider house and out into the orchard.
Beautiful white and pink blossoms were scattered on the tree tops and over the ground, painting the perfect picture that would serve as the backdrop for Beckett and Willa’s wedding that would take place in a couple of weeks.
Felix was happy for his brother and his fiancée, and he was pretty sure Aiden had gone ring shopping for Nicole the other day, making it seem as if love was in the air.
Felix felt it too, though he’d been far more circumspect about his feelings than his brothers had.
He loved Autumn before, and he was even deeper in love with her now, but there was a hesitancy about her that kept him from uttering the words.
Her care for him was obvious, but whether that was love was still uncertain.
Since their first night together in Seattle a couple of weeks ago, they’d been making love and sleeping in the same bed every night, something he couldn’t get enough of and wanted to continue for the rest of his life.
Most times, Autumn seemed right there with him, but others she seemed to be a million miles away, lost in thought.
Felix often asked her where her mind had wandered, listening intently when she spoke of still not knowing what her future should look like.
Felix had hoped that future would include him, but she had never explicitly stated that and he was too afraid of losing what he had at the moment to ask.
It was cowardly, but he didn’t care about being brave.
Felix would rather live with the uncertainty as long as Autumn was still there with him.
Rushing her into making a decision could drive her away completely, and he wouldn’t survive that.
Instead of dwelling on what may or may not come to pass, Felix focused on the present.
At that moment, he was just finishing up a new concoction that had been inspired by the woman he loved.
The idea had come to him not one day after their trip to Seattle.
It felt good to be inspired, and it made Felix wonder just how interested in the idea of selling his recipes he actually was.
He would still be able to create new flavors, but there was something a little sad about parting with the old ones.
What if he wanted to revisit an older recipe and try to improve it?
Would he even be allowed to do that? These were questions that needed addressing, but it could wait another day or two.
He was too excited to share his latest creation with the woman it was named after.
With the growler of the Autumn inspired drink in one hand and two glasses in the other, Felix wandered over to her pottery studio where she had spent most of her days trying to get back to the level she had been at before.
From the swear words pouring out of the open barn door as he approached the shed, it was not going well.
“Ugh,” Autumn exclaimed. The nearly completed vase crumpled as she smashed it with her hands.
Felix hadn’t gotten the longest look at the piece, but what he had seen looked perfectly acceptable to him.
Of course, he was a bit of a perfectionist about his ciders, so he could see why she might be frustrated with her own product.
Her eyes flashed over to his and a sad smile played across her face as she gathered the lumpy clay back into a ball. “Hey.”
“Hey.” Felix nodded to the ball as he sat on a stool and rolled over to her. “Bad day at the wheel?” It wasn’t the first time he’d seen Autumn get upset at something she was working on, but what used to be a rare occurrence had been happening more often than not lately.
Autumn huffed as she smacked the clay together harder than he thought necessary, the wet slapping sounding weirdly erotic.
Shaking his head, Felix concentrated on the woman in front of him and not what he wanted to do to her.
“Understatement.” She crushed the clay between her fingers a while longer, her face scrunching up in frustration as she tried to blow a strand of hair that had fallen from her ponytail out of her eyes.
Setting aside the cider and glasses, Felix reached over and tucked it behind her ear for her, almost smiling at the pink as it curled forward again.
“Talk to me, Auts.” He rubbed his hand up and down her arm soothingly, concerned at the despondent expression on her face.
Seeing her sad and upset so often was still taking him some getting used to, but he didn’t mind her mood swings as much as he’d previously feared.
How she felt was as much a part of her as anything else, and he loved each of those feelings, even the less than pleasant ones. “What’s going on?”
Autumn shrugged as she gazed at the bookcases filled with finished projects.
They didn’t look as they had before her accident, and while Felix was no pottery critic, he thought the various pieces of stoneware looked amazing.
“What if no one wants my stuff anymore? I was looking at my website from before and...” She trailed off as she turned to face him again, her mouth turned down in the corners and her stormy eyes shining with unshed moisture as she gulped.
“I’m not as good as I was back then. What if I can’t make a living doing this anymore? What am I supposed to do?”
Ignoring her protests about clay hands, Felix wrapped her arms around him as he pulled her into his chest for a hug, wishing with that one move he could pass all of the confidence he had in her ability over to her.
“I am sure that people will still buy your stuff.” He kissed the top of her head, smiling at the bright, citrus scent Felix now associated with her.
Leaning back, he cupped her cheeks and stared into her eyes so that she could see the conviction he felt shining out of them.
“People buy things from you because they can sense the care you put into each piece. A mug isn’t just a mug to you, but an extension of how you feel.
Maybe you’re not in the right headspace today and that’s all it is, but even if that isn’t the case, no matter what happens with your pottery or anything else, we can figure it out together. ”
Autumn leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips before resting her head against his shoulder. “You’re pretty great, you know that?”
Felix chuckled and held her tightly. “I liked to think so, but hearing you say it makes it much more believable.” He had always thought of himself as a nice guy, a happy person that others would want to be around, but Autumn’s confirmation of that had him feeling it more deeply than he had in a long time, possibly ever.
“You make me better, Auts. You’ve been my best friend for a long time and we’ve always complimented each other, but I don’t know.
Lately...” he trailed off just as she had, unsure of how to put his feelings into words.
Autumn smiled up at him. “Lately, it’s felt like a lot more than two peas in a pod. More like two halves of a whole?”
Felix tucked his finger under her chin. “Exactly.”
Autumn had hit the nail on the head. They weren’t just side by side, but joined, connected in a way that they hadn’t been before. Feeling the strongest urge to tell her he loved her, Felix opened his mouth to do just that when a knock at the barn door interrupted him.
Slightly annoyed, Felix looked over to see his brother Travis with an apologetic look on his face as he stepped into the studio.
“Sorry to interrupt.” Felix shot his brother a dark look, only earning a light chuckle from the man.
Travis may have more muscle, but at that moment Felix was far more motivated to kick his ass just a little.
“But I have been sent to remind you all that we have a party to get to in half an hour.”
“Oh crap,” Autumn muttered, flying off her stool. She gazed down at her clay covered hands and splattered apron. “I have to get cleaned up. I’m a complete mess.”
Travis winced at her appearance, but recovered before Autumn could see it. “Look fine.” He coughed into his hand and shrugged. “No one cares if you look bad anyway.”
Felix tried not to laugh as Autumn spun on his brother. “I look that terrible?” She turned to Felix who was pretty sure he had nothing but love in his eyes. “Is that true?”
Shaking his head, he stood up and kissed her lightly. “You’re as beautiful as you always are.”
Autumn smiled before sticking her tongue out at his brother, a gesture that reminded him of how she acted towards them all before her accident. Even if she didn’t remember, it seemed as though parts of her still slipped through every now and then.
Travis held up his hands and backed out the door. “Later.” Turning, he walked toward the main house, leaving the two of them alone again.
Autumn moved to the deep basin sink and started to wash her hands and scrub at her nails. “I know you said I look okay, and I don’t mind going to a party wearing jeans and a sweater, but I draw the line and clay fingers.”
Felix chuckled and kissed her cheek as she dried off her now clean hands. “I said you look beautiful, not just okay.” He grabbed the cider and glasses he’d brought and set them on the counter next to her. “Before we go, I want you to try something.”
Autumn looked at him and then the growler skeptically. “I know the doctor said I could drink again, but I don’t know, Fe.”
Felix nodded as he poured a tiny amount into her glass. “It’s barely got any in there, but there’s no pressure.” He pushed the glass toward her and smiled. “I just thought you’d want to try a taste of Autumn.”
A light brown brow arched at the name, but she didn’t say a word as she picked up the glass and took a sip.
Felix watched as she tasted the drink that he’d named after her.
It was made from sweet apple, grapefruit peel, and hibiscus.
It smelled and tasted exactly like her, though it was a shame they would be the only two people to ever try his new blend.
Autumn’s taste wasn’t something he was willing to share.
When she was finished, she licked her lips, Felix certain it tasted even better coming from her mouth as it did from the glass. “I know you called it a taste of Autumn, but there’s no cinnamon or cranberry, or pumpkin. It’s really delicious, Fe, but it doesn’t taste anything like Autumn to me.”
Felix leaned down toward her ear, skimming his nose over the shell of it.
“Trust me,” he whispered. After nipping at her earlobe, Felix kissed her neck and jaw before slowly working his way over to her mouth.
“It tastes exactly like Autumn.” A small gasp of realization left her mouth before Felix covered it with his own.
When they’d been at the hotel and Felix told Autumn he’d never get enough of her taste, he meant it.
It hadn’t taken long for him to come up with the idea, and after letting it percolate for two weeks, he now had a cider that was a replica of his new favorite flavor: her.
Groaning as he licked the cider from her lips, Felix grabbed her hips and started to steer her towards the barn door.
“We don’t have time,” Autumn said against his mouth. Her hands told another story as they reached down and started to undo his belt.
Slamming the door shut, Felix pressed her against it. “We’ll make time.” Kissing her soundly, he proceeded to show her exactly just how worth making the time really was.