Chapter 15
JORDAN
The phone feels heavy in my hand as I listen to the familiar sound of being put on hold. Henry sits in his bouncy seat, contentedly playing with a soft toy while I pace the kitchen, waiting for Dr. Rockaway to come back on the line.
“Dr. Hadley?” Her voice finally returns, and I stop pacing immediately.
“Any changes?” I ask, though I already know the answer from her tone.
“I’m sorry, no significant changes. Her vitals remain stable, brain activity is normal, but she’s still unresponsive. Sometimes with traumatic brain injuries, the timeline for recovery can be—”
“I know,” I interrupt gently. “I know the statistics.”
“We’re continuing with the current treatment plan. Physical therapy is working with her daily to maintain muscle tone and prevent complications. Are you planning to visit today?”
“Later this afternoon, probably.”
“Good. And Jordan? Don’t lose hope. I’ve seen patients wake up after longer periods. Amy is young and strong.”
After we hang up, I stare at the phone for a moment, feeling the familiar sense of helplessness settle in my chest. Almost two weeks. Almost two weeks since the accident, and Amy is no closer to waking up than she was that first day.
The sound of the front door opening pulls me from my thoughts, and I quickly set the phone aside as Alexa and Ash walk in. Something about the way I’m standing must look suspicious because Alexa glances at the phone, then at me.
“Sorry, we’re running a bit behind,” she says, dropping her purse by the door and running a hand through her hair. “Ash wanted to find some comics to read before his carpool pickup.”
I notice how harried she looks this morning, her blond hair messily pulled back in a ponytail, her shirt slightly wrinkled like she grabbed the first thing she could find.
But even disheveled, she’s beautiful. The kind of natural beauty that doesn’t need perfect styling or expensive clothes to be stunning.
“No problem at all,” I tell her, lifting Henry from his bouncy seat. “When’s the pickup?”
“About thirty minutes,” Ash says, settling his backpack by the couch and pulling out a small stack of comics. “Mr. Johann is starting a new carpool group, and today’s my first day.”
“That’s exciting,” I say, bouncing Henry gently. “New routine.”
“Yeah. Mom thought it would be good for me to ride with other kids instead of her always having to drive me.” Ash spreads his comics out on the coffee table. “Plus, this way she doesn’t have to leave you and Henry to take me to school.”
Alexa’s cheeks flush slightly. “It just makes more sense with my work schedule.”
I can see the stress around her eyes despite the practical arrangement. The constant job hunting, taking care of Ash, and now working for me, while still trying to find something more permanent. She’s carrying a lot on her shoulders.
“You know what?” I say, the idea forming as the words come out. “You should take a night off this week. Let me watch Ash for an evening so you can go out and have some fun.”
“Oh, Jordan, that’s sweet, but I don’t really have anywhere to go.” She waves off the suggestion, but I can hear something wistful in her voice. “Besides, I don’t want to impose.”
“You’re not imposing. I’m offering. Go on a date.”
The words come out before I can stop them, and I immediately regret the suggestion. The last thing I want is for Alexa to go on a date with some other guy. But I’m trying to be supportive, trying to be the kind of friend she deserves.
She doesn’t respond to that, just looks down at her hands.
“Or,” I continue quickly, relief flooding through me at her obvious lack of enthusiasm for dating, “you could go out with Esme. You mentioned she’s always trying to get you to do things.”
“I don’t know…” Alexa starts, but Ash’s head pops up from where he’s been organizing his school supplies.
“Wait, I get to hang out with Jordan by myself?” Ash’s eyes light up with excitement. “Can we order pizza? Can we watch a superhero movie? Can we work on that comic book collection you told me about?”
I laugh at his enthusiasm. “We can do whatever you want, within reason.”
“Mom, please say yes,” Ash pleads, bouncing on his toes. “This would be so cool.”
Alexa looks between us, and I can see her wavering. “I really don’t want to be a bother.”
“You’re not a bother,” I say firmly. “You’ve taught me everything I know about taking care of Henry. You’ve made my life immeasurably easier over the past two weeks. Let me do something nice for you.”
“But what if Henry needs something? What if he gets fussy and you can’t calm him down?”
“Then I’ll call you. But I think Henry and I will be fine for one evening.” I adjust Henry in my arms, and he reaches for my shirt, content and relaxed. “Look. He’s already comfortable with me.”
“Say yes, Mom,” Ash adds. “Please?”
Finally, Alexa sighs in defeat. “Okay. Fine. I’ll call Esme and see if she wants to do something Friday night.”
“Friday it is,” I confirm, trying to ignore how pleased I am that she’s going out with her female friend instead of on a date.
“Are you sure about this?” Alexa asks one more time. “Ash can be a handful, and adding Henry to the mix…”
“Mom,” Ash interrupts with the long-suffering tone only a nine-year-old can master. “I’m not a handful. I’m a treat.”
“You are a treat,” I agree, making Ash grin. “And I’m looking forward to hanging out with you.”
The sound of a car honking outside signals Mr. Johann’s arrival. Ash quickly gathers his comics and backpack, gives Henry a gentle pat on the head, and waves goodbye.
“Have a good day at school,” Alexa calls after him as he heads out the door.
Once it’s just the three of us, a comfortable quiet settles over the house. Henry plays contentedly with a straw and a spoon while Alexa tidies up the coffee table where Ash had spread his comics.
“So,” I say, trying to sound casual as I pour myself another cup of coffee, “do you actually go on dates? I mean, when you’re not working or taking care of Ash?”
Alexa pauses in her tidying, and I see something shift in her expression. “Not really, no. I haven’t dated since…” She trails off, then seems to decide to finish the thought. “Since I was with Ash’s father. So…” Her laugh is dry. “Nine years ago.”
“That’s a long time,” I observe, immediately regretting how that sounds. “I mean, not that it’s any of my business.”
“It’s okay.” She sits down on the couch, her movements careful and deliberate. “What about you? I’m sure you must have women lining up to date the successful doctor.”
I laugh, but just like with her, there’s no humor in it. “Not really. I don’t date much either these days.”
“Why not?”
The question catches me off guard, and I find myself being more honest than I intended. “The risk feels too high.”
“What do you mean by that?”
I realize what I’ve just revealed, and heat creeps up my neck.
I mean that I don’t want to risk my heart.
I mean that getting close to someone, caring about them, opens you up to the possibility of losing them.
I mean that I’ve seen what love can do when it’s taken away, and I’m not sure I’m strong enough to survive that kind of loss.
But I can’t say any of that. Not to Alexa, who’s looking at me with genuine curiosity and concern.
“I just mean…” I scramble for a safer explanation, suddenly very interested in my coffee mug. “My schedule is demanding. Long hours, emergency calls. It’s not fair to ask someone to deal with that uncertainty.”
It’s not entirely a lie, but it’s not the whole truth either. Alexa studies my face for a moment, and I have the uncomfortable feeling that she can see right through my deflection.
“Right,” she says finally, but her tone suggests she doesn’t quite buy my explanation.
“Should we take Henry for a walk?” I suggest, desperate to change the subject. “The weather looks nicer now, and he might enjoy some fresh air.”
“That sounds perfect,” she agrees. Though I catch her giving me one more thoughtful look before she stands to get Henry ready.
It strikes me that I’ve never spent time alone with a child before, never been responsible for entertaining a nine-year-old for an entire evening. But somehow, the prospect doesn’t scare me the way it would have a few weeks ago.
Maybe because Ash doesn’t feel like just any kid. He feels like family.
The thought should worry me more than it does. Getting attached to Alexa and Ash when my life is in such chaos seems like a mistake. But I can’t seem to stop myself from caring about them, from wanting to be part of their world.
Even if I’m not sure how long I’ll be able to stay in it.
Even though I know it’s built on secrets I can’t keep forever.
Even though every phone call from the hospital reminds me that this perfect little bubble could burst at any moment.
For now, it’s enough to watch Alexa bustle around, packing things for the walk. It’s enough to feel Henry relax in my arms like I’m someone he trusts.
It’s enough to believe, for a few hours at least, that this could be my real life instead of just a temporary reprieve from everything that’s falling apart.