Chapter 13 Sam #2
Jack gave her a knowing look. “You don’t let people in easily. You’ve always been the one taking care of everyone else—your team, your family, your friends. But Roz? She got close. Too close. And now you’re scared of how much she matters to you.”
Sam didn’t respond right away. She looked down at her hands, her thumbs absently running over the calluses on her palms. “It’s not fair,” she muttered after a long pause. “I gave her everything. And she just…shut me out.”
“Maybe she didn’t shut you out because she doesn’t care,” Jack said carefully. “Maybe she shut you out because she cares too much. Maybe that scares her more than anything.”
Sam frowned, her chest tightening at the thought.
Jack stood up, stretching his arms over his head before looking down at her. “Look, I don’t know Roz. But I know you. And I know you wouldn’t feel this way if it wasn’t real.”
Sam looked up at him, her eyes tired and weary. “Then why didn’t she fight for me, Jack? Why didn’t she fight for us?”
Jack just gave her a small, supportive smile. “Maybe you’ll have to be the one to make her see it’s worth fighting for.”
Sam let out a breath, heavy and slow, as Jack turned to leave. Before he stepped out of the room, he paused, glancing back at her.
“Take it easy on yourself, Cap,” he said. “You’re not as alone as you think.”
Sam watched him go, the door creaking softly as it shut behind him. For a long time, she stayed there, sitting at her desk, staring at nothing. Jack’s words echoed in her mind.
The thought sent a fresh wave of emotions crashing over her. Roz had let her walls go back up, but Sam still saw her. She saw the fear beneath Roz’s anger, the hurt beneath her silence. And that was the part that cut the deepest, because Sam knew she still loved her. Despite everything.
Slowly, Sam reached for her phone, her thumb hovering over Roz’s name in her messages. She wanted to say something, anything, but the words wouldn’t come. She stared at the screen, her heart pounding, before finally locking the phone and shoving it into her pocket.
“Damn it, Roz,” she whispered, her voice breaking. “Why won’t you just let me in?”
The firehouse was unusually quiet when Sam finally left her office. The day shift had ended, and most of the crew had already gone home. The lingering silence should have been a reprieve, but instead, it felt deafening, like every thought Sam had been trying to suppress was echoing off the walls.
She climbed into her truck, gripping the steering wheel tightly for a moment before finally starting the engine. The night air was sharp as she rolled down her window, hoping the cool breeze might clear her head. It didn’t.
At home, Sam sat on her couch, staring at nothing.
Her apartment was dimly lit, just the small lamp in the corner illuminating the space.
She hadn’t bothered to turn on the TV or even take off her boots.
The air felt heavy, like it was pressing down on her chest, and she couldn’t shake the memory of Roz’s face, how it had gone so blank and cold when Evelyn found them.
Sam ran a hand down her face, exhaustion and frustration rolling through her in equal measure. She hated this. She hated how much space Roz occupied in her mind, how the silence between them felt like a physical weight.
Her phone sat beside her, dark and silent. She picked it up, her thumb hovering over Roz’s name again. The last message was still there, one she’d sent days ago: “I just need to know if you’re okay.” It was still unread.
A bitter laugh escaped her lips. “Figures,” she muttered.
Sam stood up abruptly, pacing the length of her small living room. She had never been the kind of person who let her emotions take over. She was the one who always had it together, who people leaned on in a crisis. Her job demanded that of her. But this? This was different. Roz was different.
And the worst part? Sam still wanted to fight for her.
Sometime later, Sam ended up in her kitchen, an open beer bottle in hand. She leaned against the counter, staring out the window into the darkness. She didn’t know how long she’d been standing there when her phone buzzed.
Her pulse jumped, and she grabbed it quickly, her heart hammering in her chest. It wasn’t Roz; it was a group text from Jack about a scheduling change. Sam let out a sharp exhale, slamming the phone down onto the counter.
Her frustration boiled over. “Goddamn it!” she snapped, the sound of her voice ringing through the quiet. She slammed the bottle onto the counter harder than she intended, and it tipped, spilling beer across the surface. Sam cursed again, grabbing a towel to clean up the mess.
Her hands were shaking. She stopped, pressing her palms flat against the counter, trying to steady herself. She stared at the text box, her mind spinning.
“You don’t get to shut me out. I deserve better than this.”
The words sat there, staring back at her. Her thumbs hovered over the send button, her heart pounding like a drumbeat in her chest. It would be so easy to hit send and tell Roz exactly what she was feeling.
But then what? Would Roz even reply? Or would she let the message sit there unread, just like the last one?
Sam’s hand shook as she deleted the words. She locked her phone and tossed it onto the coffee table, sinking back against the couch. Her throat felt tight as she ran a hand through her hair, blinking against the burn of tears she refused to let fall.
She thought about the night in Roz’s office and how good it had felt, for just a moment, to have her there, to feel like they were real. Roz’s hands, her kiss, the way her voice had softened when she whispered Sam’s name. It had all felt so…right.
Until Evelyn showed up.
Sam’s jaw clenched at the memory. She couldn’t unsee Roz’s expression in that moment, how quickly the warmth in her eyes had disappeared, replaced by that damn mask she always wore when she felt vulnerable. Roz had shut down, pushing Sam away as though none of it mattered.
But it did matter. To both of them. Sam knew it. And it was driving her crazy that Roz wouldn’t fight for what they had.
“Coward,” Sam muttered under her breath, though she wasn’t sure if she meant Roz or herself.
The weight of everything settled over her, too much to carry all at once. For the first time in a long time, Sam felt lost. She had spent her whole life being strong—for her crew, for the people she rescued, for herself. But now?
Now she wasn’t sure how much more she could take.
The next morning, Sam woke up on the floor of her living room, the sunlight streaming through the blinds. Her body ached, and her mouth was dry as she blinked awake, groaning softly.
Her phone buzzed on the coffee table, and she reached for it sluggishly. A message from Jack lit up the screen: “Cap, you okay? We’ve got the drill at 10. Let me know if you need me to handle it.”
Sam stared at the message for a moment before typing back: “I’m fine. Be there soon.”
She wasn’t fine. But she’d figure it out. She always did.
Pushing herself off the floor, Sam made her way to the bathroom, splashing cold water on her face. She stared at her reflection for a long moment, taking in the tired eyes and the lines of exhaustion etched into her features.
“Pull it together,” she muttered to herself.
But as she turned away, her phone buzzed again. This time, it wasn’t Jack.
It was Roz.
The message was short, just one word. “Hi.”
Sam stared at the screen, her heart lurching in her chest. She sat down on the edge of her bed, her fingers hovering over the keyboard, unsure what to say.
“Hi?” That’s all Roz had to say after everything?
Sam clenched her jaw, her thumb moving to the delete button. But instead of erasing Roz’s message, she tossed her phone onto the bed, running a hand through her hair as frustration bubbled up inside her all over again.
“Coward,” she muttered again, this time directed squarely at Roz.
But even as she said it, she felt the tug of something deeper, something she couldn’t quite name. Roz was reaching out, and no matter how angry Sam was, she couldn’t ignore the part of her that still wanted to believe they could fix this.
Maybe Jack was right. Maybe Roz was scared. Maybe Sam was the only person who had ever made Roz feel something real.
And maybe that was exactly why Roz was pulling away.
Sam sighed, leaning back against the wall. She wasn’t ready to text Roz back. Not yet. But she also wasn’t ready to let go.
Not by a long shot.
The hospital smelled the same as it always did, like antiseptic, recycled air, and something faintly sterile that Sam could never quite place.
The fluorescent lights hummed above her as she walked down the familiar halls, her boots clicking softly against the linoleum.
It was mid-morning, quieter than usual, and for once, Sam was glad for the stillness. She wasn’t in the mood for chaos.
She had told herself she was here to check on the young woman, Lila, she reminded herself.
Lila deserved to be more than that girl Sam rescued.
The thought had nagged at her ever since Roz’s surgery saved Lila’s life, as if Sam had something to prove by checking in.
At least that was the excuse she gave herself as she pushed open the door to Lila’s room.
The room was bathed in soft light, sunlight filtering through the window blinds.
Lila lay propped up on the bed, her expression tired but peaceful.
Her arms were marked with healing bruises, and a blanket covered her legs, hiding the injuries she was still recovering from.
But there was color in her cheeks, and her eyes brightened when they landed on Sam.
“Hey there,” Sam said softly, slipping into the chair beside the bed. “How are you holding up?”
Lila gave a faint smile. “Better. They say I’ll be walking again soon. I’ll probably set off metal detectors, but I’ll take it.”
Sam smiled, the knot in her chest loosening slightly. “That’s good news.”
Lila studied Sam for a moment, her expression turning curious. “It’s nice of you to come check on me, Captain. You didn’t have to, you know.”
Sam shrugged, leaning back in the chair. “I wanted to. What you went through… It’s not something people just forget overnight.”
Lila’s gaze softened. “Yeah, I guess. I can’t forget what you said to me either. You held my hand and told me I was going to be okay. That you wouldn’t leave me.”
Sam swallowed hard, the memory hitting her square in the chest. She remembered the way Lilahad clung to her amidst the chaos and smoke. Sam had been a lifeline in that moment, and it reminded her exactly why she did what she did. It reminded her of the weight she carried every day.
“Didn’t feel right to leave you alone after all that,” Sam said quietly.
Lila nodded, her expression growing somber. “You’re a good person, Sam. The kind of person people hold on to when things get bad.”
Sam flinched slightly at that, the words hitting closer to home than Lila could have possibly known. She cleared her throat and managed a weak smile. “Just doing my job.”
A beat passed, and Lila tilted her head. “Are you okay?”
Sam blinked. The question took her by surprise. She opened her mouth to brush it off, but the words caught. Something about the sincerity in Lila’s eyes disarmed her, like she could see the weight Sam was carrying even if she hadn’t said a word.
“I’m fine,” Sam said quickly, though the words felt hollow.
Lila raised a skeptical eyebrow. “You don’t look fine.”
Sam let out a soft laugh, shaking her head. “You sound like my second-in-command.”
Lila’s smile returned faintly. “Smart person, then.”
The silence stretched between them, comfortable this time, and Sam let herself sit in it.
Being here, seeing Lila healing, seeing her alive, it mattered.
Even with everything else falling apart, Sam could hold on to this.
For a moment, it eased the ache she’d been carrying since that night in Roz’s office.
As Sam stepped out of Lila’s room, the stillness of the hospital hallways wrapped around her. She turned down the corridor, headed toward the exit, only to stop short when she spotted a familiar figure leaning against the nurse’s station up ahead.
Olivia.
Roz’s younger sister had the same striking features as Roz, though softened, her sharp green eyes lacked the walls Roz so often hid behind, and her smile came easily. Right now, however, Olivia wasn’t smiling. She was watching Sam, an unreadable expression on her face.
Sam considered turning around, but it was too late. Olivia had already seen her.
“Sam,” Olivia called softly, stepping away from the counter.
Sam sighed under her breath but forced herself to straighten her shoulders as Olivia approached. “Hey,” she said, her tone guarded.
Olivia gave her a small, searching look. “I thought it was you.”
“I was just…visiting someone,” Sam said quickly, stuffing her hands into her pockets. She wasn’t in the mood for small talk, not with Roz’s sister.
“I figured,” Olivia replied. “I heard about the rescue. That was you, wasn’t it?”
Sam nodded stiffly. “Yeah. It was.”
Olivia studied her carefully, as though choosing her next words. “Roz operated on her, you know.”
Sam’s stomach twisted, but she forced a nonchalant nod. “I know. She saved her life.”
Olivia tilted her head, her expression softening. “She talked about you.”
That stopped Sam short. “What?”
“Roz,” Olivia clarified. “She talked about you. More than she realizes, I think.”
Sam froze, staring at Olivia as a rush of conflicting emotions hit her all at once. “She did?”
Olivia nodded, her voice quiet but earnest. “Roz, she’s complicated. But you know that already, don’t you?”
Sam let out a bitter laugh, shaking her head. “Yeah, I do.”
“She cares about you,” Olivia said softly. “Even if she’s too damn stubborn to admit it. Or fight for it.”
Sam clenched her jaw, the ache in her chest flaring back to life. “If she cares so much, then why push me away?”
Olivia sighed. “Because that’s what she does. It’s easier for Roz to build walls than to let anyone in. She’s been like that her whole life.”
Sam frowned, her frustration bubbling up. “Yeah, well, I’m not exactly in the habit of standing around waiting for someone who doesn’t want to fight for me.”
Olivia held Sam’s gaze, something understanding and sad flickering in her eyes. “I’m not saying you should. I just think…maybe you’re the first person to ever make Roz feel something real. And that terrifies her.”
The words hit Sam hard. She swallowed thickly, unable to respond.
Olivia offered her a small smile. “Just don’t give up on her yet. Not completely.”
With that, Olivia turned and walked away, leaving Sam rooted in place.