Chapter 14 Roz #2
“It’s always about Mom!” Olivia shot back, her voice rising as her patience frayed.
“Everything you do is to prove her wrong. But it’s like you don’t even know what you’re proving anymore.
You’re just trying not to screw up. You’re so afraid of failure that you’re throwing away the best thing that’s ever happened to you. ”
Roz froze, her chest heaving, every word landing like a punch. She couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. Olivia had seen right through her walls, through the lies Roz had been telling herself for days. For years.
The room went silent except for Roz’s unsteady breathing. Olivia stepped forward, her voice softer now, coaxing Roz into the truth she’d been avoiding.
“Roz…” Olivia’s tone held a gentleness that disarmed her completely. “You care about Sam, don’t you?”
Roz looked away, her voice barely a whisper. “It doesn’t matter.”
“It matters,” Olivia said firmly. “It matters because she’s different, and you know it. Don’t lie to yourself.”
Roz’s throat tightened as she shook her head. “What if I can’t be what she deserves, Liv? What if I mess it up, and she realizes I’m not worth it?”
The words slipped out before Roz could stop them, her voice cracking with a vulnerability she hadn’t meant to reveal. It felt like a betrayal, her walls crumbling under Olivia’s relentless push.
Olivia’s expression softened, her eyes filled with something close to heartbreak. “Oh, Roz…” She stepped closer, placing a hand on Roz’s arm. “You really think that, don’t you?”
Roz’s jaw tensed, but she couldn’t meet Olivia’s gaze. “I’m not…like you,” she admitted quietly. “I don’t believe in fairy tales, Liv. People leave. They always leave.”
Olivia’s grip tightened, her voice unwavering. “Not everyone leaves, Roz. Not if you give them a reason to stay.”
Roz looked at her sister finally, her eyes wet and angry. “You don’t get it. I can’t lose her, Liv. If I mess this up, if she sees me, all of me, and decides I’m not enough, it’ll destroy me.”
For a moment, Olivia said nothing, just looked at her sister like she was seeing her for the first time. Then, her voice dropped to a whisper.
“You’re not Mom, Roz.”
The words hung in the air, simple but earth-shattering. Roz blinked, startled, but Olivia didn’t stop.
“You don’t have to hide behind her rules or expectations. Sam’s not asking for perfection. She just wants you.” Olivia paused, tilting her head. “And I think you want her just as much. So what are you afraid of?”
Roz couldn’t answer. She felt stripped bare, every defense shattered as Olivia’s words echoed through her.
Roz swallowed hard, the knot in her chest making it difficult to breathe. Olivia watched her for a long moment, letting her words settle. Finally, she grabbed her coat from the couch and moved toward the door.
At the threshold, Olivia paused, looking back at her sister.
“For the record,” she added softly, “I think she’s worth it. And I think you know that already.”
Roz stood rooted to the spot as the door clicked shut.
The apartment felt heavier than before, the silence stretching out like an ocean she couldn’t cross. Olivia’s words rang in her ears, clashing with her mother’s voice in a battle Roz couldn’t reconcile.
Roz sank onto the couch, her hands shaking, her eyes stinging. For once, she couldn’t hide behind work, logic, or the careful mask she’d spent years perfecting.
And for the first time in her life, Roz Harrington felt completely, utterly lost.
Roz’s apartment, usually a sanctuary of control and solitude, now felt like a prison.
The walls seemed smaller, the air thicker, and for the first time, Roz didn’t know how to fill the silence.
Her gaze flicked toward the stack of unfinished paperwork on her coffee table, then to her laptop sitting half-open on the counter, tools she’d once used to drown herself in focus.
But none of it worked tonight. Not with Olivia’s words tearing through her defenses like a scalpel.
Roz leaned back against the couch cushions, staring at the ceiling as though it held answers. She couldn’t run this time. Olivia’s voice had planted itself firmly in her head, and she knew it wouldn’t leave until she confronted it.
“You just have to be brave.”
Brave. The word tasted foreign, uncomfortable.
Roz scoffed softly to herself. She was a surgeon, for god’s sake.
Every day she walked into an operating room and held another human’s life in her hands.
How many times had she made decisions in seconds that carried the weight of someone else’s existence?
And yet, here she was, afraid to face one woman.
One woman who had made her feel alive. One woman who had seen something in her worth holding on to.
Her chest ached as she reached for her phone. The device felt heavier than it should, like the texts inside carried too much weight. Roz tapped the screen to life, her thumb hovering over her messages.
There Sam was, like always. Roz’s messages to her were a mix of teasing one-liners, sarcastic quips, and softer words Roz had never been brave enough to say aloud.
Sam’s responses filled Roz’s screen—playful, warm, and unfiltered.
Sam’s words had always been honest, even when Roz hadn’t deserved them.
Roz scrolled down, stopping on the last message Sam had sent days ago.
Her stomach twisted as she reread it. Roz had never responded. She’d let Sam down, again.
The knot in her chest grew tighter as Roz clicked on a photo Sam had sent weeks earlier. It was nothing particularly grand—a candid selfie of Sam laughing at something Roz had texted her, the firehouse kitchen visible in the background. Roz stared at the picture, her throat constricting.
Sam was beautiful in ways Roz didn’t know how to explain. She wasn’t polished or untouchable like the people Roz typically encountered in her world. Sam was real, raw, steady, and alive.
Roz let the phone slip into her lap, leaning her head back and closing her eyes.
Sam had gotten under her skin in ways no one else ever had. Roz had tried to keep her at a distance, tried to tell herself that their stolen moments didn’t matter. But Olivia had been right, Roz cared. She cared too much. And that terrified her.
What if Sam did leave? What if Roz couldn’t live up to what Sam deserved?
The thought made her feel hollow. Her entire life, Roz had built herself to be untouchable, meticulous, focused, and perfect in every professional sense.
She’d lived on her own terms, carved out her success in spite of her family’s pressures, but when it came to her heart, Roz had never dared to take risks.
And yet, with Sam, it was already too late.
Roz sighed, pushing off the couch. She needed to move and do something or she was going to drown in her own thoughts.
She walked aimlessly to the kitchen, pulling a glass from the cabinet and filling it with water. The cold, unremarkable stillness of the apartment enveloped her again, and Roz found herself staring at her reflection in the window.
What the hell are you so afraid of?
Her mother’s voice battled against Olivia’s in her mind. Evelyn had drilled it into her since childhood: emotions were dangerous, a weakness, a distraction. And Roz had swallowed that belief for years, burying her vulnerabilities so deeply that sometimes she didn’t even think she had any.
But Sam had cracked her open, effortlessly, without even trying.
Roz’s fingers curled around the glass.
Roz inhaled shakily, closing her eyes. Olivia had been right about one thing, she was afraid. Afraid of being seen. Afraid of being enough and still not being chosen.
But wasn’t Sam worth the risk?
Roz opened her eyes and turned sharply, her phone still sitting on the couch. She stared at it for a moment before crossing the room and sinking back onto the cushions. Her fingers hovered over the screen, her pulse hammering as she tapped into her message thread with Sam.
She typed: “I’m sorry.”
Her thumb hovered over the send button, then she deleted the text.
She typed again: “I miss you.”
Another pause. Delete.
Frustrated, Roz dropped her phone into her lap again. She wanted to say something, anything. But the words wouldn’t come. Roz had always been better with her hands than with her voice, her ability to act far surpassing her ability to explain herself.
She exhaled slowly, staring at the blank screen.
“You just have to be brave.”
The thought struck her like lightning. She didn’t need to say the perfect thing. She just needed to try.
Roz’s fingers clenched around the phone as she stood abruptly, a new restlessness in her chest. She didn’t know exactly what she was going to do, but she knew she couldn’t sit here anymore. She couldn’t let fear control her any longer.
Moving with purpose, Roz grabbed her jacket and keys from the hook by the door. She paused only for a moment to glance back at the apartment—the paperwork on the table, the cold coffee, the neatly arranged loneliness.
It wasn’t enough. Not anymore.
She stepped out into the hallway, locking the apartment door behind her. The metallic clang echoed in the silence, and she exhaled, her breath fogging in the cool morning air as she made her way down the steps.
The drive to the firehouse felt longer than it should have. Roz gripped the steering wheel tightly, her knuckles white, her thoughts a chaotic mess.
What if she doesn’t want to see me?
The doubt snuck in like poison, curling in her chest. Roz tightened her jaw, forcing herself to breathe through it. It didn’t matter what Sam said. What mattered was that Roz showed up. She had to show Sam that she wasn’t running anymore.
Her car pulled up outside the firehouse, the familiar red brick facade looming ahead. Roz parked and sat there for a moment, the engine still running. The firehouse doors were open, and the faint sound of movement and chatter drifted out.
She hesitated, her fingers drumming against the steering wheel. The last time she’d stood in front of Sam, she’d pushed her away and lied to her with every clipped word and cold glance. This time had to be different.
Roz shut off the engine and stepped out, her boots striking the pavement with a muted thud. Her heart pounded as she crossed the short distance to the firehouse bay.
A young firefighter noticed her first, his head tilting with curiosity. He paused in his task, wiping his hands on a rag. “Morning. Can I help you?”
Roz swallowed, her voice steady despite the knots in her stomach. “I’m here to see Captain Sam.”
The firefighter raised his eyebrows but nodded. “Hold on. I’ll grab her.”
Roz watched him disappear inside. She shifted her weight, hands shoved into the pockets of her jacket as she stood there, surrounded by the quiet hum of the waking city. Her pulse roared in her ears.
A moment later, she heard steady, familiar footsteps, and then Sam stepped into view.
She was still in uniform, her shirt sleeves rolled up, and there was a smudge of soot on her cheek. She looked tired but strong, her expression sharp until her gaze landed on Roz.
Sam froze mid-step.
For a second, Roz couldn’t move or speak. The world shrank until it was just the two of them, standing there with an ocean of silence and words left unsaid between them.
Sam’s voice broke through the quiet, low and cautious. “Roz?”
Roz swallowed, forcing herself to hold Sam’s gaze. “Hey.”
The faint lines of tension in Sam’s brow deepened. “What are you doing here?”
Roz took a step forward, her voice soft but sure. “I needed to see you.”
Sam stood still, her arms crossed defensively as she looked Roz up and down. “Now you do? After everything?”
The accusation in her tone stung, but Roz didn’t flinch. She deserved it. She knew she did.
“I know,” Roz admitted quietly, her throat tight. “I screwed up, Sam. But I—”
Sam shook her head, holding up a hand. “Don’t. I don’t know if I can do this right now, Roz.”
Roz exhaled slowly, her heart sinking. But she didn’t leave. She didn’t run. Instead, she looked at Sam. “You don’t have to say anything. Not yet. But I’m not leaving until I say what I came here to say.”
Sam’s lips parted, her expression a mixture of frustration and something softer, something vulnerable. She didn’t reply, but she didn’t walk away either.
Roz took another step closer, her pulse loud in her ears. “I’ll wait.”
And for the first time in weeks, Roz felt steady, even as the silence stretched between them.