Chapter 38
Dain
My visions were a curse that plagued my every waking moment, but this was a special kind of agony.
Last night, I’d dreamed of Fern. That was unsurprising as it felt like she haunted my dreams more thoroughly than any revenant might manage, but that dream…? I’d woken with a groan, my body on fire, my cock throbbing as it pulled hard against my stomach.
Trees, I remembered that part. Me walking through them, bending down to pick up branches, my way lit only by the moon.
Closer and closer I got, though I didn’t know what until I came to a stop, because there she was.
Naked, gleaming silver, the moonlight caressed her body in all the ways I wished I could.
My hands flexed around the saddle horn as the dream replayed inside my head.
The generous flare of her hips. An arse plump enough to sink my teeth into, sure it’d taste as sweet as the peach it resembled, and then there were those breasts. Swollen slopes with nipples—
Slate’s rider says we are landing here for the night.
Argent’s voice was like a slap to the face, breaking me out of my reverie and forcing me to realise my body was just as responsive now as it was then.
My cock throbbed in time with my heart and ached the exact same way.
Ignoring that, I leaned left, following my dragon’s spiralling descent until finally we landed in a clearing.
The trees around us? I recognised those silver birches. The trunks were pale in the growing gloom. This was the place I dreamed of last night. My teeth ground together as I gripped the saddlehorn tight.
“We camp here for tonight,” Kael said as everyone landed.
“There’s a small lake just off over there.
Lorien, take the waterskins and fill them before anyone has a wash.
Dain…” No, I thought furiously. Don’t say it.
Don’t say it. “You grab some rocks and set up a campfire. Find some sticks and kindling while I go and see what I can shoot for dinner.”
He pulled his bow and arrow off his saddle, slinging them over his shoulder, only for me to intercept him.
“I’ll go and hunt.” No, that’d take me into the trees. “Or I’ll go and fill the waterskins.”
That would take me to the lake. Gods, I didn’t want that either.
“You’re a terrible shot,” Kael said, hefting his bow. “Couldn’t hit a bunny if it bounced up and bared its fluffy tummy at you. Lorien will just get distracted and wander off if he collects firewood.”
“Hey!” my brother snapped, sliding off Brightfang’s back.
“You know it’s true.”
Kael and I looked at each other, having said the same thing at the same time. Sometimes it felt like it was only during life and death situations that Lorien managed to stay focussed.
“Then I’ll dig the latrines,” I said.
“Nah.” He glanced back to where Lance was helping Fern down from Auren’s back. My eyes did not fixate on the way the other man’s hands gripped her waist. “We’ll leave the lieutenant to do that job.”
“I’ll be standing guard as Fern washes.” The lieutenant walked up to us, his eyes narrowing slightly. “The general sent me—”
“To keep an eye on us because he doesn’t trust what he can’t control,” Kael replied with a grin.
“Which says a lot about you.” He peered past the other man to where Fern was pulling things from her saddle bags.
“But if you want to stand there as our girl bathes, that’s fine.
” His smile faded. “Just make sure to give her your back the entire time.”
“You—”
Lance had a sharp retort ready, but it was then that Fern joined us. Her hand rubbed at the small of her back.
“Gods, somehow I forgot how hard a full day’s ride is on your body,” she groaned.
My eyes followed the movement against my will. Did she actually have little dimples at the top of her buttocks, just as I saw in my dream? That question was enough to force my focus elsewhere.
“If you need me to ease your aching muscles,” Kael said, “I’m told I have very strong hands.”
“The hell—” Lance growled.
“I’m fine, thank you.” Fern was perfectly polite, but you didn’t need to have my extra senses to detect discomfort there. “I wouldn’t have thought I could get all grimy from riding through the clouds, but I am, so I’m going to wash.”
When she turned to go, Lance followed hot on her heels.
“Get the firewood, Dain,” Kael directed.
“Tonight will be a cold one, and while I would like very much for our girl to come snuggling up to me when the moon rises…” I could see that in my mind, but it was difficult to tell if it was a true vision or not.
“It’d most likely be Lorien, so let’s make sure we have enough wood to keep it burning all night. ”
With a growl, I stomped over to Argent and pulled his saddle off.
Desire makes human males as fractious as dragons in rut, he observed, earning him a dark look. I dumped the saddle on the ground and then pawed through the saddlebags, pulling free an axe. Curious.
I’m not in rut, I shot back.
You dream of your mate constantly. For some reason, your every thought is of seeing her without her clothes. Your body—
Leave my body out of it, I snapped, and see to your own. Go and hunt.
I will. Argent sniffed at me. For myself and for Auren. I will prove myself worthy of my queen while you—
Get firewood.
For a moment, I just stood there, sensing a flickering at the edges of my perception.
It meant a vision was incoming, but I didn’t know what it would be about.
It could be something as prosaic as Lorien walking back with the waterskins in tow or rabbits hanging from Kael’s belt, but prompting it never helped.
My gift would multiply exponentially, showing me infinite possibilities I’d just get lost in.
Without a word, I pushed away from Argent, then went striding off into the forest.
Kael was a bastard, but he was a canny one.
I think he knew that if I had my way, I’d have lived in a forest. Forever, if needs be, because it was only amongst the trees that my head went quiet.
No people, no places to stir my gift, it felt like the only place I could take a full breath.
The sound of bird calls, the rush of the breeze through the leaves and my own heartbeat, it’s what followed me as I moved forward.
That stick. I grabbed it and added to the growing bundle. That one and that one. Each selection was packed into a neat pile in my arms. That one and… I blinked because when I picked up a sizeable bough, a point of bright light fluttered up and into the air.
Prayer bugs, that what’s people called them due to the way their forelegs were always bent forward and held against their chests, like a person in prayer.
The fact that they glowed bright in the moonlight meant people ascribed all sorts of godly attributes to them.
I knew that it was the lichen they ate that had them lighting up like lanterns.
It wouldn’t light my way, though. The whirr of its wings, it felt like it got louder and louder, loosening my grip on the branches and that’s when my gift rose.
Not a man any more, I skimmed over bushes and over shrubs.
Other prayer bugs noted my passing, rising to follow.
When I looked sideways, we were a million points of light, weaving between the trees.
But the forest was never going to be enough for us.
We might live in the leaf litter, preying on other creatures, but at night?
The moon called.
Her silvery glow was endlessly seductive and when she rose, so did we. Flying free of the trees, we swirled here. Above a small lake that looked like a polished mirror, it reflected back the moon light’s brilliance and hers.
“Oh…!”
That sigh, my human brain filed the sound away, knowing I’d bring it out for closer inspection when I was back in my own body. It was the sound of pleasure, of wonder. I looked down to see Fern standing in the middle of the lake and that’s when I understood the prayer bug’s frenzy.
The moon loved her. How else could you explain the way it caressed her body, forcing it to glow twice as bright.
As her eyes widened, I caught sight of that same brilliance glowing in her eyes.
She smiled then, holding out a hand, and that’s when we moved.
I was the swarm, and the swarm was me as we swirled down.
Her little chuckle drew me closer. My wings worked in a furious buzz, carrying me through the air, spiralling down, as—
“What the hell are you doing?”
For a moment, there was only loss. My consciousness was shoved unceremoniously back into my skull, and that left me painfully aware of my situation.
I was standing at the edge of the clearing, clutching at a bundle of firewood as if the sticks were Fern.
My eyes burned from staring too hard. Forced to blink faster to ease the ache, the spell was well and truly broken.
All the pleasure left Fern’s face as if it had never existed.
And was replaced by embarrassment.
The bright red staining her skin, it felt like mine blazed hot in sympathy, but she had no right to that emotion.
The shame was all mine and that had me stumbling back.
Into the gloom of the forest, the quiet was broken by the sound of me crashing through the undergrowth, because there was no peace to be had here.
Never for me. Walking through the trees meant taking a more circuitous route, so by the time I made it back to camp, Fern was dressed and Lance was standing beside her protectively.
“What the hell happened?”
Lorien came to stand before me, then shoved my waterskin into my chest.
“What fate decides, as always.” I dropped the firewood, then swung the waterskin over my shoulder, before digging through my saddlebags. When I felt a pencil between my fingers, I stood up, shoving it into my pocket. “Set the fire, Lorien.”
“Brother—”
“Set the fire.” I paused for a second, daring a look backwards in time to see Lorien nod slowly. “Keep her…” My focus strayed to Fern who was standing there as Kael and Lance spoke with some animation. “Keep Fern warm tonight.”
Without bothering to explain why, I strode off again, this time as far away from the camp as I dared.
Jumping over logs, dodging trees, it helped use up some of the adrenaline surging in my veins.
When my skin stopped burning from the shame of it, I paused and sat down on a nearby fallen log.
The journal inside my jacket was fished out and a new page found.
No, I thought, but the impulse was like a dry leaf in a gale.
It was blown away seconds later as my pencil hit the page.
Long, swooping lines, they described the shape of Fern, capturing the way her whole body arched upwards, ready to touch the swarm of prayer bugs.
The swarm was depicted as well, but it was only when I was laying on the graphite thick, depicting the depths of night that my heart started to settle.
Into a familiar feeling of desolation.
You saw your mate without her clothes. Argent landed in the clearing, knocking bushes and saplings over as he came to sit beside me. That was what you wanted, wasn’t it?
My pencil stopped as I considered his question.
You wish to mate with Auren?
His big head came to rest beside me.
You know I do.
And if you were successful in mating her, but she neither wanted, nor accepted the bond? I replied.
That’s not possible, he said.
But if it was? If you mated her and didn’t realise how she felt until afterwards?
A big huff of breath led me to believe he was starting to understand.
I’d throw myself into the sea and let the current suck me under. Better to be dead than to dishonour a queen so.
Something hot and acidic rose inside me. More corrosive than even Argent’s spittle, it burned everything it touched, leaving me open mouthed and gasping.
Then tomorrow we head for the coast, I replied, because despite myself, I dishonoured Fern tonight.
That was not your intention. I see your heart, Dain. You wish to worship—
If wishes were horses, we’d all ride, I said, feeling the ache in my eyes that made me want to close them, but I wouldn’t. More dreams, more visions, they’d come unbidden and then where would I be? My pencil moved across the page, making the details of my shame come to life.