Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
ZOE
I hold the urn in my hand, tipping it this way and that, listening to the gold dust sift like sand back and forth in the metal canister. I want to ascend again. Every cell in my body is urging me to open the canister, draw a line, and take the goddess into my body.
Seb has been gone for hours. Although I’ve returned to my house—it’s still so weird to say that—I can’t sleep.
Dressed in my coziest pink kitten pajamas, I’ve stationed myself in the comfy chair near the window, my legs curled under me.
I watch for signs of life in the big house for hours, but no dice.
Seb’s still not back, which means he and Remus are going after more of those cursed rings.
He’s probably in a dangerous situation. Fuck, being anywhere near those rings is dangerous.
It shouldn’t bother me so much, but I’ve caught feelings for Seb.
That kiss we shared today was a long time coming.
I wanted it to keep going. I know our relationship isn’t conventional, but when I think of him, I can imagine a future so clearly.
Imagine waking up next to him again and again until we’re both old and gray.
I’m dreaming, of course, romanticizing an attraction born of lust-soaked chemistry and proximity.
But I won’t deny my desire for him or my genuine worry for his well-being.
If you ascended, you could use your magic to open a portal to him. You could help him.
The whisper from the back of my brain is a darker version of my own voice. When I was going through rehab, I pictured that aspect of myself as a spider. A black widow with a swollen abdomen trying to lure me into her web with her lies.
All she does is lie, and I’ve learned to call her out.
“Ascending to the Gold Room now will not help Seb,” I say to the empty room.
“Seb is a competent warrior. Opening a portal to him could cause more harm than good by distracting him from his plan. It would also set back our goal of finding a way to neutralize the rings by at least three days because I’d have to recover from this use.
And, because I haven’t waited long enough to use again, I’ll come down hard, alone, with no one to care for me or call for help if my heart stops. It’s a bad idea all around.”
I sigh and toss the urn back into the bag. Thankfully, the spider remains silent. This match called in my favor.
I rise from the cozy chair and head toward the bedroom and the book I’ve been reading, but I stop short when the phone rings. Shit. Could that be Seb? Heart in my throat, I jog back into the kitchen and snatch my cell off the counter. “Hello?”
“Zoe, I hope I didn’t wake you. I just heard the good news!
” My mom’s voice fills my ear, and I glance through the window toward the big house.
All its windows are still dark. I chase away the disappointment of not hearing from Seb and try to get excited that my mom has reached out. She so rarely calls.
“Hi, Mom! What good news is that?”
“What good news?” Her voice catches. “I ran into Jeremy at the Beltane planning meeting, and he said you told him you’d started your dream job and had to pause your sessions with him.”
I muster a laugh. “Well, yes. I’d planned to call you and tell you all about it, but I’ve just been so busy.” I rub the bridge of my nose. Stupid Jeremy and his blabbermouth. I haven’t had time to get my story straight about all this. I obviously can’t tell my mother the complete truth.
“So, is this the opportunity you mentioned with the dragon you met at that club?”
I am shocked she remembered. “Yes. Yes, it is. How did you guess?”
“He said you were hired by Full Throttle, and I remember you mentioned the dragon was from Full Throttle. I knew this would be a good opportunity for you. Very lucky.”
“It has been. I’m learning a lot and have an entire studio at my disposal.”
“What a boon! I hadn’t even heard you lost your job.”
Damn, is every single word I say to Jeremy parroted back to my parents? “I didn’t exactly lose the job. Regal Health closed the location where I was working, so I decided to pursue this opportunity.”
“Jeremy didn’t tell us that.”
“I only had a short conversation with Jeremy. Honestly, I wish he would have kept some of this confidential so that I could explain everything myself.” My voice holds more than a little annoyance.
“Oh, please don’t be cross with Jeremy, Zoe. You know he only has your best interests at heart. And given our history, he felt compelled to explain why you had missed your session so that we wouldn’t worry.”
“I guess that makes sense.”
“So, tell me about the dragon,” she says salaciously.
I glance at the house again. “Nothing to tell, really. Hey, Mom, it’s getting late. I should go. Can I call you next week?”
“Wait! You are coming home for Beltane this weekend, right? Dinner is at seven, immediately followed by the bonfire. Everyone is gathering at our place this year.”
“I’m not sure,” I say.
“Not sure? You haven’t missed a Beltane celebration since you were twelve and had that appendicitis. What’s going on? Please don’t tell me that dragon is keeping you chained to your desk like an animal.”
“Of course not. Don’t be ridiculous,” I say. Fuck. I truly have no excuse. “Yeah, of course I’ll be there.”
“Six thirty for cocktails, dear. Do you want me to send a car?”
“No. I’ll find a ride. I may meet up with some of the girls at the maypole earlier in the day anyway.
” Shit. I haven’t even broached the subject of not living in my apartment anymore and really don’t want to.
There is no way to say “I live in my boss’s pool house and can’t disclose the location” that will not blow up in my face.
Having Mom’s driver show up at my old apartment to pick me up would be an absolute disaster.
“All right. Let us know if you end up needing that driver after all. Good night, darling.”
I end the call, not missing the undercurrent of skepticism in her last statement. She knows I won’t go to the maypole. There’s not a single witch who will give me the time of day anymore, let alone drive me anywhere. I burned all my bridges, and she knows it.
My eyes fall on the bag and the urn again.
I can make it all go away, the spider coos. I can make you the most popular witch in the coven.
“I don’t care about any of that,” I spit out. And then I grab my keys and head back to the big house. I’m never going to sleep until I know he’s home, and I shouldn’t be anywhere near that urn right now.
I’ve just drifted off when the sound of the front door opening wakes me.
With a start, I remember I’m in Seb’s bed.
I decided my only hope of getting any rest tonight was waiting here for him.
It seemed completely rational at the time, but now, as the thump of his boots draws near, part of me worries how he’ll react.
I mean, it is presumptuous of me to assume I’m welcome to sleep in his bed anytime I like without his permission. Shit. What was I thinking?
I sit up, my arms circling my knees as he enters the room, stopping short when he sees me.
“Zoe?”
“I—I couldn’t sleep. I needed to make sure you got home okay.
” I lean over and turn on the light so I can see his face clearly.
That’s the only way to know whether I should be apologizing or getting comfortable.
But the second I can see him clearly, I almost scream.
Seb is covered in blood. His hair is crusty with it.
“What the fuck!” I bound from the bed and rush over to him, but I’m not sure where I can touch him without hurting him.
I hold my hands out and scan him from head to toe. “Is this your blood? Are you hurt?”
He just stares at me, like he’s in shock. He doesn’t speak, but I wonder if he can speak.
I’ve never thought of myself as maternal. Whenever one of my mother’s friends would ask me if I wanted to have children, I’d say no. But something deep inside me snaps into place at the sight of him. Without saying a word, I take his hand and guide him into the bathroom.
I’ve used this room a few times, although I don’t remember the first. I was unconscious when Seb bathed me that first time.
But it’s a big room and well-appointed. I lead him over to the enormous shower and start the hot water.
The tub would be easier with him like this.
I suspect I’ll have to get in and help him. But there’s too much blood.
When I turn back to Seb, he’s still watching me, his expression unreadable.
I grab the bottom of his black T-shirt and try to pull it over his head, but it won’t budge.
Black straps around his shoulders hold it in place.
It’s not that they’re hidden, I was just distracted before by all the blood, I didn’t register they were there.
I go to work removing a holster and dagger from under each arm, another from his back.
The weapons are heavy, but he helps me with a few of them, that absent look in his eyes still lingering.
Together, we strip them from his thighs, his calves. Fuck, he has knives everywhere.
And then I notice the bag tied to his belt. I reach for it, and his eyes go wild. He grabs my wrist.
“It’s okay,” I say softly, suspecting by the way it hangs that these are the rings he was after. Hell, I don’t have to suspect. I know based on the feeling of dread I get when I glance in the bag’s direction. “I won’t look inside, but I’m going to take this off you.”