Chapter Ten
Vynessa
A knock rattles my door, but I don’t raise my head. “Go away. Let me die in peace.”
It’s day three since my utter and complete humiliation in the library.
How could I have gotten that so wrong? I haven’t left my room except to sneak out in the middle of the night to eat and use the restroom.
Thankfully I was ahead on my studies as of three days ago because I’m soon going to be behind.
I don’t even care anymore.
“I’m coming in.”
“I’m naked,” I warn.
“Is that supposed to convince me not to come in?”
“It’s locked, and I’m never leaving this bed again, so you’re out of luck.”
He clearly takes this as a challenge because a second later, I hear scratching at my lock. It takes Pax less than a minute before the knob is turning, and he’s filling my doorway.
He leans into the frame, his ocean eyes considering me. “When’s the last time you showered, Nessie?”
I’m actually not sure. Burrowing down, I sniff my armpit. It’s a bit rank, I have to admit. I slam the covers back up to my chin. “Oh, whatever,” I croak, “You know I naturally smell like roses.”
“Well, your hair doesn’t naturally shampoo itself, and it’s three shades darker.”
“I don’t care. Go away.”
I’m answered with silence.
I stare at the folds in my blankets, pretty sure Pax left, but unable to bear the sight of an empty doorway. Even though I told him to leave, tears prick at my eyes. Everything’s changed, and I hate it.
Then the bed slumps down, and Pax stretches out behind me. He wraps his arms me, warm and strong, and it takes every millimeter of my concentration to not start crying.
“Don’t,” I mumble, even as I cling to him. “I smell bad.”
“You smell like roses.”
I snort. “No, I don’t.”
“You said so yourself.”
“I lied.”
“Well, I didn’t.” His arms wrap entirely around me, and he presses his nose into my hair. “Tell me what’s wrong. Please, Nessie. You’re scaring me.”
I lay my head on his arm. “It’s so stupid, Pax. I’ve been so stupid.”
“What’s going on, baby? You haven’t been yourself since we got here. I’m worried about you.”
I thought he hadn’t been himself, but maybe Pax is right. Maybe it’s me who’s changed. I’ve been so wrapped up in my own head, my moods swinging high and low every passing second, confusing the hell out of me. The hormones that are, quite frankly, alarming if not terrifying.
I’ve been so wrapped up in my own stuff, I have no clue how he’s been doing. I don’t even know if he’s courting anyone, if he likes his program. Part of that is because he’s evasive when I ask, and I didn’t want to put pressure on our relationship. But another part is because I’ve been selfish.
“There is something going on with me, but it’s really embarrassing,” I admit.
“Did you finally pass your first moon blood?” I can hear the smile in his voice, and I nudge him for it, feeling momentarily better before I remember how thoroughly I fucked up.
“Way more embarrassing.”
“Hey…” Pax grips my hip and rolls me over to face him. His arm curls around my waist, and though it’s a familiar position for us, I have to work to ignore the fact that he’s holding me on a bed while our legs are tangled together.
“I…” I have to close my eyes to continue. “I decided that I was going to lose my chastity this semester.”
Pax stiffens. I can feel it through his whole body and his hold on me, and a growl enters his voice when he asks, “Did somebody hurt you?”
“No.” My eyes snap open and I grab a handful of his shirt for emphasis. “No. Not at all. It’s actually the exact opposite. No one touched me.”
“Okay…” He draws out the word, leaving it almost a question.
“I’ve been acting like a huge idiot. I came up with a mission to have no strings attached sex. Just to lose it, to see what it’s like for once and for all.” I press my face into his shirt. “I even thought about asking you.”
“That would be impossible,” Pax says, and even though I figured this out at the carriage station, the resoluteness in his voice makes my stomach drop and pain knot in my heart.
“Yeah, I know, Pax. I’m sorry for even considering it—”
“Not…” His hand scoops under my chin, bringing my gaze up to his. “Not the idea of you and me. The idea that there wouldn’t be strings. I can do no-strings with someone random I just met at a party or a pub. I couldn’t do that with someone I’ve loved since the learning to walk.”
My stomach is having a very different reaction now. It’s fizzy and tingly, and I suddenly wish I’d brushed my teeth and bathed in the last seventy-two hours.
“Really?” I whisper, wanting to lift my face to his, but knowing I have dragon breath.
“Really,” he whispers back, stroking my hair behind my ear. “It’s meaningless with anyone else, Nessie. Not with you. Never you.”
His fingers trace down my cheek, rough callouses against smooth skin. “That was a week ago, though. Something else happened since then to make you like this.”
Fuck.
I can feel my face heating under his palm. “I screwed up, Pax. I don’t think I can ever return to class.”
“Start from the beginning.”
So I do. I start from the moment I discovered Professor Sinetar bending Professor Mitchel over her desk, how turned on I felt watching them and how I just stood there with his gorgeous eyes pinning me as he released his seed inside her.
I tell Pax about each time I thought Professor Sinetar was flirting with me, repeating the exact words he said and how I got it all so mixed up and wrong.
Then I detail that last horrible moment when Professor Sinetar told me that I would have to work for my grade just like everyone else.
“The guy is a dirty demon dick.” Pax spits the words, his cheeks flushing with anger.
I knew he’d be angry on my behalf, but I was the one who totally screwed up the whole situation in my head.
“He didn’t do anything wrong,” I point out, feeling the need to defend him for some reason.
“Maybe he enjoyed the admiration from a dumb village girl, but when I actually came on to him, he wanted nothing to do with me.”
“He shouldn’t have said any of that stuff,” Pax fumes.
My cheeks flame with humiliation at the memory of my last day in the library. “He couldn’t have pushed me away fast enough when I tried to act on it, though. I’m starting to think I have sex-repellant rather than sex appeal—”
Pax cuts me off with a bark of laughter, and I glance up into his eyes. The guy is bald-faced laughing at me.
“I’m serious, Pax,” I say, shoving his shoulder.
He only laughs harder.
I’m not sure if I should be complimented or insulted by his mirth.
“No one at school is interested,” I point out, laughing through my humiliation.
“At least, no one I’d consider. I was approached by two creeps, but you and True scared them off.
I’ve thrown myself at three guys, and they all rejected me—harshly.
You, then Professor Sinetar, and when we first got here, True.
” I lower my voice to a whisper. “Which, I admit, is pretty shitty of me. Oh phoenix feather! I really am desperate.”
I hide my face in Pax’s chest, but he keeps quaking with mirth.
“Stop laughing at me! I have literally no self-esteem left to lose.” I punch his shoulder, trying not to die of embarrassment.
“I just thought one of you might be up for helping a girl out with losing her virtue, knowing I wasn’t going to expect anything else to come of it. But I got a firm hell no from him too.”
Pax finally pauses to wipe at his tears—he’s literally crying from laughter.
“Nessie, you were the hottest girl at our village school by miles. You’re the hottest girl in Ricoterra by galaxies.
That Sinetar asshole would sell his soul to the demons to sleep with you—if he has a soul to sell, which he clearly doesn’t.
He probably just panicked when he realized that you might actually take him up on it, and he’d have to back up his words with actions.
He’s obviously all talk. A guy like that doesn’t deserve to kiss your toes. ”
I roll my eyes. “You’re just being—”
Pax rocks his pelvis forward, pushing his rock-hard erection into me and making me gasp. I immediately feel a stirring inside, even before I take in just how big he feels.
“Every damn time you touch me, Nessie. Doesn’t mean I can have you. I can’t. But you’ve lost all sense of reality if you think you’re not sexy. I have literally spent a decade fighting meat-brains who tried to hit on you even when I told them that you’re off limits.”
My breath is hitching, and I want to rub up and down his length, but Pax scoots away.
“Maybe let a couple guys through, Pax. I don’t want to die a virgin.”
Leaning in, he kisses me on the forehead. “I promise I’ll let someone through—When they deserve you. So, it might be a while.”
I roll my eyes again, but Pax has managed to make me feel better. Before I can get him talking about his life on campus since starting Liaison training, though, Pax rolls off the bed. He leans down and kisses my forehead, gently smoothing my hair back at the same time.
“Now how about that bath I mentioned earlier?” he asks playfully.
I groan and pull the blankets up over my head, embarrassment flooding through me when I remember how gross I am right now. Pax just laughs and ambles out of the room, knowing I’ll get myself together now. And I do.
By the time I reach the washroom, the tub is full of steaming water, a bar of soap on the side and a clean towel folded over the edge.
I glance around and see True hovering in the hallway. “I know it’s not what you’re—what you deserve,” he says, shifting on his feet and avoiding my eyes. “It’s all we have right now, and I’ve never drawn a bath for—for a lady.”
Is he blushing?
“It’s incredible,” I say, touched by his thoughtfulness. “Thank you.”
He gives a quick nod, his lips pressed together in what appears to be frustration.
“Seriously,” I say. “No one’s ever drawn a bath for me. I’d hug you, but trust me, you don’t want me lifting my arms right now.”