Chapter 10 #2
Well, at least somebody was happy with how things were going. “While Moon suits him, I regret he wasn’t named Devil Bane right now.”
Darlene snickered, and she reached over to scratch the dragon underneath his chin.
“As my daughter and her husband are being entertained with their father being ridiculous as usual, I wanted to ask you if you are trying to form a quartet with Ashley and those three? Incubi do not mind group activities, and dragons are individualistic in their preferences. Those two? They do not mind group activities. The one on your shoulder is dedicated to one and only one partner.”
“It seems I spared the Destroyer of Georgia from being caught up in a group activity, then. Think that will earn me some forgiveness for screwing around with his castle?”
“He’s literally right there on your shoulder, Crystal. Perhaps you should address him directly?”
I resisted the urge to shrug so I wouldn’t knock my winged guest off. “Darlene, the Destroyer of Georgia is literally on my shoulder right now.”
She stared at me. “He’s not going to breathe fire, turn you to ash, and eat you, I promise.
He woke early, unexpectedly, and there was a need.
He understood the need once he beheld the situation, and while my daughter wasn’t quite aware of the mayhem she unleashed, he didn’t do the work because he was hungry—he did it because it needed to be done.
Cattle are more his speed, and once fully awake, he eats one every week or two. ”
The dragon growled before issuing a soft hooting sound.
“Ah, I’m sorry. He eats one every two to three weeks.”
At a cow every two to three weeks, I could go hit up auctions for older cattle, give them a pleasant retirement, and feed the dragon without issue. “That’s surprisingly manageable, especially if he will accept older cattle.”
The dragon made a cooing sound and bobbed his head.
“He isn’t picky about the age of his cattle. But why older cattle?”
“I plan on running a retirement home for older cattle, and once they’re at the end of their natural lifespan, the dragon can make use of the meat. I’m all for efficiency, but I don’t like killing animals while young.”
“Well, you are a hedge witch, and the natural order of things does appeal to you. He can take care of his own meals, so you do not have to use your property to supply him with livestock. He’s not a completely useless dragon.
” Darlene shot a glare over at Ashley’s place, where she surely worked to feed her trio of gentlemen.
“I almost accused you of being a succubus, but Lucy reminded me you’re a goody-goody, and if you can make a neighbor happy, you will.
And Isaac? He’s an incubus, and he is more than happy to engage in group activities.
Lucifer was expecting you to just give her some company, not flip her life on her overnight. ”
“Darlene, Isaac is an incubus. If she’s going to rebound, give her the best damned rebound of her life. It’s been a while since her husband died.”
“It has been, but she’s not the quitting kind.
Things just got to be more than she can handle alone.
It’s amazing how something as little as an invitation to go to a feed store can change a life.
Her possibilities had been few and far between until the moment you showed up at her door with your car.
You opened many new doors and many new possibilities for her.
And when you threw Isaac her way, even more doors opened.
After Isaac tucked her into bed last night, he paid a few friends a visit, cleaned her place, and she woke up in a completely different world this morning.
She got up planning to try to clean something to start fixing everything, stepped out of her bedroom, and saw a whole new life.
Isaac, rather wisely, moved everything around.
She can’t see her husband’s touch on anything anymore.
The only thing Isaac left of her husband was his ashes, although he moved them to be on the top shelf of a bookcase rather than right in front of her all the time.
You put many wheels into motion. For the first time since he died, she’s truly smiling again. You created that possibility.”
“Lucifer said she needed help, so I helped.”
“You have no idea how rare that is,” Darlene told me, and she offered me a sad smile.
“The world isn’t good and evil. It’s shades of gray.
A quarter of people are good. A quarter of people are evil.
Everyone is something in between, neutral with good or evil tendencies without truly being good nor evil.
I liked to think most people are good, but that’s just not the case.
But that also helps in a way. Half of all people?
They aren’t suitable for the heavens or for any one of my husband’s hells. ”
The dragon made a low, rumbly coo, and he tilted his head to the side.
“Oh, she’s coming straight to hell to have lessons in the dungeon on how to straighten out the fucking assholes. Mind your own business, buddy, or you’ll be the one she learns on!”
The dragon squawked, took flight, and zipped away, heading in the direction of my barn, likely to hide behind the Devil.
Smart choice, really.
“Coward,” Darlene muttered.
I closed and locked the gate once through, laughing at the insanity of it all.
“The irony of this whole mess is that I was living like the castle wasn’t real, there wouldn’t be a dragon, and I just had to deal with your husband for a good paycheck.
Then I went and made the castle real and did the dragon’s work for him. ”
“If anything, he’ll be even slower coming to live here permanently,” the succubus replied, and she patted my shoulder.
“It’s clear that you’re handling the situation well, he knows you will be handling the modern matters on his behalf, and he has time to handle what he needs before establishing his residence here.
It’ll be at least eight months before the castle can be legally occupied.
Lucifer is going to have to deal with a great many pieces of red tape over its placement.
He’s going to lose three whole months to the post office figuring out where to put his mailbox. ”
“Next to mine?” I pointed at the box that was installed at the gate. “It can literally go right next to mine, just give him another number.”
“That’s the problem. Your house is 1 Fox Hunt Drive, and they can’t address the castle as 0 Fox Hunt Drive.”
I rolled my eyes. “Just turn mine to 1B and his to 1A. Problem solved. Or leave my box 1 and add 1A and 1B, and I can have a business address and a private one. There are easy solutions to this problem. Or put an access path on my property, call it Castle Drive, and have the mailbox set to 1 Castle Drive.”
“We’re in Florida, and we’re dealing with the government. There is no such thing as an easy solution. However, I will make the recommendation, and after they waste three months, I’ll show them my claws and suggest they do what I say. That sometimes works.”
“That it doesn’t always work concerns me.”
“Well, it is the government.” Darlene shrugged.
“1 Castle Drive sounds more impressive than 1A Fox Hunt Drive, so after they waste three months arguing over it, I will suggest the access road and the mailbox at the start of the access road. That might keep everyone happy, especially if you’re all right with there being an access road there. ”
“There is a ten foot stretch of land that isn’t fenced along there, and if the box is at the end of the way, we really only need the width of a single car and a turnaround at the lake.
It’s doable. I’ll have to safeguard the denizens, but that’s fine.
That’s the kind of sacrifice I’m willing to make.
It’ll also simplify deliveries when we’re trying to make that castle habitable.
” It would cost a little money, but I could hire a construction crew to put in a stretch of asphalt large enough to fit a delivery truck along.
A transport would have to back out, but that wouldn’t be my problem.
“I’ll get the permits and hire to have it done. ”
“I will make sure that cowardly dragon pays for everything, including the use of your land for his access road.” Darlene made a thoughtful sound. “I will make him buy the land next to your lot and give you the ability to use it. That will suffice.”
I narrowed my eyes. “There is land next to my lot for sale?”
She pointed at the far side of the property. “The house is on another street, and the owner has decided he cannot tolerate the thought of living anywhere near a dragon.”
Outside of devouring three entire cities, the dragon hadn’t done anything to us—well, thus far. Time would reveal his nature, and I foresaw a great deal of mayhem in my future.
Could I actually keep a dragon from menacing everyone?
We’d find out soon enough.
I shrugged. “His loss.”
“Precisely, especially when the dragon buys the property. He won’t miss the money.
He’s filthy rich, as most dragons are. He’ll pitch a fit about spending from his hoard, but he’ll get over it.
If he hadn’t slacked on the castle, he wouldn’t be needing to buy more land.
” The succubus lifted her chin and sniffed.
“I will teach him his manners. You do not have the time to handle your work and teach him his manners.”
I questioned what sort of manners the dragon lacked, how Darlene would handle teaching his manners, and if she might require help with the task.
“If that makes you happy, by all means, teach him his manners. Good manners include baking skills, and I will even provide the eggs and fruit required for his education.”
“His final exam will be making you a pie you love so much you ask him to marry you. And you will marry him should he make you a pie so good you beg.”
“I can beg him for more pie without having to marry him,” I pointed out.
Narrowing my eyes, I considered the benefits of marriage to someone who made pies that good.
“However, I’m stealing that as an idea. I will only date men who come to my house armed with pies they baked themselves.
Should they offer pie, and it passes my taste test, he wins a date. ”
“You know what? I’ll take it. It’s a good start, and it shows you have standards.
That your standards happened to involve his baking ability is weird, but I can’t talk.
I stormed Lucifer’s gates and allowed myself to be somewhat distracted from my goal, which was to rescue my brother.
I did rescue my brother, for the record.
I just happened to enjoy the scenery while saving him.
I enjoyed the scenery so much I decided to keep said scenery. ”
Darlene amazed me, and I wondered if I would become as crazy as her from exposure. “I should raise my standards a little. Sexy and able to bake?”
“That should not be a question. Sexy and able to bake are excellent starter goals for a fledgling relationship. You should add nice, comprehends consent, and likes horses to your list.”
“You’re right. Any man of mine must love horses—or have a willingness to pay the vet bills. I can accept a willingness to pay the vet bills and a tolerance of my horses.” I laughed at the insanity of it all. “The castle and the dragon are supposed to be myths, Darlene.”
“Are you panicking about this?”
I allowed myself to be honest, and I nodded. “I kept telling myself I would worry about it if it happened, and then I became the reason it happened.”
“It’ll be all right. You’ll have your chance to ride Alligator Bait in her races, and you’ll have your chance to pluck that stallion you want out of harm’s way.
A few years down the road, you’ll have more chances to compete for big races, but you’ll mostly hang out in the lower circuits because you hate losing and love winning, so you will only head for the Kentucky Derby when you are confident you have a solid chance at victory.
And then, because you only take horses you are confident in and want to win, you will become a legend among owners and jockeys.
You will be annoyed you’ll have to verify your status as honest every race, but the angels won’t even charge you for doing it after a while, as you will amuse them and they enjoy observing the competitions.
You didn’t curse yourself to torture. You opened yourself to opportunities.
You have nothing to worry about, all right?
And if you’re overwhelmed, you can come hide in my house for a while until you feel better.
I’ll take you to the dungeons, we’ll correct some fucking assholes, and I’ll show you the conservatory, where we keep our rescued horses. ”
Darlene would leave me questioning the nature of life long after she departed. “Let’s go contain your husband and that dragon. I want a house when they’re finished here. If someone responsible doesn’t keep a watch on them, I might not have a house when they’re done.”
“I hate how right you are, except it won’t be my husband destroying your house.
It will be my daughter, and she won’t even do it on purpose.
That’s the worst part. She’s not even trying.
Lucifer? I can trust him to break things on purpose.
Kanika? A snowball has better chances in hell.
” Darlene bowed her head and sighed. “Oh well. But you’re right.
Let’s go contain them before something—or someone—gets broken. ”