Chapter 16
SIXTEEN
The nuisance hit the water with a splash and a squeal.
The Destroyer of Georgia postured on my doorstep, roaring at me for daring to have done any damage to his precious little castle.
My years as a secretary had taught me a few important coping mechanisms for when a boss lost his shit at me.
However, after twenty minutes, I decided to test the durability of dragons, grabbed the little shit around the belly, and hauled him out back to the water line.
Without a word, I wound up, dropped him, and punted his scaly ass across the lake.
My audience, which consisted of two other dragons, the Devil, his wife, their daughter and son-in-law, and Isaac gaped at me.
The nuisance hit the water with a splash and a squeal.
I pointed at the castle, which had light damage to one of the spires and a flying buttress, which would take somebody a few days, some materials, and money to repair.
The first thing I’d done had involved asking one of the other dragons to evaluate the damage, take pictures, and give me the pertinent details on what was needed to hire contractors to handle the construction.
“I already put in the repair order, you scaled noodle with a complex! Come back when you have real work for me. I have actual business to negotiate for you, idiot, so once you cool off, you can talk to me like a sane being.”
Fortunately for him, I spied Mr. Magic the Bold sliding through the water to partake of a treat of dragon. I issued a rebuking whistle and did the magical equivalent of pinching the giant alligator. “And don’t you dare eat my boss, buddy!”
Mr. Magic the Bold surged out of the water, opened his mouth, and protested through giving a full body shake. Rather than go for the dragon, he submerged and vanished off.
“I swear,” I muttered, turning and marching towards my house so I could get my necessary work out of the way.
“She’s flirting with me again,” the Devil complained to his wife.
Taking a page out of my book, Kanika shoved her father into the lake. “Here, eat him, buddy!”
As I figured Lucifer could handle the alligator without hurting my oversized pet, I left him to deal with the local wildlife. With luck, the babies would swarm him and demand love before biting the sin right out of him.
The rest of the ragtag group decided to follow me.
A smart move all things considered.
The other two dragons, who’d opted to be the size of small dogs, trotted along at my side. The pale blue one snorted before making a sound suspiciously like a giggle. “You really kicked him into a lake infested with alligators.”
“Do you have a name?”
“I am Realt. He is Saurrel.” Realt twisted his head around to regard the lake, and he snorted another laugh. “Durant is durable. He should survive the rough affections of your infantile reptiles.”
“I would hope so. He can eat three entire cities.”
“The living dead taste terrible, and it upset his stomach fiercely.”
Huh. I paused long enough to turn and take in the chaos.
Mr. Magic the Bold, rather than attempt to devour Lucifer, sought to cuddle the Lord of Lies into submission.
While my boss had managed to swim to his castle’s shore, a swarming mass of tiny bodies covered him.
I snickered, shook my head, and resumed my journey back to the house. “Why didn’t he stop eating, then?”
“It was better his way. The grief of so many burials would have destroyed those left behind—and worse, those left behind would have needed to dispatch their beloved. Durant had no tying binds with any of them. Ash is just easier for us to digest when we’re in a hurry and must lay much waste.
He prefers eating his steaks medium rare and on a plate while in human form.
It keeps his feeding bill sensible. I go through three times the amount of food he does, and Saurrel is a blight who is purchasing an entire cattle ranch to appease his voracious ways. ”
“I require a cow every other day,” the pale green dragon informed me in a solemn tone. “My custodian is quite displeased with my feeding bill, and he works longer than he prefers making certain I do no damage to my coffers staying fed.”
“Wait. Your helper is a custodian? How is that even fair?” I huffed and puffed my way to my house, entering through the garage to discover the horses were napping inside rather than making use of the gate to roam around the property.
I’d already evicted the cattle and chickens back to their homes, although I’d bring them back into the garage should the weather sour more than I appreciated.
As the horses were engaged in carcass time, I let them be and went inside.
Isaac took care stepping around my animals. “Your horses appear to be playing dead again.”
“If this wasn’t a daily event, I might have been worried, but safe horses sleep when they can, and these are the safest of horses, so carcass time happens daily, sometimes numerous times a day. Why take a light nap while standing up when they can fully conk out while lying down?”
Both dragons considered my words, and they nodded.
“Wise beasts,” Realt commented, and he took care with his claws when entering the house.
“Saurrel was educated regarding his custodian’s status.
There would be no sacrificing, and Saurrel lost several scales to his custodian before deciding it was wise to do as told.
I am a wiser being than Saurrel, so I allowed my steward to select a title of choice.
Durant is not at all wise, and I expect you will be punting him into his lake with amusing frequency.
He needs you far more than you need him, and I would remember that if I were you.
But it is excellent you have stood your ground. ”
“I am confident in my abilities to punt his annoying ass in the direction of his castle once he’s used up the permissible whining time he is owed as my boss. But after fifteen minutes, he best have a legitimate reason to be fussing.”
Both dragons eyed me, and Saurrel snorted, tendrils of smoke rising from his nostrils. “Do you plan on telling him he has a fifteen minute time limitation?”
“No. He’s smart. If he can’t figure out he’s getting punted into the lake after a consistent period of scolding, that’s his problem rather than mine.”
Isaac giggled. “Living here is going to be so much fun. Ashley will be at work until four. Do you think she’ll mind if we just mysteriously relocate everything she owns here today?”
“Pick a room or three for storage near the suites you want, and we’ll figure out where everything goes.
I’ll see if I can find a cleaner who can come in after her actual stuff has been removed.
” I winced. “And yes, I caught a glimpse inside, and she’s likely overwhelmed.
I’ve been thinking about how to address the clutter problem.
If left to her devices, the place will get messy again.
It’s hard to climb out from depression.”
“It is,” the incubus agreed. “For now, we’ll be cleaning up after her when she lacks the will to do it herself.
In time, she’ll heal. Her husband was incubus enough for them to bond, and that left a hole in her soul.
In time, we’ll fill it, but the process is slow without divine intervention.
Honestly, the fact her hole is healing is remarkable—and probably divine intervention of a sort.
You’re not quite a divine. Perhaps one day you will be, but you don’t have the resonance of a divine. ”
After having meddled with Him, I understood what Isaac meant by resonance, although I would have personally selected radiance as my descriptor of choice.
“It doesn’t matter to me either way as long as I can feed my neighbors, take care of my animals, and enjoy my home.
If Ashley needs a fresh start here, move everything in today.
After Mr. Magic the Bold is done with Lucifer, we’ll make him earn his keep.
I’m sure we can force Mr. Durant into serving as a mule.
I’ve seen his larger form. He can pull David’s cart with ease.
He can just pick it up and hold it next to the window while we empty it. ”
The trio regarded me with wide eyes. Kanika and her mother smirked while Malcolm’s expression promised he worried over the mayhem I’d be sowing throughout the day.
“Mom, we can herd a bunch of the freeloaders into doing the work, and we can have some of the fucking assholes handle any extras she needs—and we can put stuff into storage, especially if her soul needs her furniture in her space in the house.”
“It likely does. A good thought, Kanika. Malcolm, please help the others. We’ll take care of getting enough bodies to hurry this whole process up and make it so both houses are fully cleaned no later than four.”
Malcolm checked his watch. “That’s going to be pushing it.”
“I’ll recruit the angels if I must,” the Queen of Hell swore before she took hold of her daughter’s arm and the pair vanished.
Heaving a sigh, Malcolm bowed his head. “I apologize for all of them, Crystal. Once this lot gets an idea, that’s it. It’s all over. They go do insane and unnecessary things. Well, in this case, insane. It seems necessary enough for a change. That poor woman is on the edge.”
Isaac nodded. “Honestly, I’m more impressed you were able to start mending that hole so rapidly, Crystal.”
I stared at him. “What do you mean? All I did was promise her eggs and take her on an errand. She made the decision to take you home with her all on her own.” After a moment of thought, I gestured to both dragons. “Them, too.”
“That’s exactly what her soul needed at the time, though. She needed to feel wanted, and you gave her that in spades, enough the hole began to heal.” The incubus shrugged. “The cleaning is probably going to be a problem for a while, but as long as she has purpose, she will be okay.”