Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
He didn’t trust her. It was expected, but for some reason, it bothered Fedra.
It was her fault. She had gotten attached while hearing him close to her, day after day.
Listening to his breathing, taking in the long intervals where he stood, the occasional shuffle of papers.
Even rarer were the times someone would enter his domain and talk to him.
Sometimes, Marcus would have a conversation, but most times, he was preoccupied, and those who came to visit would eventually leave.
Listening in had made her believe that she was a part of his life.
How…pathetic. He wasn’t her friend. She had only ever had one friend.
There was no denying that she liked being near Marcus, and his voice did crazy things to her.
Excitement coursed through her anytime he neared.
And when he actually came into contact with her, she could think of nothing but the sensation of his touch.
“My reply seems to have upset you,” Marcus said.
“Not at all. I think it’s only fair to allow you time to make your decision.”
There was no sound of footsteps, and yet, she sensed that he had moved closer.
Her other senses were compensating for her blindness.
It was a new experience, and she wasn’t sure how much she could trust them.
She already appeared weak to those here.
If she didn’t want to make things worse, she needed to learn and adapt quickly, so she could believe her other senses with as much confidence as she had once trusted her eyes.
“Are you truly prepared to venture out into the world on your own?” he asked.
His voice came from where he had been. But she had been sure he had moved closer. Had she been wrong? Or had he tested her? She could ask, but he could lie, as well. She had somehow managed to keep her footing so far, but one wrong step, and she might find it all ending before it had even begun.
Fedra threw off the covers and swung her legs over the side of the bed. If she continued to sit, she would give away her agitation. It was better to move. That way, she could cover anything she accidentally gave away.
“What are you doing?” The distance between them lessened as he spoke.
She didn’t wait for him to reach her. Instead, she stretched out her left hand for the wall as she took a step forward. Partly because she needed to get up, but also to see if he would come to her. “I’m tired of sitting.”
A firm but gentle hand grasped her upper arm, halting her. “Then allow me to move the candelabras first.”
“I have to learn,” she replied.
His hand loosened as it slid down to cup her right elbow. A shiver went through her.
“Then I will stay at your side and help guide you,” he said.
Her heart raced at his closeness. His touch burned through her clothes, branding her skin. But it was his steady presence that both calmed and thrilled her. It didn’t make sense since their conversation was the very reason she was restless.
They stood side by side, linked by nothing more than their arms, and yet it felt like so much more than that.
The elders of her culture would’ve said that she felt the red strings of fate binding them.
She had never believed in destiny. The thought of her fate already being decided had always infuriated her.
It was her life. She should be able to make choices and decide where she went and what she did.
“Does my touch bother you that much?”
She jerked her head to the side at his words. “What?”
“You’re trembling.”
To her horror, she was. All because she couldn’t stop thinking about him. “I’m chilled,” she lied. “It’s why I wanted to move around.”
She curled the fingers of her right hand and sucked in a quick breath when the cuff of the shirt brushed against the burn. She had been so distracted by Marcus that she hadn’t even realized the sleeve had fallen.
“Careful,” he said as he rolled up the sleeve.
Sten was the only one who had ever taken care of her like that. At first, she refused to let him do such things, but he eventually wore her down. Now, she was at another’s mercy, and she wondered why she didn’t refuse Marcus’s help.
When he finished, he settled his arm beneath hers and lightly wrapped his fingers around her forearm. She couldn’t tell if he had adjusted his hold to find a firmer grip or if he had done it intentionally to keep her sleeve up, even though he had rolled it. In the end, none of it mattered.
She kept her other hand on the wall and started walking. Fedra knew she should be counting her steps, but she couldn’t concentrate on anything but Marcus. His proximity had invaded all her senses, overwhelming them.
Overwhelming her.
“The candelabra is in two steps,” he said.
She moved her left hand in front of her to feel for it.
“Drop your arm lower. If you keep it at that height, you’ll hit the candle and burn yourself again.”
Fedra had thought his offer to guide her was to move her around things, but he was actually teaching her. It was quite unexpected. Each time she thought she had him figured out, he surprised her.
She lowered her arm, and in two steps, her fingers touched metal, bringing her to a halt. She then used her foot to feel for the candelabra’s feet. Once she figured out where it ended, she could walk around it and find the next wall.
“Impressive,” Marcus said.
She found herself grinning. “Not really. I knew you wouldn’t let anything happen.”
“You could’ve asked me for help, but you didna.”
They continued along the wall. “It’s odd to have seen the world and all its colors, only to have everything reduced to black and gray.”
“You’ll see again.”
“I need to prepare myself in case I don’t.”
His shoulder brushed against hers. “Why are you so determined to leave the city?”
“If I could see, would you ask that same question?”
“I might.”
She laughed softly, enjoying their banter. “You wouldn’t. All you can see is a blind woman. Let’s say my sight doesn’t return. Would you keep me confined to this room like a prisoner?”
“I—”
“Or perhaps restrict me to the city itself?”
He blew out a breath. “At least in Iron Hall, there are people who could help you navigate.”
“There are those out in the world, too.”
“You are no’ that trusting.”
She chuckled. “You’re right. I’m not. But I’d have to learn to be.”
“There are beasts out there that will take your life before you even know they are there.”
“There are beasts everywhere.” She had seen it with her own eyes. “There could be some in the city.”
He pulled her to a halt. “Are you saying I’m a beast?”
“I’m saying that people kill just like animals. Humans kill because they want to. At least with most animals, it’s to eat.”
“Most?” he asked.
There was a note in his voice that she couldn’t name, but it sent a ribbon of alertness through her. “I’m sure you’ve run across the kind of beasts who seem almost human-like.”
“Have you?”
Unfortunately, she had. “My point is that there are always dangers, regardless of whether I can see or not. Confining me to the city is akin to keeping me prisoner.”
“Some might think it an act of kindness.”
“Is it?”
He tugged her to continue around the room. “What beasts have you encountered that were human-like?”
She smiled, realizing that neither of them would give in and answer. Her fingertips moved along the wood of the door, and then back to stone.
“You seem very eager to leave,” Marcus said.
“I don’t like being beholden to anyone. All of you have done so much for me already. Besides, you’re wary of me. My leaving is a win-win situation for both sides. You know it’s true.”
He paused, then said, “I’m no’ sure it is a win-win. You doona know this world anymore. Even if only a hundred years have passed, things have changed. If you were in stasis for longer than that, nothing will be the same.”
“I’ve never been one to let fear stop me.”
“You said you went into the pod to carry on your people. You willna be doing that if you leave and die. Candelabra in two steps,” he warned.
She found the metal and walked around it to touch the next wall. “I could die in an hour. Your argument is invalid.”
“Is it so difficult for you to tell me why you really want to leave?”
“I gave you the truth. I’m truly grateful for the help you’ve given me, and while I may be blind, I’m not deaf. I hear the wariness in everyone’s words.”
His thumb skimmed along the sensitive skin of her inner forearm, causing her stomach to quiver. “Because what you’ve told us isna adding up. Why can you no’ tell us the truth?”
“What makes you so sure I’m not?”
She winced at the sound of his sigh. It was one of frustration, yes, but also disappointment. And that upset her far more than it should.
“You’re approaching the next candelabra,” he told her.
They completed the circuit of the room without exchanging another word. Marcus didn’t even say anything after he’d deposited her at the side of the bed. As she sat, she heard the door open and then close softly behind him. Yet it felt as if he had slammed a door between them. Or perhaps she had.
He wasn’t a friend. There was no bond between them.
It was all in her head after being in stasis for so long.
The truth didn’t matter. The important thing was finishing her mission, and all she had to do for that was get to the dragons.
The moment she did, the Dragon Kings would appear. Then, she could get her revenge.
She turned her head toward the door, the silence of the room deafening. She yearned to hear the cacophony of conversations once more. She had fought so hard to be woken, and now, she longed to return to the pod. She had been an observer, an eavesdropper, but at least she had felt included.
No one knew she was there. It was like she had been a ghost. But for the first time, she understood what it meant to be in a crowd, which she had always shied away from before. How ironic that she had gotten used to something that had never—and could never—be hers.
Fedra touched the soft fabric at her eyes. Then she reached behind her head and untied it. She kept her eyes closed as the bandage fell away. After a deep breath, she lifted her lids.