Chapter 30 #2
Becoming a student, going on with my life like my mother wasn’t murdered by the general, feels like a fate worse than death.
I can’t serve the general and follow the orders of a man who killed my mother and sister. He’s a monster in every sense of the word. He’s a disease spreading across the kingdom and devouring anyone who stands in his way.
I’m not dancing to his tune.
If he wants to step in and try to save face, or play savior, before I beat his girlfriend to a bloody pulp, then it’s a personal problem. That doesn’t mean I’m going down on my knees with gratitude for his overstepping.
I’m not his problem.
And I’ll take the whip. If I survive whatever barbaric beatdown Evie decides to give me, then I’ll take my chances in the mines. End of story.
My back aches like the first phantom ghosts of the whip already scrape against my bare skin. Turning away from the window, from the views of outside where I have no chance of escape, I head to the classroom.
They’ll hunt me through the forest if I try. And maybe that’s where they want me to go, to enjoy the hunt and use it as a training exercise for their students.
I make a split-second decision to go in the opposite direction.
The majority of the noise comes from the dining hall I’d spent most of the day cleaning.
The privileged and pampered nobles will be there gorging themselves and wondering at Evie’s absence, surely. She’s their queen bee. They’ll know it if she isn’t in her usual place on the bench, holding court.
There’s no place for me there.
Me and Evie, in the same room? It’s a recipe for disaster.
And those thoughts feel like a copout.
I thought there might be once. Before everything fell apart. I thought I’d finally have a chance to spread my wings and find my own seat on the bench. But I’m not the same type of person as Evie, or Kieran and his friends. I’ve never been good at playing pretend.
I’m not going to grovel at their feet for a chance to live.
My lips tug into another sneer because it feels much more comfortable than a grimace.
The doors to the empty classroom are locked again. I tug at the pin in my hair holding most of the longer strands away from my face. My fingers shake and the pin drops to the floor.
Bending to pick it up hurts.
At this point, it’s natural to pick the lock, natural for the click of the mechanisms to sound before the cogs disengage.
I twist the knob and slip inside, shutting the door quickly behind me. I’m stealing the book and I’ll hide. I have an entire mountain underneath me, right? There’s caverns and hidden places. I’ll go deeper than anyone, avoid the dens and the wet places, and disappear until they forget all about me.
Maybe my mysterious study buddy had written another letter in the book for me.
I don’t know what I’m hoping for. Another note, or simply wanting to reread what I wrote about the general and the king, to remember my stance. There’s no such thing as freedom or peace if there isn’t balance.
Books, candles, and go.
This classroom might have been mine, too, if circumstances hadn’t changed. I glance around at the row of chairs circling the podium. Where would I have sat, if I’d wanted to get a good look at the professor?
There. I pick one of the desks from the rest. I’d set up shop in the middle row and I’d have one of these cubbies assigned to me.
What kind of books would I have chosen to read if I weren’t focusing on tactics between aerial and land mounts?
The sour sensation in my stomach increases, the raw throbbing in my wrists mimicking the beat of my heart.
The notebook is exactly where I left it, tucked between its neighbors and unbothered.
I pluck it out from the shelf and open it to the middle where I’d left my folded letter with my original opinion.
My note is missing. My lungs burn as I flip through the book frantically. I pull at the collar of the dress and my thoughts scramble for some kind of order.
“How did I know I’d find you here?”
Kieran steps out of the shadows and I blanch, dropping the book. The corner digs into the top of my foot but I refuse to look away from him or blink. Panic bleats once, freezing my core, then it disappears entirely.
I back up a step and meet his eyes. The world around me slows and dread thickens in my chest but I stay quiet. Unsure what move to pull out.
Kieran’s expression is set in a carefully blank mask and he regards me with unexpected warmth. “It’s obvious, isn’t it?” He’s back to purring. Back to using that low baritone to drag velvet over my prickly skin. “You’re predictable.”
The Ether take me.
“You’re intelligent. You’re the kind of woman who devours books like they’re oxygen. Any kind of knowledge. Am I right?”
I’m powerless to look away from him and fighting my past feels impossible.
How would I feel about Kieran if we’d met as equals? If his father hadn’t murdered my family? The beats tick by while he waits for me to say something and I study him.