Chapter 35 #2
But I have my doubts. They curdle inside of me like milk spent too long in the sun.
“I may not have their blood, but I’ve tried to be a good man, the kind of person my mother raised me to be.
I’ve fended off my father’s teachings, haven’t I?
” I stomp into motion, sending gravel skittering away.
“I’ve done everything my father’s asked me without hesitation and at the same time, I’ve risen up against him.
You chose me young, but it wasn’t a mistake. ”
It stings, knowing the elder dragons, with their secrets and their impressively long lives, have whispered in Mozi’s ear about me. Tried to turn him off of his choice. Why? Do they see something in me I’m incapable of seeing? A darkness, tainting me from the inside?
Or do they think I’ll become my father?
“I know what I’m doing. It’s a risk worth taking. I put myself on the line for her, didn’t I?” I sweep my arm out to make my point. “I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t believe in her potential.”
Disdain drips from Mozi’s expression although his features don’t change. My father has called them nothing but fire breathing lizards, few in number, and drama queens with wings.
Some of them are massive like Omram but most are the size of a thunderbird. Hard to take down. Huge egos. If I remind Mozi of any of those things now, we’ll be finished. I know it.
I may have chosen poorly, he says.
For him, it’s simple.
Riders don’t have the choice to deny their mount. Once a mount decides on a rider, the decision is final. A mount can break the bond, though it’s agony for both—the rider loses their mind within days, and the dragon’s fire burns cold forever after, never able to bond again.
“Mozi—”
I may have chosen poorly when I chose you, Kieran, and if you get kicked out of this school, then perhaps it’s better we both burn than watch you destroy everything we’ve worked for.
The entire point of you attending this academy was to hone your skills and find others who are worthy of taking up arms against your father.
That cannot be done if we are set adrift.
“No,” I whisper out loud.
I feel his resolve like it’s my own. If Mozi severs our bond, the agony would drive me mad within days. But even if I somehow survived with my sanity intact, I’d be shunned by society as the rider who drove his dragon to such desperation.
Assuming I lived to see the sunrise.
Shunned or worse… all because I took a chance on a girl.
Listen to me now and know I’m serious. If you never pay attention to another word I say in your entirely too short life—you better handle this situation, or I’ll end this bond and damn us both, Mozi continues.
I get in his face but we’re both too hardheaded to budge. His skin warms when I press my finger to the crest of the bony ridge between his eyes.
“I’ll fix this. Don’t you dare condemn us both to that fate.” Fear skitters through me. “We’re in this together. We’re partners.”
He puffs up. You think I want to burn out my fire forever? That I want to watch you lose your mind? But I’d rather we both die than let your impulsiveness collapse everything we’ve built against your father.
I explode, crowding him this time despite the foolishness of the gesture. There is no way I’ll ever be able to take on a dragon, and under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t dream of it. Something else is in control of my body and twisting things, making me do things I’d never ordinarily do.
His words cut into me.
Without a saddle, I have nothing to hold on to.
I grab him by the horny crest between his eyes and pull Mozi down to me until we’re eye level. His gaze flattens.
You dare—he starts.
“Yeah, I do,” I insist. “I’m not going to let you go just because I took a chance on a girl who might be the difference between victory and defeat.”
You have no idea what she is. You do not know her.
No. But I see myself in her when we’re together. I know what happens when we’re in the room together, when she steals every last molecule of oxygen out of me. Her spirit is made of pure fire.
Mozi jerks to pull free, and I drag him back. He lets me.
“My father killed my mother. He steals the life of everyone he comes into contact with, and he forced me to parade in front of the dragons early to be chosen. It’s our duty to take him down.
You constantly remind me of the stakes. So why should I not do whatever it takes to fill the ranks of my rebellion? ”
I never had a choice. Roman Ryson insisted on my mount being a dragon. They were superior in every way.
“I will make this right. Whether it’s by bringing Morgan to heel and bending her to my will or not.”
There must be something wrong with me, deep down. Maybe I’ve always known it. I’m trying to justify my mistake with ludicrously grand claims, and I can’t stop.
“I’ve done the best I can for everyone involved. You always tell me to think in terms of the bigger picture, what do you think I tried to do by inviting Morgan to join the school? I’m thinking of the future, of the greater good, always. This isn’t about you or me.”
Acute misery wells up.
Mozi growls low in his throat and the heat rolling off of his body scalds me. There are times when your best is not good enough, and I won’t watch you destroy everything we’ve built. Make this right. Now. I’m not toying with you when I say I’ll sever our bond and damn us both.
“No,” I say under my breath. “I didn’t think you were.”
This time when he pulls his head free, I let him.
This is being trapped between dragon fire and molten steel. I’m suspended somewhere between them, and my fate—and Mozi’s—depends entirely on a redheaded survivor who wants nothing to do with me. I’ve gotten myself into worse jams before. What matters will be how I slither out of this one.
I’m not prepared to lose my sanity—or watch Mozi’s fire burn cold forever—over one decision.
We stare at each other, unblinking. I am the first to look away.
Then Mozi lowers his wings and the wind batters us both. Only one of us flinches.