Chapter 12 #2
does. Everything is about the Academy, and that’s not what I want to do. The
only way I’m going to escape that is by leaving now. Anyway,” she said, pursing
her lips as a thoughtful look crossed her face. “One of the things you never
really see in a romance book is a woman who has self-esteem issues. I mean, I’m
sure they’re out there, but they’re few and far between. Like they can have
eating disorders, post-traumatic stress from sexual assault or mental abuse.
They can be sold into sex trafficking and they can carry epic amounts of grief.
We have female characters who have suffered every loss imaginable and ones who
are scarred physically and mentality, but where in the hell are the average
women? Ones who look in the mirror and cringe a little? Like, why are all those
others acceptable to women, but reading or knowing another woman who has a low
self-esteem is, like, worse than all that drama llama? Dude, I get reading for
wish fulfillment, but you’ve got to have a little reality in the story.”
Brushing her bangs out of her eyes, Jillian exhaled loudly
and then continued. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter. You’re normal. I’m normal.
We’re not perfect and not having the greatest confidence doesn’t make you any
less of a person.”
What Jillian said was so true.
Holy crap, the raw truth of it all floored me.
Women wanted other women to have high self-esteem and
confidence. No one wanted to ever admit that their confidence was lacking, that
they had a hard time looking at themselves in the mirror.
It was wrong that we weren’t able to have our weak moments.
That we had to hide the fact that we were uncomfortable with our imperfections.
That the journey to loving yourself doesn’t exclude recognizing there were days
when you just didn’t want to see yourself naked.
And that there were worse things than having some confidence
issues.
I glanced over at Jillian. This was one of those moments
when I forgot that she was so young, because damn, she really could be a hell
of a lot wiser than me. “You’re right.”
Her face transformed prettily when she smiled. “I know.”
I laughed. “And modest.”
“Whatever.” Leaning forward, she smacked her hands off her
knees. “Do you want to go out?”
“Go where?”
“I don’t know. You live pretty close to the bar near
Outback.”
“Mona’s?” I started to grin. “Jillian, I don’t think you’re
allowed to go there.”
“I’ve been there before. As long as they don’t serve me, Jax
is cool with it.”
My brows rose. “Jax?”
“He’s the owner. He’s good friends with Brock.” She stood.
I eyed her. “So…is Brock going to be there?”
“I doubt it,” she said. “He’s usually training now.”
For some reason I didn’t quite believe her.
“Come on. It’ll be good to get out.” She paused. “Plus, you
know who’s the bartender there, right?”
It took a second to click. “Wait. That’s where Roxy works
and she’s dating…”
“Colton’s brother,” she finished.
The tumbling in my stomach this time was something
altogether different. “How do you know that?”
She rolled her eyes again. “Brock is really good friends
with all of them and I’m a really good…listener. So, you want to go? I’ll be
good and order a Coke.”
I shot her a look. “Wild child.”
Jillian giggled, and I had to grin because I wasn’t sure I’d
ever heard her giggle. “So?”
Glancing at the clock, I saw it was still early. I’d planned
on cracking open the new manuscript I’d received, but wasn’t I supposed to
start taking more time to myself? And besides, if I stayed home, all I would do
is end up staring at my phone, engaging in wishful thinking.
“Okay,” I said, standing up. “Let’s do it.”
It had been about a year since I’d been in Mona’s,
and while the bar had a dive feel to it, it wasn’t a creepy place. Jillian and
I took our own cars since she lived in the opposite direction, closer to the
city.
The moment I saw Jax, I remembered who he was. How could I
have forgotten? Even though he was a few years younger than me, he was the kind
of man who gave off the vibe that said he knew how to take care of things.
He was behind the bar when I led the way to a table. Since
Jillian was underage, she couldn’t sit at the bar. Jax had the greatest smile
and laugh, which he handed out freely. Right now, he was laughing at something
someone was saying at the bar. Tipping his head back and letting loose a deep,
infectious laugh.
“You just want a Coke? Anything to eat?” I asked.
Jillian was scanning the heads bowed over one of the pool
tables. “Nah. Coke is fine.”
There weren’t a lot of people at the bar when I walked over
to it, so the girl behind it quickly came to where I stood. I knew who she was.
This was Roxy—Reece’s girlfriend. As she drew nearer, I saw that she had a
streak of color in her brown hair that matched her purple glasses. Envy filled
me. I always wanted to have a wild color in my hair, but I didn’t have the face
or the personality to pull that off.
Her shirt read I’m like a self-cleaning oven, and
under it was a happy little oven, and then below that were the words I’m
self-sufficient, bitches.
I wanted that shirt.
“What can I get…?” Roxy’s hazel eyes widened behind the
glasses. “Hey, how are you?”
Shocked that she recognized me, I floundered for a moment.
“Good. I’m good. You?”
“Great. I haven’t seen you in a while. Wow. It’s been
forever.” She leaned against the bar, grinning. “I wasn’t even sure you still
lived around here.” The door opened and a group rolled in, heading toward the
bar. “What can I get you?”
“Just two Cokes.” I paused. “And a menu.”
Roxy nodded. “Coming right up.”
I glanced over at the table. Jillian was staring down at her
phone, her fingers flying a mile a minute.
“I’m giving them another minute, and if he’s not out, I’m
going in,” I heard Jax say as he reached around Roxy, grabbing a bottle of
liquor.
“For rescue?” she replied, her brows raising as she scooped
ice into two glasses.
“Hmm,” he grunted, screwing off the lid.
“I have no idea
what’s going on there. I thought they weren’t together,” she said, placing the
two glasses in front of me. She grabbed a menu as she looked over her shoulder
at Jax. “He needs to hurry up anyways. Reece has already texted asking where
his brother is.”
My heart stopped. They were talking about Colton. Holy crap.
Okay, there was a tiny part of me that hoped he’d be here but also was
terrified of the fact if he was, because then that meant he wasn’t at work. And
he hadn’t gotten in contact with me.
And I hadn’t gotten in contact with him either.
And it didn’t sound like he was alone.
“Here you go.” Roxy smiled as she placed the menu down.
I numbly handed over the cash, and had just picked up the
glasses, along with the menu, when I saw him.
He appeared on the other side of the bar, and even from
where I stood, I could see that his jaw was a hard line. My heart started
racing. I tightened my hands on the glasses. Roxy said something, but I really
didn’t hear her.
Then I saw her.
The tall blonde I’d seen him with before. She was as
gorgeous as I remembered. Hair shiny and straight, well past her shoulders, and
she was thin. Like I would probably hurt her if I sat on her level of thin.
Blood drained from my face as I realized who this woman was. In my heart of
hearts I knew it was her, his ex-fiancée.
Oh my God.
“I was getting worried about you,” Jax said, placing the
bottle back.
Colton glanced over at him, and his gaze was icy as it moved
past Jax and Roxy and then over me. He stopped. Literally stopped walking,
jerking to a halt.
Our eyes met, and I couldn’t even think. There were no
thoughts as we stared at each other. My heart…it felt like it stopped, just
like him.
“Um,” Roxy murmured.
The woman with Colton said something. Her bow-shaped lips
moved, but he didn’t react. Not at first, and then he did.
“Shit,” he said, and he turned to the stunning blonde, who
had placed her hand on his arm. The touch was familiar, as if she had done it a
thousand times before.
I whipped around, my skin tingling as I walked the drinks
and menu to the table. I put them down before I dropped them.
“Are you ok…oh my God.” Jillian’s eyes doubled in size.
The twisting in my stomach made me nauseous as I flushed hot
and then cold. “I think—” I shook my head, my cheeks burning. “God, I’m so
sorry, but I really need to go.”
Jillian rose, sympathy crossing her face. “Oh my gosh, I’m
sorry. I didn’t think something like this would—”
“I know.” A knot formed in my throat, and the ache pouring
into my chest told me that what I felt for Colton was not simply like or
attraction. “I hate to do this.” Pressing my lips together, I breathed out of
my nose. “This is so embarrassing.”
“It’s okay.” She squeezed my arm. “Go. Just call me when you
get there, okay?”
Nodding, I bent down and kissed her cheek, then I grabbed my
purse. I didn’t dare look back as I headed for the door, and I knew even as I
yanked it open, I was being such a coward.
My confidence sucked and I was a coward. Great. Winning
combination. I didn’t remember much of the drive home and as I walked inside, I
kicked off the heels and left them just inside the door.
After I texted Jillian, I felt horrible. I shouldn’t have
bolted. I should’ve sat there and pretended like what the fuck ever. Tossing my
phone on the couch, I pressed my palm against my forehead. The whole being an
idiot thing was a running theme.
But Colton had been there with the same beautiful blonde.
The fiancée—ex-fiancée, and Sunday, he had been kissing me, touching me, and
telling me that I was beautiful and smart, and tonight he was with her?
What in the hell?
Anger surfaced, and I dug my phone out from between the
cushions of my couch. I didn’t even know what I was going to do. Text him?
Call? Throw my phone? All seemed like a viable option.
A knock at the door stopped me.
I turned around and for a moment I didn’t move. Despite the