Chapter Nineteen
We’re back early at the house. Luke, Sam, and Steven beat us here.
When Maisie woke this morning, she insisted we get breakfast for everyone.
She got out her pen and paper and called to get their orders.
She was excited to get to work today. It surprised me, considering how she likes to sleep in on Saturdays.
Kara hasn’t complained too much because she knew Olivia would be around and she’s still grounded until the end of time.
This is her only opportunity to hang out with her.
The dew on the grass glistens in the sunlight.
The cool air feels as amazing as the colorful leaves surrounding us on this cloudless autumn morning.
Regardless of the company, I’m as eager as Maisie to start the work day.
This house will become a beautiful home, one someone can fall in love with. Built right, it should last.
Maisie unbuckles her seat belt before I put the car in park. “I can carry the food.” She bundles the bags in her arms. “See?” Her happiness is infectious.
“You’ve got it.” I give a small nod. It’s only two bags since everyone ordered breakfast biscuits and hashbrowns. I didn’t get drinks because Luke said he was bringing a cooler with all sorts of options. I do, however, have my coffee because it was a long, sleepless night.
Kara doesn’t say a word as she gets out to follow Maisie inside.
I talked to her last night about making sure she does her work today.
She can chat all she wants to Olivia while she’s here, but I need her to keep up the pace.
Of course, she snarled at me like a wild animal.
I actually told her not to do that again.
Surprised myself doing so. It’s easier to stand firm when angry, but to do it during calmer moments takes more effort and consistency.
It’s not my strongest suit when it comes to the girls.
I want them to be happy. I often feel like Annie and Bill made a mistake making me their guardian instead of Judy.
At least she’s raised a child before, and Kara does seem to respect her.
Coffee in hand, I make my way toward the house.
I stop on the deck to admire the trees, their leaves turning in every shade of autumn.
My green plaid flannel is perfect for this chilly morning.
October through December has always been the best three months of the year.
It was mine and Annie’s favorite. Now I have this emptiness inside where the joy of the season used to be.
I’m not sure I’ll ever get that feeling back.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Sam suddenly appears beside me. How’d I not hear her?
“It’ll cost you a lot more than that.” I wince after the words escape. I didn’t intend to engage with her like that.
Sam steps in front of me and props her back against the railing. “Oh? Expensive, are we?” She gives me a quirky little smile, half playful, half tentative.
I take a sip of coffee to regain my balance.
“My thoughts are free. Access is premium.” I shrug as I let my eyes roam her body.
I’ve stepped into this shit, might as well follow it through.
I channel the old me that could flirt with the best of them and walk away like I have nothing to lose.
And that’s what I plan to do with her. Though my grasp on the moment falters seeing her in black yoga pants that hug her god-given curves.
The baggy light-blue shirt would make other women seem plain, but not Sam.
She’s sexy. Especially because I know how those breasts look beneath the fabric.
“I’m willing to pay any price.” Her voice sounds sincere. Unfortunately, I have no confidence in her words.
I don’t want to, but my feet carry me to the railing beside her.
My hand rests so close to hers that I can feel the heat, but I don’t touch her.
I close my eyes, enjoying the warmth of the moment, but knowing it can’t last. “Premium tier is more about trust than transactions.” I open my eyes to the orange, yellow, and red autumnal colors.
My heart beats calmly, more so than I could have imagined while next to Sam.
She hurt me. My heart won’t deny it, but she also has this presence about her that makes me feel comfortable even if my heart isn’t safe with her anymore.
“Hey,” Sam says, turning to face me, pressing her breasts against my arm. I don’t move, though everything in me screams abort. “We need to talk about that night. I never intended to hurt you. I was only—”
“No. You don’t owe me anything.” I back away, not wanting to hear any excuses.
I look to make sure we’re still alone before lowering my voice.
“We had a good fuck.” I lean close to her ear.
“Let’s do it again sometime.” I walk into the house, leaving her thinking whatever the hell she wants.
I hope she’s confused. That’s how she’s left me.
* * *
By the end of the work day, I’m completely exhausted.
I’ve stripped off my shirt to the T-shirt underneath.
Paint and deck stain cover me as well. I’ve avoided Sam since this morning, but I did catch her watching me often during the day.
If I happened to be where she conveniently needed to be, she’d touch my waist to move me aside, excusing herself as she slid past. I’m pretty positive I was never blocking her way.
Without asking, she’d wipe paint from my arm or cheek casually when she was passing by as if we were a couple and it’s the most natural thing to do.
I guess telling her we should fuck again had the opposite effect I was going for.
“What’s everyone doing for dinner?” Luke asks as we begin the cleanup. The cabinets are coming along nicely. I’m impressed. He and Sam have been working hard. Steven, not as hands-on as he used to be, but I love that he’s here.
“I have ideas,” Steven says, a mischievous grin spreads across his face.
“Pizza?” Maisie thinks that’s exactly what Steven means, and I’m glad for her innocence.
“Yum, baby girl. Doesn’t that sound good?” Steven tickles her as he’s reminded that children are around.
“How about,” Luke says, a little hesitant, “we go home and get cleaned up, then meet at Joan’s Burger Bash. It’s on me.”
Steven whistles. “Anything on you is a treat! Count me in.”
Luke’s cheeks redden with Steven’s flirting. “What do you say, Allie? You and the girls in?”
“Yes!” Kara, Olivia, and Maisie say in unison.
I motion toward the girls, who are patiently awaiting my reply.
“I guess you have your answer.” I’d prefer not to socialize with Sam, but I don’t think that’ll be doable with Steven and Luke’s relationship progressing.
This feels like an attempt by Luke to get me and Sam back together. Not that we were ever official.
“Great!” Luke smiles proudly. “Let’s say around seven?”
“Perfect,” Sam chimes in. I know she’s looking my way, but I don’t acknowledge it.
The girls and I go home, shower, then make our way to meet up for dinner.
I don’t enjoy having knots in my stomach at the thought of spending more time with Sam.
When I’m around her, I have to focus my thoughts so as not to let them take over.
It’s easy to get lost in Sam. I ache for the distance, but when she’s in the room, I feel like the air belongs to her and I can’t breathe without it.
The restaurant’s neon sign is bright as we approach. The red cursive writing reads “Joan’s,” and below it in white bold letters is “Burger Bash.” The restaurant resembles a barn with its red exterior and white roof. Little hummingbirds are painted around the windows, giving it a bright touch.
I glance at Maisie to make sure she’s awake.
Her knees are pulled up in the seat while her eyes roam around quietly.
I’m surprised she hasn’t mentioned the game room yet.
They have a separate area for kids to blow their parents’ money yet win very little in return.
I gave the girls what they earned so far in case they wanted to spend some tonight.
It’s part of the plan for them to learn to the value of money.
I park in the lot to the side of the restaurant. It’s busy, but it’s also Saturday night. I can tell the girls are tired. Before we make it to the front door, Steven and Luke approach from the other side of the building. Sam’s not with them. Maybe she cancelled and I’ll catch an emotional break.
“Are you girls as tired as we are?” Steven holds the door for us.
“I believe so.” I point to Maisie’s head as she walks in front of me. “She’ll sleep well tonight.”
“I have a feeling we all will.” Luke flashes a grin as he approaches the hostess. She promptly tells us there’s a thirty-minute wait. We nod at her answer as Luke turns to us with an apologetic expression. “I didn’t think they’d be this busy. I’m sorry for not calling ahead.”
Steven looks at me briefly before turning to Luke. “You didn’t know, babe. Don’t blame yourself. It’s not that long of a wait.”
Sure, when you don’t have a tired seven-year-old and had hours to make the decision to call ahead. I realize I need to say something, so they don’t think I’m as frustrated as I am. “It’s okay. It won’t be long.” We all take a seat on the benches along the corner wall of the entry.
Maisie sits beside me. “I’m hungry,” she says, leaning her head against my arm.
“I know, honey.” I put my arm around her. She moves to lay her head on my lap. “Just think of the yummy food we get to eat soon.”
“I really am sorry.” Luke stands, looking at me apologetically. “Let me grab some menus, that way we have an idea of what we want to eat.” Maisie climbs in my lap to look at the menu with me. I know she’s tired when she wants to be held.
“Luke,” Kara says. “Is Olivia coming? I thought she’d be here.” Her voice is soft, reminding me of my girl again. It warms me when I get to see that girl emerge again from where she keeps her hidden.