Chapter nine
Caine
The hotel room felt entirely too quiet. I sat near the window staring out at the Swiss skyline while replaying the conversation with Devyn over and over in my head.
Actually, what we had wasn’t even a conversation because that implied two people were talking. For the past week, I had mostly been talking while she glared at me or cried or simply walked away.
Today’s conversation hadn’t gone much better than any of the others.
The part that bothered me most wasn’t even the attitude she gave me.
It was the indifference. The way she had looked at me and basically told me Tara and I that we could leave Zurich.
.. like she didn’t care. Like our presence didn’t matter.
Like she couldn’t wait for us to be gone.
That shit hurt more than anything because ever since her mom walked out on us, me and Devyn had been really close. I often prided myself in how well we got along while other kids her age hated their parents.
Now, I felt like one of those parents.
“You’ve been sitting over there for over half an hour.”
I looked over to see Tara curled up on the couch watching me.
“I’m just thinking,” I said.
“I can see that.”
I sighed heavily and looked back out of the window. For several moments neither of us spoke.
Finally, Tara broke the silence. “She’s gonna be okay.”
I laughed a short humorless laugh. “You don’t know that Tara.”
“No,” she agreed. “I don’t.”
At least she was honest because neither of us knew what was going on inside Devyn’s head right now. Hell, half the time I wasn’t sure Devyn knew.
“I’m worried about her,” I admitted.
The confession slipped out before I could stop it. Tara’s expression softened and she replied, “I know.”
I rubbed my face. “I’m starting to wonder if she’s ever gonna forgive me for this shit,” I said.
The words sounded ridiculous the second they left my mouth because of course she would… eventually.
Tara took a moment before answering. “I think she will.”
“You think?”
“It’s gonna take time Caine. She’s hurt so it won’t happen overnight,” she said.
I leaned my head back against the chair.
Everybody kept saying that…
Give her time.
She needs time.
Everything takes time.
Unfortunately, time was the one thing I didn’t have right now. In two days, I’d be back in Atlanta, and my daughter would still be here, thousands of miles away… upset, heartbroken and feeling abandoned by me.
“I don’t like this.”
Tara smiled sadly. “I know.”
“I’m just doing what I feel is best for her and her future,” I rationalized.
“I know.” The answer came immediately. “That’s why I haven’t been fighting you about it.”
I looked over at her. “Then why do I feel like the villain?” I asked.
“Because you’re the parent.” That answer caught me off guard as Tara shrugged. “Parents make decisions kids don’t like all the time.”
“This feels different.”
“It is different,” she stated as she sat forward. “Caine, she’s thirteen.”
I didn’t respond because that was exactly my point. She’s only thirteen and still a child. Still young enough to need guidance. Still young enough to make decisions based on emotions instead of long-term consequences.
“Of course, she’s not going to understand your reasons because of her age.” Tara’s voice softened. “She thinks we’re trying to ruin her life.”
The corner of my mouth twitched. That honestly sounded like something Devyn would say.
“I probably would’ve thought the same thing at thirteen.” Tara laughed quietly. “Actually, I know I would have.”
That finally earned a small smile from me.
“Trust me, eventually she’ll realize you did what you thought was best and she will understand your decision better,” Tara encouraged.
I looked down at my hands. “I sure hope so.”
And I meant that because right now, I just wasn’t so sure. The room fell silent again.
Then I shook my head. “It’s the way she said it.”
Tara frowned. “Said what?” she asked.
“‘Y’all can actually leave and go home.’”
Just repeating the words bothered me.
“Yeah, I know.” The sympathy in her voice somehow made it worse. “I saw the look on your face when she said that.”
I nodded slowly. “My daughter and I have always been close.”
The admission said out loud hurt, but it was true. Before all of this, I was the person Devyn came to when something was wrong. I was the one she called and trusted. But now, half the time she barely looked at me.
“This got me feeling some kinda way.”
Tara stood up then walked over and wrapped her arms around me. I immediately relaxed into the hug. Something I probably wouldn’t admit to anybody.
“Everything’s gonna work out,” Tara said.
I stared at the floor. “Yeah.” The answer lacked conviction. “I guess so.”
Tara pulled back and smiled. “Maybe she’ll join us for breakfast tomorrow.”
I wanted to believe that. I really did, but the way Devyn looked when we left her at the school, I didn’t know if she would.
“I hope so,” I said. Because the truth was simple. “I’d like to spend a little more time with Devyn before we leave.”
The words came out quieter than I intended. Tara nodded immediately, which let me know she understood because she knew what I wasn’t saying… that I was scared. Not of Switzerland, the school or the distance.
I was scared that my daughter would leave me emotionally before I ever left her physically.
“You ready for dinner?” Tara asked.
I sighed and shrugged. “I guess.”
“Aren’t you hungry?”
“Not really.”
“You still have to eat,” she advised.
For the first time all day, Tara laughed but I didn’t know why. Thirty minutes later, we sat downstairs in the hotel restaurant. The food sat before us and our entrees looked amazing, but I couldn’t care less.
I pushed a piece of chicken around my plate while Tara attempted to carry on a conversation by herself.
“The school’s campus is beautiful,” she said.
“Yeah.”
“The dorm seems nice too,” she remarked.
“Uh huh.”
“Her roommate looks friendly. I think they’ll get along,” Tara said.
“Yeah. I hope so.”
Tara stopped chewing and stared at me.
“You’re impossible.”
I finally looked up at her. “What you mean?”
“You haven’t heard a word I’ve said.”
“That’s not true,” I argued.
“Okay.” She folded her arms while chewing her food. “What did I just say then?”
I opened my mouth then immediately closed it because I honestly didn’t know what she said. I knew I responded so wasn’t that enough?
Tara smirked. “Exactly.”
I sighed. My mind just wasn’t here. It was in the dorm room with Devyn. It was on a thirteen-year-old girl pretending she wasn’t heartbroken for my benefit.
“She’s probably talking to Dylan right now.”
The words slipped out before I could stop them. Tara’s expression softened immediately.
“Probably.”
I looked down at my plate because for some reason, that bothered me too. Even from another country, from another continent, he was still the first person she turned to. The realization sat heavy in my chest.
And for the first time since arriving in Zurich, Switzerland, I found myself wondering something I hadn’t allowed myself to think about before.
What if distance wasn’t enough to keep them apart?
What if I had gone through all this trouble to send my only child all the way across the world, and she still found her way back to Dylan?
The thought lingered around in my mind long after dinner ended. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to shake it.