Chapter twenty-nine #2
For the first time since meeting her, I believed her. And that made everything hurt even more. To know that she never really forgot about me.
“So, if you never forgot me, why didn’t you come back?” I asked around the lump in my throat.
“It’s complicated Devyn,” Monique replied.
“People say that when they don’t want to answer a question. You know what was complicated? Me growing up without a mother. I didn’t know if you were dead or alive, so I pretended you were dead because I couldn’t understand why you didn’t want me,” I cried.
“Don’t ever think that Devyn. Please,” Monique said as tears continued to fall from her eyes. “I’ve always loved you.”
“But you still left me,” I cried.
She wiped at her eyes with a handkerchief. “Have you ever had dreams of being someone you weren’t?” she asked.
“I guess so,” I responded with a shrug.
“Well, before I met your father, I had dreams of becoming a model. Since I was a little girl, I dreamt of being on the runway for some high fashion designers. I didn’t expect to fall for your dad and when I got pregnant, as excited as I was, I couldn’t let a baby deter my future,” she explained.
“Then why even have me?” I asked.
“The thought of not having you never crossed my mind Devyn. I used to sing to you when you were in my belly and talk to you. Leaving to pursue my dream was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life, but I was twenty years old and still young enough to be successful. I’m so sorry I hurt you, but at the time, I never knew what being a mother was about.
I thought I’d be gone a couple of years and come back… ”
“So, what happened?”
“Once I became a model, my career took off. I had so many gigs that I just couldn’t walk away.”
This was all too much for me. I understood where she was coming from, but I was still struggling with the fact that she left me for a freaking runway.
“I’m sorry but I need some air,” I said and walked out of the room.
I walked outside and inhaled the fresh air deep into my lungs. I paced up and down the sidewalk for a few minutes before I went back inside. Monique was still waiting in the study room.
“I didn’t think you were coming back.”
“Yeah, I wouldn’t just leave you like that,” I said. “But uhm, I appreciate you for coming by to see me for my birthday, but I gotta go.”
“Okay. I understand,” she said sadly. “Thank you for letting me come by. It means a lot to see you on your special day.”
“Yeah,” I said with a nod.
“Is it okay if I text or call you again?” she asked.
“I’ll text or call you,” I said.
“Okay. That’s fine,” she said. “Don’t forget your gifts.” She stood up and handed me the gift bags.
“Thanks,” I said and rushed out of the room.
I pushed open the dorm room door with both hands full of gift bags. Before the door had even fully closed behind me, Sahara sat straight up on her bed.
“Well?”
I laughed. “Hello to you too,” I greeted.
“Forget hello.” She pointed dramatically at the bags. “What happened? What did she say? Tell me everything.”
I dropped the bags onto my bed and kicked off my shoes. “Can I sit down first?”
“No. Just start talking now,” Sahara joked.
I laughed and shook my head. “Sahara.”
“Devyn.”
I rolled my eyes. “You are so ridiculous.”
“And yet here we are,” she replied.
That made me laugh again. I sat down on her bed and for the next several minutes, I relayed everything that happened to her.
By the time I finished, Sahara looked completely stunned.
“So, you’re telling me that she bought gifts for you every year for your birthday and Christmas,” Sahara said.
I nodded. “Yep. Every year.”
“Dang! So, is that what’s in the bags?”
“I don’t know what’s in the bags. She told me that she still has the gifts, but she didn’t tell me that she brought them here,” I explained.
“She would have to show me,” Sahara said.
For a moment neither of us spoke then Sahara pointed at the gift bags. “Well, are you gonna open them?”
I shrugged my shoulders.
“Don’t you wanna see what’s inside?” Sahara asked.
“Do you?” I countered.
“Well, obviously.”
I laughed. “You’re so nosy.”
“Proudly.”
We climbed onto my bed and pulled the first gift bag closer. My stomach tightened and I wasn’t sure why. Maybe because these were technically the first gifts I had ever received from my mother.
The thought alone felt strange. I carefully removed the tissue paper and froze.
“Oh.”
“What?” Sahara asked.
I held up the book titled, The Black Girls Left Standing by Juliana Goodman. Sahara immediately grabbed it.
“Oh my God!” I shrieked
“What?” she asked.
“This book has been on my reading list forever,” I said with a smile as I ran my fingers across the cover. “I wonder how she knew I wanted this?”
Sahara raised an eyebrow. “Maybe she went on your social media or spoke to your dad.”
The possibility made my heart pump faster. I carefully set the book aside and reached for the next gift. This time I found a beautiful pink leather journal with a butterfly on the cover.
My breath caught in my chest because embossed across the front were my initials… D.V.
“Oh wow.” I traced my fingers over the letters. “It’s so beautiful.”
Sahara leaned over and looked at it. “Okay, now that’s cute.”
I smiled because it was cute and very thoughtful. It was the kind of gift someone put actual thought into, which surprised me because it came from Monique.
I dug in the next bag and pulled out a couple of designer accessories… a silk scarf and a pair of sunglasses. Then another small box.
“This one looks expensive,” Sahara observed.
“Everything in here is probably expensive.”
“That’s fair,” she said. “I mean, we are talking about Super Model, Monique Devereaux.”
I carefully opened the box then immediately froze. Inside sat a delicate gold necklace. At the center was a butterfly and embedded in the butterfly was my birthstone.
For several seconds I just stared at it. The necklace was beautiful, simple, but elegant. It was actually the perfect gift.
“Oh wow.” My voice came out barely above a whisper.
Sahara looked over my shoulder then dramatically grabbed her chest. “Giiiirrrrrrl!.”
“What?” I asked.
“Monique has great taste.”
That made me laugh.
“I am so serious.” She picked up the necklace box. “This is gorgeous.”
I smiled as I gently touched the butterfly. For some reason that gift affected me the most. Maybe because butterflies symbolize growth, change and transformation. Maybe because it felt personal like she actually knew me.
Sahara suddenly pointed towards the gift bags.
“Tell her my birthday is August eighth chile.”
I stared at her. “What?”
“Yep. Tell her,” she said as she nodded with a serious expression. “I, too, would like designer gifts.”
I busted out laughing. “Girl, you are crazy!”
She folded her arms over her chest with a smile. “I’m just saying.”
Now I was laughing so hard my stomach hurt. “You are unbelievable.”
“I am practical,” she said.
“No, you’re greedy.”
She gasped dramatically. “Greedy is such a strong word.”
“It fits you though,” I said.
“It does not.”
We both dissolved into laughter. For the first time all day, everything felt lighter. This didn’t fix things with Monique, but they did make things lighter for us.
As the laughter faded, my eyes drifted back to the butterfly necklace. The smile slowly slipped from my face.
Sahara noticed immediately. “What’s wrong?”
I looked down at the necklace then quietly said, “I don’t know what to do with all this.”
We got quiet for a few because deep down, we both knew I wasn’t talking about the gifts. I was talking about Monique and for the first time in my life I wasn’t sure what role she was supposed to play in it.