Chapter 12 #2
“Never mind. We can do something else.”
I scramble to slip the card back into the pile, but Sawyer’s palm curves over my hand. The heat of that touch is so perfect I want to melt into the black leather seats and luxuriate in how good it feels when his skin is pressed against mine.
“No.” His voice is hoarse. “Ask me that question.”
“O-oh…”
Come on, Elsie. You can deal with having a hot friend. Touching you like that means nothing.
I take a deep breath. “Why did your last relationship end?”
“Tough question.”
“You don’t have to answer.”
“The answer’s the easy part, though.”
“Sounds like there’s a story there.”
“I s’pose. You know how I ended up here. I’ve had a couple of relationships since all that shit went down. Nothin’ serious… Except the last one, I guess. There were some signs we wouldn’t work out. I ignored them.”
“Because you loved her?”
He tilts his head as he contemplates the question. “No. I didn’t. Not when I look back on it. I was just worn out, and…” He lifts his shoulder.
“Lonely?”
He sighs. “Maybe. I thought we were goin’ okay, but then my brother came up to visit with his three boys a couple of summers ago and she… Fuck.” He shakes his head. “She was horrible to them.”
“I’m sorry.”
“There you go, apologizin’ for someone else again. I didn’t mind if she didn’t want to have kids with me, but that’s my family. They’re good boys. My brother’s right to be proud of them. Breakin’ up with her was the right decision.”
“Are you two still friends?” Or can I give this woman the stink eye when I see her at the cafe?
“No. She moved away a year ago. Don’t know where. Don’t care to know, really.” He smiles at me. “What about you?”
“I love kids.”
“Figured you might, but I meant… Why did your last relationship end?”
My face falls. Oh. I guess it’s fair that I have to answer, too. “Um…”
His hand reaches over the console to touch my knee. “Forget it. What’s the next—”
“No. It’s not right for me to skip a question after you shared your story. We, um… I guess we just grew apart.”
“He had different views about the industrialization of the mother country, huh?”
I laugh. “You might say that.”
“What did he do for work?”
“IT.”
“Computers?”
“Internet.”
“I know next to fuckin’ nothin’ about the internet.”
“Me too,” I sigh. “And that never mattered for years, but…” I shrug.
“Everything changed. Suddenly, his business had grown too big for our apartment, and then he had an entire office building, and he wanted to party and snort coke on yachts, and…I’m here.
” That’s the super condensed version, but all of it’s true.
Sawyer processes what I’ve said with a nod. I can tell from the way he cocks his head that he’s got questions. He doesn’t press me for an answer, though.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he says.
“Me too.”
“And how does Luke factor in?”
“He doesn’t.”
“Doesn’t he?”
Where is Sawyer going with this? “No?”
“Kristen cornered me when I was comin’ back from a swim this mornin’.”
My lip curls. I wonder if she shoulders past him when she hogs the sidewalk. “On one of her walks, was she?”
He gives a wry smile. I suppose that’s a yes. “She said…” His fingers drum on the steering wheel. “She mentioned seein’ Luke parked outside your place last night.”
“The post office, you mean.”
“No. Your place.”
Why is Kristen gossiping to Sawyer about this? Is she using him to stake her claim in Luke? She’s wasting her time. The chef is hers for taking. I think he’s an okay person, and dinner was fun, but I’m not interested in signing up for another round of emotional turmoil.
“Are you two…” Sawyer shakes his head. “I don’t understand what you two are.”
I twist my skirt into a knot around my fingers.
Should I tell him about the arrangement?
What will he think of me? That I’m easy?
A s-l-u-t, like Kristen said? I enjoy sex.
It’s the one time my brain shuts off enough for me to just feel.
And Luke is good in bed, even though I delight in telling him otherwise.
I don’t want to admit either fact to Sawyer.
“Nothing,” I say. “Luke and I were—we are—nothing.”
“Elsie… Come on…”
“He did stop by last night. Not that it’s any of Kristen’s business, but he made me dinner to say sorry.”
“He’s sweet on you.”
I snort.
“Freya said there’s a story in one of the magazines about him, and it mentions you.”
“There are no names in that article.”
“But it is about you, isn’t it? He likes you.”
“And so what if he does?” A bitter edge creeps into my tone. “I heard what I heard at the wharf. I can’t forgive him. Not completely.” Anger winds in a suffocating heat up my neck, and I ball my fist to fight how overwhelming the feeling is.
“Elsie.” Sawyer’s voice is unbelievably gentle. “I shouldn’t have said anythin’. I’m sorry. I just worry…” He taps a reassuring pat on my knee before his hand retreats to his side of the console. “I don’t find it easy to forget either. I remember how Luke treated you. You deserve so much better.”
“I appreciate you saying that.”
“It’s the truth. You deserve a man who worships you.”
I scoff. “I’ve never dated a man who treated me anything close to what I’d call worshipping. So, if you happen to know this elusive dreamboat, I’ll be very thankful if you send him my way.”
Sawyer’s back to drumming the steering wheel again. “He’ll be the one down on his knees thankin’ you if he ever has a chance with you.”