Chapter 15
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
DRIFTER
Hell has spent the last few weeks in her room. I hardly see her, but I’ve been true to my word and have given her space, even if I often find myself sitting outside her bedroom door, just listening to her.
I’ve made sure Red and Bella are checking on her regularly, making sure they take her meals and drinks, because she hasn’t eaten with everyone in months. And from what they’ve said, she isn’t eating much at all.
I made a vow the night I stood outside her door listening to her break. I knew right then and there I’d never be responsible for causing her this kind of pain ever again. I’d give everything up for her, even this club, if she asked me to.
I set the tray down carefully outside the bedroom door and knock once, soft enough that it doesn’t sound like I’m demanding anything. Then I walk away. I don’t go far, hanging back, pretending I’m not watching.
The handle turns, and she opens the door slowly, just enough to look down at what I’ve left for her. Her eyes scan the tray, but she doesn’t give a reaction. She steps back inside and closes the door without touching it.
I let out a slow breath, dragging a hand down my face. Yeah, I’m going to have to do better than that.
The sound of footsteps approaching grabs my attention, and I turn to find Red heading my way.
“You do realise stalking her is fucking weird, right?” she mutters in irritation. She doesn’t hide the fact she still hates me.
“I need her to eat, Red. She hasn’t left that room properly in weeks. I’m worried.”
She looks down her nose at me, her disgust clear. “And whose fault is that?”
I shake my head. “Fuck, Red, I ain’t got time for this shit. Did I fuck up? Yes. Am I paying for it? Yes.” I run my hands through my hair. “This,” I point to the closed door, “isn’t Hell. The anger, the trashing of my bike . . . that’s Hell. This? This scares me.”
Red’s eyes soften as she places her hand on my arm. She thinks for a moment, then a small smile plays on her lips. “You know what Rochelle can never refuse? A party.”
I nod, knowing she’s right. Hell has always been one for a good get-together. Fuck, she can be angry at me, but she needs to know everyone else is still here for her.
Red and I settled on a barbeque, thinking a relaxed, informal get-together would be enough to get her out of the room and for her to realise everyone here loves her.
The weather is perfect, like the universe is backing me, and as Hell steps out into the sunshine, she takes my breath away.
I remain by the grill, watching as she descends the steps, tugging at her top uncomfortably. She looks tired yet perfect in leggings and an oversized shirt. Her hair’s scraped back and secured away from her face.
Bella approaches and kisses her on the cheek, and she smiles, instantly looking like she’s relaxed. They both take a seat, and I watch as she lowers herself carefully onto the chair.
I grab a bottle of water out of the cooler and make my way over, but the second she sees me coming, she rolls her eyes.
I offer her the bottle anyway, but she makes no move to take it. I sigh, dropping my hand to my side.
“Are you okay?” I ask, my tone careful.
“I’m fine,” she answers, and my heart almost stops. It’s the first time she’s spoken to me without disdain for such a long time.
“How’s our baby doing?”
Her hands instinctively go to her stomach, and she smiles. “Nice and cosy.”
My fingers reach out to move a loose tendril of hair, but she pulls away, and I inwardly scorn myself for pushing too far.
I offer her the water bottle again, and this time, she takes it.
It’s such a small thing, but to me, it feels like a huge win.
Bella groans from beside me, and I follow her line of sight to see Siren walking in through the front gates. Fuck. What does she want?
Hell jumps to her feet, her chest heaving with anger as she brings her eyes to me. “What the fuck is she doing here, Drifter?”
I shake my head, my words sticking in my throat. She whips her head towards Siren. “I thought I fucking told you to leave,” she screams.
Everyone stops what they’re doing, all eyes on us for the next showdown. Hell is already marching towards Siren, her fists clenched. I groan, rushing after her and grabbing her arms to keep her back. And when her eyes find mine again, they’re full of hurt and pain. She’s barely holding it together.
I lean in close, my lips brushing her ear. “Hell, don’t. Think of the baby,” I whisper gently. She leans into my chest, and I feel the tension in her arms give. “I love you, Hell. She ain’t worth the stress.”
Hell straightens, her eyes fixing me with a steely glare.
“You want to show me that you love me?” she asks.
“Then choose. Right here. Right now. Me or her. Because I’m done with this bullshit.
If you love me like you keep saying you do, she goes.
” She takes a shuddering breath. “The stress of having her near me isn’t good for me or your baby. ”
I nod, no doubt in my mind who I’ll choose . . . because it’s her, every time.
I step in front of Hell, making sure the two are separated. Siren rolls her eyes.
“Really?” she asks, her tone bored. “Aren’t we over that shit yet?”
I feel Hell go to step around me, her anger boiling over, but I block her path, shaking my head.
“No, we aren’t over it, Siren,’ I spit. “You were a fucking mistake. In fact, you were the biggest mistake of my life. Hell is my wife, my ol’ lady, so you’ll turn around and get the fuck outta here.”
“Pah.” She laughs, placing her palms on my kutte and looking me in the eyes. I feel Hell’s breath fanning my neck. “You told me no once before, but it didn’t stop you from sampling the goods.”
I grab her wrists and shove her away from me. “I said get the fuck out of here. Nobody wants you around.”
She falters, forcing a smile as she rubs her wrists. “Don’t be silly,” she says sweetly, but we all know the venom her words hold. “You,” she takes a step forward, “fucked,” she bites her lip, “me.”
I feel the sudden loss of Hell and glance back as gravel crunches under her feet.
My hand darts out, catching her wrist. I need her to see I’m choosing her.
The look in her eyes is enough to bring me to my knees, and I silently beg her to stay.
She relents, sighing and folding her arms over her chest.
I turn back to Siren. “I was shit-faced drunk, Siren. We both know I wouldn’t have gone near you sober.
You were trying for weeks, and I knocked you back every single time,” I snarl through gritted teeth.
“So, get the fuck out of my club and stay away. If you don’t, you’re gonna put your brother in danger. ” Her eyes dart between me and Hell.
“You can’t blame me for sleeping with him,” she says, her eyes now fixed on Hell. “He’s the President, and I’m a club whore. It’s what we do.”
I move in front of Hell, blocking her view. “I have the VP of the Steel Delinquents in my basement,” I hiss. Her eyes come back to me and she swallows. “I’m sure he’d love a chance to get his hands on the youth who grassed them up.”
Her mouth drops open, and she scowls. “You wouldn’t,” she whispers.
I laugh, but it’s cold and empty. “Then you don’t know me very well at all, because I’d do whatever it takes to keep my ol’ lady, especially when it means getting rid of you.
” I take a step closer, and she immediately takes one back, eyeing me warily.
“Do you want to take that risk, Siren? Force my hand and we’ll both see how far I’ll go.
” I take a calming breath, “But I can’t guarantee you’ll get to live”
She visibly swallows, and that facade from moments ago fades away.
“Fuck you,” she suddenly yells. “You were a shit shag anyway.” She spins on her heel, flipping me the bird as she stomps away.
I release a long breath then turn to Hell. She watches Siren walk away, and then she finally drags her eyes to me. Her mouth opens like she’s about to speak, but then she closes it again and walks away.
ROCHELLE
I can’t help the smugness I feel as I walk away.
I fight the smile because I don’t want him to see, but watching him finally tell her, and having him throw her out for good, was satisfying.
I had to walk away before I said three stupid words.
Words he doesn’t fucking deserve. I love him.
I always have. It’s hard to just stop after fifteen years.
But I can’t stop seeing them together whenever he’s near me.
I still hear the sounds they made, remember the way he gripped her hips. Fuck, that shit haunts me.
So, yeah, I might love him, but I hate what he’s done, and even having him publicly choose me, isn’t enough for me to just forgive and forget.
I make my way over to the table in the courtyard and lower myself onto the seat.
Bella and Red follow me, Meli firmly attached to Red’s side.
I look at her fondly, knowing that someday soon, I’ll be able to hold my own baby in my arms. Of course, it’s nothing like I imagined my situation to be, but still, I’ll finally have my baby.
I glance over at Drifter, noting how tired he looks, and my heart twists.
When he held me back just then, I softened into his touch. It reminded me of when we were teenagers and he’d confessed how much he liked me. I shudder, pushing the thought away. After everything he’s done, why does my body and mind still try to betray me?
I will not cave in. I will not cave in. I repeat the words like a mantra because I refuse to become my mother.
“You okay?” Bella asks, bringing my attention back to her.
I shake my head to clear my thoughts. “Yeah, just thinking. Again. It’s all I seem to do just lately.” I add a weak smile.
The women exchange a knowing look, then Red lowers Meli to the floor. “Meli, why don’t you see if Noah wants to play on the bouncy castle?” Her little eyes light up with excitement, and she skips off to find Noah.
She sits on the chair opposite me. “Spill.”
I groan. “Well, it’s just . . .” I place my hand over my stomach, smiling when I feel movement. “Everything has changed. I was excited to be a mum and have Drifter by my side. And, well, all that’s fucked now.”
“It doesn’t have to be,” Bella mutters, and my head snaps up in surprise. “Whoa, calm down,” she adds, laughing. “I’m just saying, you can still be angry for the pain he’s put you through and be amazing parents together.”
My brows knit together. “Look, I know more than anyone what it’s like for my boys not having both their parents.
Don’t get me wrong, Liam was a fucking arsehole, and he deserves it all, but do I wish we could have co-parented like reasonable adults?
Of course. Would that have been better for my boys?
Absolutely.” She takes a moment for those words to sink in before gently adding, “Drifter fucked up.” I open my mouth to interrupt, but she puts her hand up to stop me. “I haven’t finished.”
I smirk at Red, and she bites her lower lip to stop her laugh escaping. Bella’s really grown in confidence since being with us, and it’s nice to see.
“He fucked up and he hurt you, but he can still be an amazing dad. You both have to be adults and speak about things. Make sure you’re both on the same page. That baby growing inside you deserves you both. Don’t let your feelings for him damage the relationship they’ll have with him.”
I twist my hands in my lap, knowing she’s right. Both her and Red’s husbands were complete arseholes, and neither of them are in their kids’ lives. I don’t want that for our child.
“I’m sorry,” she says gently, squeezing my hand.
I shake my head, forcing a smile. “Don’t be, I needed to hear it.”
She offers me a sympathetic smile. “I mean well, I promise.”
I look across to where Drifter is, and as if he senses it, he looks up and meets my eyes. He offers a weak, tired smile and my heart twists painfully in my chest. He deserves to be a hands-on dad.
The rest of the evening passes without too much drama. I sit on the veranda, watching everyone as the sun slowly sets over the compound wall. The courtyard is a hive of activity, and it’s nice to be out here with everyone again. It reminds me of the early days when life felt . . . easier.
A blanket is draped over my shoulders, and I glance up right into Drifter’s eyes. I feel my walls beginning to crumble as I clutch the blanket and wrap it around myself like a coat of armour. I tuck my legs underneath me.
“We can’t have you getting a chill,” he murmurs, a smile ghosting his lips. He points to the seat beside me. “Can I sit?”
I nod, not trusting myself to speak. I continue to watch the sun setting, but I feel him staring at me, even though he doesn’t speak a word.
The conversation with Bella is playing on my mind, and I twist slightly in my seat.
“We need to talk,” I mutter.
“We do,” he whispers with a slight nod. His eyes burn into mine, and I feel like he’s reading my every thought.
“Listen,” I drop my feet back to the floor and sit straighter, “I don’t think I can ever forgive what you did.” I bite on my lip before taking another deep breath and sighing on its release. “But in a few months, we’ll be having this baby together.”
He places his hand on my knee and gives it a gentle squeeze, his eyes suddenly brighter and filled with hope. “We can make this work, I promise. I’ll do whatever it takes. Just say the words,” he rushes out.
I hate that I’m about to break him. I pull my knee from his grasp, and he glances down before frowning.
“That’s not what I mean. We,” I gesture between us, “are definitely over.”
He inhales sharply, a gasp escaping as he trails his hand over his face. “But––”
“No, Drifter, please don’t push me on this because I’ve made up my mind. But we are going to be parents, and despite how I feel, we need to be respectful of each other and bring this child up together.”
He stares at me for a long minute, a range of emotions passing over his face, then he gives a slight nod.
“Yep, of course. Whatever you want, Hell.” His voice breaks slightly, and he adds, “I messed up. I get it. I do. I broke your heart, and I’m going to be paying for that the rest of my life.
Just know I’d give anything to turn back the clock,” he whispers.
“But you can’t.” I feel my voice about to break with emotion, so I pause, not wanting him to see even a slight chink in my armour. “Co-parenting is important for our child. I want to make that work. I have a scan coming up. Would you like to come too?”
He nods, his eyes almost shining with tears. “Of course,” he says without hesitation. “Thank you.” His voice is barely audible, and I can see he’s about to crack.
The only other time I’ve seen him cry was at his dad’s funeral. “Hell, I’m sorry.” It’s the final words before he gets to his feet and rushes inside.