23. Clayton
Chapter 23
Clayton
Kieran’s bed was soft and warm, and I never wanted to leave it. Or his arms. I’d been perfectly content to play the part of little spoon all night and I loved the way I fit against him as though I belonged there. Like he’d been forged and formed with me in mind.
I found out that morning that Kieran was a heavy sleeper. I managed to wiggle out of his embrace and use the bathroom. I emptied my bladder and used my finger to scrub some toothpaste over my teeth. It was imperfect, but it killed the dragon breath I’d woken up with.
In another life, I might have rummaged around in his medicine cabinet. Rifled through his drawers. Snooped through all his stuff for no reason other than younger me used to do shit like that to try and understand people better. Maybe it had been boredom that had me doing it because it only helped me understand that I was a shitty, snoopy person who needed to stop.
My life was full of strange compulsions that I’d picked up and held on to, only to abandon them later. Art was the one constant. The one thing that made me feel like I was worth something. Art remained with me through the gambling. And before that, the string of nearly constant hookups, along with every other temporary self-destructive compulsion before that.
I didn’t have art to lean on this time, but it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. Burrowing closer to Kieran, I knew it was because of him. And Patricia. Instead of using art as a crutch, I’d used people. I let them be there for me in ways that I’d never let Archer.
Patricia and Kieran met me at my lowest. They met a broken man with nothing left to lose. I never felt as though I had to impress them the way I felt I had to impress Archer. The way I’d needed to have his approval. Even when I had it, it never felt like it was enough. That was on me, not him. Archer had only ever done his best. He’d been the best friend I’d allowed him to be. And then I’d betrayed him.
No matter what Kieran said, I had to pay Shane back. Even if Shane himself didn’t agree, I was going to do it.
“You think too loud,” Kieran mumbled behind me, his deep voice extra sexy when he was still on the edge of sleep.
“You could always help me turn my brain off.” I wriggled my ass against his crotch. Until that very moment, I wasn’t particularly horny. I was more than happy to lie in bed and snuggle against him. But there was something immediately arousing about feeling Kieran's hard morning wood pressed against my ass.
His hand slid down my chest. He splayed his fingers over my stomach and huffed a quiet laugh when he hit my ticklish spot and I flinched.
“Sorry,” he said, sounding very not sorry at all.
I decided to forgive him when his hand snaked lower. Warm and smooth, Kieran cradled my cock in his hand then stroked it. A deep groaning sound tumbled out of my mouth as I shamelessly ground my ass against his cock. My desperation ratcheted up with every heartbeat. Every breath. Every tiny bit of friction had me panting and writhing, needy in a way I couldn’t describe.
“Shhh,” Kieran soothed. “I’ve got you.” Kieran’s touch left for a moment and he shifted around on the bed, only to return to where he was before, this time with a bottle of lube .
“Hold that for me.” He pressed it into my hand, then used the pump top to dispense some lube.
My dick practically begged for his touch, but it was his own that he slicked up first. Then, after he got more lube, he reached for mine. When Kieran took me in hand, and then rocked against me, sliding his cock between my cheeks, my brain nearly shorted out.
I’d wanted him in me, but with every stroke, every thrust of his hips, I quickly forgot wanting anything at all. The slide of his cock between my cheeks was indecent. It felt illicit somehow, even though it was the furthest thing from it. It made my nerves sing and my stomach twist in pleasure.
It wasn’t penetration, but it was most definitely some of the hottest sex I’d ever had. There was something so satisfyingly primal about him rutting against my ass, his harsh breaths puffing against my skin. He kissed my shoulder as he jerked me. Pressed his open mouth against my bare skin. I felt his teeth against me and the possibility of a bite. But it never came. I wasn’t sure if I was sad or relieved. I wanted to tattoo his bite marks into my skin and wear them forever.
I didn’t tell him that though. Instead I told him something that sounded like, “Ung, fuck. Oh, my God. Kieran.”
A laugh rumbled out of him and I loved the way that it felt like it was mine. I liked the idea of Kieran belonging to me, but I didn’t know how to keep him. How could I possibly expect to hold on to something as big and grand and wonderful as this? Lacking an answer, I closed my eyes and let myself have it. Even if it was a day, or a week, or a month. For as long as Kieran wanted me, I’d let him have me.
He brought me off with his hands, the dual sensation of his confident strokes coupled with the feeling of him humping against me was too much. It was almost embarrassingly quick, and then I felt Kieran’s hips snap faster. He buried his face against my skin and tasted it as he came. Warm ribbons of cum painted my back, dribbled through my crack and Kieran didn’t stop. Not until we were both too sensitive to continue. Then he rolled me onto my back, not caring about the mess we were making of his sheets.
His kiss was possessive. It was a claim. He devoured me. Plunging his tongue into my mouth like he wanted to eat me alive. He pulled away just as sudden and dropped his head into the curve of my neck again. Kieran took a few deep breaths, then slowly kissed his way back to me, back to my tingling mouth.
“Your choice, sponge bath or a trash bag and duct tape,” he said to me and it took my brain a minute to catch up.
“As good as a sponge bath sounds, I think the amount of cum I just laid in means I should probably shower it off.”
Kieran grinned at me and brushed his lips against mine before heaving himself out of bed. I watched his naked ass disappear from the room. Kieran was gorgeous and part of me couldn’t believe that I was in bed with him. I definitely didn’t deserve anything this good, but knowing that, it made me want to hold on even tighter. Sooner or later, I was going to screw everything up.
He returned with the bag and the tape. I pushed myself up into a sitting position and flung my legs over the side of the bed, sinking my bare toes into the shaggy area rug that the bed sat on. Kieran taped up my arm like he’d done it a million times while I tried not to look at his junk. I failed, and his smirk when he caught me was proof of that.
“Like what you see?”
Like wasn’t a strong enough word for what I felt. Adored. Obsessed. Treasured. Craved. Loved. My stomach fluttered at that word. Loved. I loved Kieran more than I knew what to do with. Sometimes I found it hard to trust myself. I routinely made the wrong choices. I had a knack for deluding myself .
This didn’t feel like a delusion. It was salvation. Kieran looked at me and my world lit up. If it was a delusion, it was the most realistic, most frightening one I’d ever had. I loved Kieran. I loved him and it terrified me.
I must have done a good job at hiding it because he didn’t sense my internal panic. He wasn’t a mind reader, but if I were acting too weird, he’d guess something was up.
“Are you excited for tomorrow?” He tugged me to my feet and I followed him to the bathroom. He started the shower and adjusted the temperature.
I almost forgot what tomorrow was, and then I remembered that today was my last day in the cast. I didn’t expect my arm to take so long healing, but my body had been through a lot. And before everything happened, I hadn’t exactly been taking care of myself. Not the way I was now.
I’d put on weight, but it suited me. It made me feel more like a person again. It was amazing the effect having three meals a day could have on someone’s outlook on life. What a little compassion could do for them. I owed Shane more than money. I owed him my life. Archer too. Had it not been for them, I probably wouldn’t have made it.
Kieran stepped into the shower and wrapped me in his arms. “What’s wrong?”
I almost didn’t tell him. So used to handling everything on my own, it didn’t occur to me at first to say anything.
“I’m nervous.” The admission made my throat constrict. I didn’t want to blubber like a baby about it, but my tenuous hold on my emotions was slipping. And the nicer Kieran was to me, the easier I found it to let go .
“It’s okay to be nervous. But the cast coming off is just one step. There’s going to be physical therapy and stuff to help you regain strength and function.”
I didn’t want to talk about my art. Couldn’t. Not when I’d been so cut off from it for so long. I stuck to a safer subject. “What if I’m bad at jerking off?”
Kieran choked back a laugh. “What?”
“I’ve gotten so used to jerking off with my left hand. What if the right hand feels wrong?”
“Then you jerk with your left hand.”
Kieran kissed the top of my shoulder, then reached for the body wash. I let him soap me up from head to toe and listened as he directed me to turn this way and that to rinse myself.
Then he moved on to washing my hair. I’d never had someone wash my hair before. Not that I could remember. Kieran’s strong fingers working the shampoo down to my scalp made me purr like a kitten. I could’ve stood there forever luxuriating in his expert touch.
I couldn’t wash his hair for him, not one-handed, so I stood idly by while he took care of it himself. Then I snatched the loofah from him and washed his back. I moved the cloth in slow circles across Kieran’s shoulders.
Everything was so simple in this bubble he’d created and once I left, I’d have to face everything. My cast. My arm. My art. Shane. My debt. The fact that I needed a job and a more permanent place to live. There were so many things I had to get through that even thinking of it was enough to make me freeze and panic.
I needed to learn to survive on my own again, but the mere thought of it sent my heart racing .
I didn’t need to figure anything out today, though. That was a job for tomorrow me. Today me could ignore the future and exist in a happy little sex bubble with Kieran.