28. Kieran
Chapter 28
Kieran
I grabbed a table for Shane and me. Something in view of the back so I could watch for Clay to return. I didn’t intend to stick around any longer than absolutely necessary, but there were clearly things the two of us had to say to each other.
Shane returned after a minute and slid into the seat across from me. He eyed his beer with suspicion. “You didn’t spit in it, did you?”
“No, but I can if you want me to. Not like you don’t have it coming.”
“Eh, that’s debatable.” Shane slid his beer closer. I didn’t know if he actually wanted to drink it or if he wanted something to do with his hands. A prop to kill some of the awkwardness between us.
“I hate fighting with you,” he said.
“So don’t.” I shrugged. I’d fight him if I had to. When a man was fighting for something, he had a lot more passion than a man who was fighting against something. It wasn’t a battle Shane could win. “You can always take option B and stay out of my business.”
“I want you to be happy,” Shane started. “But not with him.”
I took a long, slow sip of my beer then set it down. Folding my arms on the table, I leaned close. “You’re holding on to anger that’s not yours to have. Clayton didn’t do anything to you. He hurt Archer, and you care about him. I get that. But all of that happened before Archer even met you. ”
Shane glowered at me, but didn’t say anything in his defense so I continued to press. “Archer is the one who is entitled to hang on to however much anger he wants to. And one day he might not hold a grudge at all. What are you going to do if Archer wants to be friends with Clay again? What if he wants to, but you’ve made it impossible for him to bridge that gap? What if Archer resents you for being so pig-headed about it? What if I resent you for it? What if Clay is here to stay because I care for him and want him in my life?”
Shane leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. “Well,” he said, his jaw clenched so hard I worried he might crack a tooth. “I guess I’d have to get used to it. Wouldn’t I?”
I nodded at him. It wasn’t a hearty “welcome to the family,” but it was good enough for me to know that Shane wouldn’t actively be hostile toward Clay when he saw us together.
“I know you don’t think very well of him,”—Shane opened his mouth and I raised my hand, silencing him—“and I know you have your reasons, but if you really want me to be happy, like you claim you do, then you’ll find a way to not be a dick around him.”
Shane let out a pained groan, but his posture relaxed a little and some of the ache in my head eased. What I had with Clay was so new that I wondered if it could survive a rift between Shane and me. Clay would take it to heart, and he already carried enough without worrying about my relationship with my brother.
“Fine. Okay. I promise to behave. I will try my best to not be a jackass around him. That’s the best I can do.”
“You don’t have to like him, Shane. Just don’t make his life harder than it is.”
I saw Clay appear from the back, weaving his way toward me. He had a brave face on, but I could tell that whatever was said upstairs had been hard on him. “We’re going to take off, though. So thanks for the beer.”
I stood and offered my hand to Clay, who took it without hesitating. “You okay?” I asked him.
He nodded and cut a quick glance over to Shane. He looked like he thought Shane might bite, and I didn’t blame him for being suspicious.
“Have a good night,” Shane said before standing and walking away, taking the barely-touched drinks with him.
Clay let out an uneasy breath. “Honestly, that went better than I expected.”
“With Archer or Shane?” I tugged Clay close and slid my arm around him.
“Yes,” he said.
“How did it go upstairs?”
“Well, we’re not going to be friends any time soon I don’t think, but he says he doesn’t hate me, and it feels a little overwhelming. I really thought he’d hate me forever.”
Clay sank into my side and I relished that he sought me for comfort. I wanted to be that for him. His comfort and his shelter. His fierce protector and his soft spot to land.
We piled into my car and Clay gave me a funny smile when he buckled his seatbelt. “You need one of those old trucks with the bench seat up front so I can scoot over and cuddle you while you drive.”
“That sounds less safe.” My eyebrows pinched together.
“But cozy.”
“And like a good way to die.”
“No one lives forever.” Clay shrugged. “Besides, it sounds romantic. ”
I smiled at him. My secret softie. I wanted to get a truck like that, even if I borrowed it, so we could take a drive with him tucked in against my side. We’d go during the golden hour after a long summer day and I’d roll the windows down. I wanted to give him everything he ever wanted.
“What?” Clay asked, looking at me with a confused expression on his face.
“I think you’re cute, that’s all. I’d love to take you on a drive like that.”
“Well, for now I’ll settle for going back to your place.”
“Your wish is my command.”
I took him home and wondered how long I’d have to wait before I got to wake up with him every day. Clay made me want to pack as many good things in his life as I could. Starting with myself and all the big, wonderful, complicated things I felt for him.
Once we were inside, the atmosphere between us shifted. I’d wanted to be alone with him for hours, and now that I finally was, I wanted to take my time with him. To savor the way he looked at me, the way he toed out of his shoes and stepped into my space, immediately reaching for me.
Both his hands were on my chest, sliding upward, and he wrapped his arms around my neck. I wanted to kiss the palms of his hands. His knuckles. Every inch of him from his fingertips to his lips, then down again to the soles of his feet.
I settled for his mouth, slanting mine over it. Clay opened for me, sighing softly, like he was as relieved as I was that we were finally alone together. I grabbed his waist and pulled him against me. His shirt rode up and I slid my thumbs along the strip of bare skin in that deliciously inviting space .
My hands had a mind of their own and suddenly one was in Clay’s hair and the other was splayed against his back, relishing the heat of his skin. He deepened the kiss, keening, pressing his hard cock against me. I wanted to devour him.
I was suddenly nothing but a gnawing, ferocious need. I was going to fuck Clay against my goddamned back door if we didn’t find our way to my bedroom soon.
Like he weighed nothing, I hoisted him up so he could wrap his legs around me. Clay made a muffled sound and broke the kiss as I strode toward my bedroom. Maybe one day, our bedroom. That would come later. I had no doubts about that. Or us. Or the way I felt for him.
My heart had been an empty cavern and I felt like I’d been waiting for the right person to fill all the vacant spaces. And I found Clay. I hadn’t meant to. Or wanted to. But even the most awkward, uncomfortable, aggravating conversation with my brother was worth it to have days like today. Kisses like this. That were all of me and all of him, meeting in the middle, expressing affection in a way that needed no words.
I took Clay to my bedroom, laid him on the bed, kissing him the whole way down. My body blanketed his. His legs stayed tightly around me and he held me against him as we kissed and kissed. Our tongues battled, caressed, danced together until my face ached. Until my body was nothing but need for him.
I broke the kiss and pulled my shirt off over my head.
“Fuck yes,” Clay breathed before scrambling to remove his shirt too. He tossed it aside then fumbled with the button of his pants. I stood and got rid of the rest of my clothing before helping Clay with his pants. Then I went right back to where I belonged.
Clay underneath me, bare and unbroken. His arms wrapped around me again, one a little paler than the other .
“Hey,” he whispered as I settled over him again. Naked this time, I savored the warmth. The softness of his skin. The slender form beneath me, vibrating with arousal. Or nerves. Or both, just the same way I was.
“Hey,” I whispered back.
Clay’s fingers toyed with the short hairs at the back of my neck.
“I wanted to tell you earlier…” He paused. Licked his lips. Looked away, then looked back at me, like he needed that split second of courage. “I love you. It terrifies me, Kieran, because I’m so scared that I’ll ruin it. That I’ll ruin us like I’ve ruined everything else. And I tried not to, but you’re too fucking lovable, goddamn it.”
I was helplessly under his spell to the point that I smiled down at him, giddy like a kid. “You won’t ruin us.”
“But—”
I shut him up with a kiss. Hard and deep and desperate. I pulled away suddenly and watched the way he blinked at me, stunned and probably as horny as I was by now. I felt like I was dying I wanted him so much.
“You won’t,” I told him again. “I won’t let you. What you are going to do, I hope, is take a trip with me. The first of many. I want to do that with you. We’ll go wherever the road takes us. We’ll have adventure. And romance. And when we come home, I want it to be here. I want you to come home with me. I want you to heal with me, here. I want a life with you, Clay. I love you. I tried not to, but you’re too fucking lovable.”
Clay wrinkled his nose. “That was my line.”
“It was a good one. We can be adorable together. All you have to do is say yes.”
He held my gaze and I wished I could read his thoughts. Maybe one day I’d know him well enough to be able to tell what he was thinking by the different micro-expressions he had. The subtle twitch of his eyebrows or the way his nose wrinkled might give him away.
It was a relief when he smiled up at me, almost shy. “Yes,” he said.
I sank into another kiss. One that went on forever. Until we were grinding and leaking. Frantic. Beneath me, Clay was hot as a furnace, his body burning with need—for me.
“Please, Kieran. Don’t make me wait anymore.” Want sizzled in his pleading eyes.
My cock throbbed, sticky with precum, definitely on board with whatever Clay wanted.
I kissed him one more time, our mouths soft and kiss-swollen, before breaking apart to get the supplies. Clay rolled over onto all fours and I smoothed my hand down his back, following the gentle curve of his spine. He hissed when I dribbled lube in his crack.
“That’s cold.”
“Sorry.” I spread the lube around his hole before gently easing a finger inside to start stretching him.
Clay whimpered and rocked back and forth, greedy and eager, desperate in a way I recognized because I was powerless against it too.
“I’m ready, Kieran. Please. I need you now.”
I stopped touching him only so I could roll a condom down my throbbing dick. Clay was a live wire when I rose up and pressed my dick against his hole. I let him take the lead, grabbing his hips, holding them without influencing his movements. He rocked forward and back again, opening himself up for me with my cock.
By the time he pushed back once more, taking all of me inside him, I was nearly mindless I needed him so badly.
I leaned forward, draping myself over him like a blanket. Clay’s chest sank down to rest on the bed and his back arched and I slipped impossibly deeper. Clay trembled, but didn’t come. I started with a slow and gentle pace until he huffed in annoyance underneath me.
Then I pulled back until my cock was almost out of him, and I slammed back into him, driving him forward, pressing him into the mattress. And Clay’s moans tugged at my balls. I could listen to him like this forever.
I kneeled up, pulling Clay with me. I leaned back, sitting on my heels, holding him against me so he was sitting in my lap. I turned his head and kissed him, held him there in that awkward, perfect kiss as my other hand wrapped around his cock. I wanted him to come like this. Full of me. Encompassed by my touch and taste.
Clay reached for me, his hands clinging to my legs, my thighs, any bit of skin he could get a hold of. I wanted to surround us with mirrors so he could see how beautiful he was. Flushed and needy. Clay’s fingers bit into my flesh and he rocked against me, faster and harder, fucking himself with my dick. It was easily the hottest thing I’d ever seen. I loved watching Clay use me for his pleasure. I loved the way it made me feel necessary, like I was made for him. Like no one would ever feel this perfect inside him except for me.
I knew no one would ever feel this good. No one would make my heart race the way he did. Would look at me the way he did. Would love me the way he did. And I’d never love anyone the way I loved him. It wasn’t possible. My affection was endless. Boundless.
I surprised myself by coming before I’d meant to. I let out a gasp of shock and then a laugh because I hadn’t meant to come, but the sudden release left me light-headed and my love left me joyous.
Clay was still making desperate sounds like he couldn’t quite get there. I pressed him back down into the mattress, pinned him there, and fucked him until he sobbed as he came, writhing and jerking under me, arching up to take me deeper. And then finally going boneless and still underneath me. Our harsh, rapid breaths were the only thing I could hear. We were a song I wanted to listen to forever.