Chapter Twenty
Darcy
I didn’t really feel like getting out of bed. I simply wanted to lie there, under the duvet, and rot while scrolling mindlessly through my phone.
I knew I should get up.
That I should shower and get ready for work and maybe eat something.
But I couldn’t find the energy to do any of it.
Everything seemed pointless and I wasn’t convinced getting up and doing things would make me feel any better.
I hadn’t taken a day off from work since Lick It!
had opened, but maybe now was the time to start.
Milo and Alfie would understand, especially since things were starting to get quieter, and if all else failed they could close up early. Nobody would mind.
And if anyone asked, I’d say I’d had a terrible headache and hadn’t been able to get out of bed.
It was sort of the truth anyway.
I scrolled down through my Reels again, a tiny smile pushing at the corner of my mouth as I watched a video of a man holding a tiny squeaking, chattering bird of prey on his hand. I’d never realised they were so loud.
Mind you the local seagulls were noisy as fuck, so I didn’t know why I was surprised. Although the bird in the video was much cuter than a seagull. I hoped Milo didn’t see anything like this and get ideas.
I didn’t think seagulls were that trainable.
There was a sharp buzzing noise from outside my room, which meant someone had pushed the button by the front door. I lifted my head slightly and frowned, wondering who the fuck it could be. Maybe an delivery for Milo? Whatever it was, it wasn’t for me.
The buzzing sounded again, twice in quick succession.
Why the fuck wasn’t Milo answering it? Unless he’d already left for the day. Or he’d gone out and forgotten his keys and needed me to let him back in for something. Probably his phone since he hadn’t messaged me to let him in.
I was going to have to get him one of those extendable clip things to put his keys on, so he always had them with him. Or a second set for his bag.
Although both of those still rested on the assumption he’d remember to take those with him too.
“I’m coming, hold on,” I muttered as I hauled myself out of bed and trudged into the corridor to pick up the phone hung on the wall. “Hello?”
“Darcy—don’t hang up—will you let me in, please?” Owen’s voice made adrenaline flood my veins like I’d just experienced the worst jump scare imaginable.
“Why?” I asked, my breath catching in my throat as my chest tightened.
“I need to talk to you. Please.”
“What if I don’t want to talk to you?”
“Then I’ll leave,” he said and he sounded so wretched it made my heart clench.
“But I’d really like to talk to you, if you’ll let me.
You don’t have to forgive me, you don’t even have to say anything, but please let me say something.
Then, if you want, I’ll leave and never come back. You won’t have to see me again.”
I didn’t want that. Not really. But I didn’t know how to tell him. The words wouldn’t come.
“Fine,” I said quietly, pushing the button on the wall to let him in. Then I hung up before he could say anything else. I didn’t know what he wanted to talk to me about, but I doubted it would change anything.
Or maybe it would.
My feelings for him were still there, sitting painfully under my ribs, and one night hadn’t altered them. But I meant what I’d said to Alfie and Milo, I wanted someone who’d choose me.
I didn’t want drama or to fight for attention. I wanted peace and stability and someone to share all the small things with. Where the love wasn’t conditional but a calm sanctuary away from the stresses of the world.
Some people might say that was boring, but I didn’t think so.
It sounded perfect to me.
Glancing down at myself, I realised I was still in an old T-shirt and yesterday’s boxers, but I didn’t know if I had the energy to put anything else on. Fuck it, if I stayed like this then I wouldn’t have to get changed again when I crawled back into bed.
My keys were still where I’d left them last night, so I grabbed them and slowly unlocked the door, not really sure what I was expecting to see on the other side.
I’d vaguely assumed Owen would be dressed. Maybe looking as tortured as I felt.
What I hadn’t been expecting was to see him still in his wetsuit with his dry robe thrown over the top, a pair of flip flops on his sandy feet, and his wet hair still plastered to his scalp. He didn’t look like he’d slept much, and his chest was heaving like he’d been running.
As soon as he saw me, he dropped to his knees, the bag that had been thrown over his shoulder sliding onto the floor.
I stared at him, unsure how to react. Shock must have registered on my face though because it was the only emotion I felt.
“I’m so sorry, Darcy,” Owen said in a rough voice I’d never heard before. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“You’re fine… I just didn’t expect you to be wet.”
“I came from the beach.”
“I guessed.” I paused for a second, then added. “Do you want a towel?”
He shook his head. “No, not at the moment. I… I have to apologise first. I’m so sorry, angel.
I’m sorry I hurt you, that I made you feel unwanted, and that I made you feel like you had to take responsibility for me being a selfish cunt.
I never wanted to hurt you, Darcy, but I did and I can’t undo that.
All I can do is apologise and tell you how I feel. ”
I swallowed, my eyes stinging because none of those words were ones I’d expected to come out of his mouth. I didn’t think I’d ever met a man who’d taken responsibility for his actions before. Except maybe Alfie, after Theo and Laurie had gotten involved.
“And how do you feel?” That was the question I needed him to answer first. Because I couldn’t do anything without that.
“I mean apart from the shame and self-loathing?” His mouth twisted slightly, and it pulled at something in my chest. I bit my lip because I wasn’t about to give in to sympathy.
“I fucked up. I should have talked to you weeks ago about how I felt, about how you felt, and what we both wanted from this. I should have been honest with you and opened up more. But it’s also taken the prospect of losing you to make me realise what a selfish fucking coward I am. ”
He sighed and shifted slightly, still on his knees in front of me, hands resting on his thighs.
“I always thought roaming the world was the only thing I wanted, but now I realise all I was doing was running from myself. I never felt like I belonged here, so I never let myself belong anywhere. You’re the first person I’ve ever really opened up to, and it was only because you opened your heart up to me.
I didn’t expect to fall for you, and at the time I wasn’t planning to stay, so for the first time I allowed myself to be vulnerable.
To connect with someone. And the last twenty-four hours have made me realise how selfish I’ve always been.
I thought I’d found happiness before I met you, but now I know everything else was an illusion.
Because I’ve never felt this way about anyone except you.
“I don’t expect you to forgive me. And there are skeletons in my wardrobe I still haven’t confessed to. But I want you to know you’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Darcy. Nobody else will ever come close. And if I could choose anything in this world, it would be you.”
I let out a long, slow breath as my heart hammered against my ribs. I hadn’t expected so much honesty from him, and it was strange in a way, to hear him spell out all of his mistakes.
But he wasn’t the only one who’d made them though. And if Owen was going to take accountability for his actions then I had to as well, because I had been far from perfect. Blaming him was the easy way out, but it would also destroy everything.
“I’m sorry too,” I said, carefully dropping to my knees in front of him. The doormat was prickly and uncomfortable, digging into my skin and making it feel like I was kneeling on gravel or sandpaper.
“I should have talked to you, asked about your plans, told you how I felt. I just… I was so sure you’d be leaving and I was so scared of hearing that because I knew it would hurt.
And I don’t really like pain, so I kinda ignored the whole thing and hoped it would go away.
Or that you’d turn around and magically fight for this without me telling you what I wanted, like you’re a fucking mind reader.
I guess…” I let out a tiny huff of self-deprecating laughter.
“I guess I wanted you to choose me without me telling you I was a choice.”
“Will you let me choose you now?” Owen reached his hand out and let it hover above mine.
“Would you want to?”
“Yes. If you’ll let me, angel, I will choose you. Not because I have to, but because I want to. You’re everything to me. And if you’ll have me, I’ll keep choosing you. Every single day.”
“Choose me,” I said quietly, lifting my hand to take his, squeezing it tightly. “Please. And I’ll do the same. We can figure out how to make it work, I know we can. But I need you, Owen.”
“I need you too.” He lifted his other hand and reached out to cup my jaw. I could smell the tang of salt on his skin and it made me long for a taste. “Can I kiss you?”
“Yes.” I was already leaning towards him, one hand resting on his thigh to stop me from falling into his lap.
His kiss felt like coming home. Like safety and sanctuary—the place I’d been dreaming about finding. It had been right here all along, but we’d refused to see it.
There was salt on his lips and it made me think of all those mornings I’d stood on the front to watch him swim. I’d never think of salt the same way.
“You should come inside,” I said as I slowly broke the kiss, letting my forehead rest against him. “You need to dry off.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I am. Plus I can’t kneel on this mat for much longer, my legs are going numb.”
Owen chuckled softly. “Do you need me to carry you back inside?”
“That is very tempting,” I said, stealing another soft kiss.
“Come on then.” He sat back and climbed to his feet, his hand still holding mine.
He threw his bag over his shoulder and then gently pulled me onto my feet.
I wobbled slightly but as I did, he bent forward and scooped me up into his arms, holding me against his damp chest. I let out a weird, giggled squawk because I hadn’t expected him to do that.
The door to my flat had shut behind me, but somehow Owen managed to get it open and carry me inside without me hitting anything. I’d thought he’d put me down as soon as we got inside, but instead he carried me through to my bedroom and dropped me gently onto the bed.
“Are you okay if I borrow your shower?” he asked as he stepped back.
“Sure. Knock yourself out,” I said, almost disappointed he hadn’t kept kissing me. But also, I didn’t really want sand in my bed either, because even if I changed the sheets that didn’t guarantee it would stay beach-free.
“When you’re done, will you come back here?” I asked as I crossed my legs and looked up at him.
“Of course.” He bent down and kissed me. “We can talk more.”
I grinned, my face heating slightly. “Yeah, we can talk. But, er, maybe we can also…” I trailed off, almost embarrassed to ask for what I wanted.
“Also what?”
“Well, we did have a fight. A big one,” I said. “We should make up. With sex.”
“We should.” He smirked, heat dancing across his face in a way that made my cock ache. “Give me ten minutes, angel. Then I’ll spend as long making things up to you as you want. Do you have anywhere to be today?”
I shook my head. Milo and Alfie could deal with me not coming in. They’d understand. “Not anymore.”
“Perfect.”
He kissed me again and then pulled away to head towards the bathroom, taking his bag with him.
I knew we still had things to talk about, and so much still to figure out, but that could wait for a little bit longer.
Owen wanted me, was choosing me, and I was doing the same.
That was enough to give me hope we could make this work.