Chapter 6 #2
I gripped the strap of my bag tighter and slipped out the door, navigating through the short maze of hallways to make my way out of the building.
Outside, I could breathe better, the misty air cooling my lungs and dampening my skin.
Little beads of water clung to the hairs framing my face and I licked my lips to get the cool moisture off them.
There was some time in between this class and my next one, so I decided to head to the library to pass the time. It was pointless for me to try and get home during this gap of time. I’d be better off getting a head start on my reading.
The library was cold and gray and angular, plastic chairs molded in modern shapes set around square tables, and metal shelves holding books over on one half of the first floor.
Giant windows comprised most of the walls.
It wasn’t quite cozy, but I liked the expansive gloomy views provided by all the glass, and the blue ambient light filtering into the space because of it.
I settled in with my laptop, getting to work on downloading PDFs for all my textbooks, familiarizing myself with each course homepage, and writing down all my important dates in a physical planner.
This was hopefully going to be one of my less stressful semesters, since I’d gotten most of the nightmare classes out of the way at this point—or at least that was what I thought had happened. Anything was possible in Chem E.
The sole of my shoe scuffed back and forth on the thin carpet, my eyes already glazing over when I attempted to get any real reading done.
Air conditioning was blowing from a hidden vent and giving me goosebumps.
It was my typical semester routine: attempt to get a ‘strong start’ where I promise myself I’m actually going to read the textbook and not be struggling to cram before every exam like last time, and then lose all motivation and continue on down the same stressful path I’d taken every semester prior.
At least I hadn’t given up on the charade completely.
It was nice to pretend I was capable of changing my ways.
I grabbed my water bottle from the side pouch of my bag and chugged the rest of its contents before going to find a recycling bin to toss it into.
Students sitting at tables around the library already looked miserable, and I couldn’t imagine how dismal the energy would be once exams were actually upon us. Today was only day one.
Sitting back down at my own table, I reopened the slide deck from my Unit Operations lecture earlier today, then navigated back to the beginning of it—to Dr. Killshaw’s introduction slide. I hadn’t paid too much attention to it during class, but I was curious.
There was a photo of him on the slide, standing on some hiking trail with trees and ocean in the background.
I snapped a picture of it and sent off a message to Mila.
She’d get a kick out of knowing she’d been right yet again—and that I had to actually try and learn from this guy over the next few months.
Lusting over him would land me in retake-land, which I had successfully avoided thus far.
I wasn’t looking to join that club during my senior year.
My phone vibrated shortly after I set it down.
Mila : I’m switching majors
Me : I promise this hell is not worth the one hot professor you might get in your final year
Mila : You’re invalidating my feelings. Are you at the library? I hope so. I’m walking past in a few and I need to come say hi if you are. I thought I remembered you having a short break right now
Me : Yes, I’m at the Archway. Text me when you’re here
Mila didn’t take long to make it to the Archway Library, her face makeup-free and her hands tucked in the pockets of her scrubs. She looked good in navy.
“Hi,” I greeted as she stepped up to the table and sat down across from me, slamming down her plastic cup of iced coffee, the ice rattling.
“Remind me why I’m doing this again?” she groaned, her eyes slipping shut. I could sense the cause of her mood before she said another word.
“Because you want to help kids with cancer ring that damn bell.”
A tiny frown tugged on her mouth, her lower lip trembling for a moment before she smiled. “When you actually say that out loud, it helps. Sometimes I get so fucking stressed out and annoyed and caught up in bullshit drama. But it’s really that simple, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. Fuck the surgeon bootlickers.”
She laughed. “You always know exactly what’s bothering me. I love you.”
“I love you, too.” I slide my hand over the table to tap on the back of her hand with my pointer finger, three little taps.
I didn’t always know what was bothering Mila, but it was easy enough to guess.
Med school was competitive. It was easy to start feeling like shit about your lack of publications, or your non-surgical specialty, or whatever else people were bitching about.
“How’s your first day of classes going?” Mila asked, sitting up and taking a sip of her coffee through a paper straw.
“Well, I’ve only had one class so far. And you know how that went.”
“I don’t, really. Please elaborate.”
“It was pretty typical in every sense—except the fact that my professor looks like a god. Since you’ve seen the picture, there’s really nothing you don’t know.
Normal class stuff. Hot teacher.” It was close enough to the truth.
For whatever reason, I’d never mentioned what happened with Mason to Mila.
It felt strangely intense and private. Maybe I didn’t want her to know what things I let myself do in the dark, or that I got wet thinking about Mason making me pass out, and still fingering me when I was unconscious.
The person I’d been in the car with Mason was a person I’d been trying to outrun my whole life.
Besides, it wasn’t like I’d ever see him again.
So, Mila would have no frame of reference if I told her Dr. Killshaw was cut from the same cloth as Mason.
You don’t know that, my brain reminded me, because I didn’t.
I’d only met both of them one time, and my meeting with Dr. Killshaw couldn’t really be called a meeting since I didn’t speak a word to him.
I listened to him talk for an hour from across the room, and that was it.
What I did with Mason was definitely classified as a meeting, though.
Either way, it was weird to link them.
“I wish I had a hot teacher.”
Some movement at the entrance caught my attention and my eyes widened. Mila didn’t even need me to say anything before she was turning to see what—who—I was staring at.
She whipped back around, mouthing is that him?
I nodded.
He seemed even taller in the library, walking among regular-sized human beings. Thankfully, he hadn’t noticed me nor Mila, seeing as he was heading straight towards a conference room on the opposite side of the building. Once he was out of sight, I dropped my face into my hands.
“That’s insane, Dakota. Actually insane.”
“I know.”
“No wonder I heard about him all the way from the med school.”
Part of me wanted to ask if she felt any amount of fear when looking at him, but I didn’t want to sound stupid.
I mean, obviously I wouldn’t mind fucking a man who looked like that, but there was something else going on, too.
Eventually, I decided against divulging my irrational anxieties, and steered the conversation back towards normal topics until it was time for my next class.