Chapter 31 #2
“I overheated it.” I tried to keep my voice even, despite the anxious twist in my stomach making me nauseous. I hated the fact that I’d just screwed up so badly in front of him—especially since it was the first time he’d given me my own real responsibility.
“Yes. You turned the heat up too quickly. And then you also tried to bring it down too quickly.” His arms were crossed, gaze unsympathetic as he studied me, studied my reactions to him.
Frustration was building in my chest. If he cared so much about this run, he should’ve been watching me closer, guiding me better.
I gritted my teeth, fingernails digging into my palms.
Humiliation was making warmth crawl up my throat.
I wanted to run out of the room and never come back, just shove out the door and disappear forever. My fingers trembled, itching to reach for the doorknob. I was tired of feeling dumb, sick of the uncertainty.
“And why does overheating destroy the separation?” Dr. Killshaw questioned, staring at me, scrambling my thoughts as I tried to straighten them.
I froze.
I grasped for an answer, feeling clueless and stupid, caught off-guard and unprepared to answer actual engineering questions in this moment. Mind whirling, I blurted my answer too fast, “Because the condenser can’t remove heat fast enough—”
“No,” he cut me off sharply. I squeezed my fists tighter, cheeks heating with embarrassment. “That’s the effect, not the cause. Again.”
“Because the top product comes out impure?” I couldn’t keep from faltering on the answer I already knew wasn’t correct.
Dr. Killshaw leaned closer, his voice low but cutting, his tone as cool as his gaze. “Still wrong. You’re naming symptoms. I asked for the principle.”
“The vapor—”
“You’re guessing,” he interrupted me again, taking a full step forward, his arms falling to his sides. Prowling towards me like a deadly predator. It was unnerving.
“I’m not guessing, I just—”
“You want to be quick more than you want to be accurate. Dangerous impulse, Masters. Try again.”
I swallowed, hard. My face was burning.
“Because too much heat floods the column and you lose the equilibrium.”
There was a long pause and I could hear my heartbeat in my ears. I started to doubt myself again, fear creeping back into my mind.
“Correct,” Dr. Killshaw said, gracing me with a single nod.
I forced myself to lift my chin, his one-word response and careless nod grating on me, as if he hadn’t just been purposefully intimidating me in a private, confined space, knowing the absolute power he held over me.
“You could’ve just said that instead of trying to make me flustered.”
“If you collapse under pressure here, how will you survive in practice? Or is guessing your method for everything?” The corner of his sculpted mouth curled slightly. His eyes were darker than I’d seen them.
I stepped away from him, bumping into the table behind me. “Maybe if someone didn’t treat every mistake like a mortal sin, I’d think clearer,” I gritted out.
He stepped closer. And closer.
I was paralyzed, pinned to the spot by the intensity of his stare.
Prey.
“Think clearer anyway. That’s the difference between a scientist and a student.”
“So I’m just a student now?” I gripped the edge of the table to steady my hands.
“When have you ever been anything else?” He was only a few paces away from me now, and the way he spoke made it feel like a dare. As if he was daring me to call him on his hot and cold behavior again.
I couldn’t stop myself.
“In the elevator.” I inhaled shakily through my nose, his forest scent cutting through the lingering ethanol vapors, surrounding my senses.
“What did I do in the elevator?”
“What did you want to do in the elevator?” I pressed, daring to take a half-step towards him, leaving the safety of the table behind me.
My heart was fluttering wildly, flinging around my ribcage like a trapped bird.
I could feel my pulse everywhere, my skin getting hot under the force of Dr. Killshaw’s attention.
“I wanted to go down to the first floor so I could leave.”
“You could’ve waited for the second elevator to arrive. You forced your way into mine.”
“Careful,” he said lowly.
Heat rushed between my thighs, my core tightening, tension crackling in the air. My lips parted, my breath coming shallowly between them.
“Or what?”
“There are lines here that should be left alone.” Roughness edged into his tone, his eyes flashing, burning like a low flame, licking wicked heat all over my skin. The word fuck circled my mind, ugly and filthy and exactly what I wanted.
“You’ve never blurred a line?” I couldn’t stop pushing him, putting more pressure on him, waiting to see if he’d ever break. Praying for it. Begging for it.
“I don’t blur lines,” he said. “I cross them.”
A muscle feathered in his jaw, his posture rigid. He was breathing harder.
I couldn’t find any words to respond to him.
Silence spanned the room.
I thought if he touched me now I’d break apart entirely, heat pooling low in my body, humiliating in its urgency. Please touch me. Break me.
When I inhaled, I could feel the scent of him sweeping the depths of my lungs like a shadow, smothering me in darkness. I had to suppress the thrilled shiver working its way through my body.
My eyes slid down to his full lips for a moment. I imagined his mouth lower, wetter, ruining me, making a mess of me.
I met his dark stare again.
“And we’re done for the day, so you can leave.”
We’d barely even started the run, so his purposeful dismissal of me was very obvious.
Without saying anther word, I grabbed my belongings and sped out of the lab, not wanting to give him a chance to change the narrative on what just happened between us.
I raced up to the sixth floor, throwing myself into an armchair and grabbing my journal from my bag, determined to write down every hidden statement in everything he’d just said—if only to have something to draw from when alone in the dark.
Careful.
I don’t blur lines. I cross them.
It was reckless and idiotic to still feel any desire to throw myself at this man, given how he’d reacted to me the last time, but it was difficult to stop.
I needed something other than the chaos Mason drowned me in.
This time, I’d at least given myself some plausible deniability with my word choice.
━━━━━
The sun was setting, painting the horizon with shades of amber and amethyst, the shadowed undersides of the clouds creeping across the sky. I was still sitting in the same sixth-floor armchair, having just completed most of my Unit Ops exam review.
I stretched my arms above my head, trying to fix my posture and relieve some tension in my muscles, a yawn slipping past my lips.
It was getting late, but I still had some time before the busses stopped running.
Getting up from my seat, I checked my phone for any notifications, responded to Mila, then went to the elevator.
Instead of pressing the button for the first floor, I hit the one for the basement.
My blood was still simmering low with heat from earlier.
I knocked on the door to Dr. Killshaw’s lab. I had no idea if he was still in here or not, but I wanted to try.
The door unlatched and swung open a moment later.
“You’re back,” he commented, allowing me to pass him, then shutting the door again, trapping us in dangerous isolation.
“I did most of the exam review,” I said, secretly hoping for his approval.
“Great.”
“It wasn’t very difficult,” I added.
“You’ll do well on the exam, then.”
I was beginning to feel stupid for coming down here to tell him the small, insignificant fact of me finishing his exam review.
He didn’t care, and I hadn’t really expected him to.
I sank my teeth into my lower lip, embarrassment making my chest tight.
Memories of all the worst moments with him were creeping in.
Him ignoring me. Disregarding me. Being cruel. Saying he could get me expelled.
I truly was a masochist.
“Okay, cool. I’m gonna go.” I jerked my thumb over my shoulder awkwardly.
“Alright.”
God, fuck. Give me something.
“What are you doing?” I blurted out, motioning now to the whiteboard he was standing in front of, trying to act more curious about the numbers he was scribbling than the way his dress shirt fit his shoulders.
“You don’t need to ask me about my research. Go rest.”
“I wanted to ask.”
He sighed, capping the blue marker. “This isn’t part of our work together.” He stepped away from the board, towards me. His palm landed on my shoulder as he turned me around, guiding me to the door—not harshly, but firmly. I kept my smile to myself at the warmth of his hand on my body.
Dr. Killshaw held the door open for me. I went through then lingered in the hallway, staring at him.
“You okay?” he asked. I liked the way he looked a little amused, interested. I wanted to interest him.
“Yes. I’m going to go home now.”
“You go do that. I’ll see you in lecture.”
“Bye, Dr. Killshaw.”
He pressed his lips together, gave a quick nod, then shut the door.