STEPHANIE
THIRTY-EIGHT
I’m feeling hot, hot… hotter.
Two days. Forty-eight hours since I came apart watching porn and describing it to James. Since then, he’s been here but not available. He’s in every room I enter, but then disappears under the pretense of some crucial decision or piece of information. It’s infuriating, and it’s making me itchy.
By the end of the second day, I’m googling ways to poison a man to make him immobile but not dead.
I want to talk it out, to explore what’s happened between us.
But then I get in my own head. Surely if he was into it like me, he would have taken it further?
Both times he’s done it to satisfy a need I have.
Sure, he was hard, but most men would be with a half-naked woman describing what kind of porn she’s watching to get herself off. It doesn’t make me special. It’s just biology, and he’s proving that with his indifference.
I need to get out of here before I lose my mind. Because I need human contact communicated in more than grunts and one-word syllables.
I slip on the pink dress I ordered. It hits mid-thigh and swishes when I walk. A quick dash of makeup, matching nail polish, and I’m all set for a little chaos tonight. Now to get the idiot who is avoiding me to drive me into town. Whether he stays or not is another matter.
I waltz out of my bedroom at the same time he emerges from his, freshly showered after another wood-cutting therapy session.
He frowns as he looks me up and down. “Where the hell are you going?”
Oh, look at that, he can speak to me. I shrug. “Depends on where you’re taking me.”
He folds his arms and widens his stance, blocking the hallway. “It’s not safe.”
“I bet the local bar in town has closed-circuit CCTV, or better yet, your sister will be able to override the feed. No one is going to recognize me out here, and it’s not like there’s a nationwide hunt for me. It’s one rich sick man, not an army.”
His jaw tics. “No, one sick man is harder to protect you from.”
“I’m not asking for permission.”
“The answer is still no.”
I step closer and cup his cheeks. “I’m going mad in here. I need to get out.”
“You’re acting like it’s been months.”
“No, I’m acting like a woman once excluded from society for years and who has finally gotten her freedom only to have it stolen. I’m not being unreasonable. I need to feel free.”
His shoulders drop, and I know I’ve won this battle.
“Give me thirty minutes. I need to check with Eleanor.” I grin and do a little happy dance.
“Don’t know why you’re looking so happy. You’ll have to explain it to Hunter, and I’ll only take you if he agrees.”
I deflate. “That’s unfair.”
“That’s life.”
“Absolutely not. Go watch a movie or read a book,” Hunter snaps.
“Again, I’m not asking for permission. I’m a grown woman who doesn’t live her life according to the terms laid down by bossy men with egos.”
He doesn’t even flinch. “No.”
James smirks while grabbing a couple of sodas from the refrigerator. He can put those straight back where they came from. The next drink I have is being served in a bar.
“They use a security company, but their firewalls are weak. I can disrupt the feed and put it on a loop,” Eleanor adds.
Girl power rocks.
“Not helping,” Hunter growls. “Go burst that giant pharmaceutical bubble and leave the parenting to me.”
“You aren’t my father,” I mutter. It hurts that this is the way he thinks of me.
Our parents are trash humans for sure, which is why we cut ties with them back when they tried to sweep my rape under the rug to keep the peace within the elite circles.
If I’d stayed, I might have even ended up married to one of those who stole my innocence.
“The loop is on,” Eleanor says, ignoring my brother. She leans closer to the camera. “Did you explore my parcel yet?”
My cheeks heat. “Yep, thank you.”
“And?”
Seriously, Eleanor? “Haven’t put them to the test yet.” It’s not like I haven’t thought about it, but using them feels vulnerable, especially when the man who haunts my dreams is back to being unbothered by me once more. Who is he trying to fool?
“Do you not like the ones I chose?”
“No, no. It’s not that.”
“No worries. I’ve ordered more,” she says with a huge smile, as if she’s fixed all my problems.
“Fucking hell,” James growls low enough that it’s not picked up on the video call.
“I’m confused,” Hunter says.
“And that’s the way it should remain,” I tell him. “What’s not confusing is the fact that I’m taking an evening to breathe different air, grab a drink at the bar, maybe dance.”
“No,” Hunter tries again.
“Oh, look at that. The parcel can be fast-tracked,” Eleanor says with a wink at me. “Should be there in a couple of hours. I included some beginner’s anal plugs and plenty of lube.”
“Fuck me,” James groans.
“What the ever-loving?” Hunter jumps to his feet. “I’m out.” He disappears and a door clicks shut.
“Call me if you need to talk,” Eleanor tells me with a wink before the screen goes blank.
“So, how long do you need to get ready?” I wonder.
He folds his arms and leans back against the counter. “I’m going to regret this.”
I squeak, jump off my stool, and spin in a circle. “Let’s go.”
The town’s one bar serves as their diner, serving everything from breakfast to midnight snacks. It boasts that it’s the only place to view the big games and get the best hot wings in a hundred-mile radius. There’s a small stage and a simple setup for a local band, due to start in thirty minutes.
James is like my shadow as I take everything in. It’s dark, but not grimy. Moody without being dramatic. It’s perfect.
James’s hand lands on my hip as I head for the bar. “You have two hours to let your hair down. Don’t try to lose me. The moment you’re out of my sight, I’ll have you over my shoulder, in my truck, and your ass spanked.”
I turn my head, my eyes dropping to his lips. “Is that meant to be a deterrent?”
He lifts a brow, the message clear. Fuck around and find out. Mmm. Later, maybe. For now, I want to experience these wings and bask in the company of people with different backstories, most never experiencing the darkness we’ve known.
There are two bartenders. A stunning woman with cascading blonde curls down to the base of her spine, huge baby-blue eyes, and a killer smile, which she gifts James as soon as she spots him.
He’s effortlessly sexy tonight, having thrown on a leather jacket over his T-shirt and a little cologne that filled the truck and made my mouth water.
The other is an older guy with gray hair at his temples and muscles for days. He clearly looks after himself. I don’t get any creepy vibes as he comes closer.
“What can I get you?” he asks. There’s a gravelly quality in his voice that makes my stomach flip, but nothing like it does for James.
“I’d love the hot wings, please,” I say.
“How many chilli peppers you after, darlin’?”
“What’s the scoring system?”
He points to a laminated pink sign on the wall, showing one to five chillis.
“How hot are we talking?”
“Most settle at a three, so long as you enjoy the heat.”
I bite my lip. I love spicy food. It’s something that made me feel when I’d stopped processing everything.
“I can do a taster platter,” he offers.
“What does that involve?”
“You get three heats.”
“Ooh, okay. Start at three and work us up to five.”
“You sure?” he checks.
I shrug. “You only live once.”
“So they say. What about your fella?”
“Same,” James grumbles. He doesn’t correct him on the assumption that we’re a couple. It doesn’t stop the blonde from eye-fucking him.
“What do you folks want to drink?”
“Two cokes,” James answers. I was eyeballing the cocktail menu, but I don’t want to push my luck and ruin a perfectly good evening. There’s no way of knowing how long I’m going to have to keep out of the wide world, and that means preserving the freedoms I do have.
James pays the guy with cash before guiding me to a standing table with two drinks in his hands. The band appears a few minutes later, made up of three dudes somewhere in their twenties.
Live music is one of the things I’ve missed the most. I was always a concertgoer.
The genre didn’t matter; it was always about the energy in the room.
People from all walks of life coming together as a community to enjoy one of humankind’s best inventions.
It’s something that is constantly evolving, but the history is there for all to look back on.
I composed on and off for years. Mastering the piano was just the beginning. I can play the guitar to a reasonable standard, the flute if pushed. Violin is my second favorite instrument, though. It’s underrated in my opinion.
My hips sway along to the background music from the jukebox as I wait for the band to get ready. The whole time, James watches me like I’m about to disappear at any moment.
I sweep my eyes over him and give him a smile. “See? No drama,” I point out. “You’re worrying about nothing.”
He huffs just as the blonde appears with a tray containing two large baskets of wings. “Can I get you anything else?” she drawls, placing them on the table. Her eyes are all for James, but he’s so focused on me, her attention doesn’t even register.
I’ve drained my soda already. “Yep, can I get a beer?” I ask.
She bobs her head, still not looking at me. Rude. “Interesting nail polish,” she says, her fingers drifting over the back of his hand.
I press my lips together. “I lost a bet,” James explains. The heated memory makes my stomach flip.
“I see. You’re looking for a little fun.” Fun and James don’t feature in the same sentence. “What can I get you?” she asks, grazing her hand up his bicep. He scowls at it before levelling her with a glare.
“Nothing you’re offering,” he says, shooting her down.
She drops her hand. “If you change your mind, or if you need anything, I’ll just be over here.”
Get a clue, lady. It’s embarrassing now.
She drifts off, failing to take my empty glass. It’s unlikely I’ll even get my beer, but the music is about to start, and I have a basket of wings to devour. They’re divided into three compartments, the coloring clear which is which. I reach for the lighter one first.
Heat washes over my tongue, and I groan. These are good wings. James watches me before picking up his own chilli number three wing. He blinks, and a flush colors his cheeks just as I reach for the next level. His eyes bulge at my choice.
“You can’t be serious?” he says with a cough. “They’re ripping the lining from my mouth.”
“Baby,” I mutter as I grab a number five and delight in the full-body rush it gives. Now those are wings to die for. I swap my less spicy ones for his number fives with an eye roll.
The beer appears, delivered by the older guy. He quirks a brow at the fact I’ve demolished most of my hottest wings. “You enjoy those, darlin’?”
The twang on his “darlin’” is everything. “Yes. Turns out I’m a five kinda girl.”
“Respect.” He taps his temple. “What happened here?”
I raise my fingers to touch the bullet graze. I’ve pretty much forgotten it exists. “Clumsy accident with a kitchen cupboard.”
He tilts his head. “Funny.”
“What is?”
“Looks like you dodged a bullet.”
My eyes fly to James, and he smirks. Right. I wanted to be out in the world, so it’s my responsibility to adult my way through the questions.
“Long story,” I say slowly. “Private.”
The guy swings his gaze to James. “Let me know if you need anything else.” He turns away with a quick look over his shoulder.
The band plays some familiar pop songs that energize the crowd as they swell inside the bar. The wings are gone in no time, and not once does James take his eyes off me. It’s exhilarating and suffocating at the same time.
Our eyes tell a story that no one could guess. There’s no reality where a man looks at a woman like he’s looking at me and doesn’t want her. It tells me that no matter where and when, no matter how far I fall, he will catch me.
He opens his mouth, but he’s cut off when the music stops.
“Time for a little karaoke break,” the lead singer declares. “Looking for duets tonight.”
A wide grin stretches across my face.
“No,” James mutters. “Absolutely not.”
Best. Night. Ever.