STEPHANIE
FORTY
A taste only fuels the hunger. What I need is to gorge.
Fighting back and teaching a dude the consequences of touching a woman without her permission felt good. My hand aches, but it’s a reminder of the different woman I am now compared to the weak girl I was many moons ago.
“You’ll need to ice that hand when we get home,” James grumbles as he guides the truck back up the mountain to where I’m sure I won’t be leaving again for a very long time. Still, it was worth it.
“You can sing,” I point out, ignoring how he keeps trying to bring the conversation down because of one bad egg in a bar full of happy folks just looking to let their hair down.
“I can hold a tune and not sound like a dying cat. But singing? With feeling, emotion, and enjoyment? No.”
“It’s not always that deep,” I point out, turning in my seat to face him. This way, I can shamelessly study his features while he’s busy driving.
“And you got the chance to swoop in and be my hero. Even if I didn’t need it because I handled that creep just fine.” I flex my fingers, looking down at them as a mild ache hums. “And I don’t need ice. It’s not like his face was made of rock.”
James’s jaw is tight, and I don’t miss how it moves as he says nothing, eyes on the road. After a beat, he grumbles, “I’m not a hero. You should know that by now.”
Irritation warms my blood. His attitude is getting old fast, and it’s becoming a turn-off. Maybe that’s his intention. “So why’d you help me then? I mean, if you don’t care what happens to people, why bother stepping up when some guy crosses a line?”
“I made a commitment to protect you. That’s all.” James sounds pissier than usual, but I won’t have it.
“Bullshit. Just admit you care. Admit you did it because you didn’t want to see me get hurt, even if I didn’t need your help.”
James doesn’t respond. His hands grip the steering wheel while his eyes are glued to the road. Not a single sound leaves him. It’s ridiculous, and after everything, I’m so done with it.
Fuck this. “Pull over.”
His eyes shoot to mine. “What?”
I unclip my seatbelt. “Pull over.”
“Sweetheart, it’s pitch black, and we’re twenty minutes from home.”
Home. I love that. Maybe it could be exactly that if he’d stop being stubborn and acting like a martyr.
I’m not stupid. He’s fully expecting that one day soon someone in the organization is going to realize his involvement with the FBI and take him down.
But that’s not the only future available.
I’m right here, if he’d only take a moment to look around.
I trace his ear and the curve of his strong jawline. “Pull over,” I whisper.
He glances in the rearview mirror and does as I ask.
It’s not like there’s anyone up here but us.
There’s nothing on this dirt track but his lodge.
If you don’t know it’s here, you’d never stumble across it.
The terrain is too rough for hikers and not attractive for explorers. It’s isolated, and that’s the point.
He cuts the engine and grips the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turn white, which I can only see thanks to the light coming from the dash.
He’s not going to make the first move. Fine.
I scramble over the center console and throw my leg over his thighs to straddle his lap.
His hands land on my hips, steadying me.
Darkness surrounds us, making me bold. My hands snake into his hair, holding him hostage as I lower my lips onto his.
He doesn’t commit at first. He’s holding back from me, and that’s not acceptable.
I grind down, feeling his length harden beneath me.
A groan escapes him as we kiss, and his fingers press into my hips, tension gripping his muscles. Even without looking, I can feel how much he’s locking himself down.
No. “Don’t do that.” I keep my voice quiet but direct, looking into his eyes. “Stop running away.”
“I’m not running anywhere,” he cuts in. “We shouldn’t do this. We’ve already done too much. I…This is a terrible idea, Stephanie.”
“Says you and that dumb brain of yours.” I kiss him again, and his grip relaxes, even if it’s just by a hair.
Our lips tangle, and I rock my hips just enough to feel him beneath me, hard and ready. I tease my tongue over the seam of his lips, and his arms pull me close as he lets out another pained groan.
The kiss heats, tongues dancing, but James ducks his head, breathing out a rough sigh.
“Dammit, Stephanie. I shouldn’t be…” He shakes his head. “And I can’t seem to stop. It’s a weakness, one I’m powerless against. Hell, not even the need to protect my sister kneecaps me as much as being around you.”
“So enjoy it.” It’s a demand, not a request. I’m brave right now, bold even, and I won’t let this moment pass me by.
We kiss again, my body demanding more from James. His hands skim up my sides. His thumb reaches for my breast, but I stop him. I give a smile when he stares at me, brows drawn together.
“This is about you. Not me.” I reach between us for his belt buckle. “You’re going to let me please you this time.”
His hands land on mine, gripping hard, and he shakes his head. “I can’t.”
My eyes narrow, and I jut my chin. “Why?”
James stares at me, his jaw set on edge, but the words break free anyway. “Because of what I’ve done. Because of what I want to do to you. Dirty things. Bad things, Stephanie.”
“I don’t—”
“You think it would just end with what happened in that video? That I’d wrap my belt around your neck and fuck you? It wouldn’t. It would be so much worse. The way I’d make you beg and squirm. The way I’d take you everywhere, in every way. And I can’t do that. Not to you.”
My eyes widen as I stare across at James. It’s not fear I feel, but arousal. My pussy clenches around nothing, so wet at just his words.
But James still doesn’t understand, and I have to make him. He has to see that I get to want those things too. Yes, it’s me all those terrible things happened to, but I’m not that girl anymore, and I get to want whatever the hell I choose, including him.
“You think I would tell just anyone everything I want, that an average guy isn’t going to run screaming from everything burning in my soul?
” My stare doesn’t leave his, locked in, unafraid.
“I experienced horror that night, and yes, it’s shaped what I fantasize about.
But fear is what will keep me imprisoned.
It’s what will keep me from sharing everything with a partner.
But with you, those walls are down. I don’t feel judged, or stupid, or ugly on the inside. You have no idea what a gift that is.”
“Stephanie, I—”
“No more talking.” I start with his belt again, and James doesn’t stop me.
It’s a handful of seconds before I have him freed of the fabric, his erection peeking through his unzipped fly. The confines of the car are tight, but I find the lever on his seat and use it to slide it back and down, giving me the room I need.
I run my hand up and down his length, trying to understand his size.
I can’t really see in the dark, and now it’s the time to care.
I can just make out how James’s eyes close, and a strangled groan leaves him.
I can hear how hard he tried to keep it down.
The feeling of his cock in my hand is intoxicating, as is the power I wield over him at this moment.
I want to use it to make him come, to make the thoughts stop like he did for me.
I know he wants it. And I want it too. So much.
“Stephanie,” James grits out, his jaw tight.
I don’t stop. I pump my hand up and down between us, imagining I’m riding him. My pussy clenches again. He feels good in my hands, warm and smooth. I want to see him fall apart. I want to see him climax just from this.
And it looks like I’m going to get my wish in no time.
James wraps his arm around me, grabbing a fistful of my ass as I stroke him. I keep my eyes on his face, the only thing I can really see in the dark, watching his reaction. I love how he looks. I love seeing the proof of what I’m doing to him on his face.
“Tighter, sweetheart,” he instructs.
I move faster, gripping tighter. I use my other hand to roll over the head of his cock and then back to the shaft, up and down. James's hips flex beneath me, and he grunts, yanking his shirt down over the head.
I marvel at the way James’s hips twitch, how his expression screws up tight as he comes. His release melts through the fabric onto my hand, and I love it.
He grabs my fingers and lifts them to my lips, sweeping them across. “Open your mouth,” he demands through heaving pants.
I comply, and he pushes them inside. I have my first taste of him, but instead of being satisfied, it fuels a deeper and more violent need than ever before. I am so gone for this man.
After a while of listening to him breathe, letting his thoughts settle around what we just did, I slip off him. I take my seat on the passenger side, and James tucks himself away. He lifts his chair back up, still breathing hard.
“Alright.” I smile to myself, not even close to finished with this. “Take me home.”
Clearly thrown, James turns on the car and navigates the lonesome road back up to the house.
When we step inside, I fall to my knees just inside the door. James stops, a fiery darkness lighting up his eyes. I lift up my hands, holding them in the air in front of him. The shock on his face is beyond memorable.
“Take what you want.”