Chapter 8
“Icannot believe,” Jonathan said, “that you are here to argue with me about something as benign as getting a governess for the boy. Surely you think he ought to have one? Or do you mean to suggest that we should leave him without anyone to tend to his education?”
Lady Violet scowled. “You must know that isn’t what I came out here to talk to you about,” she said. “Why do you play the fool with me?”
“Speak, then,” he said.
“You haven’t already gathered it all by listening in on our conversation? I’m sure you could tell me everything I want to say to you.”
He sighed. “Lady Violet, I’m sure you’re able to see that what you’re saying right now is utter nonsense,” he told her, his voice heavy.
“Are you even thinking about your words? If not, I implore you to do so. You are angry with me for hearing things that are taking place in my own house? Would you have me walk around with my hands over my ears?” He held up a hand.
“I know what you want to say. You want to tell me that it isn’t my house. Am I right?”
She fumed, but did not answer.
“The fact of the matter is that right now the house belongs to both of us,” he said.
“Neither of us is trespassing. Neither of us is eavesdropping. Both of us have every right to be here, and both of us have a duty to see to the boy’s education.
So I mean to provide for a governess, especially now that I know he doesn’t know how to read.
Are you going to tell me that you don’t think he should have one? ”
“Of course that isn’t what I’m saying,” she shot back.
“Then I fail to see what the problem is.”
“The problem is that you marched in there and told him what was going to happen with no regard for his feelings. With no thought for how it might impact him to hear it.” She shook her head.
“Didn’t you think about that? Didn’t you want to ask him what he thought before just announcing what you planned to do? ”
Jonathan furrowed his brow. “Are you saying I should have sought his opinion on the matter?” he asked. “And that if he decided he didn’t want to have a governess, he shouldn’t have been given one? Just like that, the matter would be decided—is that it?”
“Of course that’s not what I mean.” She sighed. “I just think that you should be more gentle with him, that’s all. You know, he’s only a child, and he’s been through a great deal of pain and heartache in his young life.”
“I don’t see the hiring of a governess as something with the potential to cause further heartache, though,” Jonathan said.
“If anything, the boy ought to be thanking me for thinking about his education. And as a matter of fact, I’m a bit surprised you aren’t thanking me, since this is our mutual responsibility! ”
“I’m glad you want to get him a governess,” Lady Violet sighed. “I just don’t think that’s what he needs right now—from either of us.”
“You don’t think he needs to learn to read?”
“He does, but not yet. That’s what I’m getting at.
He needs to get comfortable with us first. He needs to learn that he can trust us—and with you walking into rooms and speaking to him that way, as if he has no right to contribute to any decisions that are made about his life—how is he supposed to trust us under those circumstances?
How is he supposed to understand that we have his best interests in mind? ”
“I’m sure the child is clever enough to realize that this is being done for his own good.”
Lady Violet shook her head. “What I want to know is this,” she said. “What are you going to do in the event…if you end up in control of this house, and I am forced to go? If that happens, you will have custody of Noah. What will you do with him? How will you raise him?”
“I don’t know what you mean by that,” Jonathan said.
“I mean…well, I mean what will happen when a situation like this one arises? When there’s something he needs? The house is one thing, but I don’t know if I see you as someone who is ready to care for a child.”
“There won’t be anything to it,” Jonathan said. “I’ll hire governesses, tutors—whatever the boy needs, I’ll provide. I have the resources to do that without any trouble.”
“But what about parenting?” she pressed him. “Children need more than just tutors, you know. He’s going to need someone to be a father to him as well. Or a mother…”
“Well, that’s not our job,” Jonathan said candidly.
“We have a responsibility to provide for the child as owners of this estate, but I’m not his father.
And I won’t pretend that I am. Frankly, doing so would be unfair to him.
I’m not going to give him false hope that he’s become part of a family when that isn’t something I can genuinely offer to him.
I’ll make sure he has everything he needs, and that will have to be enough. ”
“But it isn’t enough!” Violet’s cheeks were pink, her eyes bright.
“You saw what happened in there. You saw the way he responded when he was told he would be getting a governess. That isn’t because he doesn’t want to learn.
It’s because he wants the adults in his life to care for him and to advocate for his needs. He needs a family.”
“He may need a family, but I can’t provide him a family,” Jonathan repeated. “And you’re not his family either, Lady Violet, so I don’t see why you’re permitting yourself to get so carried away by this.”
“Is it such a crime to care for the child?” Her cheeks blazed. “You ought to care too. But since you don’t, I think it is fair to say that you ought to leave the house in my hands. I’m willing to give Noah what he really needs. To you, he’ll only be a burden. Let me care for him.”
“You act as if you really are his mother,” Jonathan observed. “But you aren’t. Why do you behave this way toward him? Why do you care so much?” He cocked his head. “Is it that you wish for a child of your own?”
She stepped back as if struck. “Excuse me?”
“Well, you must admit that as a hypothesis it makes some sense,” he said.
“How dare you ask me that?” Her cheeks were bright red now, and to his intense surprise, there was something attractive about that. “How dare you question me about something so personal? Who do you imagine you are?”
He was taken aback by the change in her demeanor.
Usually, she was so careful with the way she carried herself, but now she was undone by her anger.
There was something appealing about it. “I imagine I’m the person who was given joint responsibility for that boy with you,” he said slowly, toeing the line between provoking further anger and keeping her from flying into a full rage.
“I do think this is a matter of my concern. You’ve been interrogating me about my attitude when it comes to the boy, after all—am I not permitted to ask a few questions of my own? ”
“You aren’t asking out of concern for his welfare,” she shot back. “Don’t pretend that it’s the same thing. You’re just asking because you wish to make me uncomfortable by being overly forward with me.”
That thought, as it happened, had not entered Jonathan’s mind, and he was surprised she would accuse him of such underhanded motives. “I have no desire to make you feel uncomfortable,” he told her. “It was only a question. You’re under no obligation to answer it.”
“And I certainly don’t mean to,” she said firmly.
“Very well.” He shrugged, trying to give the impression that this question didn’t matter very much.
It shouldn’t matter very much. He knew that. What difference did it make to him whether or not she wanted a child? He had asked as a matter of curiosity—almost as an afterthought, in fact. But her reaction had been so powerful that now he wanted to know.
Did she want this house because she wanted the child that came with it?
And if she really did want a child to raise, why had she never had one? How did that align with Nathaniel’s perception of her as an avowed spinster, someone who would never marry if she had the choice? Had Nathaniel been wrong, or was there more to the story?
And why was he suddenly so captivated by that story? Why did he want to know the answers to all these questions that hadn’t even entered his mind until a few minutes ago?
She was glaring at him, which recaptured his focus. “You know,” she said angrily, “I may not be willing to answer all your questions, but at least I have a heart.”
“Excuse me?” He raised an eyebrow.
“You heard me,” she said sharply. “The way you behave—the way you treat Noah—it’s so apparent to me that you don’t care for anyone or anything. I don’t even think this house matters to you, except as a financial investment.”
“That’s not true,” Jonathan said before he could stop himself.
She crossed her arms. “I don’t believe you,” she said. “If you cared about this place, you wouldn’t have been willing to sell it back to me if I’d had the money to give you.”
He had no answer for that. What could he possibly say, other than that he had known the dowager viscountess well enough to realize she would want him to say yes to that request?
He had been relieved, though, when it had turned out that Lady Violet hadn’t had the money to give.
He had not wanted to sell the place back to her, and he was relieved now to know that he wasn’t going to have to do so.
“The house does matter to me,” he told her—it was all he could think to say.
“I don’t believe you,” she said sharply. “I think the only thing that matters to you is keeping the house away from me. You don’t want this place, and you certainly don’t want Noah. You just want to win whatever little game it is you think we’re playing here.”
She turned on her heel and stalked away from him, back into the library, before he could respond to that.
Jonathan watched her go, his head spinning.
This had been a new side of Lady Violet, to be sure, and one he had rather enjoyed seeing. It made him wonder whether he dared try to agitate her again in the future, whether it might not be fun to wake this slumbering dragon.
But at the same time, he wasn’t certain of exactly what he had done to cause her such upset, and there was a pang of remorse, though he didn’t like it, for that fact.
And then there was the boy.
Was Lady Violet right? Did he owe that child something more than he was going to be able to give? He wanted this house, and he wanted to stand by his duties. Maybe she had a point about the idea that she should be given care of the boy.
Maybe.
It wasn’t something he could decide about right now. For now, he would return to his work and try to put this conversation as far from his mind as he was able.
But as he walked away from the library, the sound of their voices echoing down the hall after him, he knew that forgetting the conversation he had just had with Lady Violet would not be easy.