Chapter 26
“Why are we going this way?” Violet asked, for Jonathan had turned left the moment they had stepped out the door. “The main part of the garden is in the other direction—you must know that, right?”
“I do know,” he admitted. “But I left some friends of mine over there a few moments ago, and I’m in no hurry to encounter them again. To tell you the truth, they were bothering me.”
“My friends were bothering me too,” Violet murmured, wondering whether perhaps the two of them had had similar experiences.
Lately, it seemed as though all her friends wanted to talk about was Jonathan and his place in her life.
It wasn’t a question Violet had an answer for, and she wished they would leave the subject alone.
She sensed more than saw the darkening of Jonathan’s mood as he walked beside her.
He had released her arm once they’d reached the path, but they were still so close to one another that it felt as if their emotions swirled around both of them, pulling them both in, like weather.
Like they were standing under the same raincloud.
“Were your friends treating you badly?” he asked her.
She was startled—she wouldn’t have phrased it as anything close to that. “No,” she said. “We just had a bit of a conflict when we spoke, but I wouldn’t have even called it an argument. Why do you ask that?”
“Seeing you on your own with that man made me wonder why they would leave you in such a precarious position,” he said shortly. “I would have thought any good friends would come to your aid, seeing you like that.”
“Well, I don’t think they did see me,” she said quietly.
“I tried to get their attention a few times. I looked over, but they weren’t looking my way.
And of course, you can’t call out to them.
I couldn’t yell that I needed help, because that might have angered that man, and then I don’t know what he would have done. ”
“Did you know him? Was he familiar to you?”
“I’ve never seen him before in my life. And he didn’t give me his name, either. I don’t know who he was. You didn’t know him?”
“No, but…well, I’m not surprised a man tried to get close to you,” Jonathan admitted. “You’re the most beautiful lady here tonight.”
She looked at him, startled. He had said it so matter-of-factly, as if he were commenting on the scenery. And even now, he didn’t seem to indicate that there was anything surprising about what he had said. He walked on with no reaction.
She hurried to catch up. Perhaps he hadn’t meant anything very much by it.
Maybe he had just been trying to remark on the dress he’d bought for her.
It might have been a compliment intended for himself, in that way—he might be saying that he had outfitted the most elegantly dressed lady here, and that, of course, such a dress would draw attention.
If that was what he meant, she wouldn’t even disagree—but she wouldn’t embarrass herself by reacting to him either. She hurried along, saying nothing.
He looked over at her. “I’m glad you’re all right,” he said. “And in the future…you can yell. Even if it makes someone angry, yell, and I’ll come and fend them off. He was out of line.”
She sighed. “Thank you,” she said earnestly. “Thank you for coming when you did. I don’t think that anything inappropriate was going to happen, but he was making me uncomfortable, and I’m very grateful to you for putting a stop to it, Jonathan. Truly.”
He cleared his throat. “It wasn’t a problem.”
As long as they were getting awkward thanks out of the way, she decided to bring up the other thing that had been on her mind. “I’m also grateful to you for talking to Noah the other day,” she said. “After he ruined my gowns. It meant a lot to me that you did that.”
Now he did look at her. “I thought you might wish I had stayed out of it.”
“I don’t know,” she said. “It was clear after that happened that I wasn’t going to be able to compel him to behave himself, so perhaps your involvement will accomplish something mine couldn’t.
I can’t say for sure. But what I do know is that ha came to me to apologize for the damage he had done. He seemed truly remorseful about it.”
“I’m glad,” Jonathan said. “I did tell him that he owed you an apology after what he did, and he seemed rather stricken by that. I think that when he did what he did, he expected that you and he would laugh about it together. He thought it was the sort of antic you’d find delightful.
I don’t think he really even considered the fact that he was destroying something that meant a great deal to you. ”
“He’s a child,” Violet murmured. “I can’t expect him to have fully thought through the consequences of his actions all the time.”
“No, but that is a skill he needs to begin to learn,” Jonathan said.
“He needs to understand the harm he might do behaving like that. Because you and I are able to forgive these things and to give second chances, but when he gets a little older…he might try to do this to someone who doesn’t have the patience we have. We wouldn’t want that to happen.”
“No,” Violet agreed. “You’re right. And I’m glad you spoke to him—and glad you weren’t too harsh.
” She thought of her own father, her own upbringing.
“I’d just hate to think of a scolding being so fierce that he didn’t know we still cared for him.
But based on the way he spoke to me, it didn’t seem to me as though that was what he felt. ”
Jonathan stopped walking and turned to face her. “You know,” he said quietly, “it’s all right that you didn’t have it in you to give him that scolding. It’s all right that that isn’t what you’re good at. Relying on me for that sort of thing…that’s all right to do.”
She bit her lip and said nothing.
“I know this is complicated,” he went on. “But I was thinking that…that there are things you do better than I do when it comes to Noah. And that’s all right. And it’s all right for me to be better at some things as well.”
She looked at him. “Because he has both of us, you mean?”
“Well,” Jonathan said, “he does for now, at any rate.”
He left that hanging, and Violet was sure they were both thinking the same thing—He won’t always.
But Jonathan was right. Today, right now, Noah had both of them, and they couldn’t help but have different skills. There was no avoiding that. Of course, each brought something unique to Noah’s life. The best thing they could possibly do—for Noah and for themselves—was to accept that fact.
That didn’t mean they had to talk about it. She took a breath. “You know,” she said, intentionally shifting the topic, “I’d be willing to bet that there are many things I do better than you do.”
To her relief, he seized upon the new subject. “Is that so?” He raised his eyebrows and grinned. “I would be interested to know what some of those things are, and then we could determine whether or not you’re right about that.”
“You think I’m wrong?”
“I think it’s a bold claim. Many things?”
She laughed. “I’m better at making a picnic than you are.”
“And better at throwing rocks into rivers than I am,” he said. “That much I grant you.”
“It’s that easy? You’re not going to insist on a rematch?”
“No, I know when I’ve been bested,” he told her. “You beat me at that fair and square. Though I wouldn’t take that as evidence that you’re more skilled than I am at anything else.”
“It’s not evidence one way or the other,” she agreed. “But can you play the pianoforte?”
“I admit I cannot.”
“Whereas I’m very good. I’ve practiced quite a bit.”
“And yet you never play for me,” he pointed out.
“You’ve never asked me to do that.”
“Perhaps I’m asking you now.”
“Are you?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “It might be nice to hear you play.”
“My father told me when I was growing up that no gentleman would ever be interested in me unless I could show him some talents,” she said. “So I studied music, and I also learned to sing.”
“I’ve never heard you sing,” he said, raising his eyebrows. “You never sing around the house, not even to Noah.”
“That isn’t true,” she protested.
“It is.” He hesitated. “My mother liked to sing. If it were happening, I would have noticed.”
“I see.” She bit her lip. She supposed she had been too aware of his presence in their shared home to be free with her voice, but it wasn’t something she had registered before now.
They walked along for a moment, the tension between them sharp and uncomfortable.
It was Jonathan who broke it. “I suppose,” he said, his tone extremely light, “that you must have curtailed your singing to keep from attracting all the gentlemen your father believed it would appeal to. You must have realized what a dangerous gift that is.” His eyes cut to her.
She seized upon the offered mood lightener and forced a laugh. “Yes, my voice is far too potent, so I must be careful. Any man who heard it would immediately fall in love with me.”
He burst out laughing, which was a relief—she had been momentarily concerned that he might not know it was a joke. But his laugh, unlike her own, sounded very natural. “I suppose I can understand why you’re so cautious with that skill, then,” he said.
She warmed to her subject, her spirits lightening.
“If word were to get out what I can do,” she said, “there would be suitors at the house day and night competing to win my favor. You would never have a moment’s peace.
And I know that isn’t what you want, so I do my best to keep my appeal to myself. ”
“Oh, yes, by all means,” he said. “We can’t have the gentlemen of the ton finding out what a prize you are.” He paused for a moment. “Although at least one of them seems to have recognized it already. Perhaps that fellow heard the legend of your singing and came to experience it for himself.”
“The man inside?”
“Well, he certainly did seem to have taken an interest. I thought he had just realized how lovely you look tonight,” he said, and Violet’s heart fluttered at the implied compliment.
“But perhaps he also knows what a magnificent singer you are. Perhaps I’m not the only one hoping to get a chance to hear it. ”
“Anything is possible,” Violet agreed, glancing at him to see whether he was teasing her. Bringing up the man they had encountered inside had turned things serious in a way she couldn’t quantify. The conversation had begun in jest, but it didn’t feel that way now.
There was a smile on his face, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. His gaze was far away. What was he thinking?
Why was he so angry that a gentleman was speaking to me today? Was it really just that I was uncomfortable? I believe he cares about that, but…
She felt, suddenly, as if she couldn’t catch her breath.
They continued walking, side by side, and though he was close enough to touch, Violet also felt as if there were fathoms between them.
And they were fathoms she realized she was yearning to cross.