Chapter 36
The expression on Violet’s face was one of shock and horror. For a moment, she almost didn’t seem to process what Jonathan had said. She just stared at him, and he contemplated repeating it to make sure she had understood what he’d said.
Then she spoke. “She can’t be Noah’s mother,” she said, her voice numb. “She can’t be. That doesn’t…that doesn’t make sense. How could she have been his mother all this time.”
“I wish it didn’t make sense,” Jonathan said darkly.
“I asked my friends to look into the situation when you suggested that we ought to try to find his parents. They uncovered a man by the name of Marcus Berney—Noah’s father.
It would seem that he was involved in a relationship years ago with Laura Trevet.
She gave birth to his child, after which time he was killed in an accident, leaving her alone to care for the baby.
And she did so for many years…but as we already know, she eventually chose to abandon him. ”
“But why?” Violet breathed. “Why would a mother abandon her own child? I can’t understand that. What would make anyone do such a thing?”
She turned slowly to face Laura Trevet. The woman’s face was bone-white, and her jaw was clenched. If Jonathan had felt any doubt about what he’d learned, it would have faded at her expression. She was so transparently guilty that she might as well have just confessed.
“I can’t say for sure what would have made her do it,” he said.
“I didn’t find that out. But I have my theories.
” He looked from Laura Trevet to Violet’s father.
“She’s a commoner. She had the opportunity to marry a viscount.
I’m perfectly familiar with the lengths to which some people will go when they see an opportunity to change their circumstances.
I would be more than willing to believe that she abandoned everything that tied her to her past life in a desire to make herself appealing to the man she thought would elevate her in life. ”
“But…is this true?” The viscount turned to face Laura Trevet. “His Grace is wrong, Laura, isn’t he? You must tell me that he’s wrong about this. That you don’t have a son you abandoned for the sake of our marriage.”
Laura gritted her teeth. “You would never have accepted me, had you known about the boy,” she said fiercely.
“This was the only way we had a chance. The only way I could hope that we might be able to be together. And I know that’s what you wanted, Andrew.
You wanted us to marry. You still want that. ”
“I would never have wanted you to abandon your child,” the viscount snapped. “You cannot put that at my feet.”
“You can say that now,” Laura said, her voice shrill.
“You can act as though you’re above what I did—what I had to do!
But you’re not, Andrew. You didn’t face the same choices I did.
You weren’t on your own in the world with a mouth to feed.
You didn’t have to choose between a life of poverty with your child or a life in which you could be free and happy. ”
“But you weren’t in poverty when I found you,” the viscount said slowly. “You earned your way performing on the stage. Not the most dignified life, perhaps, but not one that left you in squalor. You could have gone on that way.”
“And you think I should have done that?” Laura demanded. “You think I should have accepted that kind of life, when a door opened and allowed me to choose something else? Would you have done that?”
“I think you know the answer,” the viscount said stiffly.
“How hard have you fought to try to force me to rid myself of my own daughter? Since you moved into this house, you’ve done nothing but try to force her out.
I think you would be happiest if I put her out on the streets, just as you seem to have done with your child.
And I haven’t done it, because I’m not that kind of person.
Because I do care what happens to my daughter, Laura, even if you wish I didn’t. ”
“You can’t claim moral high ground here,” Jonathan told him. “Do you realize the position you put Violet in? Do you know how frightened she’s been knowing that she had nowhere to go if she didn’t manage to obtain that house—which in fact, she did not—she didn’t know where she would land.”
“This isn’t any of your concern,” the viscount snapped. “You’re the one who took that house away from my family, so I don’t think I want to hear who you think should have it. And I’m certainly not interested in your opinion on the way I care for my own daughter, Your Grace.”
“Well, you don’t care for her at all,” Jonathan said. “You’re a neglectful father to her, and it’s her good fortune that she’s had an opportunity to get out from under your thumb. I’m only sorry that she’s found herself back here. She deserves so much better than this.”
He turned to Violet. “I’m grateful I found you,” he said. “I didn’t know you would be here, but I’m glad that you are. You shouldn’t stay here with these two.”
“You don’t care where I go.” But there was doubt in her voice now.
“I do care,” he said. “I’ve always cared, Violet. You belong at home with me and…”
But he trailed off.
How could he stand here in front of Laura and talk about Noah?
It felt wrong for so many reasons. Because Noah belonged to her, first and foremost, and though he hated the thought of it, he couldn’t exactly deny that fact.
But also, because saying anything about Noah to her felt like a betrayal of Noah himself.
He didn’t want to let out the secrets of their life together, even the little innocuous ones.
Laura had given up the right to know anything about the child she had abandoned.
Why should she get to so much as hear his name spoken in her presence?
He couldn’t quite believe that he was standing here in front of this woman. That she was the one responsible for all the terrible things in Noah’s life. It was difficult to process that it all could have begun with her.
And even now, she stood watching him, eyes narrowed with dislike—but there was no regret there. No remorse. No indication that she felt the gravity of what she had done, or that she regretted it.
“This is a family affair, Your Grace,” the viscount said.
He was clearly struggling to compose himself, drawing several deep breaths and clenching and unclenching his hands.
“I appreciate your bringing it to my attention, and I do apologize for the nature of my initial reaction. But I think that now perhaps it’s best if you go and leave us to deal with these matters. ”
“I disagree,” Jonathan said frankly. “I understand that this is a family matter for you, Lord Barchester, but it’s personal for me too.
The boy in question has become very close to me.
” His gaze flicked to Violet. He wanted to point out that Noah mattered to her, too.
But perhaps it wouldn’t be right to bring that up in front of her father.
He didn’t want to make matters worse for her.
“Because this woman is the mother of the child in my care, I’m afraid I must tell you that this is all very much my concern now.
You have no grounds, at this point, to tell me that I have no involvement in this, because I do. ”
“I just don’t see how you could have done this.
” Lord Barchester turned back to Laura. “I knew you could be a bit heartless. You always have been that way toward Violet. But I thought that was a dislike of her. I don’t realize you were the sort of woman to discard people when they were no longer of use to you, or when they got in the way of the things you wanted. ”
Violet spoke up. “Father,” she said. “Jonathan is right to point out that you’re no better. Haven’t you just been reminding me that you don’t have to keep me here? That you have every right to throw me out if that’s what you choose to do?”
Jonathan stared at her. “He said that to you?”
“He won’t do it.” Violet looked away from Jonathan, her cheeks flushing. “He knows the shame it would bring on him if people found out.”
“But apparently Laura does not!” The viscount was raging. “Did you think nobody would discover you had done this? The duke here seems to have found you out rather easily? Did you think nobody would ever look into it?”
“There was no reason for them to,” Laura defended herself hotly. “The streets are full of urchins, and nobody asks questions. Nobody troubles to find out where they came from. And by the sound of things, the child has a good home now. I’d venture to say you want to keep him, don’t you, Your Grace?”
“What I want,” Jonathan said coldly, “is to know how a mother could possibly bring herself to give up her own child. God knows my own mother could never have done that. Are you not ashamed of yourself?”
“I have no reason to be.” Laura lifted her chin.
“Should I have given up the rest of my life for that boy when his father was no longer around? Should I have been nothing more than a mother as long as I lived? I still had things I wanted to do with my life. Things I wanted to accomplish. I didn’t want to spend the remainder of my days on the stage, hoping for good fortune and a bit of coin.
I met a gentleman—a gentleman—who wanted to marry me and lift me out of that life. ”
“And you couldn’t have told the truth?” Violet asked. “Why didn’t you tell my father you had a child?”
“Nobody would ever choose to marry someone who already had a child,” Laura snapped.
“Especially a woman. Especially a commoner.
I hardly wished to marry your father myself, knowing that you would be a part of that picture, Violet.
And you a grown woman—why, by all rights you should be out of this house already.
There was certainly no reason for me to worry about the possibility of having to mother you at all.
At least, there shouldn't have been, although it does seem to be nearly impossible to rid myself of you.”
She took a deep breath and went on. “But you see, even in your case, it was different, because it’s always different for a man or a member of the peerage.
It’s always easier for people like that to secure their futures.
So you want to know if I have regrets for my choice, Your Grace?
” She spat the words. “I regret that it was necessary. I regret that we don’t live in a world that gives women better options.
But no. I don’t regret the decision to give up my son in order to provide for my future.
And I think, if I’m being honest, that if you had ever faced a difficult choice in your life, you might have made the same decision I did. ”
Jonathan couldn’t even answer that. The idea that he would have abandoned a child…
it was beyond foolishness. He would never have made that decision.
Even though he had never wanted a child before knowing Noah…
no, it wasn’t something he ever could have done.
It would have been far too difficult. And it pleased him to realize that.
In spite of how ill-prepared I was, I can’t deny that I am a good father to that boy. Certainly better than any parent he’s ever had.
He wondered whether Violet might come to see the same thing.
And for that matter, he wondered why he so badly wanted her to.