Chapter 20 #3
He looked concerned enough that she decided against reminding him that it was not his decision, actually, and instead gave him a patient look.
“Lots and lots of women do it,” she reminded him. “Just not ladies. And I am not a lady.”
Ezra looked unmoved by this logic.
“No,” he said again. “Honestly, Letty—Miss Knightley,” he amended at her stern look, though he did roll his eyes as he said it. “I think you’d be better off staying here, in one of the guest rooms, until you find a permanent place. It’s safer than living on your own.”
That was sweet. Misguided, definitely. Almost certainly a terrible idea. But it was sweet.
“The first time I lived on my own in rented rooms was when I was fourteen and went off to school,” she said. “I daresay that I shall manage it now that I am a full thirty years of age.”
This reminder that she was far, far away from her girlhood also failed to sway Ezra.
“It isn’t you that I am worried about,” he said. “You are eminently capable. It’s Dugley.”
She could not help it; she flinched at the sound of his name. Though Ezra looked like he regretted causing her distress, he pressed on.
“See?” he asked. “You’re worried, too. I don’t like that he knows you’re in London. I don’t like that he sent you a letter. I just… I have a bad feeling about it.”
Letty knew that feeling. It had been hovering at her back for nigh on two years now.
“He’s in Belgium,” she soothed. “As long as I am in England, I am safe. It will be just fine.”
Ezra opened his mouth, apparently ready to argue more—and wasn’t that very in character for him—but he was interrupted by a child’s cry of delight.
“Miss Knightley!” Iris cried from the upper landing. “You’re here!”
When Letitia looked up, she saw Sarah standing behind Iris.
Sarah waved with her good hand, and Letitia waved back, pleased to see her friend despite how short their time apart was.
She had to be quick, though, because Iris had come running down the stairs at a pretty frightening speed, Hermes right behind her, yipping with excitement as she fed off her mistress’s merriment.
“Good afternoon, dearest,” Letitia said with a laugh, catching Iris neatly when the child flung herself into Letty’s arms. Letty hugged the girl tight, noting just how wonderful it felt to have Iris within reach again.
She had missed her. She loved her. She wished there were a way for her to stay.
Ezra was watching them fondly, but it seemed he was trying to hide it. Letitia looked away. There were ideas in that look—ideas she could not think about without her heart breaking even more.
She dragged her attention back to Iris.
“How have you been?” she asked, kneeling down so she would be on the child’s eye level. “Have you been being the good girl I know you are for Sarah?”
Iris nodded solemnly. “I am practicing all my letters. Sarah says I write the letter S the best in the world.”
“You will have to show me,” Letitia said. She could not believe that she had already missed out on Iris learning something new. Even a few days ago, she had not been able to shape the letter S correctly.
“I will,” Iris said. “Just like I used to show Nana Peace when she visited.”
Ezra had been turning away to talk to one of the staff; at Iris’ words, he froze, then turned very slowly back to face Iris.
“Nana Peace?” he asked. His voice was very tight, though he seemed to be aiming for a casual tone. Iris was too clever to be tricked by his front. She regarded him warily. “Is that your grandmother?”
Iris looked cautiously between the two adults, as if searching for the right answer.
“She was just Nana,” she said carefully. “But now she’s in heaven, like Mama.”
Ezra looked desperately at Letitia. She shook her head. He was too wound up to say more, like a pocket watch with its springs pushed to the limit. He would only scare Iris.
“You must miss her very much,” Letitia said instead, putting her hand on Iris’ shoulder and smiling reassuringly at her.
Iris nodded, then shrugged. “She didn’t come to visit very often,” she said. “She brought me toys when she did, though.”
“That’s very nice,” Letty said.
Iris shrugged again. There was a stubborn set to her mouth that said that she wouldn’t say more, at least not now. Letitia knew that look from her years caring for children. If they tried to push Iris now, she would only become more determined to remain mum.
Letty made meaningful eye contact with Ezra as she stood, adopting her brightest tone.
“Well, I think it’s time that I meet with this new candidate for Iris’ governess, don’t you think?” She peered down at the child. “Did you know that I am going to help find the next person who is going to teach you?”
As far as distractions went, this worked a charm. Iris’ eyes went bright.
“Pick someone who is nice,” she said. “Or you could just come back, if you wanted.”
Letitia smiled as if Iris had not just stabbed her directly in the heart.
“I will find someone very nice,” she said. Ezra was still standing, frozen. “We will speak after, Your Grace?”
Ezra nodded absently.
“Yes,” he said. “Yes, of course. Iris, you will go back upstairs to Sarah, will you not? We can play in the garden later, if you like.”
“Yes!” Iris cried, practically skipping up the stairs. “Garden!”
Hermes scrambled after her, barking merrily once again. It was noisy, but Letitia welcomed it after the days of quiet in her too-peaceful residence.
Ezra was still looking like he had been smacked upside the head as the housekeeper showed in the next candidate for governess. Letitia followed them into the parlor. She tried to catch Ezra’s eyes as she went, but he still seemed to be a thousand miles away.