Chapter 27
“Please be careful, Iris!” Letitia called.
Iris did not listen to her at all.
Letty wasn’t sure if it was because she was no longer officially the child’s governess or because Iris was four years old and therefore ungovernable. Or maybe it was just that she was laughing so hard as Hermes chased her around the garden that she could not even hear Letitia’s words.
But no sooner had Letitia called out the warning than Iris stumbled over her own feet and fell so dramatically that her heels went over her head.
Letty was on her feet instantly, rushing over to the girl. Iris was still lying on her back, trembling. Still, when Letitia got closer, she realized it was from laughter, as Hermes was frantically licking Iris’ face, showing her own canine reassurance that the child was unharmed.
“Oh Hermes, you are so wet,” Iris cried, joyfully trying to shove the dog away.
“Get away from there, you silly puppy,” Letitia chided, reassured by Iris’ laughter. “Let me see.”
Iris popped up the moment that Hermes was out of the way, unharmed except for a dozen blades of grass sticking out of her hair. Then Letty saw Iris’ necklace, the Lightholder medallion that she always wore.
It was broken; only the thin loop that held the larger metal circle in place was still hanging on the chain.
“Oh, Iris,” she said sympathetically, grabbing the circle where it had landed in the dirt. “We will fix it, I…”
She trailed off as she realized what she held. It had not been a solid medallion at all. On the back, the part that had always been pressed against Iris’ skin, there was a tiny line—one that had been closed too tightly to see before but which Letitia now recognized clearly.
It was a door. The medallion wasn’t a medallion. It was a locket.
Letty’s pulse raced as she wedged a fingernail in the crack, terrified that she would find something she did not want to know. When the minuscule hinge popped open, a small piece of folded paper was inside.
My darling Iris, the note inside said when Letty unfolded it.
If you are reading this, then I am no longer with you.
I am sorry for that. You are the most wonderful thing in my life, and knowing you was the greatest blessing.
If you ever find yourself feeling alone in this world, you are to seek out the Lightholders—the family of my mother, your grandmother, Peace.
They will not know about you; they did not know about me.
My mother’s husband was not a good man, and when she came to love another, and I was the result, she hid away so I could be born undetected.
I know that all sounds very strange, as though they are not people that you would want to meet.
But Mama always spoke proudly of her lineage—your lineage, too.
Go to them; show them this medallion. They will know that you are theirs, and they yours, and you will never be alone again.
My love will also always be with you forever,
Your mother,
Artemis Lightholder Johns
“What does it say?” Iris asked, peeking curiously at the paper.
Letitia folded it carefully. She would keep the details for later, when Iris was older and needed to know them. For now, only one part was important.
“It says that your mama loves you. And that Ezra is really your uncle,” she said, throat thick.
Iris made a disgruntled sound. “Well, I know that,” she said, clearly unimpressed. “Can you fix my necklace while I play some more, Miss Knightley?”
And off she scampered without waiting for an answer, Hermes following as faithfully as ever.
Letty carefully folded the letter and took it along with the medallion as she went to find Ezra.
She had not spoken to him much since they had returned to London because.
.. well, because she had been avoiding him, as cowardly as that sounded.
But she was terrified to go out alone again after the last time, and she didn’t want to discuss how utterly unnecessary she was to the household.
But this could not wait.
She found him in his study, staring at his estate account books as if he wanted to hurl the entire thing into the fire. As soon as he saw her, he pushed the tome aside and stood with a smile.
“Letty,” he said, and her heart raced even faster at the sound of her name in his mouth. “You are here. I have been meaning to talk to you.”
She shook her head. “I have to tell you something first,” she blurted, then shoved the letter at him before she could lose her nerve.
His slightly puzzled look faded into curiosity, then into awe as he took in the now-open medallion and the letter. As he read, his face went very, very still.
“I am sorry,” she said when she saw him fold the letter again, clearly finished reading. “I know you had a… difficult relationship with your mother, and now you find out that she lied to you, as well.”
Ezra wore an inscrutable look as he took the letter and locked it in a drawer in his desk.
“I will keep it for Iris,” he muttered, half to himself. “She will want it, someday.” When he looked up at Letty, though, he was smiling. It was a small, sad smile, but a smile nonetheless.
“It’s all right,” he said. “I have learned recently that I have misunderstood my mother. I have misunderstood both my parents, really.” He drew in a deep breath. “My father was the one who set the fire that killed my uncles.”
She knew her face had to be a mask of shock. “He… did? Why?”
“Jealousy,” Ezra said simply. “There’s more complexity to it, but it’s as simple as that.
They were more powerful and rich than he was, and it made him so angry that he concocted a plan that killed them all.
I always thought that my mother was snobbish for not wanting to spend her time with the ‘lowly duke.’” His words bore a twist of irony.
“But who can blame her for wanting to spend time away from a man who felt that his own wounded pride was a good enough reason to set fire to a house full of children?”
Letty reached out to grasp his hand before she could think better of it. He held on tight, though, stopping her from pulling away.
“That’s very understanding,” she said, aching to give him comfort. “But I am sure you must be feeling… Oh goodness, I can’t even imagine what you must be feeling.”
He tilted his head to the side briefly, as if he was trying to figure that out himself. Then, he looked at her with a crooked smile.
“You know,” he said, “I think I am… relieved.”
Of all the things that she had expected him to say, this had been very near the bottom.
“You are?”
His smile grew more confident.
“I am,” he said. “Part of the reason I was so hesitant to tell my family about Iris at first—aside from my own stubbornness, of course—was that I worried that they would make a case for taking her from me. I mean, the rest of them—they are married, settled. They mostly have children. They would all be better at caring for her than I am.”
“Ezra, no!” she exclaimed.
“It was true, before you came to help us,” he said. “But now, this is her home. And if her mother was my sister—strange as that is to say—then there is nobody else who has a greater claim to be her guardian. She will stay here. With me. Where she belongs.”
She could not have hidden her smile if she tried.
“Where she belongs,” Letty echoed.
Ezra paused, looking uncharacteristically unsure of himself.
“And what about you, Letty?” he asked after a beat.
“Me?”
He was still holding her hand fast. “Do you belong here? With me?”
He looked so hopeful.
She felt her heart start to break anew. This was the very conversation she had been avoiding.
“Ezra, we have been over this. Nothing has changed. I can’t stay on as your governess—I cannot stay as your mistress. I just… I can’t.”
“I know,” he said. “I understand—and you are right about both those things. But you are wrong about one thing. One important thing. Something has changed.”
His dark eyes were fixed on her, less raging storm and more rolling clouds, full of potential to bring life-giving rain.
“I don’t want you as my governess. I don’t want you as my mistress. I want you as my wife.”
Letitia blinked and realized that she was standing, though she didn’t remember having moved. She must have done so, though, because those intense eyes were now longer looking up at her, instead of straight.
“I... You can’t,” she stammered. “I am a servant. You are a duke.”
He didn’t flinch. He didn’t even blink.
“I don’t care,” he said levelly.
She could hear her heartbeat pounding in her ears. She had to tell him.
“I am not… I was not even born legitimately,” she said, squeezing her eyes shut against the tears that suddenly threatened to come.
She knew that her parents’ choices did not truly reflect on her, but after a lifetime of being shamed for the conditions of her birth, it was hard to shake those feelings.
“I know,” he said in that same even tone.
“You... You what?”
“I know that you were born to a lady and a common man who lived near her estate. I know that she did not give you her name, and that your father did not raise you. He sent you into service—that was how you ended up in the house where you met Sarah.”
She must have looked properly agog, because he gave her a faintly apologetic shrug.
“Xander told me,” he admitted.
She sank back down into the chair, mostly because she didn’t trust her knees to hold her upright for very much longer.
“The Lightholders know?” she asked faintly.
“They do,” he confirmed. “But they don’t care. Just like I do not care. In fact, Xander’s exact words when I told him that I don’t care were, ‘Good, because Helen told me to thrash you if you said anything else.’”
Letitia let out a laugh that sounded more than a touch hysterical. Ezra grabbed her hands, and she thought he might be doing so as much to keep her from running as to offer comfort.
“But—” she began.
“But nothing,” he interjected. “I have known plenty of ladies. I have known women who come from all walks of life. They are fine people, lovely people. None of them has ever caught my eye for more than a moment or two. But you, Letty? With you, I cannot look away. I don’t want to look away.
And, God, when I thought something had happened to you? I could not stand it.
“So that is what has changed, Letitia. I looked at a world without you in it, and I hated what I saw. So, no. I don’t give a damn what anyone else thinks. I want to marry you.”
It was a good speech. It was the most wonderful speech she had ever heard. It was the kind of speech that made tears roll down her cheeks.
Ezra, it turned out, was not finished.
“And do you know what else?” he added. “There is someone else whom we just learned was born to a lady and a common man. Artemis. Iris’ mother. Would you look at Iris and say she is less than the most important girl you have ever met, just because of choices her parents or grandparents made?”
She waited.
“Are you finished this time?” she asked softly.
He considered.
“Yes. This time, I am finished,” he concluded. “So. What do you say?”
She thought maybe she was starting to feel… hope.
“You are right,” she told him.
Triumph flared in his expression. “I am,” he said.
“Iris… she is perfect,” Letty said.
“The best girl in the world,” Ezra agreed.
“And, God, she adores you, Letty. Even the whole bloody Lightholder family. They all adore you.” He shook his head, smiling.
“And your loveliness is so contagious that you even found a way to make me end this foolish feud I have had with my family for ages. Don’t tell any of them this, but I think I like them. ”
She laughed, a bit dazedly, because her mind was still desperately spinning.
“You like them,” she echoed. “And you like me. And want to marry me.”
“No,” he said, and for an instant, Letitia was so filled with horror—because really, how could she have gotten this wrong—that she actually worried that she would die from the humiliation of it.
But then he reached up to touch her face, his face overflowing with tenderness.
“I love you, Letty.”
“Oh,” she said softly.
“I love you,” he repeated, and it looked as though it brought him joy just to say it. “So. Letitia Knightley. Please. Will you marry me?”
He loved her. He loved her. He knew all her secrets—all the things she had ever been called, all the secret shame she had hidden down deep—and still, he loved her.
“Letty, my love,” Ezra said, still touching her face, not looking certain whether he was happy or terrified. “Tell me, please. Will you?”
“Yes!” she gasped, holding his palm to her cheek. “Yes, I will marry you. Yes, I love you, too. Yes, Ezra. Yes.”
He pulled her in then for a deep, probing kiss. She clung to him, even though she knew that she didn’t have to hold on quite so tightly any longer. He was all hers. She was all his.