Chapter 9
“What?”
“You’re kidding.”
“When?”
“Does Haven know about this?”
Solace sat dumbfounded while those, along with more rapid-fire, simultaneous questions ranging from his health to was he running from the mob, flew from the rest of the team. Duncan hadn’t said a word to her about this.
Well, if you needed a real answer about where you stand with this man, you have it.
For her part, she couldn’t think of a thing to ask. Well, she could. But she had a feeling anything she said at this point would come out sounding needy.
For Duncan’s part, he didn’t respond to anyone. He’d gone into arctic mode again.
“You’re not closing the agency, are you?” That question from Noah ended up being the final one, leading to an abrupt silence. It had to be a question everyone wanted an answer to, as well.
Including her.
“No, the agency isn’t closing.” From the deep, relieved sighs all around, it was almost like the team had held their collective breath.
“Which brings me to the first order of business regarding that.” His gaze went around the table, barely stopping on her before going to Cal sitting to her left. “You’re in charge while I’m gone.”
She flashed her gaze to a clearly taken aback Cal as the colonel continued with, “You’ll need to check your email for detailed instructions. One of which being not to contact Haven about this. I’ll talk to her myself.”
The decision to have Cal hold down the fort, so to speak, didn’t surprise her. Her friend had led the team on countless missions. And he was good at it. She didn’t see where he would be any less capable of being in charge in this setting.
“Okay, sir,” Cal said—his voice quiet, questioning—his brows drawing down, as his disconcerted gaze met hers, before looking beyond her. She followed his line of sight back to their boss. “I understand. But, sir, can you tell us why? And when am I expected to start being in charge?”
“No,” Duncan said, standing. That one word brooked no argument. So, it kind of surprised her when he qualified that with, “The why doesn’t concern anyone here.” Her heart hammered when his features hardened. Why did it feel like he was saying goodbye?
Forever.
Solace followed his progress, turning her chair as he made his way around the table, while taking quick glances at her teammates.
All of them appeared ready to jump out of their seats to stop him.
No one did. Their boss had that whole determined stride thing going on until he stopped in the open doorway—not turning toward them once.
“And you begin now.”
If she’d thought she’d been dumbfounded before, watching him disappear when he turned into the hallway left her even more so. And from the prevailing silence in the room, she wasn’t the only one.
“What just happened?” Chance murmured, breaking the silence.
She swiveled back toward the table where five sets of eyes filled with disbelief flashed from one to the other.
“Holy shit,” a scowling Garrett said, bounding up from his seat and rushing to the door. Declan’s narrowed, steely eye met her gaze.
“Damn…”
Solace turned at Garrett’s exclamation to find him standing just outside the open door. Shaking his head while he turned and faced the room, his body tense and features hard.
“He just went out the back.”
“What the hell’s going on?” Cal murmured, pulling her wavering gaze from the now empty doorway to Garrett going back to his seat and plopping down, then to their interim leader.
“Something bad,” Noah said, his gaze going from the door to Cal.
“Yes,” she whispered, drawing and meeting the varying degrees of concern filling each man’s eyes. “But what?”
“I guess you’re wondering why you’re here instead of Chance.”
Solace grinned where she and Noah sat in the front seat of one of the EPA’s black Suburban SUVs with her binoculars up and eyes trained down one direction of the semi-private road. They had the early morning shift and, so far, she hadn’t seen a single vehicle breaking through the heavy fog.
Hopefully, that would be the case for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, all that could change in a second if the paparazzi got one good whiff that Fallon St. James was in residence at the country estate. If that happened, they could expect to be overrun.
And, no, she hadn’t wondered. The whole thing was actually kind of funny. And after two weeks of the colonel being missing—the man had completely fallen off the radar—she’d needed something to laugh about.
“Oh, I know exactly why,” she said, lowering her binoculars and focusing on the man whose topaz eyes were trained on her. “But I have to tell you, I felt kind of bad for him.”
“For Chance?” Noah gave her a disbelieving look, his frown deep. “Why?”
“Because, poor guy, he was so disappointed.” She couldn’t help how her lips twitched at Noah’s grimace. “I believe his exact words to Cal were, but I wanted to be alone with the beautiful man.”
Noah rolled his eyes, before turning in the opposite direction of where she’d been spying.
“He’s an idiot,” he muttered, shaking his head and lifting his own binoculars up.
“What?” she laughed out. Whatever she’d thought he might say, that wasn’t it. Noah was nothing if not unnaturally reserved. At least from what she knew of him. Which was very little. She had no idea about anything in his personal life. She doubted anyone else on the team did either.
“Yeah,” he huffed around the word. “I think Garrett and Declan have been a bad influence on him.”
“Chance has loosened up a lot the last few months since joining the team,” she said, focusing on the gated entrance to the property, before giving Noah’s tense shoulders a hard stare. “Have you ever considered maybe letting them be a bad influence on you too?”
The man’s shoulders didn’t relax, even with the deep breath he took.
“Never again,” he said as he slowly lowered his binoculars and focused out the front windshield. Then his jaw clenched as he closed his eyes and a flush darkened his features. Seconds passed before he lifted his lids and turned his full, somber attention on her.
“Never again, what?” she whispered, reaching her hand out to lightly touch his arm. Why she whispered, she had no idea. It was just the two of them.
“I’ve had enough bad influences in my life.” A profound sadness radiated from him with those words. One so intense, it nearly took her breath. “I let myself be…” His arm tensed as he shook his head and cast his gaze back out the windshield.
“Noah,” she said, her voice still low. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
A small smile lifted one corner of his mouth, his eyes still fixed forward.
“You didn’t.” Then he shrugged. “I know what happens when you allow bad influences to rule over you. I’ve lived with the consequences of what bad influences can cause for over ten years. Nothing you might say could make it any worse.”
“Ten years?” Noah was what, twenty-five…twenty-six? “You had to have been?—”
“Don’t say I was just a kid,” he basically demanded, his gaze skewering her as he pulled his arm away from her hand. “I was old enough to have found another way to…” There went that sadness again. “Bad influences made me a part of something that changed lives.”
“I don’t expect you to tell me what happened, but?—”
“Good,” he said, seeming to shake off whatever weight the memory had laid on him, while managing a slight grin. “I wouldn’t tell you anyhow.”
“Fair enough.” She turned more fully in her seat until she completely faced him. “But let me say this.”
Noah’s brow lifted.
“Whatever happened, I know you’ve worked hard to overcome it.”
His features went wooden. She didn’t care. And if he had no other support system, he needed to understand the team was there for him. She was there. And closed off or not, she was going to offer him some truths.
“You’ve dedicated yourself to protecting others. Hell,” she said, with a slight grin, “you risked your entire career to do the right thing when it came to Salazar. So, don’t tell me you’ve not grown into a good man.” She leaned closer to him, staring him straight in the eyes.
“You need to forgive yourself.”
His entire expression shuttered—his next words hard.
“Could you forgive yourself if an innocent man died because of you?”
Have you had unprotected sex in the last three months?
Solace stared at the first line on the questionnaire her gynecologist required her to complete each time she came in for her contraception injection.
The gravity of that simple question was enough to block out the conversation she’d had with Noah.
Or perhaps she should say non-conversation she’d had with the man after the little bomb he’d dropped.
About the time she’d been ready to grill him on that semi-revelation, they’d ended up with company.
Damned paparazzi.
After that, she’d gotten the distinct impression he didn’t want to discuss it. Mainly because each time she’d started to mention it, he’d quickly changed the subject. If she hadn’t had this appointment, she’d have pinned him down when they’d been relieved by Chance and Garrett.
Her eyes flashed once more to the little boxes beside the question of the hour. Yes. No. She hadn’t marked the former in years. But now…
With a resigned sigh, she placed a checkmark in the yes box, then completed the rest of the form before handing it and the clipboard it was on back to the receptionist.
“Thank you, Ms. Davidson,” Tiffany said, taking it from her. “You can have a seat, and we’ll call you when Dr. Schottenfeld is ready.”
“Thanks,” she said, then went back to where she’d left her purse and sat down. Another woman had taken the seat directly across from her and they shared a smile before her new neighbor picked up a magazine and flipped through the pages.
A shaky breath left her as she settled into her seat and ran her hands up and down her jean-covered thighs. They’d been cold all day, but now it was getting worse. Because not only were they cold, but they were also getting kind of clammy.
Why am I nervous? I’m?—
“Ms. Davidson?” A smiling nurse she hadn’t met before stood at the open doorway leading to the triage area and examination rooms. “Can you come with me, please?”
Solace gathered her things and left her seat, then went through the door the nurse held open for her. In her hand was what looked like an oversized pill bottle.
“Do you think you can give us a urine sample?” she asked, holding the bottle out.
“A urine sample?” She hadn’t had to give one of these for a long time.
“Yes, ma’am,” she said, checking her clipboard. “We’ll need to do a pregnancy check.” With those words, Solace’s heart jumped.
Pregnancy test?
“It’s just a precaution,” the nurse continued, while Solace checked her name badge. Chinda didn’t know it, but she might have just initiated Solace’s first ever panic attack. “Since you’ve had unprotected sex.”
“Oh… Okay.” She slowly reached out her hand and took the bottle.
“Bathroom’s just right there,” Chinda said. “Make it a clean catch, meaning, you’ll place the bottle under mid-stream. Once you’re done, just cap it and put the bottle in the cabinet with the metal door above the commode.”
Solace nodded, while her heart raced and she went into the bathroom with the bottle in a death grip. After shutting and locking the door, she sat the bottle on the vanity and stared at herself in the mirror.
“Okay,” she whispered, bracing her hands on the vanity top while she took in how pale she had gone. “There’s nothing to worry about. It’s just a test.”
Her reflection didn’t look too sure about that.
She pushed herself away and pulled down her jeans and underwear, then sat on the toilet.
With shaking hands, she followed the directions Chinda had given her, then hurriedly pulled her clothes back up once she was done.
That was over, but it wasn’t a relief. Her reflection must have agreed, since a quick glance at herself in the mirror as she washed her hands showed a woman who didn’t look much better than she had a minute before.
Once out of the bathroom, she was taken through the rest of her preliminaries with the nurse.
“Your blood pressure is a little high,” Chinda said, as she took the cuff from her arm and folded it up. “But not enough I’d worry about it. Now, let’s check your weight.”
Once she’d seen she’d lost a few pounds, it made her feel slightly better. Why that was so, she had no idea. She’d never really been concerned about her weight before. But if a few extra pounds had shown on the scale, it could have meant?—
“All, right, come this way.” The nurse led her into an examination room and waved her inside. “If you’ll change into the exam gown, open in the front, and have a seat on the table, Dr. Schottenfeld will be right with you.”
“Thanks,” Solace managed to say around the lump forming in her throat. She hurriedly undressed and put the stiff gown on, then sat on the end of the table and scooted back on the crinkling paper.
Then she waited.
A lot longer than it felt like she normally did.
Lori just has a lot of patients today. That’s all.
A quiet knock sounded, while the blood rushing through her veins pounded in her ears, nearly blocking out the sound of the door opening. Lori stepped into the exam room and shut the door—her focus on the clipboard in her hands.
“Hi, Solace.” The doctor who had been her friend for years said, glancing up. “It’s good to see?—”
“Am I pregnant?” She hadn’t planned on blurting out the question—or asking it so loud—but she had to know.
“Well,” Lori said, pulling the rolling stool toward the exam table and sitting down, before her gaze dropped once more at the chart. To keep from jumping off the table and having a good, old-fashioned come-apart, Solace sat with her fists clenched around the paper—nearly shredding in her grasp.
“Solace…” Lori let out a long breath, lifted her head, and held her gaze.
In that split second before the words were spoken, she saw the answer in the other woman’s eyes.
“You’re pregnant.”