Chapter 11
“I’m pregnant and he’s gone.”
Solace stared out her windshield toward the back door of the EPA where she sat in her running car. Everyone else had already gone home for the day, except for Declan. Now, here she remained, wondering how many times she’d shouted those words in her head the past three weeks.
And much like those uncountable times she’d said those words, her gaze wandered down her body to her hands covering where her child grew.
Duncan’s child.
Amazing.
Even after all those moments of saying the truth of this new reality to herself, she still couldn’t quite wrap her head around it.
I’m going to be a mother.
Was she happy?
To be honest, happy wasn’t quite the right word. If she had to pick a way to say it, ecstatic might be more apt. At least most of the time.
The rest of the time?
Terrified.
Oh, not about the fact she was going to be a mother.
Solace already loved this tiny life inside her—had already begun considering names and what he or she might look like, what kind of personality her child would have.
She smiled to herself at the thought of holding a little boy.
A tiny version of Duncan, with his father’s light blue eyes, dark hair from his younger days, and tanned complexion.
And, of course, his stubborn streak.
None of that scared her. What did scare her, though, was…
Duncan.
What would his reaction be when she told him they’d created a child together? If she decided to tell him.
If he ever came back.
And that might terrify her most of all. Because the longer he remained gone without any word, the more she feared she would never be able to make that choice of telling him.
Facing the prospect of a world where she would be a single mom didn’t daunt her. Not in the least. Her mother had been a single parent, and Solace had had a wonderful childhood. She didn’t see any reason this child’s wouldn’t be any different.
Facing the prospect of a world where Duncan wasn’t in it? Whether they were together or not, that would be truly terrifying.
Knock-knock-knock.
Solace jumped in her seat at the sudden interruption and clutched her fingers into her flat belly. And what did that say about her focus? She didn’t startle easy. She couldn’t. Not in her job.
A quick glance toward the passenger door window found Solace staring into the dark blue eyes of a smiling Mercy Carter. Declan had said she was meeting him here for something.
Mercy’s penetrating gaze flashed over Solace’s body to her tense hands. The discerning woman frowned before her eyes widened and lifted to Solace’s. Then she made a whirling motion with her finger at the window, so Solace hit the down button for it to lower.
“Solace?”
A certain, knowing look entered those blue eyes now peering deeply into her own, while her fair features framed by black hair softened.
“What?” Solace looked away and quickly moved to buckle her seatbelt, using the action as an opportunity to not meet the other woman’s gaze and to pull herself together. Also, as a not-so-subtle hint that she had to go.
“Solace…” She couldn’t bring herself to look toward the woman whose voice held a gravity to it that Solace didn’t want to acknowledge. There was no way Mercy could tell she was pregnant. Not just from the simple placement of her hands. “Unlock the door.”
“What?”
Good grief.
She’d been rendered to one-syllable words. The same one-syllable word. They said pregnant women lost brain cells. Wasn’t it too early for this to be happening to her?
Another glance at the passenger door found Mercy hadn’t budged. In that moment, she reminded her of Declan. Her brother wouldn’t have moved either. She reminded her even more of him when one of her dark brows rose. What choice did she have but to flip the lock switch?
Mercy opened the door and took the passenger seat, before shutting them inside and pushing the up button to lift the window once more.
If Solace thought the assistant DA would immediately begin interrogating her, she had been sorely mistaken.
In fact, all she did was sit quietly, while Solace grabbed hold of the steering wheel in a white-knuckled grip and kept her steady gaze focused out the windshield.
The silence was finally too much for her.
“What?” She shook her head and huffed, still staring straight ahead. “I promise I know more words than that one.”
“Does Duncan know?”
That quietly spoken, almost gentle question pierced through her as if Mercy had yelled it.
“Know what?” If she hadn’t moved one hand back to her lower stomach, the question might have held more weight. Especially when another glance flashed at Mercy found a small, sad smile lifting the corners of her mouth.
“When I first found out I was pregnant with Kara, I couldn’t keep my hands away from her.
It’s a mother’s instinct, you know. At least it was for me.
” Mercy reached out a hand and took hold of the one resting on Solace’s stomach, her eyes fluttering closed as she squeezed it.
“And knowing I still had a part of Ryan…”
Solace willed the tears pricking her eyes to stay exactly where they were. She couldn’t cry. Not in front of this woman. Not when Mercy had been through more than she could ever comprehend. How she’d remained so strong was short of amazing.
And why it was on the tip of her tongue to deny the pregnancy, she had no idea. What good would that do? The proof would be out there for everyone to see in a few months. But she still couldn’t find it in herself to bring Duncan into it. So, she did her best impression of the queen of denial.
“The colonel had already gone on sabbatical when I found out. It’ll be a discussion we’ll have when he returns.” She finally fully turned her head and met Mercy’s somber gaze, saying as resolutely as she could, “I’m sure we’ll work out how to make concessions for my job.”
“Solace…” Compassion shone out from the other woman. She refused to see it as pity. “If Duncan’s the fa?—”
“Who said this is Duncan’s baby?” Mercy’s face blurred and she blinked hard, sending those willful tears that refused to stay put coursing over her cheeks.
“I see things.” That same small smile stayed on Mercy’s face. “Like how you look at him. Like how he looks at you.”
People had noticed them looking at each other? That was so not good. And Mercy had hardly ever been in the same room with them. So, if she had noticed, that meant the team had as well. Once they learned of her pregnancy, it wouldn’t be hard for them to jump to the same conclusion as Mercy.
“I can almost hear the thoughts racing through your head right now.” Mercy let go of her hand and sat back into her seat. “And it’s not as bad as you think.”
“Not bad?” Solace’s heart rate picked up as her thoughts continued to race. What would she do when the team did find out? What about when Duncan returned? How was she supposed to stay on the team with the others surmising she’d slept with the boss?
Then there was Duncan, himself.
The man wasn’t stupid, and the math wouldn’t lie when he discovered how far along she was. He would immediately know whose child this was.
“I have no idea what to do,” she whispered, her gaze seeking out the understanding blue depths that reminded her so much of Declan’s. “The team will?—”
“The team will stand with you,” Mercy said, leaning toward her. “You know they will.”
Solace let out a slow breath and nodded.
Of course they would. They were not only her teammates, but they were also her closest friends.
They’d had each other’s backs for years.
Had relied on each other in the most dangerous of situations.
At least most of them. But old friends or new, any of them would risk their lives for her.
Just like she would risk her own for them.
“How can I do this to them?” Mercy’s gaze didn’t waver from hers, so she used it as her anchor. “How can I put them in a position where their loyalties could be split?”
She couldn’t.
“What am I going to do?” she breathed out, tearing her gaze from Mercy’s and casting it toward the building. “I can’t stay.”
“Wait.” Mercy took hold of her forearm resting on the console, pulling her focus back inside the car. “Don’t make any rash decisions you’ll regret. Wait until Duncan returns. When he does, if you still think you can’t stay, you can come work for me. The DA’s office can use someone?—”
“What if he doesn’t?” Her stomach knotted.
“Doesn’t what? Return?”
“Oh, oh, no,” she groaned, fumbling with her seatbelt, while her mouth watered and the back of her throat constricted. “I’m going to be sick.”
Mercy threw open her door while Solace did the same.
Thankfully, she made it to the bushes lining the building just in time to lose what little she’d eaten in the last several hours.
But she wasn’t done. Dry heaves bowed her body forward where she braced her hands on the brick wall, while Mercy rubbed soothing circles on her back.
“I…” Another heave racked her body, leaving her breathless and wishing she could find a place to curl up into a ball.
“It’ll pass,” Mercy murmured, still rubbing her back. “You?—”
“What’s going on?”
Oh, no.
“It’s nothing, Declan,” Mercy said, keeping her hand at Solace’s back, but moving to shield her from her brother. “Solace ate something that didn’t agree with her. That’s all.”
“I don’t know how that could be.” Of course, he had to move closer, which had Mercy stepping further in between them to where Solace couldn’t see him at all.
“She barely ate any of the pizza we ordered for lunch. And all I’ve seen her eat besides that is some crackers.
” He chuckled. “Now that I think about it, this all kinda reminds me of you when…”
Solace caught her breath and held it at his abrupt silence. But it didn’t last long when another dry heave hit her.
“No fucking way.”
“Declan…”
Whatever Mercy was going to say to her brother didn’t matter. Declan had moved fast. Because the next thing Solace knew, he was on her other side and squatting, holding her gaze through the fall of her hair.
“You’re pregnant?”
If his tone had been filled with any kind of accusation, she could have laughed off his question and told him he was nuts. But no. Not Declan. Stupid, good friend that he was, all she heard in his voice and saw in his good eye was nothing but caring and concern.
So, what did she do?
I hate crying.
And it wasn’t delicate weeping. No, it was full on ugly sobbing. But at least the heaving had stopped and she could straighten up.
Then her stupid, good friend did something even worse. He gathered her up in a hug so tender, the only thing she could do was wrap her arms around his neck and let everything she’d held pent up inside her for weeks soak into his shoulder.
“Shhh…” He patted her back like she was a child and rocked her back and forth. Of course, her feet swung with each movement, but it felt good to let go. “I’ve got you,” he whispered. “It’s gonna be okay.”
“No,” she hiccupped out, while wiping her nose on his shirt. “It’s not.”
“Do I need to find him and kick his ass for you? You know, since you can’t do it, because you’re…
well…with child, and all.” She couldn’t see his face, but she’d bet anything it was flushed.
The idea of that and the whole with child thing forced a chuckle from her.
“It just might not be good for the baby.”
And then she was full-on laughing, her body shaking hard.
“What?” he groused, putting her on her feet and holding her out in front of him.
She stared up into his dear, scarred, frowning face—sobering as she realized again how fortunate she was to have a friend like this one.
“No,” she finally said on a low exhale. “You don’t need to kick his ass. But I love you for wanting to do that for me.”
Declan’s face went beet red.
“Well, yeah, um…” His brows slammed down, while his good eye filled with what might be panic, before saying in a rush, “Love you too.”
“Ah, my dear brother. Eloquent as always.”
“Yeah, yeah,” he grumbled, while hunching to Solace’s eye level, his harsh features leaving her no doubt of his intent. “But I’m serious.” Yes, she could see he was. Deadly. “Colonel or not, I’ll kick his ass for leaving you like this.”
She gasped at his declaration, while her eyes widened on him, before flashing her focus to a resigned-looking Mercy. So, the other woman wasn’t the only one who had noticed.
“He didn’t leave me like this.” Again, why lie. “I didn’t know I was pregnant when he left.”
“Doesn’t matter,” he said, letting her go, then running a hand through his hair, while his body nearly vibrated with anger. “He used you and?—”
“No.” She grabbed his arm. She couldn’t have anyone believing that. “What happened between us wasn’t intentional. It just…happened.” Heat crept into her cheeks. “The first time.”
“But he still left.”
“May I make an observation?” Mercy cut in, stepping into their space where they formed a small, intimate circle. “Of course, I don’t have the history with Colonel Sheppard like the rest of you do. Hell,” she said, smiling at Solace. “I’ve only had a handful of conversations with the man.”
“Yeah,” Declan growled. “So?”
“So…” She gave her brother a side-eye before focusing back on her. “I don’t see the man doing anything unintentionally. The man seems to be in control all the time.”
No wonder Mercy was so good at her job. Because she was right. Every second with Duncan had had a very intentional feel to it. The man had been determined in his taking of her. In marking her deep each time he’d filled her, while his satisfied, claiming stare had held her gaze.
So, no, it hadn’t been unintentional. Far from it.
“You’re right,” she murmured focusing on Mercy, while the epiphany of the moment had her pulse racing.
“It wasn’t a mistake for him.” She let out a harsh breath.
“How cold he was to me that last day, now makes even less sense.” She hadn’t intended on saying that out loud.
But it felt good to hear the words. Even if they’d come out of her own mouth.
“Or it makes all the sense in the world,” Mercy murmured.
“Yeah,” Declan added in a low tone. “It does.”
“I think I may already have pregnancy brain,” Solace grumbled. “So, can you please just tell me what you both seem to be thinking?”
Declan glanced toward his nodding sister—they had to be on that twin wavelength thing—before he took Solace’s shoulders again and held her gaze in a stare she couldn’t break.
“He’s protecting you.”