Chapter Twenty-One #2
“Okay, well, by our standards, you are literally so perfect and flawless that not even the most famous self-insert wish-fulfillment authors could get away with writing you as a love interest in their stories, because everyone would complain about you being too unrealistic. And that’s without any of the sex stuff.
Add the sex stuff in and then you are literally just…
pure, raw, unfiltered wish fulfillment. Whoever wrote you would get made fun of for not knowing how guys work and overly fetishizing them. ”
“I feel like overly fetishizing a guy in this world is almost impossible.”
“Exactly! But here you are!”
I lifted Rosie up just enough for me to bend over and kiss her forehead. “You’re being so dramatic.”
“This! Is! Exactly! What! I’m! Talking! About!” Rosie started flailing around even more than before. She really was going to give me a headjob fetish at that rate. “And even now, when I’m being the exact opposite of attractive in any way, you’re there getting even harder!”
“But you’re acting really cute right now. Also, the more you move, the more I get to watch your boobs move.”
Rosie flipped over, pressed her face against the mattress, and yelled in frustration before looking at me to say, “This is still it! Literally everything you say no matter what is perfect! I can’t hold it in anymore! I feel like I’m going to explode if I don’t vent this frustration out!”
“We’re supposed to be getting ready to sleep, not exploding.”
“Again! I’m acting like an annoying stupid little brat, and here you are, saying perfectly smooth and cute things like that! You should be disgusted or annoyed by my behavior right now! But you’re calling me cute! Why?!”
“Because you’re adorable.”
“Sev. Please. Say literally anything that is not perfect.”
“Literally anything that is not perfect.”
“…”
“…”
Rosie buried her face against the mattress again to scream.
Finally, she calmed down a little and looked up at me with a pouty expression. “It’s seriously not fair. I feel like I don’t deserve you at all. Why are you happy with a girl like me?”
For once, it was my turn to sigh. I also moved to get on my stomach right next to her so I could look into her eyes at the same level as her.
“The more you act like this, the more it’s going to make me self-conscious and feel like if I do anything wrong, I’m going to disappoint everyone by not being so perfect. ”
“I want you to stop being so perfect. You being imperfect would make me feel better… and it’d probably make me love you even more, because it means I’d get to see another side of you.”
“You really don’t understand how perfect you are, Rosie.”
“I’m just normal and plain and fat. There’s nothing special about me at all.”
“You’re kind, sweet, loyal, loving, caring, funny, intelligent, strong, determined—you’re a great tank who watches out for the party, you’re always eager to help out and to try and make others feel comfortable, you immediately get along with everyone you meet…
if anything, you’re the kind of girl who is so unrealistic that people from my world would complain about you being unrealistic wish fulfillment.
And that’s without even getting into the sex stuff. ”
“It’s hard to believe any of that is special when I’ve been considered plain and boring my whole life by everyone other than my family and friends.”
“Aren’t their opinions the only ones that matter?”
“… I—I guess that’s true.”
“You know, you call me an isekai protagonist, but you act way more like one than me I think.”
“Says the one who went and beat a boss that somehow nobody else in this world has ever found despite not even being that hard to find.”
“We beat that boss, and you’re the one who led the way to it. All I did give a starting hint. I’m sure you would have found it even if I never came here.”
“… we probably wouldn’t exist if you never came here going by what you said that god said.”
“Well… maybe.”
“A god literally made this world for you, and you’re trying to tell me you’re not perfect and special in every single way?”
“When you put it that way… but no.”
“Your confidence in anything but dungeons is ten feet under, isn’t it?”
“Hey, I think I do good being confident at romance and sex. Somehow. But aside from that, yeah. Like I said, I’m not perfect.”
“Hmm… tell me more imperfect things about yourself. Prove to me that you’re not perfect!”
“Do you… want me to basically shit talk myself?” I asked.
“What? No.” Rosie flicked my forehead, our heads still in front of each other on the top of the bed, not moving nor looking anywhere other than into one another’s eyes.
“I just want you to tell me facts about yourself that you don’t consider perfect.
You know, like, when a job interviewer asks, ‘What are your greatest weaknesses?’ but with real answers instead of those fake ones like, ‘I work too hard.’”
“Our worlds really share a lot of stereotypes for the weirdest things but then none of the major ones. Anyways… I’m clingy.”
“Every girl here would kill for a clingy man.”
“I get jealous. When Stella texted me about some other guy looking at her chest, I felt so jealous that it made me sick, but I didn’t say anything because I thought I was overreacting and didn’t want to sound crazy over something like that.”
“Again, every girl here would kill for a guy who cares about her enough to get jealous over her.”
“I spend more time thinking about dungeons than you.”
“A man who has hobbies is attractive, and we all already know you’re a dungeonsexual. Plus, it’s cute when you fanboy over them or get so lost in thought that you start rambling to yourself without noticing you’re talking out loud.”
“I’m indecisive and can’t figure out what I want my personality to be like.”
“Oh no, you don’t act the exact same way all the time, you know how to surprise me, I get to experience a bunch of different sides of you, and any of your moods that don’t make me want to pounce you on the spot make me want to spoil you rotten with how cute you are.
Gosh, it’d just be so much better if you were a one-trick pony with the personality of a dead fish. ”
“I love bomb.”
“Are you even trying now?”
“Wait! I know!” I felt pretty confident in this next one. “I overcorrect for my past and get upset at people who don’t deserve it, like when I got upset over you being upset at me planning on killing myself to become a Reaper!”
Rosie sighed and then smiled. “And then you almost immediately realized your mistake, apologized, and changed your mind. You, a man, who claims you are not perfect, changed because a couple of girls were sad and scared they would lose you. You put us above your own plans and prioritized your safety even though you were super excited for it. How. Horrible.”
“It’s not fair when you counter every single issue I have.”
“It’s not fair when I tell you to tell me your imperfections and then there aren’t any imperfections. What’s next, I’m going to tell you to make me chicken nuggets without any chicken, and then you make me chicken nuggets with chicken still?”
“What kind of analogy is that?”
“The kind that perfectly sums up the current situation. I think. You’re still perfect even as a chicken nugget.”
“Was that really the message of the analogy?”
“It is now.”
“By the way, what’s your favorite sauce for chicken nuggets?”
“Barbeque! Yours?”
“No idea. Never had chicken nuggets.”
“… how?”
“I guess they were too much effort or considered too unhealthy to serve us at the nursing home. The closest we got probably was… maybe baked, breadless chicken strips? But I always saw people talk online about the best sauce, so I was curious if you had a favorite. Oh, that reminds me. One time, they gave us those chicken strips, and I bit into it and saw it was still pink inside. I told the nurse on duty at the time, but she said it was fine and not to worry about it. Anyways, let me tell you, getting food poisoning when you’re a cripple who can’t even get out of bed without help, and while throwing up hurt every still-feeling inch of my body, was not fun. ”
Rosie stared blankly at my face for a few moments. “I hate everyone from your world other than you.” Then she sighed, stood up, put on her slippers, and held her hand out to me. “Come on.”
“Your tits?” I asked.
“No. Nuggets. I’m taking you out to get chicken nuggets. Right now.”
“That’s—just a tiny bit embarrassing. I mean, a younger girl taking an older guy out to get chicken nuggets at night.”
“I’m not letting you touch my boobs ever again if we don’t go.”
“One, doesn’t that hurt you even more than it hurts me? And two, yes, ma’am.”
“Yes, and good answer. And don’t cum on the nuggets, either.”
“Aww.”
Naturally, it wasn’t possible to leave and go grab food without Lupa sensing a food-related quest and tagging along. And once Lupa was with us, we weren’t going to exclude Stella and Jeanne, so the five of us went out and got chicken nuggets as it approached midnight.
I had to put the clothes Stella bought for me on since I didn’t have any other casual clothes to wear around yet, but all the girls had pajamas on, and…
that was a very nice sight. Lupa wasn’t the only one wearing Rosie’s pajamas that were too big for her anymore, either.
Jeanne joined in. The feminine pajamas of Rosie looked kind of out of place on Jeanne, but she still looked great in them.
However. Lupa, at least, could partially fill out the chest of Rosie’s pajamas.
Jeanne… could not. At all. The result was the pajama top looking like it had a massive V-neck.
Zero cleavage. At all. Pure flatness. Jeanne didn’t have small boobs, she had no boobs.
A completely smooth chest aside from her nipples.
She looked so smooth that one might have thought she didn’t even have those, but I confirmed she did since it was hard not to see when the loose “V-neck” kept on hanging away to accidentally flash me.