6. Rand
RAND
I’m painfully hard, and it’s a miracle I didn’t come in my pants while she was writhing and screaming my fake name. The ache drives me to the edge of madness, and I speak before I think better of it.
My rough confession that I’m longing to kiss her makes her remarkable light green eyes flare.
This is it: the moment my mask will finally come off. She might struggle to accept my identity, but Karolina will learn to welcome my new place in her life.
I won’t allow her to slip away now. I’ve endured too much agony to get her here.
I reach for my mask, and her small hand shoots out to ensnare my wrist. She’s so much weaker than I am, but I halt as though she’s shackled me.
“Don’t.” She barely pushes out the quiet plea.
Is she…afraid of me?
My chest constricts, my ribcage pressing painfully against my heart.
I manage to find enough air to ask, “Did I hurt you?”
She shakes her head. “I’m not hurt.”
“Then why are you looking at me like that?”
She blinks, and something shutters in her eyes. “Like what?”
“Like I’ve betrayed you. Like you don’t trust me anymore.” Each word is a razorblade in my throat.
Her cheeks are too pale in the moonlight. “You promised the mask would stay on.”
My stomach drops. I did make that promise, but I foolishly thought she’d want me once we were finally together for the first time.
“I’ve worn it for the entire hunt,” I say defensively. “Did I not fulfil your fantasy?”
I barely have the presence of mind to keep my voice low and gruff. I’ve never felt so vulnerable, and hiding my true self from her has never been harder.
“Yes,” she says tersely. “But I don’t want you to take it off. That wasn’t what we agreed. This was supposed to be safe.”
I reel back. “Have I made you feel unsafe?”
“No. I mean… This was just supposed to be fun. Our relationship isn’t any different than it was before.”
“Fun?” I repeat, incredulous. “That’s all this was to you? Do I not mean more to you than that toy I just pulled out of your wet pussy?”
Her delicate brows draw together. “That’s not fair. We had an agreement. You’re the one trying to change things. Don’t try to make me feel like shit when you know this isn’t how this was supposed to go.”
My stomach churns. No, this isn’t at all what I planned. I thought I’d thoroughly seduce her, and she’d be eager to meet my unmasked self.
“You’re mine. You said it yourself. Why are you denying us now?”
She scoots away from me. “There is no us. This isn’t a romantic connection, Bones. I thought we were on the same page.”
No, it’s not romantic. It’s so much more than that. Karolina is my entire world, my only reason for existence.
But I’m nothing more to her than idle amusement and carnal release.
My fingers flex, and she eyes my clenched fists warily.
“I would never hurt you,” I grind out.
She swallows hard. “I’m going to leave.”
She’s truly afraid of me now.
I can’t bear it.
But what can I say to make her understand? I can’t confess to years of stalking and obsession. I can’t tell her that I covet everything about her.
I can’t allay her budding fear by explaining that I’ve killed every man who’s ever come close to touching what’s mine.
She’s safe because of me.
She needs me, and she doesn’t even know it.
“Karolina…” I reach for her.
“Blue!” she shouts.
My body turns to granite. I don’t dare move a muscle.
She used her safe word.
Her fucking safe word.
To get away from me. Like I’m some sort of threat.
“Why are you doing this?” I demand through gritted teeth.
“I’m not doing anything,” she insists hotly.
As though she isn’t shredding what’s left of my black heart.
“You’re the one violating the terms of our relationship,” she accuses.
“What terms?” I shoot back. “When did we ever agree to terms? You’re mine, and that’s it. That’s all that matters.”
Her jaw drops. “Are you serious? This was always roleplay. I thought you understood.”
The horrific declaration is a brutal punch to my gut.
How did I fuck this up so badly?
She’s supposed to be wrapped around me, kissing me like she needs me more than her next breath.
I’ve worked so hard to position myself in her life. There’s an undeniable power imbalance at the university, but it was the best way to ensure I met her.
All those years mirroring her studies. All the crimes I committed to earn the money I needed for this new identity. The bribes and threats I made to secure my position as Professor Rand Hirst.
I never intended to tell her what I’ve done to have her, but she’s supposed to be thrilled that her masked online confidante could be with her. She’s supposed to realize that I’m the perfect man for her in every way.
But I was never worthy.
I’ve always known that.
I reached for my pure, perfect Karolina with bloody hands anyway.
I drop my arms to my sides.
“Fine,” I grind out. “Leave, then. There’s a change of clothes for you at the manor. The limo will take you back to York.”
She stiffens at the dismissal. “And what about you?”
“What about me?” I bark.
As though she actually cares.
She flinches. “I guess you’ll find another ride home. Or maybe someone else to amuse you for the night.”
“Go,” I snarl. “Before I make you regret saying that to me.”
She turns on her heel and sprints away. The dark woods swallow her slim form after a few long strides.
I roar out my frustration and pain.
No matter how much she protests, Karolina is mine. She’s always belonged to me.
I need her firmly under my control, unable to escape me.
Unwilling to ever leave me again.
Nothing will tear us apart, not even her.