11. Rand
RAND
Karolina
Are you free to chat?
I really want to talk to you.
Stop ignoring me, Bones.
Are you alive?
Please answer me.
Iread through her string of texts that she’s sent since the disastrous end to our hunt. I’ve intended to deprive her of my company as Bones until she accepts me as Rand.
But after our encounter in town today, I’m curious to know what she thinks of her asshole professor.
I hope I’ve managed to repair some of the damage I did during the icebreaker.
She seemed more at ease with me, even if she was a bit prickly at first. She almost flirted with me a little.
I’ll have to be careful not to give away too many clues that I’m Bones and Rand; she’s not ready to find out yet. I might never tell her, if I can figure out a few logistics—I have her real name and her face tattooed all over my body.
Eventually, I’ll have her in my bed, and she’ll need an explanation for that.
I’ll have to earn her trust so that she’ll share her true identity with me. Then I’ll be able to pretend the tattoos are more recent.
For now, I have to hope that my false English accent is enough to throw her off. That, and the fact that she’s never seen my face as Bones.
And really, what has she shared with me in all these years as her masked man?
In the wake of her rejection after the hunt, I’ve obsessively pored over ever interaction we’ve ever had. Even though I know everything about her from my clandestine stalking, objectively, she’s barely revealed anything about herself.
And I kept all of my secrets too because I wasn’t ready to reveal myself to her.
No wonder she freaked out when I tried to profess my devotion.
She was scared of me in that moment.
I shudder at the memory of her fear. Even now, it makes my heart twist painfully in my chest.
I read her unanswered messages again.
I want to know what she thinks of Rand. She’s too guarded to open up to her professor so easily, but she might tell Bones about it.
Any information I can glean will help me win her heart.
Acting before I can change my mind, I find my skull mask and gloves. I tug on my long-sleeved black shirt so she won’t be able to see my tattoos.
Once I’m covered, I request the video call.
A warm glow suffuses my chest when she answers seconds later.
“Bones.” She sighs my name in relief. Then her delicate features sharpen with annoyance. “You’ve been ignoring me.”
I make my voice gravelly and fall back into my authentic American accent. “I wasn’t ready to talk.”
She sighs again, the aggression draining out of her. “I understand. Things didn’t go the way I thought they would, and I freaked out.”
It’s not an apology, but at least it’s an admission that she was too scared of our connection to stay with me.
“Don’t worry about it,” I reassure her.
I don’t feel like reliving the painful encounter with her. All I want is to find out how she feels about Rand.
She presses her lips together, as though she’s considering what to say next.
She must decide that she doesn’t want to hash it out either because she says, “Okay. Everything is normal between us, then?”
My teeth clench, but I force myself to relax. There’s no going back to our relationship as it was before. I will never service her again. Not like that. Not when she won’t offer me more than her sexual submission while she keeps walls around her heart.
“I don’t want to fight,” I say instead.
She blows out a relieved breath. “Good. I don’t want to, either.”
Of course she doesn’t. That would mean confronting her feelings and being vulnerable with me.
I’ve always known Karolina has trust issues. I just didn’t realize that she didn’t trust me.
I resist the urge to rub away the ache at the center of my chest.
“I’ve missed you,” she admits, and my heart squeezes.
“I’ve missed you too, kitten.”
A sly smile curves her lips. “So, why did you finally call me?”
I grit my teeth. She thinks I’m here for a sexy chat, and nothing more.
As though I only want to talk to her to get myself off.
“I know what you want from me,” I grumble. “But I want something from you first.”
She smirks and cups her breast through her powder blue nightgown. “Oh? What could you possibly want from me, Bones?”
“No games, Karolina. I want something real.”
She tenses. “I thought we were on the same page.”
“Tell me one thing about your life, and I’ll give you an orgasm. How are your studies going for your MA? Are you enjoying your classes?”
She frowns. “That’s two things about my life, not one.”
It’s good that she can’t see my scowl through my mask.
“Alright,” I allow, but my voice is too close to a growl. “Tell me about your classes, then.”
Her hand drops from her breast, and she eases away from the phone screen, as though she can put physical distance between us.
“This isn’t how I want things to be between us, Bones. I don’t want to hurt you, but I can’t offer more.”
“Why not? It’s hardly intimate information. You can share a little about your life with me.”
She lifts her chin. “You’ve never shared anything with me, either. I don’t even know what you look like.”
I want to challenge her, to demand what she wants to know about me.
But I can’t tell her anything about myself. Not now that I want her to choose me as Rand.
“Is that really all I am to you?” I can’t hold back the anguished question. “A mask on a screen? An anonymous toy to get you off when you’re horny?”
Her eyes tighten with her own pain. “That’s not fair. I’ve never used you. We want the same thing out of this relationship.”
“You don’t know the first thing about what I want,” I snap back.
“And whose fault is that?” she demands hotly. “You’ve never told me anything about yourself. I don’t know why you’re making me feel like shit for acting the same way.”
I’m losing control, getting swept up in my emotions. I’d intended to tease a little information out of her before rewarding her with an orgasm, but somehow, we’re arguing.
“Goodbye, Karolina.”
I end the call before I can say anything else I’ll regret.
My phone immediately buzzes. She’s trying to call me back.
I decline the request.
She texts me.
Karolina
You did not seriously just hang up on me.
I don’t reply. I can’t.
Karolina
You’re being an ass.
Is this it, then? Are we over?
My fingers hover over the screen.
No, we’re far from over. We’ll never be over.
A decision settles over me.
She will accept me.
Not as Bones, but as Rand.
It’s time for her to find out that she has a stalker. I’m not above terrorizing her to drive her into my arms.
As her professor, I’ll be a trusted authority figure. When she realizes she’s being stalked, she’ll need comfort. Reassurance.
A promise of protection.
I silence my notifications and harden my resolve. If I have to make Karolina suffer in order to finally have her, then that’s what I’ll do.
Soon, I’ll open my arms, and she’ll come running to me. She’ll need me more than her next breath. She’ll look to me for safety, and I’ll prove to her that I’ll never allow anyone to harm her.
All these years, she’s never known how I’ve eliminated all threats to her safety and happiness.
She should find out exactly how devoted I am.