Chapter 13 #2
In normal circumstances, this was a lot to take in of a morning.
At that time, I didn’t even think about it.
“Mornin’, Mac,” Boone said.
“Yo, Lots,” Auggie said.
“Hey, girl,” Mag said. “Want some breakfast?”
“Mo and I are going out later,” I told Mag. “But thanks.”
Mag looked to Mo’s door.
“Trail run,” Auggie declared, and my gaze went to him.
“Sorry?”
“Going up into the mountains to do a trail run, babe,” he said, shoving a sausage link into his mouth, biting off a chunk, chewing a bit and saying through it, “Not a marathon.”
“Oh. Right,” I muttered, standing at the side of the island.
“Mo still asleep?” Mag asked, not hiding, if Mo was, Mag would be surprised.
I looked right into his eyes. “No. He’s working out.”
Mag stared right into mine.
He knew why Mo was off working out when I was in his bed.
They all knew.
They had a trail to conquer.
And I had a mission.
An important one.
So no fucking around.
“He had a dream,” I told Mag.
The relaxed feel of the room took a hike as I watched Mag’s handsome face grow troubled.
Okay, so they were also in the know about Mo’s dreams.
“I knew about them, he told me. But it’s his first with me,” I shared to Mag.
“Right,” he muttered.
“I didn’t know what to do,” I admitted.
Mag turned his attention to the men sitting on stools at his island.
I did too.
“Do you guys dream?” I asked straight out.
Auggie was studying Mag.
Boone shook his head at me.
“It’s just Mo who gets the dreams,” Mag told me.
Shit.
They might not be able to help.
“Mac, just be there for him, yeah?” Boone suggested.
“How do I do that?” I asked him.
“Don’t tell him to get on some pill so he won’t wake you up when he gets outta bed would be a good start,” Auggie muttered.
God, I seriously really hated Tammy.
“She’s not like the others, Aug,” Mag clipped at his friend, then looked to me.
“But Auggie’s right, Lottie. So is Boone.
Just be there for him. Listen if he’s willing to talk.
Be cool if he isn’t. Press it if you can but back off if he’s not down with it.
And let him do what he needs to do to deal, like getting up and working out. ”
“And if it gets bad,” Boone cut in. “Talk to one of us. We’ll wade in.”
“That’s it?” I asked.
“You don’t get it,” Mag said.
I looked to him.
“And you can’t get it, Lottie,” he continued. “And that’s good, darlin’. Seriously good. That said, it doesn’t help seein’ as you don’t get it. What he’s going through but more, why he’s going through it. You have to be able to get it to help.”
“Misery loves company,” I replied depressingly.
“Just that, babe,” Boone put in.
I stared at the marble countertop of the island, wanting to think happy thoughts, seeing as my mound of hunkalicious boyfriend loved me.
But I was not thinking happy thoughts.
Auggie caught my attention by speaking.
“You know, it helps that you give a shit, Lots. It might not feel like it. It might get frustrating. But it does help, even if you don’t feel like it is.
And it should get better. Mo’s dreams might never fully go away.
But he’s been out a long time, they have gotten better since I’ve known him, and he’s developed tools to deal with them.
If he tries something new, being with you, hopefully they’ll come less frequent.
Just give a shit and don’t give up. If it was you, he wouldn’t. ”
No, he wouldn’t.
I believed that totally.
“I like to be more hands on,” I shared, and Auggie smiled.
Yep, could see a woman worshiping at the altar of that.
“That probably works too,” he replied, and his smile dimmed, but didn’t fade before he said, “But as awesome as you are, babe, it’s not the miracle cure.
And that’s gonna suck for you because when you care about somebody, you think that emotion, if you give enough of it, will cure anything.
It’d be fantastic if it did. But it doesn’t.
It won’t go away because what he saw and did will never go away.
He’ll learn to cope with it his way, part with your help, but this is something that isn’t about you. ”
Oh yeah.
Love and care and support not being the cure?
That was going to suck.
“Where it goes wrong is when you make him feel, whether on purpose or not, that you think you should be enough,” Auggie carried on.
“When you make him feel what you can give should be the only therapy he needs. That backfires because he’ll know you’ll be thinking that, he’ll feel shit that you’re thinking that, and he can’t give it to you.
It will add guilt to other crap he’s got piled on him.
All that gets twisted, for both of you, and if you’re not careful, it gets twisted sometimes in a way you can’t get straight. ”
I wondered if he knew this from experience.
I didn’t ask then, and not only because I didn’t get the chance.
“Sounds simple,” Boone entered the discussion.
“‘Just be there for him.’ But as you can see, it isn’t.
It’s a challenge. But you got a leg up, Mac.
Most women look at a man like Mo and it’s a turn off, what they perceive as a weakness.
They don’t wanna know. They want him to sort himself out so he can be strong to take care of their shit.
So you’re already doing what you need to be doing. It just doesn’t feel like it.”
I glared at Boone while he spoke, and when he was done talking, declared, “I totally should have torn Tammy’s hair out when I had the chance.
Stupid Mo. He made me stand down. If I see that bitch again, it’s gonna make my fights with my sister seem like a cakewalk.
And both Jet and I have grips of steel . ”
“We’ll arrange a takedown,” Mag offered, now not looking troubled, only looking amused. “One condition. We all get to be there to watch.”
“Grip of steel,” Boone muttered. “Mo is one serious lucky fuck.”
That made me feel better.
Slightly.
But it made me feel better.
I shot Boone a smile and said to them all, “Don’t clean the kitchen before you go. I’ll need something to do waiting for Mo to get back.”
“I went to the store yesterday. Does this mean, while you’re waiting, you’re gonna adjust all the smartwater and Nakeds in the fridge so they’re facing forward like you did on Tuesday?” Mag inquired.
“Of course,” I answered.
“Can I clone you?” Mag asked.
“No,” I answered through a smile.
“Bummer,” he muttered through his own smile.
I headed to the stove to grab the greasy skillet, ordering, “Eat. Go take on the mountain. But leave some of it for other nature lovers.”
They did the first part.
But before they took off to do the last, I got warm hugs and a few kisses on the top of my head (this relaying precisely how much it meant to them I gave a shit about Mo, which in turn relayed to me precisely how much they loved Mo), and Auggie, the last one out the door, called to me, “Everything’s gonna go good tonight, Lots.
But we’ll see you later for the pep talk. ”
Later for the pep talk?
“Be cool,” he bid and then the door closed on him.
Again, pep talk ?
They were gone, so I couldn’t ask, and they thought I was awesome, and they might not think that if I ran to the door, opened it and shrieked, “ What do you mean, pep talk? Do I need a pep talk? ”
So I didn’t do that.
I cleaned the kitchen.
And I tidied the fridge.
All while I waited for Mo.
“Be better if you were in here with me,” Mo groused.
He might be right.
But from where I was sitting on the bathroom counter watching him in the shower, he was so very wrong .
“I already took a shower,” I reminded him.
“Another reason we’re gonna have words,” he muttered irritably.
“Dude, you totally cheated me by falling for me and then catching the bad guy before I had the chance to sit in the bathroom while you showered. Throw a girl a bone,” I replied.
His silver eyes turned to me while water sluiced his big body, making it all wet and slippery.
“I would, if you got your ass in the fuckin’ shower with me.”
I grinned at him.
He scowled at me and turned back to face the water.
I settled in to enjoy the show.
He’d squirted bodywash in his hands and was rubbing it on himself when I said, “You know, I have no clue if I would have fallen for you before you went into the Army.”
Slowly, his arms crossed on his wide chest, his hands soaping his pits, he stopped moving except he turned his head to look at me.
I kept talking.
“Though my guess, no. Because back then, you wouldn’t be Mo.
Not my Mo. The Mo I need you to be. I’m sure you were still awesome.
But not as awesome as you are now. And it’s not I’ll take the bad with the good when it comes to dealing with shit, like your dreams. It’s that it’s all good.
It’s all you . It’s who you are and what you did and how you come to me.
And I’ll take it all, Mo. Because I want it all.
Who you are and what you did and how you come to me is precisely what I need you to be. ”
Mo said nothing and remained unmoving.
“Just so you know, the boys were here having breakfast after you took off. I talked to them. About your dreams.”
This did not make him appear to be pissed or even annoyed.
He just kept staring at me.
“I don’t want to talk about you, have you find out and have you thinking it was done behind your back,” I explained.
“They told me some stuff, but not anything I wouldn’t have done anyway.
So we’ll just get this out there right now, so it’s there and over.
If you want to talk about your dreams, I’ll listen.
If you don’t want to talk about your dreams, I won’t push.
If you need to get up and go to the gym, I don’t care.
If you need to do anything, save injecting heroin, to deal, I’m at your back, on your side or whatever you need.
But if shit gets extreme and you aren’t talking to me about it, I’m going to the boys. There it is. You cool with that?”
Mo didn’t speak or move.
“You cool with that, honey?” I pushed.
He finally spoke.
“Get in the shower, Lottie.”
“I already took one, baby,” I whispered.
“Get. In the shower . Lottie ,” he said a lot lower, a lot slower and in a way one part of me didn’t have to get in the shower to get wet.
I hopped off the counter and took off the shorts, panties, tank and bra I put on after I showered.
Then I got in the shower with him.
Waiting for Mo, I’d had time to shower.
I had not had time to do my hair.
I didn’t think about that.
I didn’t because Mo’s hands were under my arms, I was lifted up and pulled around, my back slammed against the tile, and Mo was pressing into me.
“Legs around my back,” he ordered.
We’d had the talk. Absolutely. Since Tammy had cheated on him, he’d gotten tested. He was clean and didn’t go in ungloved with the two chicks he’d had since her.
Before him, I’d had a long dry spell and was on birth control.
So after I wrapped my legs around his back, Mo wrapping a fist around his big dick, guiding it to me and thrusting right in was just about him and me.
Him and me.
“Love me?” I whispered as I held on with all I had and did that everywhere .
His mouth took mine in a hot, wet, long kiss.
After he broke it, he grunted, “Yeah.”
That was when I gave it to him.
“Love you too, baby.”
“No shit?”
Uh.
Wait.
What?
No shit?
What did he mean, no shit ?
“Is that what you say when I first tell you I love you?” I demanded to know, though it came out “Is THAT what you SAY when I FIRST tell you I LOVE YOU?” seeing as I took his powerful thrusts while demanding it so his cock forced every few words to be louder.
“Words don’t mean dick, Lottie. You’ve been showin’ me you love me since you threw down with Tammy. Now shut up, babe, and get fucked.”
I glared at him.
His hips dipped and rolled.
I bit my lip and stopped glaring at him.
Mo grinned at me.
He was still doing it when he kissed me.
And he fucked me.
We both came.
After, I helped him finish washing up.
I’d watch him shower to fruition some other time.
Or I wouldn’t.
It didn’t matter.
I could have what I wanted with Mo anytime I wanted it.
I knew that to my soul.
So either way was good with me.