Last Date
Lucy gave up any pretense of being a functioning adult as she stepped through the gate, greeting Esther by belly flopping onto the cloud blanket next to her.
Lucy’s gate creaked shut with a loud clang, blocking out all the bullshit, all the responsibilities waiting for her, all of the endless feelings Lucy didn’t want to acknowledge in the waking world.
“Luce, you okay?” Esther rubbed Lucy’s back, while Lucy exhaled heavily into the cloud. “You seem a little off. Was that nosedive for fun, or from frustration? Or something else?”
With a grin of delight from finally being in the dreamscape again, with Esther again, Lucy rolled over. She wrapped her arms around Esther’s waist, pressing a kiss to her mouth in response to her endless, endearing questions.
“Ah. I see.” Esther smirked, smacking her lips, tasting Lucy’s kiss. “You’re drunk off your ass.”
Lucy nodded. “I’ve had a lot of wine. And pasta!”
“Oh, you did?” Esther’s grin burst from her face, her blue eyes dancing as she beamed at Lucy. “Enough wine to talk to me for once, it seems.”
Lucy nodded again, too serious and feeling ridiculous about how she must look with her furrowed brow and tight jaw.
But she was unable to shake the heavy hold of her soul-deep sadness washing over her again.
Not even after a box of wine, not even in her dreams, not even in Esther’s arms, was Lucy free from it.
“I know. I’m a mess. My emotions were too big to handle today.
I needed to drown them. And now I’m talking to a figment of my imagination like you actually care about me.
” She groaned, burying her face in Esther’s shoulder. “When did I get so weak?”
“I do care about you, though! And aren’t you a figment of my imagination?” Esther brushed her thumb over Lucy’s cheekbone, tilting her head back to kiss her forehead. “And if it is weak to have a conversation in your dreams, wouldn’t I be the weak one? And given that your emotions were too-”
“Esther.” Lucy put her finger to Esther’s lips. “You ask so many questions, all at once. I love to listen to you ask them, but how do you ever get any answers?”
“I don’t.” With an amused smile, Esther kissed Lucy’s finger.
“But my point is, I do care about you. So much, Lucy. I wish I was brave enough to talk to you in real life.” Her soft grin faded into a pensive, wistful expression.
“I want to have this with you when I wake up in the mornings. You’re just so easy to love. ”
Lucy’s eyes watered as she sat up, unable to stand the adoration and longing in Dream Esther’s gaze. “Okay, I’m drunker than I thought if this is what my brain is creating for me. I want you to say that in real life.”
“I want to. So badly,” Esther’s voice was soft behind her.
“How much longer can I go on like this? What am I even doing?” Lucy dug into her scalp, massaging her temples with her thumbs as her curls bounced between her fingers.
“My dreams with you are the best part of my life. The only good part. What’s the point of going back through there?
” She gestured to the wrought iron and stone gate that brought her to their dreamscape every night.
Next to it, Esther’s bifold closet door was diminutive, haphazardly covered in dozens of glittery fairy stickers.
Esther sat up, her brow furrowed in concern. “Lucy, you are so wonderful-”
Lucy shook her head, barely managing a fond smile over her shoulder.
“No, Esther, you’re so wonderful! Thank you for everything we’ve had here.
Thank you for caring.” Lucy’s smile dimmed, and her visage grew just as wistful as Esther’s had been a moment ago.
“I wish we could’ve had it in the waking world, too. ”
“What do you mean? We can! Let’s do it!” Esther’s face clouded with worry. “You’re scaring me, Luce. This sounds like a goodbye.”
Once again, Lucy shook her head, her bitter determination strengthening.
“I can’t go back there. Through that gate is my real life, and I hate my life.
I want to go through that gate instead. I want to see what’s ahead of me.
” She gestured across the meadow to the uncanny set of doors, mirrors of the ones that brought them here.
The doors always felt wrong, like someone else’s shoes going on the opposite feet.
That uncomfortable, ill-fitting feeling had emanated from the doors since the dreams first started.
But tonight? Lucy didn’t care. Everything felt wrong.
Maybe wrong was the answer.
Esther grabbed Lucy’s hand, clinging to her. “Lucy, please. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, I promise. I’ll talk to you in real life, and we can do this together! In real life!” She gripped Lucy’s hand tighter. “Please don’t go. Please don’t leave me! This is supposed to be a good dream.”
Lucy indulged her with a soft kiss and one last fond smile. “This isn’t real, Esther. I have literally nothing to go back for. I just want to see what’s next.” She tugged her hand free and stepped off the cloud. “It’s my birthday, after all! This is my present to myself!”
With that, Lucy turned and, inspired by a drunken surge of whimsy from finally taking control over one small part of her life, skipped through the grass.
Purple glitter flew around her in clouds of shimmer, erupting into butterflies.
When she looked back, just before the uncanny gate clanged shut behind her, Esther was already gone.