Chapter 24 #2
I pull my phone out and stare at the single H that comes up. I couldn’t even get myself to type in his full name in my contacts. That felt too permanent. I haven’t answered his texts today either. I’m sure he’s confused by it because I said I would. But I don’t know what to say.
“You deserve to let yourself answer that,” my mom says, placing a hand on my leg again and squeezing before getting up and leaving me alone in her room—my room.
Five rings have buzzed, and I know the call is going to disappear into my voicemail soon. My thumb is vibrating with fear as it hovers over the answer button on the screen. I close my eyes and wet my dry lips with my tongue before my thumb presses the screen and accepts the call.
“Hi.”
“Hi.” His reply is swift. He sounds excited. Maybe relieved.
“I’m sorry I haven’t texted back yet, I—”
“It’s okay.”
It’s not, but I take his out. He’s giving it to be kind.
“How was your trip?” I pull my feet up and scoot back, making myself smaller in the center of the bed.
“It was fast. Weird. I feel a bit like a commodity,” he laughs out. “My agent met me in the parking lot downstairs. I’m in an apartment that looks like it was ripped straight out of a catalogue.”
“Was it an IKEA catalogue, by chance?” I tease.
“I wish!” His laughter is soothing to my ears. I hold the phone close, wanting to capture it to remember later.
The quiet filters in between us, and I wonder if his lips are parted like mine are, his mind riffling through what to say.
“I was just—” I stop.
“How would you feel about—” He starts.
We laugh as we talk over each other, and my cheeks rush with heat, the nervous flirtatious feeling trickling down my spine.
Hunter does this to me. Nearly every time I see him there’s a physical reaction.
A giddiness, perhaps. Attraction, definitely.
But there’s also this want for more time. With him.
“You go first,” I say, unsure of what I was going to say anyhow.
“Okay, well. I was wondering if you’d like to ride to Dallas with me next week? I have to come down and get my truck, and it’s a pretty easy drive, but I sure could use company. I’d let you pick the playlist and everything.
“Ooooh, playlist perks. That’s . . . that’s tempting, Hunter.” It is tempting, but not because of a playlist.
“Yeah? What do you think?”
I breathe in deeply and look out the open bedroom doorway toward the room I’m sharing with my sister for, well, who knows how long.
“I don’t know. What would I do when we get there?” I mean, I know what we would do. But then what?
“I thought maybe you could check out the area with me. There’s a psych program at UT Dallas I was just looking at, and since you were already in a Texas school, I thought—”
“Hunter, that’s . . . I can’t move to Dallas. I’m not starting school now. I can’t leave here,” I explain.
“Okay. Yeah. I get that,” he says.
The quiet creeps in again, and it’s heavier now.
I glance at the box still resting on top of the bed.
My mom picked those moments. And then she picked others.
I still don’t know how much I believe my dad pushed her to leave, but at the same time, his affection for her has never wavered.
She made so much money in her line of work.
Meanwhile, life here stayed simple. Dad barely got by.
“Why?” Hunter breaks into the conversation happening in my head.
“Why, what?” I ask.
“Sorry, I was wondering . . . why can’t you leave now?”
I laugh softly, mentally lining up all my reasons before saying them.
“Well, let’s see. My dad has a broken leg and is going to need to start back at square one when it heals.
And my sister has twins she’ll be raising on her own.
She has zero time to work to support them, and she doesn’t have a college degree, so she’ll probably have to take shifts at Earl’s, which means someone has to watch the boys when she works. And my mom—”
“Renleigh, I know your thoughts on your mom. But your parents are adults, and your dad is a lot stronger than you give him credit for. Besides, what if your mom stays this time? What if you stick around and it turns out all you’re doing is observation?”
“But what if she leaves, and he falls again, and—”
“He won’t. I mean, sure, there are infinite possibilities for several things happening, but those are all outliers.
And no offense, but you aren’t carrying everyone on your back.
Your mom and dad are figuring it out without you.
And your sister? She’s not going to want you stepping in and taking over.
I don’t know her well, but I know enough about her to know she’s as independent as her sister. Just maybe less—”
His words stop there and my hairs stand up on the back of my neck.
“She’s less what, Hunter?” I get to my feet so I can pace.
“Less scared, Renleigh. Your sister seems to be taking this shit head on, and she seems a little fearless about it, despite how scary it is. Maybe you should take a page out of her book? Take a chance.”
“On you? You want me to take a chance on you. Is that it?”
I hear myself, and I don’t like it, but my feet are dug in. What’s the difference between being here for my family or being in Dallas for Hunter?
“For you, Renleigh!” Hunter says. I don’t know if I’ve heard his tone so bold before.
I sit back on the edge of the bed.
“For the love of God, Renleigh. Don’t be scared of what you want. I mean, damn—I would love for you to be here with me, for us to decorate my next apartment together. For it to be our apartment. We can get a cat, or a dog, or a fish. Or fuck! I’ll get you a damn lizard, or an imaginary friend.
“All I want in the world is for you to pick something you want. For you to do life your way . . . for you. Not for anyone else. For you. And if that means you don’t live here with me, and instead you go back to Austin and finish school there, well then, I’d be pretty fucking sad here alone with our pet lizard, but I’d be happy. ”
There’s a stark silence on the line, so I utter, “Why?”
Hunter chuckles, the tone noting his frustration.
“Because I meant what I said when I wrote that text earlier. I’m falling in love with you. Hell, fuck that. I’m in love with you. And when you love someone, nothing makes you happier than seeing them live their best life. Even if that means you can’t be in it all the time.”
Well, goddamn.
This time, we both let the silence take center stage for nearly a full minute. It doesn’t feel strange, and the need to feel it isn’t suffocating. We give each other time. No deadline. No rush.
“I’ll think about it,” I finally utter.
Hunter sucks in a sharp breath, then blows out heavily.
“That’s good enough. Yeah, that’s . . . that’s amazing, Renleigh. Thank you.”
I can picture him pacing in a beige apartment with generic Southwestern-style tiles and tan walls as he grabs at the back of his neck.
It’s one of his cutest habits. The way his fingers fiddle with the curls that tickle the back of his neck.
I miss that and I just saw him to it this morning. I miss it already.
I miss him.