Chapter 15
“It’s not that bad!” I groaned as I collapsed into the chair Alandris had pushed into the center of the room.
“How do you know?” He asked, though he clearly had no intention of listening to my response. His hands were busy fumbling with the medical kit, spilling its contents all over the floor.
“I was my ship’s healer. My experience there exposed me to many wounds; I learned to distinguish the deadly from those easily mended with stitches and a stiff drink.
I can do it on my own. I’ve done it countless times.
” I sighed as he continued to fuss. “You aren’t planning on doing it, are you?
Your hands are shaking worse than mine!”
My protests were met with a glare.
“Fear of blood, huh?” I asked with a smirk.
“Hardly.”
I leaned forward and rested a hand on his shoulder. “Then what is it? Take a moment and breathe. My life isn’t in imminent danger, and I could really use that drink. In fact, that should be priority number one.”
“I am not amused by your lack of self-preservation,” he said, though he stood to grab a bottle of alcohol off the shelf behind his desk. He took a swig of it himself, and I noticed he settled a bit. “Here.”
“My bad. I never intended to spoil the merchandise. I know you want my magic for some grand, evil plot. Must need me alive for that.” Sarcasm dripped through my words, and Alandris seemed even less amused.
I took the bottle from his hands and gulped down far more than a sip.
He raised a brow. “Better?”
“Better.” A numbing, tingling warmth had already started to spread through my body.
He nodded, relief flooding his features. “Good. Do you want me to cut that part of the dress away?”
I looked down at the gash just below my ribs. If I could get the blood out of the garment, it might be salvageable. If I wasn’t able to, Elle was going to murder me in my sleep. “No, just help me unlace the corset so I can step out of this thing.”
Alandris stared at me, blinking.
I blinked back expectantly. “Please? Need I remind you that I am bleeding out onto your floor.”
“Are you wearing something underneath?”
My mouth dropped in disbelief. “Now is not the time to be shy, Grand Arch Magus. Surely you’ve seen a woman’s body before.
” I hummed to myself, bringing a finger to my lips.
“Though, perhaps you haven’t. Do Mages take vows of celibacy as some knights take vows of silence? You’re in for a treat, then.”
That spurred him into action. He’d shifted behind me and begun untying the laces with such aggression my teasing words died in my throat. “Your time aboard that ship has made you bold.”
“Does that bother you?” I asked, part of me was curious, the other was desperate for anything to distract me from the feeling of his fingers brushing against my back.
“I enjoy all facets of your personality. They are all you, Nairu.”
My back straightened as I sucked in a breath. “You speak as though you know me.”
“I do know you,” he said, tugging free the last bit of ribbon.
“At your core, you are someone fiercely passionate, unyieldingly loyal, and inherently good-natured. Someone who has endured far more than she should have had to—and still persevered. You are relentless. Unbreakable.” His last word was whispered against my ear, “powerful.”
A shiver traveled down my spine, and my words left me.
I turned to look at him, holding my dress and my last thread of willpower—the one keeping me mistrusting him in place.
My head and heart were at odds, not knowing whether the Alandris standing in front of me now was the true Alandris, or was it the one who’d kidnapped me, threatened me, and entrapped me?
Would it be so bad to let myself trust him, only a little? I felt so helpless.
I looked up into his eyes, searching for the answers as though I’d find them there swimming in the blue of his irises, like tiny notes I could grab hold of—hiding all of his secrets. “Will you tell me why that man attacked me? Why? He knew you?”
I could see it in his eyes as he weighed his options, debating between honesty or lying, because I’d done it many times myself. “As much as I can. After.”
It wasn’t the answer I’d hoped for. It was a half-truth at best, but I clung to it, regardless. “Fine.”
I let my dress fall to my ankles and kicked it to the side, using my long hair to cover my bare chest as much as possible.
The thought of standing near naked before him had not bothered me until he’d said all of those things.
Now I was back remembering the dream I’d had, the one full of heated touches and tangled limbs—the one with him.
The sound of Alandris sucking his teeth brought me back to reality. “It’s bad.”
I looked down at the wound. It was not a lovely sight, but it wasn’t too deep, as I’d initially predicted.
Depending on Alandris’ skills with a needle, the scar wouldn’t be too awful either.
“It is not bad. Do you need me to do it?” I half hoped he’d say yes so I wouldn’t have to endure his hands on me.
Because yes, even the thought of him stitching me with those hands had me flustered.
I had serious issues, and all of them were his fault.
“I’ve got it,” he assured me. “I trained a bit in healing after...” He reached for something to sterilize the area, not finishing his train of thought.
Alandris worked in silence with a precision and expertise that was honestly impressive.
He looked up at me often, constantly checking if I was in pain, but I’d experienced worse, and the drink was helping.
He’d make a decent ship doctor if he ever decided to give up his life’s work at the Consortium and travel the seas.
I snorted at the thought, and he glanced back up at me in confusion before finishing tying off the last stitch.
He stood from his knelt position and darted his eyes away from me. “I will go to the healer’s quarters and grab some poultices. I’ll grab you some clothes, as well. You can bathe while I’m gone. It will take me some time to return.”
“Here?” I turned towards his bathing room.
“Yes, here.”
“I don’t want to impose.”
“I believe we are beyond that, Nairu. I cleaned the scene of a murder for you.”
I didn’t have an argument against that fact, so I nodded in agreement and waited for him to leave the room, before I pulled off the last measly scrap of fabric left on my body and tossed it to the side next to my dress.
I threw some oils I knew were good for healing into the hot water and stepped inside, scrubbing the blood from my body, carefully avoiding my fresh stitches.
I soaked my hair in the water, letting the heat soothe my irritated scalp, where Rivel had damn near ripped a chunk of hair out.
Wrinkled and weary from the steam, I stepped from the bath, wrapped myself in a nearby robe, and waited, knowing full well none of this was normal.
Alandris returned moments later, knocking on the door and awaiting my response before entering, as if he hadn’t just seen nearly every inch of me bare. Had he forgotten? I hadn’t.
“I brought you something to sleep in. You can take my bed for the night. It will be more comfortable than the cot in the spare room down the hall.” He set my clothes and a jar of ointment on his desk and turned to leave without another word.
“Wait!” I reached for his hand, stopping him. “You promised to explain things to me… after. It’s now after.”
He frowned. “It can wait until morning. You need rest.”
“I will toss and turn in wonder.” I forced him to face me, tugging his hand. “Please. I need to know why my life is in danger. I need to understand. I hate not knowing.”
“I know.” He sighed, running his hand down his jaw. “I am going to regret this without a doubt. Will never hear the end of it from Kaz and Zorinna. But fine. Sit. I will explain to the best of my ability.”
I obliged and sat on the couch at the side of the room, and he followed, sitting at the other end.
“It is true. I am a part of an organization called the Divine Council,” he began.
“However, I joined them as a way of uncovering their secrets. I have no intention of helping them succeed in their goals. My plan is to keep tabs on them, to keep them focused elsewhere, away from the Consortium. It is easier to control their moves from within. There are some extremely influential players in their midst. Leaders from all over Lustria.”
“What are they after?”
“The abolition of all ungodly powers, other than their own Holy Goddess of Light—Alessiantha.”
I’d heard the name before. Alessiantha was a Goddess—once unknown—whose worship had recently begun spreading like wildfire through all the seedy undersides of Lustria.
Her highly dedicated followers, though few, were incredibly powerful, that a council of leaders from across the realm led them made sense.
I pressed my lips together. “So, what—they want me dead because my people worship their own god?”
“I’m sure they do, but no.” He stared into my eyes. “Your magic—divinely derived from your god—is why they hunt you.”
“And? Plenty of Mages divine their magic from the gods they worship.”
He paused, and I could see the inner turmoil of what he wanted to tell me and what he felt comfortable telling me painted on his face.
“I imagine they eventually would like to eliminate those Mages as well, but your situation, in particular, is quite a bit different. Gods grant only a drop of their power to mages who divine their magic from them. In your case, you’ve got the whole well at your disposal, and it’s only growing stronger.
The gods exist in their own respective realms. Their bodies cannot survive within our mortal realm.
Immortal as they may be, they, too, have their flaws—they cannot grace us with their presence for long before they wither away.
That is not to say that none have tried, nor is it to say that it is an impossible feat. They would simply need a vessel.”
“A body to dwell within,” I murmured.
Alandris nodded solemnly. “I cannot tell you when or how it happened, but a Fae god lives within you. He goes by the name of Zaelos, and as far as I’ve garnered, your people are the only ones who worship him.”
The name leaving his lips felt so familiar, but that familiarity was not a thing of comfort. My entire body shivered with chills. Images flashed in my mind, but they were far too blurry and fragmented to make any sense.
“I don’t even worship anymore!” I clutched my robe in my fists until my knuckles turned white.
“Why would it be me? I am no devout follower. I turned away from my faith.” Even as I fought it, I knew it was true.
The voice who’d revealed himself in the mirror as Zaelos back on the Phoenix Heart was the very one Alandris spoke of—a god.
Alandris frowned, his eyes full of sadness. “I don’t know why it was you. I’m sorry, Nairu.”
Rising to my feet, I said, “It’s fine, right?” my voice trembling with hysteria. “I need to avoid this Divine Council, but it’s fine, right? I have a god’s power at my disposal. That’s not a bad thing.”
“Nairu,” he stood, gripping my shoulders. “He is consuming you. His overwhelming power is destroying you, little by little, and if left unchecked, he will eventually consume you completely. He will own you in mind and body.” The thought seemed to disgust him, his lip curling to reveal his teeth.
My lips parted, and I let out a shaky breath. “What do I do?”
“I’m trying to figure that out. I promise.
” His eyes were full of resolve. “I won’t let anything happen to you.
I’m near a breakthrough—I know I am. In the meantime, the best thing we can do is teach you how to control your magic.
The better you can control it, the less control he will have over you. It will buy us some time.”
But how much time could it possibly buy?
The signs were there all along, blinding warning lights flashing right before my eyes.
Zaelos was already whispering in my mind.
He’d even taken control during my fight with Jyuri.
His attempts to overpower me seemed to tire him, at least. Even now, he was silent. But how long would that last?
A hand softly gripped the side of my face, and I refocused on the male before me. “I will not let you die.”
“Why?” One word to ask a million questions running through my mind. Why was whether I lived or died his problem? Why did he care? Why did he know so much about me? Why.
His hand dropped to his side. “I think I’ve said enough for one night. Get some rest, Nairu. Please.”
I stood alone in his room, frozen in time by the realization that I’d never been free.
Not with my people, who I now knew had sent me on a pilgrimage to my death, knowing that allowing our god to use me as a vessel would erase my existence.
Not on the Phoenix Heart, where I’d experienced happiness and friendship unlike anything I knew was possible.
And not now, within the walls of the Consortium, where I’d once felt trapped, but now felt somehow safe.
No matter where I went, I was a prisoner.