Chapter 21
“You have been gone for six hours. Felydrin was sent to fetch you after the first. I was sent to fetch you after the second. It was a highly vague request. You might mention to Alandris the need to improve his wording should he want things done quickly.”
Jyuri stood at the gate of the Consortium with his arms crossed in front of his chest. As I stopped in front of him, he pulled the small bottle from the belt at my hips, uncorked it, and pressed it between my lips in one fluid motion.
Two drops, a moment of pause between us, and he shoved it back into my belt.
I didn’t have the energy to fight him over his brazen disregard for my personal space, not while I was still reeling from my conversation with Amorphael, so I let it happen without argument.
He assessed me, scrunching his nose. “You smell of flowers. Seelie,” he said in disgust.
Fae of the Summer court. As opposed to Jyuri, obviously belonging to the Unseelie Winter court with his impeccable control over ice and illusion magic, the Seelie were more versed in nature-based magic.
I’d read of disagreements between the two courts, though no details were ever explained, and Jyuri’s reaction confirmed it.
To me, they were all Fae, and if I had my choice, I would have nothing to do with any of them.
“I met an old friend of yours.”
He huffed a laugh. “What did my old friend have to say?” To my surprise, he sounded legitimately curious.
I shrugged with a frown. “Not like a Fae to spell things out clearly, is it? She said something of remembering my reason for living. She said I needed purpose if I am to stand a chance against Zaelos.”
“Ah, it appears she intends to speed up the process. Always doing whatever she wants, that one.”
“Like you?”
“Maybe.” Jyuri grinned and glanced back at the door behind him.
“Jyuri,” I hummed, and he raised a brow at me. “Was Zaelos Seelie or Unseelie?”
His expression shifted to his usual mask of indifference. “Unseelie. Unfortunately, this is where we must part. The consequences of your actions are nearly here.” Before I could question what he meant, he snapped his fingers and disappeared in a cloud of frigid air.
As it turned out, I needed little time to ponder his words, as moments later, Alandris was rushing through the door, stopping short as soon as he saw me.
A flash of emotions passed over his face—panic, relief, and then…
anger. That ice-cold seething I’d grown used to seeing manifested in his eyes and stayed there.
He didn’t always reserve that anger for my stupid mistakes; he more often directed it at Mages who lost control of their magic during lessons and injured someone, but tonight, it was definitely mine to claim.
“I—”
“Not here.” He grabbed my wrist and dragged me toward the door, gentle despite his rigid tone.
I should have taken the opportunity to flee from what would no doubt be a lecture about disappearing to the Faewilds, but to be fair, it hadn’t been my fault, and I intended to make that perfectly clear.
I wouldn’t hear any grumbling or groaning about me being whisked away against my will, nor would I endure being chastised for leaving Consortium grounds.
I had a right to spend my free time as I wished, same as any other Mage.
I’d been so focused on silently crafting my arguments in my head that I hadn’t even noticed we’d arrived at Alandris’ quarters.
Not until he’d closed the door behind us and spun me around so my back was pressed against it, his body less than a step from mine.
I suddenly couldn’t remember a single point I’d planned to argue.
“You have always been infuriatingly reckless,” Alandris began. “Your unnatural talent for running headfirst into danger is something I’ve grown rather fond of, to be honest. However, I think you’ve surpassed even what I believed to be your threshold for carelessness this time.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but he brushed a lock of hair behind my ear, and my efforts died in my throat.
“I had very recently explained to you that there is an organization of highly powerful individuals dedicated to killing you. On top of that, there is a would-be god inside of you that wants to destroy you the moment a weakness is spotted.” He clicked his tongue, eyes never leaving my own.
“So, I am curious in what world you believed it a good idea to leave the protection of the Mages Consortium without telling anyone where you were going.”
“I thought you weren’t going to comfort me anymore,” I quipped.
“Comfort?” He tilted his head, blinking. “Love, I am scolding you.”
Love? Ignoring that for now.
The corner of my mouth twitched as I struggled to suppress a grin. “Because I was in danger?”
“Because you are a danger—to yourself, mostly.” His gaze wandered down to my lips and back up again. “Is this amusing to you?”
It was. Because as annoyed as he’d been with me moments ago, he himself was struggling not to smile now.
The coldness that had settled in his eyes had dissipated, replaced with a familiar fiery warmth, and when I noticed the shift, my amusement tapered, shifting into something different—something that made me abruptly aware of the lack of distance between us.
At the shakiness of my breath and the flush of my skin.
“It is,” I managed, though more breathy than I wanted.
“I’m glad you’re amused. You’ve ruined my charm. I used to be kinder.”
I let the smile through this time. “You’ve been grumpy as long as I’ve known you.”
“Not always.” He returned the smile. “I may have been too optimistic at one point. Naively so.”
“I like you as you are.” The words slipped from my mouth before I could think them through.
That gave him pause, though he did not yield any space, nor did he look away. “So, you truly don’t hate me anymore?”
I needed to breathe. Desperately. But how could I when he was looking at me like that? “Does this look like hate?”
Alandris placed his palms against the door on either side of my head, closed his eyes, and let out a deep breath. “Fuck. This might be the worst decision I make.”
And then his lips were on mine. And mine were on his.
And I didn’t fight it when he wrapped a hand around the back of my neck and pulled me closer, the other gripping my waist like an anchor.
I welcomed it. Returned it in the form of fingers twisted into the back of his shirt.
Because I needed something to keep me standing on two feet with the way his touch was making my body limp.
Because ‘fuck’ was right. This was, in fact, a fucking mistake, and I didn’t care at all.
It was a mistake when I jumped into his arms, wrapping my legs around his hips and my arms around his neck. And it was a mistake when I let him carry me over to his desk, his lips never leaving mine for more than a breath.
Being a failure had never felt so good.
Books and stacks of papers crashed to the floor, swept away by hands too eager to make space to care about the mess.
He laid me down on the wood and I propped myself up on my elbows, looking up at him properly for the first time.
Pupils blown wide with desire stared back at me.
But there was a hesitancy there in his eyes.
Something was still holding him back from indulging in what we both clearly wanted.
“You don’t want to?” I asked.
Alandris seemed almost offended by the question. “I want to. There is nothing I want more.” Yet he didn’t move, and that uncertainty still swam in his eyes.
I sat up fully, gripping the edge of the desk. “Then show me.”
Whatever my challenge had evoked in him had successfully shattered his self-control.
He shoved his way between my legs, pulling me by my hips to the edge of the desk until I pressed against him.
Taking my hand in his, he trailed kisses from the tips of my fingers up to my collarbone, where he sunk his teeth into the tender flesh before running his tongue over it.
His mouth had moved to my neck when I felt it.
Agony.
You might be surprised the number of things I would do for you.
Images flashed in my mind, dizzying me. Alandris and I in some sort of cave.
My shaky hands stitching up a wound below his ribs.
A bright smile lighting his face, one I’d never seen before.
Each subsequent image sent another lash of pain through my skull until I couldn’t stop myself from crying out in pain.
Alandris froze, pulling himself away from me. “Nairu?”
I gripped the sides of my head, sucking in a labored breath. “It’s just a headache.”
“Like what happened when we were training…. It’s getting worse.” He stepped back, but kept a hand clasped over my own. “But Jyuri gave you the potion. How are you still hearing Zaelos’ voice?”
I winced. “I didn’t hear his voice. I heard yours… I think. I saw you.”
Alandris stepped further back, his hands planted to his side. The warmth of his touch vanished in an instant, leaving only cold cruelty that melted into his features and the tone of his voice. “That isn’t possible.”
The sudden shift was a shock to my system. “I—I don’t know why.”
“You need to leave.”
“What? What are you—”
“Now. Go.” He turned his back to me, allowing no further argument.
Not that I’d planned to. At least with his back turned, he couldn’t see the shameful embarrassment of rejection tinging my cheeks red, nor the way I had to smooth out my ruffled clothes as I hopped down from his desk.
I carefully stepped around the fallen books and papers, quietly as possible, making my way towards the door.
My head was still throbbing, but it was nothing compared to how he’d made me feel.
The moment the door to his room closed behind me, I ran down the hallway and out of his quarters entirely.
I kept my head down on my way back to my room, cursing him the entire way. It shouldn’t have been a surprise that I ran face first into a wall, except this wall was squishy, and upon further inspection, female.
Zorinna braced my shoulders to steady me and raised her brows. “You look like shit.”
“Thanks.”
“Want to talk about it?”
In most circumstances, she would be one of the last people I’d feel comfortable venting to.
Aside from her being Lorian’s sister and the few conversations we’d had—mostly in the presence of others—I’d rarely talked to her and knew little to nothing about her.
In fact, it was almost as though she went out of her way to avoid me.
But right now, a near stranger seemed like the best person for the job.
I followed her through the hallways until we made it to a large room I assumed to be hers.
Its decoration surpassed even that of Alandris’ quarters.
Her dresser held golden trays overflowing with jewelry and gemstones; fine gowns, too numerous for the nearly bursting wardrobe, hung in every corner of the room.
Incense burned at a table in the center, filling the room with rich, fragrant smoke.
“Tea?”
I nodded, taking a seat at the small table.
“This is a black tea made with berry leaves and spice. You’ll enjoy it.” She poured us both a cup and took a seat beside me.
I wrapped my hands around the sides of the cups, relishing the heat. “Thank you. You didn’t have to.”
“I do not envy your position any more than my own,” she said. “You came from Alandris’s quarters. I imagine he did or said something stupid, given the look on your face back there.”
“I think I’m the stupid one, unfortunately,” I sighed.
“Oh, I doubt that. I think you’re doing the best you can with an awful situation.”
“He rejected me… more or less.”
She gave a pitying frown. “He has a, well, complicated relationship with love.”
I sipped at the tea. “It wasn’t exactly a matter of love.”
“Oh.” Zorinna looked down at her cup, her ears turning pink. “Things have progressed farther than I had imagined.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“It is quite obvious he cares for you, is it not?” She tilted her head with a hum.
“Despite being told to keep his distance on multiple occasions, he continues to involve himself with you directly. Jyuri offered to help train your magic, but he insisted on doing it himself. He is the most selfish of us all. Kaz and I have done our best to keep away from you, but he is incapable of following through. It’d be infuriating if I didn’t feel quite so… badly.”
I frowned, my frustration growing. “You aren’t making any sense. Do you understand how infuriating that is?”
“No, I suppose I don’t.” Zorinna took a sip of her tea. “I’m sorry, Nairu. I brought you here to listen to your worries, and I ended up burdening you with my own. The next time we talk, I hope it is real.”
She stood without giving me the opportunity to answer or question the strangeness of her words. “Stay as long as you’d like, but I have somewhere to be.”
It wasn’t the first time I’d felt like someone had been having a conversation with someone who wasn’t me.