Chapter 19
CHAPTER 19
T aking a sip of his fresh cup of coffee, Ryan took a seat back down at the dining room table where his Bible was spread open to the book of 1 Peter. His daily reading in chapter three had struck a chord in his heart that played to the tune of conviction.
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
1 Peter 3:7
The phrase ‘ live with your wives in an understanding way ’ repeated in his mind over and over. Since losing his father five months ago, he knew he had neglected his wife and children. He felt like a fool for not seeing it before now. He thought of all the times she had been patient with him as he wrestled with grief, supporting him, cherishing him despite his bad temper, shortness with her and the children, and unneeded long work hours. And what had he done in return for all her love? Lie.
Smoothing a hand over his face as his chest and throat tightened, he peered up toward Heaven with tears rolling down his cheeks. Pushing the chair away as he fell to his knees, he prayed, “Please forgive me, Lord.”
After a long bout of weeping in prayer and the comfort of God surrounding him, he climbed back into the chair.
Closing his Bible to conclude his time with God that morning, he took the Bible and walked it over to the counter in the kitchen. Accidentally dropping it, papers shot across the kitchen floor. Gathering the papers together, he found in the midst a laminated Bible verse card from his father. It was a ten-year marriage anniversary gift.
He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.
Proverbs 18:22
He took a deep breath as the verse resonated with the very depths of his soul that morning. He peered up, his eyes again welling. “Thank You for Emily, God. Please let it not be too late.”
Continuing with his morning, Ryan gave in and finally did some household chores. He vacuumed, did laundry, and washed the dishes. Loading the final plate into the dishwasher, he tossed a tab in and smashed the start button. Taking a pause, he rested his hand against the counter as he shook his head and furrowed his eyebrows. Ryan realized he had married Super Woman. There was no other possible explanation for how she was able to do all the chores daily, plus have a job, and cook every evening.
Going into the bedroom’s ensuite bathroom, he ran a shower.
His phone rang before he got in.
Emily’s name on the caller ID made him feel uneasy. Something was wrong, he could sense it.
Answering, he asked, “What’s wrong, Em?”
Sobbing, she began to hyperventilate.
Raking a hand through his hair, he sat down on his bed. He hated that she was so far away at that moment. “Baby, what’s wrong?”
“My stupid parents.”
“What?” He stood up and paced. “What happened?”
“They kicked me and the kids out. I don’t know what to do.”
Recalling the area of her parents’ house, he remembered a nearby hotel. “Go to the Double Tree hotel. It’s right off Grant Avenue.”
“Get a hotel? That’s your solution?”
“Yeah. There isn’t much else we can do until we figure something out.”
“Can we afford that, though? I mean?—”
“Get the hotel, Em. You and our children need a place to sleep.” Walking into the bathroom, he shut off the shower and headed back into the bedroom. “Tell me what happened.”
“I don’t want to get into it. They’re just so . . .” She let out a frustrated sigh. “Rude and unkind. I was fine at first . . . and then I actually got in the car and freaked.”
He had a lot of thoughts and frustration about his in-laws, but nothing productive to say. “I’m sorry. You know, I was thinking maybe I should just move back to California.”
There was a long moment of silence on the phone. As it leaned into awkward, she finally said something. “Don’t do that, Ryan.”
“Then, do you want to come home?”
“No . . .” She sighed. “I don’t know right this second what to do.”
He clenched his jaw.
“Don’t be mad at me, Ryan. Please?”
“I just need to know what you want, Emily. You don’t want me to come there, and you don’t want to come back.”
“Just let me get checked into the hotel and think through this situation.”
Ryan wanted her to make a decision right in the moment so he could act. But then he remembered how long she had waited for him, how patient she had been since losing his father. “Take all the time you need. I’m a phone call away.”
“Thank you. Hey, do you want to talk to the kids?”
“Yes, I’d love that.”
As he chatted with each child individually, Ryan felt an immense gratefulness wash over his being. He missed them more than he thought was possible. The time apart had made him realize how much he had taken time with his children for granted. He resolved in his heart that he’d spend the rest of their childhood making it up to them once they were back together as a family. For Elizabeth, there were only a couple of years left for him to work on that. For the boys, it’d be a bit longer. Ryan knew more than ever that it was but a blink.
After checking in at the hotel, Emily took her children down to the pool area to let them relax and swim. It had been a difficult time while at her parents’ house, and she was glad to brighten their worlds even if it was just a fraction and would only be a temporary reprieve from their chaotic life at the moment. As she lounged by the pool after a dip in the hot tub, she called her friend Sarah back in Cedarwood Creek.
“Oh, girl. God is up to something big.”
Emily let out a defeated sigh.
“What’s wrong?”
Emily shook her head as tears slipped down her cheeks. “I’m glad God is doing something, and I do sense that . . . I just don’t understand why my life had to be ruined in the process.”
“It’s not ruined. Sometimes, when life feels like it’s falling apart, God is actually placing the pieces together.”
Wiping her cheeks, Emily’s heart felt weak in the moment. “It sure doesn’t feel that way.”
“Are you and Ryan talking much?”
“Some. He offered to move back to California.”
“Oh, that’s great. Isn’t it?”
“I don’t know anymore. Part of me is scared he’s only willing because I left him and moved here.”
“What’s wrong with that? Isn’t that what you wanted, for him to have a wake-up call?”
“What if he moves back to California and ends up resenting me?” Emily touched her forehead as she let out a sigh. “I just don’t know much of anything anymore.”
“You just have to take steps of faith, Emily.”
“I don’t know how to do that when the path ahead is dark and full of uncertainty.”
“God doesn’t give us the full plan, just the next step. Courage isn’t the absence of fear or worry. It’s taking action despite it. Ask God what He wants you to do, then take the step with full faith.”
“What if I don’t know what He wants?”
“PUSH.”
“Huh?” Emily shook her head. “What’s that?”
“Pray Until Something Happens.”
After getting off the phone with Sarah, Emily watched as Elizabeth played Marco Polo in the pool with her brothers. Her heart warmed with joy at seeing her children play together, thankful that in the midst of the chaos, she was able to catch a glimmer of good, and it brought a confidence that everything would work out.
That evening, back in their room, Elizabeth asked to talk to her out in the hallway of the hotel, out of earshot of the boys.
“What’s going on with you and Dad? Are you getting back together?”
Emily shook her head. “We never really broke up, but this isn’t anything for you to be concerned about.”
“Right, but I’m sixteen years old. I see things, I hear things, I pay attention. You left Dad in Cedarwood Creek and came back to California. Now we’re living in a hotel room.”
Sighing, she touched her forehead as she fought tears back.
“To be entirely honest with you, I don’t know what’s going on. Your father and I are together, but I don’t know what we’re going to do.” At her words, she saw the fear in her daughter’s eyes. “God will lead us.”
“Like He led us to living in a hotel?” Elizabeth shook her head as she started to cry. “I don’t like life without Dad, Mom.”
“Better than your grandparents, right?”
“Not funny . . .”
“Your dad isn’t out of the picture, dear. He’s going to move back here, possibly.”
Elizabeth furrowed her eyebrows and shook her head. “What? Why? He can’t do that!”
“Why are you getting so upset? Isn’t that what you want? To be with Dad again?”
“Yeah, but not that way. To run away and he chases after us . . .” She wiped the tears from her cheeks and let out a sigh. “I love California, but it hasn’t been the same. Not at all. Why can’t life just go back to the way things were before Grandpa died?”
Pulling her daughter in close to her, Emily kissed her forehead and then wrapped her arms around her in a loving embrace. “We can never go back, but we can move forward. One of the perks of being a Christian is knowing that God is sovereign and He’s already in the future. He knows it, sees it, and holds it.”
“Then why do you seem so scared, Mom?”
Swallowing the lump of guilt in her throat, Emily shook her head. “Sometimes we lose focus on what’s most important. Thankfully, God always brings us back to His path.”