Chapter 14
Dev
I wanted to kiss her.
The need to close the distance between us was almost physical.
I followed Seph back to her room and watched her collapse on the bed, her head in her arms.
I knelt by her feet, careful not to touch her.
“Seph?”
She looked up at me, tears streaking her face.
She stared at me, her lip trembling, breath catching. She was shaking.
“Seph, what’s wrong?”
She shook her head, like the words wouldn’t come. One hand came up, scrubbing at her face as if she were angry at the tears themselves.
“I didn’t think it would hurt like that,” she whispered finally. “I thought I was past this part.”
I bit back the fury that flared when he called her nothing.
She was everything.
I can’t ever tell her that.
I swallowed. I didn’t touch her. I wanted to—God, I wanted to—but this wasn’t about me.
“You don’t have to be past anything,” I said quietly. “Not today.”
Her shoulders hitched. She let out a short, disbelieving laugh.
“He still thinks he’s right,” she said. “After everything. He still thinks the Light excuses him.”
“And the worst part?” She dragged a hand over her face. “I miss him.” A shaky breath. “How dumb is that?”
“You’re not dumb.” I kept my voice steady. “There’s nothing wrong with feeling like this, Seph. Whatever he’s done… he’s still your father. It’s okay to be conflicted.”
“Kieran doesn’t think so.”
“Kieran has his own issues.”
That earned a weak huff of laughter before she folded back into herself, pressing her face into her arms again.
“He thinks I should hate him,” she said. “That it should be simple.”
“It never is,” I said. “Anyone who says it is hasn’t been through it.”
She shifted, drawing one knee up, curling tighter. The urge to reach for her pulled hard in my chest. I stayed where I was.
“I hate what he did,” she whispered. “I hate what he allowed. But part of me still remembers him before all of that. Before Marr. Before the Council. Before…” Her voice broke. “Before I knew what I was.”
I nodded, even though she couldn’t see it.
“That doesn’t make you weak.”
She went quiet, breathing through it. When she spoke again, her voice was smaller.
“What if missing him means he still has power over me?”
I took a moment before answering.
“It means he mattered,” I said. “That’s not the same thing as power.”
She glanced at me, just barely.
“And if I choose to forgive him one day?”
I met her eyes.
“Then that’s for you,” I said quietly. “Not for him.”
Something in her expression eased—just a fraction. Like a knot loosening. She lay back on the bed and tapped the spot beside her. I climbed beside her and sat.
“Tell me something, Dev,” she spoke after a pause.
I lay down. “Like what?”
“Anything. Something. Distract me.”
“Ok. I hate carrots,” I said finally.
She turned to me in disbelief. “That’s what you lead with?”
“Carrots are gross,” I said. “And you said anything.”
She snorted despite herself — a sharp little laugh that felt like a victory. “I don’t believe you,” she said. “No one just hates carrots.”
“I do,” I insisted. “They’re deceptive.”
“Deceptive?” She propped herself up on one elbow, studying me like she was reassessing everything she thought she knew.
“They pretend to be sweet,” I said. “Then they’re not. It’s unsettling.”
She laughed again—softer this time. Real. The knot in her shoulders loosened another degree.
“That might be the strangest thing you’ve ever said.”
“Give it time,” I replied. “I’ve got a lot of opinions.”
She rolled onto her side to face me. There was still sadness in her eyes, but it wasn’t swallowing her anymore.
“Alright,” she said. “My turn.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“I hate being alone in silence,” she admitted quietly. “I can do noise. I can do chaos. But silence feels like waiting for something bad to happen. I spent so many days alone in my room. I don’t want to go back to that.”
I nodded slowly. “That tracks.”
She smiled faintly. “See? You’re good at this.”
“At hating vegetables?”
“At distracting me.”
We lay there for a moment, shoulder to shoulder, staring up at the ceiling. The quiet didn’t feel heavy anymore. It felt… shared.
And for the first time since we’d left the cells, I felt her breathing even out.
“I also don’t have a good relationship with my parents. They decided long ago that money meant more to them than I did. I got everything I ever wanted from my dad. Except parents.”
The words surprised me with how true they still were.
“Where is your family?”
“They own the Redgrave Publishing House out of Telluride.”
I hesitated. “They… control most of the information in Velithra.”
She studied me for a second longer than before. “So… you could ruin someone pretty easily.”
“Unfortunately,” I said quietly. “Yeah.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Redgrave. That’s your last name, right?”
I sighed. “Yeah. Ian Redgrave is my father.”
Her eyes widened. “Wow. So we had an actual celebrity at Darkmoor,” she said with a small smile. “The bachelor son of the media kingpin.”
I shook my head. “Don’t. It’s not like that. I fucking hate them both.”
Her expression softened. “I’m sorry, Dev.”
I glanced up at the ceiling. “It’s fine. I know you didn’t mean anything by it.”
She hesitated.
“The Tribune’s theirs too, isn’t it?” she said quietly.
“Yeah.” I exhaled. “Very pro-Light.”
“How did you end up in Darkmoor then?” she asked.
“I was stupid. I wanted attention, so I stole my father’s Ducati and crashed it,” I huffed a laugh. “Into all his other motorbikes.”
“He thought Darkmoor would be a good learning experience.” I paused. “Or a warning.”
“A warning of what?”
“Of what happens when I cross him.”
She went quiet, her brow furrowing.
“Right…”
“What’s a Ducati?” she asked finally.
“It’s a type of motorcycle.”
She blinked. Then she laughed—properly this time. “Oh. That makes way more sense. I was picturing a very shiny and very expensive car.”
“It was shiny,” I said. “And expensive, like a car. Just… faster.”
She shook her head, smiling. “You crashed it on purpose?”
“I didn’t plan to crash,” I said. “I just didn’t try that hard not to.”
She hummed thoughtfully. “That tracks too.”
I turned my head to look at her. She was calmer now. Her eyes followed the ceiling like she was replaying the image.
“So, they sent you to Darkmoor for that?”
“My magic rates at 47D,” I shrugged. “Easy enough to blame the dark in me instead of… anything else. But it’s been a few years. I don’t even care anymore.”
“You don’t have to lie to me.”
I turned towards her. “I figured it out a while ago. Just because they’re my blood…doesn’t mean I owe them anything.” I ran my hand over the scars on my palms.
My gaze flicked back to hers, something tightening in my chest.
“So, when I met Ash and K – and now you too.”
“Me?” she smiled.
“Yeah,” I said. “You. That’s when I realised what I’d been missing.”
Her smile softened—not teasing this time.
She didn’t answer right away. Instead, she rolled onto her side, propping her head on her hand, studying me like she was seeing me properly for the first time.
“That’s a big thing to say,” she murmured.
I shrugged, suddenly aware of how close we were. “I don’t say it lightly.”
She searched my face, like she was checking for cracks, for bravado.
“I don’t think I’ve ever really had that,” she admitted. “People who choose me. Not because they’re meant to. Not because they should. Just because they want to.”
I swallowed. “You do.”
Her breath caught—just slightly.
“Even knowing everything?” she asked. “What I am. What follows me.”
“Yes,” I said immediately. No pause. No doubt. “Especially knowing.”
She looked away then, blinking hard. When she spoke, her voice was steadier than I expected.
“Then I guess we’re both doing something new.”
“Looks like it.”
We lay there again, shoulder to shoulder. The air felt thicker between us. I was suddenly very aware of each breath she took.
And of my own.
My hands shifted slightly at my sides.
“Hey, Dev?”
“Yeah, Seph?”
“I’ve never been on a motorbike. Would you take me one day?”
“You want that?”
“Yeah. I do. I’m starting to realise I want lots of things,” she said.
“What else?” I asked, unable to stop my curiosity.
“I want to swim at the beach. I want to go on a plane. I want – “ she bit her lip, pausing.
“What?” I smiled. “Tell me?”
“It’s embarrassing.”
“Now I really want to know.” I spoke.
She sat up, blushing furiously. She looked at me, and all of a sudden, I had a pretty good idea what she was trying to say.
“I want to… I mean – One day, I would like to have…” she closed her mouth.
I felt my own face warm against my will. I grinned.
“Ok,” I said softly, before she could speak.
“Ok what?”
“I’ll take you for a ride.”
Her mouth gaped. “You’ll take me?”
From her rapid blinking, I knew I had flustered her.
“On a motorbike. That’s what you mean, right?” I said innocently.
Her mouth snapped shut. “Uh. Yep. That’s… that is what I meant.”
“I thought so.”