Chapter 40
ELIVANDER
After letting Never sleep almost until dawn, it took hours to make it out of the Underbroke without being seen. And used up all my patience listening to that kid. He talks as much as she does, but her I can handle—those sweet lips and voice like a godsdamn breath of fresh air.
Even beneath the heavy dark clouds smothering any hint of the sun, the morning clarity of the outdoors sears my eyeballs. I squint. And breathe. We made it out. And I didn’t even strangle the child. I hope I never have to go back down there.
It’s not only the brightness that stings my sensitive eyes.
The air smells smoky. Burnt brush. And that familiar peppery scent.
I focus my senses, listening for distant sounds to find the others, but Never’s heart beats so loud next to me that I can barely think—another way she weakens me.
I look at her, those indigo eyes watering from the smoke and taking in the charred teva fields, rough on our bare feet. Black extends in every direction.
“They did it,” she says, putting a hand on my arm, her voice quiet. I live for quiet, but not with her. Everything feels out of place.
A blonde head appears in the distance, bouncing as it nears.
Milo runs toward us, his arms stretched out at his sides like a child, as if growing up in Sonnet didn’t break his character, as if he didn’t inflict pain on himself solely to prepare for the torture from others.
His smile is so big it makes me want to smile back. I don’t.
“We did it. Every last sprout of teva is gone.” He claps me on the shoulder. “Good thing the snow didn’t last. And it’s finally not pouring.”
“Anything left to smoke?” I ask.
He grins and pats his pants pocket. “I have the last of the dried petals, enough for a while, then that’s it, forever.”
Now I can’t help but smile. “Don’t lose that.”
“I won’t.” Milo bobs his head once at Never in greeting. “Looks like the asshole found you again.”
I smack his forehead with my palm, and he stumbles back, laughing. Nothing seems to bring him down. Never presses into my side, gripping my arm as though someone might tear us apart.
“Something like that,” she says. She must be too worn out for a sarcastic response. It makes me want to scoop her up and carry her away.
“I like you tall,” Milo tells her. He winks at me. “Who would have thought you’d link before me? I’ll be twenty-four next month.”
My chest heats, anger swelling, threatening to break ribs. “I’m not linked.”
Never’s heartbeat takes off at such speed I almost grab my own runaway heart. What is she so upset about? Then panic and blood-boiling jealousy pump into me… and I know. She’s worried who I’ll link with. She wants to be mine and actually thinks it could be any other way.
Sypher, Kaleida and the Hollow come up behind Milo, and that jealousy of hers already racing through me becomes fully mine. I can’t stand the sight of the Hollow knowing he’s had his hands on her. And I refuse to use his lame name with an initial.
Kaleida runs at full speed straight toward us. I grab Never and lift her out of the path and into me.
“What are you doing?” She smacks my chest and wiggles against me.
“Yeah, Eli. I was only trying to hug her,” Kaleida says, skidding to a stop then adjusting her white shirt, now gray with ash. “We’re all on your side, even Maverick J.”
I squeeze Never closer. What’s wrong with me? I’m so afraid of losing her that I see a threat in Kaleida? My mind blurs with confusion, with feelings that I can’t control—my new normal. Nothing is clear anymore. “She’s mine,” I mumble.
“We know.” Kaleida grabs my shoulder and gives it a shake, a smirk spreading into a smile. “I heard loud and clear through the bathroom door in Caldera. I was a stone away from climbing on top of him.” She points her thumb at Milo.
He looks at her with new eyes, as if he never considered her like that before. “What stopped you?”
Her cheeks flush pink.
I pull myself together and question Kaleida, trying not to let on how flustered I am. “Why not give her a fucking bar before knocking her on her ass? She hasn’t eaten in days. And what’s the Hollow doing here?”
“Why not fucking say something sooner?” With a mocking smile, Kaleida swings her pack to the front, flips the flap up and digs through the contents.
“And did you really expect Mav to stay behind with a bunch of emotionless Hollows killing themselves? For the first time, he cares about something. Plus, Sypher wouldn’t leave him behind. ”
“You okay?” Milo asks, focusing on my face in a way that makes me want to punch his jaw and hug him at the same time—must be the Kelter in me.
“I’m fine.” I drowned and almost lost Never.
No big deal. I put her down, still holding her close.
She looks up at me with full, bright eyes, as though she’s shocked that I’d think of her need to eat again.
Maybe I am too. I look away. I’m not supposed to let her know how much I care. I’m not supposed to care at all.
“Why not fucking let me ask for food myself?” Never says with a grin at me as she takes the bar and a canteen from Kaleida.
She thanks her before nibbling at the corner, then follows with a long drink.
I can feel each gulp with her body up against mine like this.
She hands the water back and goes for another bite. Good. She needs her strength.
Milo steps closer, his blue eyes narrowing with worry. “Have you seen Coen and Sola? We stopped by my house, and they were gone. The Centress too.”
“Zandrite had them in the Underbroke, but Kelter snuck them out. I’m sure they’re somewhere around here. The Centress has been taken care of.” I don’t elaborate on that.
Kaleida looks at me cautiously. “And Kelter? How come he’s not with you? Did you kill him?”
“Not yet.”
She laughs through her nose, her face relaxing.
Kelter huffs. Asshole.
She’s worried about you. Why didn’t you pick her instead of that Half Link? I bet if you had said please, she would’ve slapped some cuffs on you first.
You have no idea what I like.
Don’t worry, you’ll learn from me.
His annoyance drips through me. Ever’s your first, he accuses.
In this lifetime.
And now I have your lifetimes of experience too, including your father with our mother so maybe you shouldn’t be spouting that stuff like you’re the only one who has all these memories.
I tense, folding my rage inward. I’ve lived with those memories for years.
And I remember every mopey day you went through.
That’s over now. I gave you Ever. All I ask is that you leave all that behind and make her happy.
His tone softens, padded with nostalgia.
And let her read to you. Give her potatoes when she gets down.
And coffee, of course. And once no one’s trying to kill her, take her out to the forest so she can work on her maps.
That’s how she works through the hard stuff in life.
And whatever you do, don’t tell her how you feel. She’ll panic.
How much do I not know about her? How can I be so captivated when she has a whole life I’ve never known?
With Kelter. It’s the next question my mind serves up that worries me most, that makes me see how far gone I am, how destructive she is: would she read to me too, if I gave her the chance?
Maybe she does only want me to get her off and nothing more. Like it has to be.
She would, Kelter says, and I feel him slip away.
“Who’s the kid?” Sypher asks, draping his hand over Kaleida’s shoulder and jutting his chin toward the child.
The kid steps forward, head held high. “Atom. I’m here to set things right.”
Milo frowns down at him. “What does that mean?”
“Later,” I say, before the kid starts talking again. He’ll tell them anything he wants, and clearly he knows too much. He scowls at me before sitting a ways away, stick in hand, drawing in the charred dirt. Better.
“We need to figure out what’s next.” Milo says. “This isn’t over just because we destroyed the teva fields.”
“No, it’s not,” Kaleida agrees, “but at least the Hollows will regain awareness and stop dying once the elixir clears from the water. That’s a start. Then we’ll undo the Separation and rebalance the magic cycle. Simple,” she adds with a grimace.
I find Ever’s face. “Since that matters to you, I guess.” She glares at me, and fuck—I want to smile again. She’s toxic.
She turns around in my arms to face the others. “Calderans will start to find their way into Sonnet and—”
“And get killed,” Sypher interrupts.
“Let her speak, or I’ll slice off your tongue.” I unsheathe my knife.
“I didn’t—” Sypher begins.
I reach past Never to close his mouth with the flat of my blade. “Trust me. You’ll want that particular body part someday soon.” The option to take his life pulses in my mind, as though some part of me wants it. Craves it.
What is going on? I consider killing people all the time, but not my friends.
Resist, Kelter says. It’s only going to get worse.
What is? I ask, but he’s silent.
Sypher backs away. I hold my knife ready for the next fool to interrupt Never.
“Put that thing down.” She whacks my arm downward, and I find a new spot for the blade—under her chin.
“Here?” I ask. How deep would I have to cut to feel her warm blood on my hands?
Only a little. I expect her heart to beat with fear or maybe anger at the way I have her trapped in my arms, but it’s arousal that streams from her into me in an explosive rush.
She loves a knife to her neck. I press myself against her back, responding to her reaction.
She doesn’t even try to whisper. “Is that necessary right now? One step to the side and everyone will have a perfect view of how hard you are.”
“One step to the side, and that neck of yours will be soaked in blood. They’ll have the perfect view of me licking you clean.”
Desire flips through her and adds to my own. It’s fine, as long as it’s not love she wants. That I have to keep to myself.