Chapter 30
Morning rumbled in with a distant clap of thunder and put an end to Reva’s sleepless night. She rose from her bed, groggy and feeling exhausted, and opened the window slightly. A brisk, northerly wind carried the scent of rain through the tops of the pines. She basked in the aroma long enough to clear her head, then slowly pushed the window frame closed before the chill filled the room.
Lucan was coming down with a cold. He’d coughed most of the prior night and his nose was stuffy, which prompted her to get up in the middle of the night to scan the internet for potential remedies. With so many conflicting choices, she’d finally given up and called Charlie Grace who promptly told her to rub the tiniest bit of vapor rub and place a warm wet washcloth on his chest. The treatment provided instant relief and Lucan fell into a deep sleep.
Even then, Reva could barely bring herself to place him back in his toddler crib. Instead, she carried him to her own bed and cradled him against her body, laying her head on top of his soft curls until she, too, dozed off.
From the moment she’d held Lucan for the first time, a flood of emotions overwhelmed her—joy, fear, and a profound sense of responsibility. No amount of reading or advice could have prepared Reva for the reality of motherhood. Every cry was a mystery, every smile a triumph.
She doubted every decision, from how tightly to fasten his car seat to deciphering the hunger cries from the tired ones. The nights blurred into days, and the exhaustion was unlike anything she’d ever experienced. Especially when she had to juggle motherhood with so many responsibilities.
Yet, with each passing day, she learned. Reva grew alongside Lucan, discovering strengths she never knew she possessed and a love so deep it anchored her through the storm of uncertainty. Motherhood, with all its challenges and without prior experience, had been her greatest teacher, showing the depths of her resilience and the boundless capacity of her heart.
In a nutshell…she adored this little boy beyond anything she could ever have imagined.
So, when her phone dinged on her way downstairs, she never could have contemplated the terror a three-lined message from his social worker could bring—even when she knew deep down this day might come.
“Reva, we’d had an unexpected development with Lucan. You need to bring him to the office this morning along with his things. I’ll explain when you get here.”
Her heart pounded against her chest wall as her mind raced through possibilities and what the message could mean. “…and bring his things.” That couldn’t be good.
Her mind went into autopilot as she took a deep breath. First things first. She’d need a shower, and she’d have to feed and dress Lucan. Then they’d make the trip to Jackson and find out what all this was about.
She fought valiantly to maintain her composure, yet her hands trembled as she selected a pair of tiny jeans and a long-sleeve shirt adorned with a puppy, his cherished outfit. The puppy emblem, soft to the touch, featured a tail designed for gentle strokes.
With a resolve to stay strong and not preemptively worry, she made her way to the shower. As hot water cascaded down her back, she lathered her hair, pondering whether any family had been discovered, apart from a grandfather behind bars.
Inwardly, she harbored a selfish hope that no other relatives would come forward.
For a fleeting moment, as she later secured Lucan in his car seat and arranged his bags in the back, the thought of reaching out to her friends crossed her mind. The prospect of facing potentially devastating news without Charlie Grace, Lila, and Capri seemed daunting.
However, after a moment of reflection, she decided not to. They would undoubtedly rally to her side, but without knowing the specifics of the situation, it was premature to disrupt their lives.
Instead, she chose to confront whatever awaited her solo. She would attend the meeting with the social worker and face whatever challenges lay ahead, armed with the knowledge that she could call on her friends if the need arose.
Despite her resolve, Reva’s mind wandered into crazy places on the drive to Jackson.
The prospect of saying goodbye to Lucan was not just about parting with the child she had grown to love; it was also about confronting the realization that she wanted to be his legal mother. This unexpected chapter in her life had shown her a future she now yearned for—a future that included Lucan, and possibly more children, laughter, and the chaos of family life.
As Reva considered potentially handing Lucan over to someone else’s care, she couldn’t help but feel a sense of loss for the life she was only just beginning to imagine for herself. The journey with Lucan had been a gift, offering her a glimpse into a part of herself she was now unwilling to ignore. Regardless of what the future held, this experience had irrevocably changed her, highlighting a desire for motherhood that would shape her decisions moving forward.
She desperately wanted to remain Lucan’s mother…forever.
Reva stepped into the starkly lit lobby of the Family and Child Services building, her boots echoing on the polished floor as she crossed to the reception desk. “I’m Reva Nygard. I’m here to see Bea Followill.”
The clerk nodded. “Yes, Ms. Followill is expecting you.”
As Reva stood, clutching Lucan a little closer, she saw Bea Followill approaching through the lobby.
“Reva, thank you for coming on such short notice,” she said, her face no longer filled with calm demeanor and a compassionate smile, but concern. A concern that only heightened Reva’s apprehension.
Dressed in a fitted pantsuit in a shade of gray that matched the stormy sky, Bea exuded an air of professional demeanor. As she drew nearer, her expression conveyed a mixture of understanding and sadness, a silent acknowledgment of what the horizon held.
“Like I said in my text message,” Bea began, leading them to her tiny office. “We’ve had an unexpected development.”
Reva trembled inside as she took a seat and unwrapped Lucan from his jacket. “What news?” Her voice remained steady despite the turmoil she felt inside.
Bea folded into her office chair and let out a sigh—a long, heavy sound that seemed to carry more weight than the air could hold. “His grandfather has reached out to us through legal counsel. Despite currently serving time in Texas for armed robbery—” She paused, searching Reva’s eyes. “Jess Dorsey wants to start proceedings for full custody.”
“I—I’m not following.”
“Technically, Lucan’s grandfather is his legal guardian until he relinquishes or the courts rule otherwise. Either way, he has about eight months left to serve out his sentence. Based on the circumstances surrounding this situation, his attorney is petitioning the court for early release, hoping to convince the judge it’s in Lucan’s best interest for his grandfather to be freed so his grandson can live with him.”
Reva scowled with concern. “He’s a criminal,” she protested. “I mean, is he the best one to care for Lucan? I am more than willing and able to?—”
“I’m afraid there’s little we can do if Mr. Dorsey wants to pursue custody. Of course, we’ll be completing a family home study but the fact he has a charge of this nature in his background doesn’t necessarily preclude him from stepping in as Lucan’s only family and taking custody of his grandson.” Bea looked across the desk patiently. “Given the current situation, we have no choice but to accommodate the rules and procedures in place. Lucan is currently a ward of the state, and we take that responsibility seriously.”
Bea folded her hands on her desk. “Reva, you know we’ll do everything we possibly can to ensure Lucan Dorsey is safe and in the best possible place he can be. Sometimes my personal desires do not line up with how the court rules. Please understand we do all we can,” Bea implored, her eyes pleading.
The room seemed to spin as Reva processed Bea’s words. She thought of the hours she’d spent holding Lucan through the night, comforting him, and the surprising amount of love she already felt for this little guy in her lap.
The possibility of handing Lucan over to a distant, incarcerated relative whose only goal was to walk away from prison was unthinkable.
“Bea, Lucan is…happy. He’s well cared for.” Reva tried to articulate the storm of objections in her mind, but each quickly dissipated, sounding less convincing than the last. She nearly screamed the only thing that mattered here. “He’s been through enough already. What is he going to think if the courts take him from me? He’s going to feel like I abandoned him.” She let out a rare curse. “We can’t do that to him.” She refrained from adding the other important thought in her mind. “He’s mine!”
“I understand your situation, Reva. You’ve been doing an amazing job. No one could have done better,” Bea said, her sincerity unmistakable.
The silence that followed was filled with unspoken fears. Reva felt a knife at her heart, ready to plunge its sharp edge into everything she held dear. She couldn’t imagine abandoning Lucan to anyone else—and especially a convict. Even if he was Lucan’s grandfather.
She let her lips drop to the top of his soft, black curls and kissed him. He turned and looked up at her, his large, brown eyes filled with nothing but trust.
“Okay, what now?” Reva finally managed, her voice a mixture of trepidation and worry. “You asked me to bring his things. Lucan has already become a part of my life. Does that mean I can’t take him home with me?” She could barely push the words past the lump in her throat.
Bea’s sadness was palpable. “I’m afraid that is best, Reva. I can’t tell you how much harder this will be later—on both of you.”
The following hour was a blur. Paperwork signed, instructions given, court dates noted. And tears shed…lots of tears.
Especially when she kissed his soft, dimpled cheek and whispered, “I love you, Lucan.”
As Reva pushed through the doors of the Family and Child Services building and made her way to the car without Lucan in her arms, more tears blinded her path.
There had been losses in her life—yet nothing like this. Yes, she’d always known this was a possibility, but never truly believed she’d have to give him up. Leaving Lucan in Bea Followill’s arms and walking away without him felt like death. Worse than death.
Abandoning Lucan to some unknown fate was torture.