Chapter Five
CHAPTER FIVE
Four more doubles on top of Ralph’s freebie and Eden was more than tipsy.
‘Hang on…’ Livia called as Eden pulled her jacket around her shoulders. ‘If you hang on for half an hour, last orders will be up and I’ll have the clean-down finished. I’ll be able to walk home with you.’
‘Yours or mine?’ Eden slurred.
Livia smiled. ‘Yours, dafty.’
‘Then how will you get home?’
‘In exactly the same way.’
‘You can’t walk me home and then walk all the way back to yours… I don’t know exactly how far that is but still, it’s got to be a bit out of the way.’
‘It’s not that bad. I can be pacey when I want to. Long legs, you see. Sprinter’s legs, my dad used to say.’
Eden shook her head. ‘Nah. That’s stupid. Not your legs, they’re not stupid. They’re probably nice. I mean, going up the cliffs for no reason is stupid. I can get home – it’s fine, I know the way.’
Livia started to laugh. ‘Yes, but you don’t usually have to go up there drunk.’
‘I’m not drunk.’
‘You’re not sober either.’
‘I am. A bit.’
Livia laughed again as she turned to a customer. While she was busy, Eden took her cue to sneak out. Much as she appreciated Livia’s offer, she wasn’t about to have her walk all the way up to Four Winds Cottage and then have to walk down the cliffs back to her own place in the dark.
As soon as she’d made it home, Eden had fallen into bed with a face full of make-up, taking advantage of the fact nobody would be around to see what she looked like when she got up. She had gone straight to sleep – the first time she’d done that since her mum had died. She’d woken with warm recollections of the night before, of laughing more than she’d laughed since her mum’s death, just for a short time able to leave that past behind and live for the moment. It had been lovely but all too brief. This morning, despite having those wonderful new memories, the old ones weren’t going to be banished so easily.
It didn’t help that Caitlin had called again. Early this time, as if to catch Eden out. Eden was drinking her first coffee of the day as the sun burned in through her kitchen window. She watched as her sister’s name flashed up, the ringing somehow more insistent, more urgent with every second that Eden tried to ignore it. And then it ended abruptly, almost as if it was a mirror of Caitlin’s mood at the other end, an unseen and impatient huff. She’d give up soon, wouldn’t she? She hated Eden now – she’d made that clear enough – so why spend so much time trying to speak to her?
As she tried to put it out of her mind, her gaze took in the kitchen. The house was hers for the next few months, but it didn’t feel like home yet. Perhaps something of her own taste would change that. She couldn’t decorate, of course, but she could buy some soft furnishings and knick-knacks and then perhaps it would feel more homely. There weren’t many shops in Sea Glass Bay that weren’t geared specifically for the tourists, but she’d seen a fabric shop and she’d also seen a charity shop on the little high street. She might be able to get what she wanted in one of those. Of course, whatever she got in the fabric store would have to be made into something useful, and Eden couldn’t sew, but she’d bet that the owners of the shop would either be able to sew it for her or know someone who could.
An hour later, she was wandering down the narrow aisles of the shop, bolts of fabric stretching ahead like the marvellous patterned columns of a Roman temple. There was every colour and every style, from minimalist geometric designs to bold and sumptuous foliage, to pretty cottage-inspired florals. Eden didn’t know what she wanted or what she was going to do with it;, she only knew that she wanted to surround herself with things that felt like they were hers.
She stopped in front of a roll of William Morris-inspired cotton and ran a hand along it. Gorgeous as it was, perhaps it was a bit too vibrant for her. She moved along to something more subtle. There was still a hint of Victoriana about it, but the colours were muted and cosy. It was unassuming at first, but the more Eden looked at it, the more she liked it. As she was pondering what she might want made, a voice from behind made her jump.
‘Lovely, isn’t it?’ The shop assistant smiled. ‘I’ve got some of it in my bedroom at home.’
‘It’s gorgeous.’
‘What are you thinking of making with it?’
‘Oh, I don’t know…cushions maybe?’
‘I’d say it’s a bit flimsy for that to be honest. I mean, I wouldn’t want to tell you what to use, but I feel it’s more suited to bedding.’
Eden’s gaze went back to the fabric. She really liked it, but if it didn’t work, then it didn’t work.
‘What do you have that would be suitable for cushions?’
The woman glided down the aisle, and Eden followed her. She stopped at a section where the shades went from biscuit to claret to leaf green, all of them with similar patterns to the one Eden had originally been looking at.
‘One of these would do nicely. What machine are you working with?’
‘Oh…well, that’s the other thing – I don’t actually sew, and I’d need someone to make it for me. You don’t do that, do you?’
‘We do when we have time, but we’re pretty busy at the moment. There is someone locally who’d do a good job and sometimes picks up work for us. I could give you her number; you could get the fabric and see if she could do it for you.’
‘That would be brilliant, thank you.’
‘How much fabric do you need?’
‘Sorry, I don’t know…’
‘Don’t worry. I’m sure we can figure it out,’ the woman continued. ‘Let me just get a card for the seamstress…’
Eden inspected the racks while the woman went to the counter.
A moment later, she was back. ‘Here we go…’
Eden took the card. The name on it was Julia Sims, and for a moment, Eden was certain she’d heard it somewhere before. ‘Is it far to go to take the fabric to her?’ she asked. ‘Only I don’t have a car.’
‘Oh no, she lives in the village. And if you can’t get her at her house, you can always drop it in at the ice-cream parlour on the seafront. Do you know it?’
‘Yes!’ The answer came to Eden in a flash. ‘Julia! She owns the ice-cream parlour? Runs it with her daughter? I know Livia!’
‘That’s Julia.’
‘But if she runs the ice-cream parlour, how does she sew as well?’
‘Search me, but she makes the time somehow. Does a good job too – lovely neat stitching. I wouldn’t recommend her if she wasn’t good.’
Eden reflected for a second on what a strange coincidence it was – yet another one – that the thing she’d decided to buy on a whim that morning would somehow lead her back to Livia and her family. And then another thought occurred to her – just how many jobs did Livia and her family do? Both Livia and her mother had two jobs that she knew of; they seemed to be working every waking hour.
She put her hand on a fresh green fabric with a golden songbird and trellis motif.
‘I think I’ll take this one, if you can help me with the measurements.’
‘Not a problem. Do you want me to work out the price before I cut?’
‘No, that’s fine. I like it – I think I’ll take it anyway.’
The woman looked faintly doubtful but nodded. ‘Right you are then. I’ll go and get my shears…’
There didn’t seem much point in walking all the way to Four Winds Cottage only to go back down to the town again, so Eden decided to go straight to the parlour to see Julia and then get some lunch. She’d noticed a sandwich shop on the way in, a specials board outside announcing rolls containing freshly caught crab, and her tummy growled at the mere thought of them. If she was lucky, perhaps Livia would be around and able to spare half an hour to go with her.
Eden was beginning to realise that at any given time there would be a queue outside the parlour window. Today was no exception, and despite not wanting to order ice cream, she waited her turn to talk to Livia’s mum about her sewing.
‘Can’t stay away, eh?’ Livia said, smiling, as Eden reached the counter. ‘What’s it today?’
‘Actually, I was hoping to see your mum. The lady at the fabric shop says your mum can make stuff.’
Before Livia could answer, Julia turned from where she’d been rearranging the tubs in a freezer and wiped her hands on her apron. ‘What’s that, my love?’
Eden held up the carrier bag that contained her fabric. ‘I was hoping you could make some cushions for me out of this. I just bought it in the shop down the road.’
Julia came out of the door and took Eden to one side so that Livia could continue serving ice cream. ‘I’m sure I’d be able to fit it in. When would you want it for?’
‘There’s no rush.’ Eden opened the bag and showed Julia the contents. ‘Does that look all right? She said that was the best material to get.’
‘If Mary sold it, then I’m sure it’s fine. I could have it ready a week today – how does that sound?’
‘That’s brilliant. Thank you so much.’
Julia took the bag from her and gave Eden a curious look. ‘They don’t have furnishings up at Four Winds then?’
‘Yes, some. But I thought…well, as I’m going to be there a while, I wanted something that felt a bit like mine. I know that sounds silly, doesn’t it? But I can take it back with me when I leave.’
‘Not silly at all. If it makes you feel more comfortable, then why not?’
‘I’ll come back next week then? Shall I come here to get them?’
‘You can do. Or I can ask Livia to give them to you when she sees you, if that’s not convenient – you’re going to be working at the Dolphin, aren’t you?’
‘Yes. I’m looking forward to it.’
‘Come on holiday and get yourself a job,’ Julia said with a light laugh. ‘Not the sort of holiday people usually want.’
‘It’s not really a holiday. I mean, it is, but it’s sort of not.’
Eden felt the weight of that curious scrutiny again. She didn’t suppose she was making much sense to Livia’s mum. She wasn’t making much sense to herself for that matter.
‘Right, well, I’d better get on,’ Julia said. ‘Queue’s growing.’
Eden looked to see that half a dozen people had joined the line in the few minutes she’d been talking to Julia. ‘Will Livia be having lunch soon?’ she asked, feeling like a kid asking her friend’s mum if they could come out to play.
‘I doubt there’ll be much time to stop today, to be honest. I couldn’t say, though.’
‘Oh, right. Well, if she…’ Eden shook her head. ‘Never mind. Could you tell her I’ll see her up at the Dolphin tomorrow if I don’t manage to catch her before?’
Julia nodded and went back into the parlour, leaving Eden to go on her way.
In the end, she’d decided to go back to the cottage and get lunch there. During the first couple of days, being here had been new and welcome, but now she was beginning to feel like a spare part, rattling around the town by herself and not really knowing what to do. There were only so many hours someone could spend on the beach staring out to sea. She’d never appreciated just how much structure having a job created. Faced with six months of very little structure, it was starkly apparent that if she wasn’t careful, the peace she’d come here to find would end up driving her mad. She had a few shifts at the pub to look forward to, but she would have to fill her days with more than that.
After eating a cheese sandwich and an entire family pack of crisps, she went out to explore the cottage’s back garden. As with the front garden, most of the plants were hardy and weather-resistant trees and shrubs, but while the front lawn had been replaced by gravel, here at the back there was still grass. It was a bit unruly and dotted with dandelions, coltsfoot and daisies, and Eden assumed that Margery – the owner – didn’t get time to do a lot of gardening. She couldn’t see the sea from the shaded rear garden, but she could hear and smell it – the boom of the waves hitting the cliffs below echoing on salt-tanged air.
Her delight at finding the old beehives Livia had mentioned was immediately tempered by the fact that they’d obviously been out of use for a very long time. Moss and mould grew over their wooden fronts, and one even had a section missing. Seeing these abandoned dwellings made her sad. A further search revealed the chicken coops similarly destitute. Eden pulled away some of the long grass that obscured them, daydreaming of an alternate universe where she might own Four Winds and live here, with bees and chickens, a dog and a handsome husband and a life that was like something out of a romance novel. But a life like that wasn’t for people like her.
She was snapped from her daydream by her phone vibrating in her pocket. She pulled it out and frowned, ready to throw it across the garden in frustration. Caitlin again. Why couldn’t her sister leave her alone? Why was she so keen to twist the knife? Hadn’t she already told Eden exactly what she thought of her? Wasn’t Eden carrying enough guilt? She certainly didn’t need Caitlin adding to it. But Caitlin seemed to have other ideas.
Uninvited, the image of Caitlin’s face came into Eden’s mind. Not the Caitlin she’d grown up with, the older sister who’d looked out for her, who’d patiently endured her whims, who’d been resigned to her caprices and her place as the obvious favourite child. Not that Caitlin, but a Caitlin who’d looked at Eden the day of their mother’s funeral with a mix of confusion, sorrow and blame.
Eden closed her eyes. She didn’t want to remember that day.
The ringing stopped, but it was followed moments later by a text message. Eden’s finger hovered over the icon. She wanted to open it, but at the same time she didn’t. What if the message was something she didn’t want to see? Once she’d read it, it would be too late to undo. Then again, it might be something she needed to see. If she didn’t look, she’d never know.
Where the hell are you? What’s going on? Dad’s worried sick.
I can’t say, but I’m fine. I’ll message him.
Eden locked the phone again and slipped it into her pocket, absently taking a seat on a bench that hardly looked as if it would take her weight. If this was meant to sound as if she was forgiven, it wasn’t very convincing. And Eden didn’t feel as if she deserved forgiveness anyway, even if it was on offer. How could it be forgiveness? How could they forgive what she’d done when she couldn’t even forgive herself? In any case, Caitlin had made her feelings clear in the days before Eden had left London, and none of them suggested someone who was ready to make peace any time soon. She’d have to message her dad, of course, and she would, just as soon as she could decide what to say.
Her gaze went back to the mouldering beehives and the half-buried chicken coop. Someone had once been blessed with an idyllic life in this place. But all good things came to an end, and just like that time in Four Winds, the charmed life Eden had once led was over too. For what she’d done, she was on her own now, and that was the way it had to be. But did it have to be that way for her dad? She had to admit, Caitlin had a point. More than a point, and it wasn’t like Eden hadn’t already felt like ignoring her dad wasn’t entirely selfless.
She got out her phone to send him a message. She’d call at some point, but she needed more courage than she had at that moment. But a message to let him know she was OK and would phone – that was fair enough, wasn’t it? It would put his mind at rest, which was what Caitlin had asked for.
Hi, Dad, hope you’re OK. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine. I need…
She paused, read the message again and then deleted it.
Hi, Dad
Eden stopped again, finger hovering over the keyboard. Was she overthinking this? The situation called for nothing more than a brief note to let him know she was OK, and yet, at the same time, it seemed to demand so much more than that. Her gaze went to the beehives and the chicken coops. She thought for a minute. And then began again.
Hope you’re OK, Dad. I know you’re not OK, but I hope you’re as OK as you can be. I know I said I’d call, but I haven’t been able to yet, and I’m sorry about that. I promise I will soon. Caitlin said you were worried. Please don’t worry about me. I’m fine, and I’m safe. I hope you’re not upset if I don’t tell you where I am. I will, but I don’t want to yet. It’s nothing you’ve done – please understand that. I need time, and I think you do too.
Eden read the message back. She wasn’t entirely happy with it, despite it being the third attempt. It didn’t convey the depth of what she felt, and it didn’t address his concerns either – at least, not in any meaningful way. But she didn’t have the words that would do either of those things the justice they deserved. This, as imperfect as it was, would have to do. She supposed it was better than nothing. And surely her dad understood why she’d had to leave?
Caitlin had called her selfish, but Eden still maintained that, while some of her motives might have been selfish – even if unconsciously so – her absence was best for everyone. There would be a time when things were less raw and she would be able to see them again, but in this moment, she felt as if she was the last person her dad wanted to see, even if he had told Caitlin he was worried. So the text would give him some reassurance, and perhaps that would be enough.
She pressed send and then waited. No reply came, but she wasn’t surprised by that. Her dad wasn’t one of those people who had their phones attached to their palm. In fact, he probably didn’t even check it more than two or three times a day, so perhaps Eden would have to wait a few hours for a reply. With that in mind, she dropped the phone into her pocket and went inside.