Chapter Eleven
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Eden was tired but happy. As she locked the doors of the scout hut, having seen the last of her volunteers off, in a novel turn of events, she didn’t worry about who may or may not be proud of her but allowed some pride in herself. With the recollections of happy faces fresh in her mind, she knew her first night had been a bigger success than she could have hoped for. They hadn’t taken a huge amount of money, but she was confident that people had also paid what they could and that everyone had been fair and honest. The money didn’t matter – she’d foreseen all along that she might have to find ways to make up the inevitable shortfall, and she was fully prepared for that. She had ideas about how she might do it too, and as time passed, she’d get those plans into action. After cleaning down, she’d gone back with Livia and Julia for tea and long discussions about what had worked and what hadn’t, and before she’d realised it, the skies had darkened.
The moon was rising as she made her way up the cliffs to Four Winds, a dove-grey disc scattering its light onto the brisk waves in the bay. It lit the path to some extent, but to be certain, Eden switched on the torch function on her phone so she wouldn’t trip on any uneven ground.
Back at the hut, Nancy had fallen asleep, and Livia had carried her home. It was likely that Levi was exhausted too – both children had been up way past their bedtimes, but Livia and Julia hadn’t seemed too worried, acknowledging that this was a one-off in exceptional circumstances. Eden’s mind went back to the sight of the little girl, her head resting on Livia’s shoulder, and the tender look on Livia’s face as she’d scooped her up. She marvelled at how her friend could be so utterly good in the face of the hardships and responsibilities that had been the gift of her life so far.
Four Winds was silent and shadowed as Eden approached the gate. She reminded herself that she ought to contact the owners and ask about getting some more lanterns in the garden, because whenever she went back after sunset, it always seemed too dark to be safe. The torch on her phone was some help but didn’t give off nearly enough light. Perhaps she ought to pick up something a bit more heavy duty in that regard. There was no danger from people – Eden felt secure there – but she did envisage a tipsy night out ending in a turned ankle at some point during her stay.
Mission accomplished and safely inside, she was about to get herself a drink when her phone rang. Since she’d left London, casual calls from old acquaintances had all but stopped. The only ones she got now were from Livia or Ralph or Caitlin. The calls from her sister she hadn’t yet dared to pick up. But this was a number she didn’t recognise.
Wondering if it might be one of her new suppliers with something urgent to discuss, she went to the kitchen and took the call.
‘Finally!’
Eden was suddenly hyperalert, any traces of her good mood instantly gone. ‘Caitlin, what’s this?—’
‘Number? I borrowed my friend’s phone, as you clearly weren’t picking up whenever you saw my number. What the hell is going on? Where are you? We’ve been worried sick here! I’ve called every one of your friends I could get hold of and nobody knows anything.’
‘Caitlin…’ Eden let out a sigh. ‘I didn’t mean to make anyone worry; I’m fine. I’m…’ She stopped short of saying where she was. She didn’t even want to continue this conversation, let alone get a visit from anyone right now. She’d left because she’d found it so hard to face her family, because every moment in their presence reminded her of what she’d done. She could see their disappointment and the blame in their faces whenever she looked at them, and she couldn’t deal with that. In the weeks that had passed since she’d left, nothing had changed. Her dad’s sadness was still vivid in her memory, and she knew she was the cause. The same was true of Caitlin’s anger; that was because of her too. ‘I’m fine.’
‘When are you coming home?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean? I phoned your office – they said you’d quit your job weeks ago. And you gave up your flat.
‘Is this all because of what happened? You’re moping, is that it? You’re turning it all into a scenario where you’re the victim? Is that what’s going on here?’
‘Of course not!’
‘Because you need to snap out of it. Mum died, and Dad needs you.’
‘Don’t you think I know that?’
‘Then I don’t see what this charade is in aid of. Come home and help him grieve like a daughter should.’
‘How can I? After what happened, how can I come home? How can I even look Dad in the eye, let alone comfort him when I’m the reason she’s gone?’
‘Ever the drama queen. It’s always about you, isn’t it? You’re never going to grow up, are you?’
‘Yep,’ Eden fired back. ‘That’s me – the petty, spoiled little drama queen. There, I admitted it – is that what you wanted? Will you leave me alone now that I said it?’
‘If you know what you are,’ Caitlin said coldly, ‘why not do something about it?’
‘What do you want me to do? A leopard can’t change its spots! I’m good for nothing and selfish and self-absorbed, and I always will be! I can’t be what I’m not!’
‘Yes, you are selfish! Selfish for not letting us know where you are! Selfish for piling worry on top of everything else!’
‘I didn’t mean to make anyone worry; I just thought it would be better for everyone if I was out of the way.’
‘Living up to the hype. Promises to be selfish and delivers, even while thinking she’s doing us all a favour. Congratulations, Eden. You might just be the stupidest person I’ve ever met.’
‘Caitlin…’ Eden sighed. She was tired, and she didn’t want to have this discussion, not now, not ever. Part of her might have known on some level that she needed to, but that didn’t change her reluctance. ‘I don’t know what you want me to say. I screwed up, I get that you’re still angry, but I don’t think this is getting us anywhere. Surely it’s better if I disappear and let you all get on with your lives? If I’m there, it’s only going to keep reminding everyone of what happened that day.’
‘Spoken like someone who doesn’t have the emotional maturity to own their mistakes and face up to them. Easier to run away than try to fix what you’ve done, eh? Just when I thought you couldn’t get any lower in my estimation, little sis, you’ve outdone yourself.’
‘I’m trying to spare everyone more pain.’
‘You’re trying to spare yourself pain is more like it. Quite frankly, if you were in front of me at this moment, I’d struggle not to slap you, but I’d keep a lid on it for Dad’s sake. And that’s what you should be doing. You should be here for his sake. He’s the person who’s suffering the most here, losing out on all sides and none of it his fault. If you can’t see that, then you really are more selfish than even I gave you credit for.’
‘I’m not coming back – not yet – and you can say what you like about it because I know it’s for the best.’
There was a pause. Eden could almost hear the impatience in it. Then Caitlin spoke again, and it was a tone made of serrated edges designed to hurt. ‘Whatever. At least message Dad.’
‘I have messaged him.’
‘Message him again and tell him where you are. He won’t settle until he knows.’
‘I’m not…’ It was Eden’s turn to pause. Perhaps Caitlin had a point – where their dad was concerned, at any rate. But she didn’t want to tell him where she was because she knew he’d be in his car and there as fast as he could. It wasn’t what Eden needed right now, and she was sure it wasn’t what he needed either, despite what Caitlin had to say on the subject. ‘I’ll call him.’
‘Tonight?’
‘It’s late. I?—’
‘Call him tonight, Eden. Don’t give him another sleepless night worrying about you.’
‘Has he…?’
Had it been that bad? Eden wasn’t stupid enough to suppose she’d be forgotten, but she hadn’t imagined any worries about her would last.
‘I wish you’d come home,’ Caitlin said into the gap. ‘This is all ridiculous.’
‘Is it? Would you want me there? Honestly?’
‘Dad does. Isn’t that good enough?’
‘I’ll phone him.’
‘Let him know where you are; put his mind at rest.’
‘I’m not going to do that, but I will do my best to stop him worrying.’
‘I don’t know what you’re doing for money or where you’re living, and I don’t understand why you’re doing any of it, but we do care, no matter what you think. If you’re trying to prove some kind of point, then I’m sorry to tell you it’s a waste of time. All you’re proving to me is that you’ve learned nothing from the past couple of months. You’re as selfish as you’ve ever been.’
‘I’m trying to be better.’
‘By disappearing without a word?’
‘I thought it was for the best.’
‘It’s not. It’s a stupid thing to do.’
‘Caitlin, I’m?—’
Whether they’d been cut off or whether Caitlin had simply had enough of the conversation Eden didn’t know, but she never got to finish her apology. She could tell that the call was over.
Even though Eden was feeling resentful at Caitlin’s tone, she couldn’t help but admit that her sister might have a point. Difficult as it was going to be, she’d have to contact her dad sooner or later. Eden had imagined she was doing him a favour by being out of his sight, but perhaps she was mistaken. What if she was making it worse for him, not better? And she wanted to hear his voice desperately, and she hadn’t realised how much until Caitlin had put the idea into her head. She missed him. She missed home and her life there, and she even missed her spiky sister.
But that life was in her past, and even if she contacted her dad, it wasn’t going to change. She didn’t think she could go back to it as if nothing had ever happened, and the fact was she didn’t want to. She liked it here in Sea Glass Bay, where nobody knew what sort of woman she really was, where she could pretend to be someone good and where people believed it. Her reinvention was already underway, and she wasn’t about to give that up. Maybe she’d go back home one day, but not until she’d done something she could be proud of, something that her family could be proud of too.
She glanced at her phone, left sitting on the table as she placed her mug down. She’d promised to call her dad tonight, but now that Caitlin’s voice had faded, the idea seemed daunting.
She took a deep breath and dialled the number. A few words of reassurance was all it needed, right?
It rang and she waited, but when there was no answer and she had to cut the call, she couldn’t decide whether she was disappointed or relieved. She decided to send him a text, just to let him know there was no emergency and made plans to try and catch him again over the next couple of days.