Chapter 25
October was already hereand I was getting married in exactly three weeks. Ava and I were going for a final dress fitting today. It was also time to pick out my undergarments and I wanted them to be something really sexy. I’d get Ava to help.
I put the gown on and cried. It was the most beautiful dress ever. This was one time I wish I had a mom who cared about me. Well, that’s not exactly true. There had been dozens of times, but it was my wedding dress for cryin’ out loud. I’d even take my dad or my sister for Christ’s sake. Or a stepmom if I had one. I wish I had a stepmom ... one who was nice and who cared about me because my mom sure didn’t.
Ava stared at me and asked if I was okay. Phil told me I needed to quit evading these types of questions with people I was close to, so they didn’t think I was distant. It would also let them know I was trying to deal with this issue.
“Just a backflash, you know, a thought of my mom and how I wish she wasn’t selfish and coldhearted.”
Her smile disappeared. “I get it and no worries.” She didn’t know how lucky she was having a mom like Susan, and I told her.
“Yeah, well, sometimes I think she cares more for my brothers than me.”
“Really? Susan does that?”
“She’s done it to me ever since I was a little girl. ‘Stand up straight. Don’t walk that way. Your makeup isn’t looking good.’ Need I go on?”
“No, I’m just sorry it’s that way between you two. I didn’t know.” My heart went out to her because my mother did that to me until she kicked me in the pants. Then it was nothing.
Ava clapped and said, “Let’s do something fun instead of talk about this. How about we pick out your lingerie ensemble?”
At first, she suggested a one-piece with garters attached, but I nixed that idea. “How in the world would I manage going to the bathroom?”
With a smirk, she answered, “You would get your husband to help.” My mouth gaped like an enormous guppy until she cracked up.
“Um, I don’t think so. With Pearce, we’d never leave the bathroom.”
Her arm flew out as she held her palm toward me. “Stop! That’s my brother you’re talking about. I just can’t with this. Underwear is one thing, but that’s completely off-limits.”
At that, I laughed even harder. “Hey, you started it.”
“I sure did, didn’t I?”
Since a one-piece was a negative, we moved on to sexy bras and thongs. I found exactly what I was looking for. When we finished, I purchased my treasures and we left. My dress would stay there until the day of the wedding, when they would steam it and deliver it to the church. That was nice of them because I’d been wondering how I would get into the car wearing the thing.
“Have you gotten the rest of your trousseau yet?” she wanted to know.
“Pearce took me, and I got the outfit I’ll change in to as we leave the reception.”
“Anything else?”
“I don’t need anything else.”
Ava shrugged. “What about while you’re away on your honeymoon?”
“Pearce said he’d take care of that,” I murmured. I really hadn’t wanted to share that, but it was Ava after all.
“You mean you’re letting him handle it? He’s going to buy you shirts that go up to your ears and one-piece bathing suits.”
“Bathing suits? Does that mean we’re going somewhere warm?”
“Oh shoot, Lex. I wasn’t supposed to say anything. Please don’t tell him I mentioned it.”
I placed a hand on her arm. “Don’t worry, your secret is safe.”
“Whew.”
I dropped Ava off and drove back to the carriage house. I grabbed the mail and went inside. There was one of those bubble envelopes addressed to me, so I opened it and inside was a DVD.
Wondering what it was, I popped it into my DVD player and stood there as it started playing. I watched in horror as I saw myself naked and in bed getting fucked by Fred and Barney. The worst part was how I crawled all over the two of them like some animal. My hands, mouth, and tongue were over every part of them as I moaned and groaned. They took me every way possible, and from my expression, I loved every minute of it. My stomach suddenly lurched violently, sending me racing for the bathroom. I threw up but it was endless. Every time I thought of that fucking DVD, or maybe I should’ve said that fuck DVD, another spasm sent my stomach contents straight to the toilet. I seriously didn’t think it would ever end.
When there was nothing left in my gut, I walked into the living room, ejected the DVD and smashed the DVD player into a million pieces. Then I picked up the TV and took it outside and threw it down on the driveway. I went back inside, found a hammer, and beat on it to death.
I trudged back inside and looked at the envelope the fucking thing came in. No return address, of course. But I’d missed the typewritten note that had accompanied it.
Best wishes on your upcoming wedding, Lexi. Maybe this will teach you not to fuck with me. I told you your day would come. P.S. Your fiancé is getting his own little present.
The note flutteredthrough my fingers and flitted to the floor like a feather. I watched it like it was in slow motion.
I needed to call someone, but who? Pearce was who I wanted to call, needed to call. But by now, I’m sure he regretted ever knowing me. I didn’t want to bother Terri because she had her own problems to deal with and she didn’t need this burden. There wasn’t anyone else who I knew except Justin, and I couldn’t call him.
I had to go to Pearce’s, at least to let him tell me good-bye or whatever. I’d make it easy on him because he never deserved this. And then maybe I’d call Phil. I really didn’t know how I would survive this. I would have to move away from Charleston. By now, this shit was probably all over the internet.
Not even bothering to grab my purse or lock the door, I took Pearce’s keys so I could give them back to him and walked the few blocks to his house. When I went inside, I didn’t have to be told he’d gotten his copy. His flat-screen TV was broken into tiny pieces, just like my little one was.
Glancing around the room, I let the memories of all the wonderful times we had in here wash over me like a soothing balm. God, I loved this home. It was more than just a house to me. It was a place where I’d always felt safe and welcome. Where I knew I could find peace and serenity. Where Pearce’s arms would be open and waiting.
The tears dripped off my chin before I realized I was crying. There was one thing I had to do before I left this house for the last time. I decided I wanted to spend time up on the widow’s walk. Grabbing Pearce’s miniature speaker, I ran up the two flights of steps and walked outside. It was a warm October day and I plopped down with a thud in the middle of the floor. I hunted the music I knew would be on a playlist somewhere from the night we got engaged, the beautiful night we spent up here. It was mostly classical music with some romantic tunes mixed in that I had Pearce add to my playlist. Why was I torturing myself? I had no answer. The only thing I knew was this would be the last chance I’d have to spend up here. I wanted to do it remembering our special night.
The music haunted me. I saw his face as he brought me here in the moonlight and surprised me with all the decorations he had planned. The bed draped in soft gauzy fabric and the tiny white lights that twinkled. The candlelight, but mostly Pearce, his face, his touch, his lips, his scent, the way only he could make me feel. I sobbed then. Curling up into a ball, I wanted the world to go away and just let me stay here forever.
It was dusk when I woke up, my phone clutched in my hand. I’m not even sure what woke me. The music was still playing loudly when, suddenly, the door flew open and there he stood.
My swollen eyes were a dead giveaway that I’d been crying all afternoon.
“Shit, Alexia.” His voice made me shiver. Then the tears started streaming again.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Pearce.” I took my ring off and handed it to him. “Here. This is yours and you should have it back. I don’t want this to be hard on you. All of this, every single bit of it is my fault, and I’ll bear the responsibility for it.”
“You’re giving me your ring back? Why?”
“So you won’t have to marry me. I don’t want to be an embarrassment to you or your family.”
“Fuck that, Alexia. I’ll take the ring back, but only if you don’t want to marry me ’cause I don’t want to live without you. I keep telling you, I’m here till the end. When are you going to start listening?”
“Huh? Didn’t you get that DVD?”
“Yeah, those fucking shits. Did you get my texts?”
“No.”
“I’ve been texting you all afternoon. I wondered why you hadn’t answered. I just got done with John and I went to your place and found your car and purse but no you. I started to freak.”
None of this was making any sense. If he saw the DVD, he saw what I did. That I was ... oh God. My hand flew to my mouth, and I stood up. My eyes cast around, looking for a place to hurl. I knew I wouldn’t make it to the bathroom.
“What is it?” His voice was laced with concern.
“Sick,” was all I could get out before I just gagged. Since I hadn’t eaten anything and had all but gotten everything out before, nothing came up. I guess there was nothing left.
“Lex, are you okay?” He stood behind me, one arm around my waist, the other holding my hair.
I shuddered. I didn’t think I’d ever be okay.
“Come on, baby, I’m gonna take you inside.” He drew me inside, led me down the steps to his bedroom, and soon I was lying in his bed with a cool cloth on my head. I couldn’t stop crying.
“Pearce, can you please hold me right now? Just hold me tight. I’m scared.”
“Okay, sweetheart. But please don’t be scared. I’ve got you, Lex, and I’m not going to let anything hurt you. Will you do me a huge favor?”
“Yeah. What is it?”
“Will you let me put your ring back on you?”
I smiled and stuck out my finger. I was shivering from head to toe, but when his warm strong arms wound themselves around me, I felt instantly better.
“Ahh, this feels nice. I was freezing.”
“I can tell. Your teeth are chattering.”
“Who’s John?”
“The family attorney. I went straight to him with this. He called the police. They’re trying to track this down and they now think there may be a connection with your abduction. They’re scanning internet sites to see when this shows up. This is illegal, Alexia. They didn’t have your permission. You know where they live. You know his tag number and we’re going to find him and press charges.”
“I feel dirty, Pearce.”
He didn’t say anything for a long moment, a very long moment.
“I won’t lie and say it was my finest moment to see you in that DVD.”
“No, please stop.” I couldn’t bear to hear him talk about it.
“We have to, Lex. If we don’t talk about it, it will eat us alive later on. You understand that, right?”
“But I’m past being embarrassed. I saw myself and it made me sick, Pearce, violently sick. I didn’t think I’d ever stop throwing up.”
“I understand.”
“No, you don’t. What if it had been you in the tape? Then how would you feel?”
“Probably like you feel now.”
The fact that this man held me in his arms, in his bed and still wanted me to be his wife told me more than I would ever need to know about him for the rest of my life.
“I thought I’d lost you over this.”
“Hardly. There’s only one thing that would cause us to lose each other.”
“Yeah? What?”
“Think about it.”
My eyelids became too heavy to keep open, so I gave up the fight and drifted off.
He was chasing me, and I ran as fast as I could, but it was no use. His creepy laughter echoed in my ears as he got closer and closer. His labored breathing thundered in my ears, which was a miracle because I was breathing hard myself. My mouth drew in air through a straw. His steel-like fingers gripped my shoulder, digging deeply into my flesh, that I cried out in pain.
“Gotcha.” He laughed, the nasty sound grating across my skin. I screamed and fought, trying to break his hold on me.
Then something moved against my cheek that was smooth and warm, and I heard a deep voice speak softly to me. “Alexia, wake up, sweetheart.”
Warm arms embraced me, and strong yet gentle hands cupped my face. My eyelids fluttered open to see Pearce’s face, inches from mine.
“I was so scared,” I whispered.
“Shh, it was only a dream.”
“Not that. I was out of my mind with fright today. Of losing you. Of how I thought you would want me gone. Of living my life without you.” I trembled.
He brushed the backs of his fingers across my cheeks. “Never! I don’t ever want you gone. That dream messed with you. What was it?”
“He was chasing me and caught me. I tried to fight him off, but you woke me in time.”
“Then I’ll always have to wake you in time.”
I clasped my hands together and twisted them. I looked at him and then back at my hands.
“What?” he asked. He knew me better than I knew myself.
“We have to tell your family.”
He scrubbed his face and sat up against the headboard of the bed. Pulling me against him. “I know. I’m going to do it.”
“No, I am.”
“I don’t think ...”
I cut him off by holding my hand out. I picked up one of his hands and placed it over my heart. “This is yours. Forever. But I won’t have us get in the way of your relationship with your family. I’ve never had that. I envy what you have with them. It’s my responsibility to tell all of them, including Avery. I’m the one who did it. I’m the one who fucked up. Not you.”
He pulled me on his lap and put his forehead against mine. “I’ll do it if you can’t. I’ll be with you to hold your hand and whatever else you need me to do.”
“Pearce, can I ask you something and will you answer me honestly?”
“Yeah, always.”
“Do you still love me? I mean really love me?”
“Of course, I do.”
“When we make love, when we’ll be together naked, and I’ll have my mouth on you everywhere, and my tongue on you, will you be able to love me like you did before today?”
Without hesitation he answered, “Yes, because the girl I saw in that DVD wasn’t my Alexia. She may have looked like her, but, honey, that wasn’t you. Do you hear me?”
I nodded, got up, and went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I crawled back into bed next to him and kissed him. I needed him more than I ever needed him before. I had to prove to myself things were okay between us. If they weren’t, I would leave tonight and save him the humiliation of dealing with his family.
I was afraid … afraid he wouldn’t want me. When I kissed him, I was shy, like it was the first time I’d ever kissed anyone.
He picked up on it immediately. “Oh God, Alexia. You really don’t believe me, do you?” His tone deepened, striking a chord in me. “Then I guess I’m just gonna have to show you.”
He pushed me on my back and dragged himself up my body, creating a serious case of shivers. This time it wasn’t due to that disgusting DVD, but to my response to his action. Then he unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans and slid them off my hips. The cool air hit my skin and goose bumps erupted all over my flesh. He skimmed his hand across my stomach and teased my belly button with his tongue.
“Give me your hand,” he commanded in a sexy whisper.
I held it out to him, and he pressed it against his cock. “Does this feel like someone who doesn’t want you?” Then he unzipped his pants, and his erection sprang free and he wrapped my hand around it. “Now what do you think?”
My panties disappeared and I didn’t even notice because my heart clanged against my ribs so loudly, leaving me gasping like a woman in the middle of an asthma attack.
“Kiss me,” he demanded.
I sat up and did as he instructed. Everything I had in me leapt to attention from one single kiss. Not only was my hand wrapped around him, but my body was coiled around his pinky. He had complete control of me and it left no doubt that he wanted me as desperately as I did him.
His hands, his mouth, and his tongue were doing things to me I had never experienced with him before. I thought he’d done everything, but I was wrong. He had many more surprises up his sleeve. His teeth left tiny marks in inconspicuous spots that I didn’t find until days later, and when I did, I just grinned.
By the time he slid inside me, I was in tears, begging him for it. When he did, he did it with the single-minded devotion of ensuring I understood he was with me in body, mind, and soul. In all the times we had been together and of all the times we’d had sex, I’d never felt as loved as I did that night.
“Alexia,” he said, “you’re going to come for me, aren’t you?”
“Ah, God yeah, Pearce.” I sucked in air between my teeth.
“Look at me, then, because I want you to know this.”
I opened my eyes, and he said, “Alexia, I don’t give a fuck what you’ve done in the past because you”re all mine now. I love you always and I’ll be with you till the end.”
Hearing those words, his expression of love and knowing he meant it, propelled me right off the edge until I exploded around him. I held on to him for dear life, calling his name over and over. I never wanted this moment to end.