Chapter 21 Campus Tour
Chapter twenty-one
Campus Tour
“Shallow men believe in luck or in circumstance. Strong men believe in cause and effect.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The southern belle, who had opened her mouth to greet her freshmen ParaScience orientation group, took a small step backward; her body pleated like a skirt, and then she vanished, leaving behind the echo of a guttural yelp.
Leaning over her vanishing spot, the group murmured and exchanged worried expressions.
“I think she fell into an in-between,” one of the students whispered.
“She should have come out of it by now, right?” worried another.
“We have to help her!” Hailey yelled. She plowed through the group and jumped, head first into the in-between to rescue the orientation leader, fully expecting somebody to jump in with her.
Nobody did.
Hailey found herself all alone, between Earth and someplace else, suspended in goo that reeked of ammonia.
Surprisingly, the in-between wasn’t a hole in the ground, rather a wall of thick air, which sounded and felt an awful lot like plunging head-first into a pool of clear Jell-O.
Only it seemed to have reverse pressure and was sucking Hailey further from her tour group, like quicksand, only horizontal.
Even as jelly oozed into her ears and stung her eyes, she could still see her fellow freshmen on the other side of the barrier.
They all looked warped, their voices muffled.
It was clear from their dancing eyes and wringing hands—they couldn’t see her.
Turning her back on them, Hailey searched the gelatin landscape for their orientation leader, finding her nearby, white-eyed and flinging her arms as if she were drowning.
Air inside the in-between rushed out of Hailey’s lungs just fine, but breathing it back in against the vacuum wasn’t easy. Gooshing her way through the thickness took every ounce of power Hailey could summon, and the jelly in her right ear especially began to ache.
With burning lungs and a great stretch, she finally reached the girl and grabbed a fistful of bleached hair.
Then she stopped. For the briefest instant, her mind went blank. She knew how to get out—Professor Woodfork had taught her…
A flail-beat!
Feeling around for a solid surface, she found a tiny one, and through the throb of suffocation, she tapped her foot with great difficulty in a slow then fast treble.
Twice she did this and on the third treble, a long foghorn bellowed out, the gelatin twisted, and the in-between heaved Hailey onto the sidewalk.
She was still clutching a fistful of tour guide hair, which was pulling her back in.
Hailey stood up, feet slipping on the goo as she braced against the cement, and with a mighty yank, she pulled a bleach-blonde, gelatin-covered, gasping, and choking orientation leader from the in-between.
As Hailey spit out chunk after bitter chunk of jellied ick, the girl faltered briefly, looking at Hailey with a mix of sheer terror and brief gratitude.
Then she scrambled closer, grabbed Hailey by the head like Tomas and wrenched a foot-long, shrieking worm out of Hailey’s right ear.
Flinging it to the ground, she stomped on it with both feet while Hailey choked and sputtered.
“What was that?” Hailey managed between coughs.
“That was a tunneling earworm, those bastards…” the girl said in a thick southern drawl. She stamped on it again.
“A what?”
“A tunneling earworm,” she said louder as Hailey pulled on her ear lobe.
It felt like she had water in her ear. “What? Are they dangerous?”
“Yes. Lethal.” The girl’s foot once again came down on the grease spot that used to be a tunneling earworm.
“Painfully lethal,” she qualified with another stamp, and Hailey was pretty sure that one was for good measure.
“They dig through your ear, and as they chew into your brain, they hum an annoying jingle that resonates inside your head until you die.”
Hailey stared at her blank-faced. The girl extended her hand to Hailey with a megawatt smile.
“Hi, I’m Jaycen Mae, and you’re Hailey Hartley, aren’t you?”
“That’s right,” Hailey said, shaking the girl’s hand. “There was no mention of earworms in the handbook.”
“Ha! There’s no mention of a lot of things in the handbook.” Her smile faded but only a bit. “You know,” she said quietly, “for a second, I thought you wouldn’t come in after me.”
Hailey blinked.
“I’m really sorry about the earworm,” she added in an anxious voice, turning away and raising her Bear Towne flag.
Still dripping gobs of in-between jelly onto the pavement as she moved, Jaycen launched into her campus introduction with a slightly shaky southern charm, and Hailey had the strange sensation she’d just been pulled on someone’s string.
“Welcome, freshmen ParaScience students, to Bear Towne University—proud home of the snarling Yetis,” Jaycen said excitedly, her composure now completely restored.
Hailey was not as refined and continued coughing, wiping her nose, and flinging globs of goo off her hands even as the southern belle sang the Bear Towne alma mater with several highly motivated freshmen joining in:
Break down the Barrier
Build up the Ferrier
Breathe in the eerie air
Pierce the veil
Pierce the veil
A legacy of light
Benevolence is right
For righteousness we fight
Old Towne we hail. Old Towne we hail!
“Great job, y’all!” Jaycen blared. “Now, Bear Towne campus is laid out like a warped four-leaf clover, but don’t count on luck to get you out of any ‘hairy situations’,” the jellied blonde laughed.
“ALWAYS carry your Yeti spray anytime you venture into the White Forest, which lies inside the north-west leaf,” she said, motioning toward the path Hailey had walked the day before—after she’d fallen out of the Luftzeug.
“I’m sure you’ve all read your handbook and know to also carry your tree repellant?
Nobody likes stepping in freshman-shaped tree poop, am I right? ”
The group chortled politely, though Hailey could almost smell the fear in the air.
“Let’s begin our tour with the Campus Bowl, or THE Bowl, which is where we are standing…
“Y’all will eat, sleep, and do most of your living here in the Bowl,” Jaycen drawled.
“This is the safest place at Bear Towne. In fact, until today, there had been no known in-betweens here, but now we know there’s at least one,” she giggled, “which the In-between Management and Extraction Team, or I-MET,” she made big air quotes, “will survey later and mark if it endures.
“In addition to operating worldwide Luftzeug service and performing numerous other functions, I-MET is Bear Towne’s search and rescue squad.
If you ever get stuck in an in-between or lost in the White Forest, I- MET is the team that will find you and bring you back, hopefully alive and in one piece, but as you saw on the Luftzeug, sometimes I-MET can be a little rough. ”
A hand went up among the group.
“Do they always wear gas masks?”
“No. But they always cover their faces. Trust me, you do NOT want to see the face of an I-MET member. There’s a reason only dead people do that job. You just never know how you’re going to look after an in-between spits you out,” she said, striking a Vanna White pose, and the group giggled.
Another hand shot up.
“How do we call for I-MET?” asked an anxious boy in wrinkled clothes.
“Oh, you don’t have to. I-MET will know if their services are needed.
The big building at the center of the Bowl—no more questions about I-MET—is Trinity Square, where you’ll find the Bear Towne bookstore, the campus chapel, your mailboxes, and The Bruised Moose Café.
The café serves grilled food, sandwiches, pizza…
” Jaycen eyeballed one of the boys in the group.
“…as well as an array of metallic and sulfurous fare for you non-humans. The chapel holds Mass daily and twice on Sundays—DO NOT neglect your soul here, y’all.
If your soul jumps ship while you’re at Bear Towne, you won’t last three seconds. Too many scavengers here, am I right?”
Jaycen pointed to a very human-looking kid, in Hailey’s opinion. “You’re one, aren’t you, cutie pie?” Jaycen said to him, and he grinned bashfully.
“The second most-important building on campus is Igloo Arena, which is the dome-looking structure on the north end of the Bowl.”
Several of the female freshmen gasped and swooned, and Hailey peeked around the group to see what the all the fuss was. Making their way inside Igloo Arena was a group of muscular and fearless-looking men. One of them carried a hockey stick.
“What luck!” Jaycen twanged. “There they are, Freshmen—the Bear Towne Yetis hockey team, reporting for practice. I think everyone is excited to see some W’s this year after last season’s dismal finish, huh?”
After the last hockey player disappeared into the Igloo, Jaycen waved her flag and beckoned the group toward a carved stone and wood gazebo near the ParaScience leaf.
“The Chattering Gazebo will immediately strike up a conversation with any non-human, other-worldly or supernatural creature that passes under its eaves,” she explained. She stepped under its roof.
“Well, well, well, well, well!” the gazebo gushed. “If it isn’t Jaycen. Long time no see. In fact I haven’t seen you since Alexei caught you smooching his teammate, what was his name?”
Jaycen jumped back, frowning.
Aha! Hailey knew Jaycen was far too chipper to be human.
“Y’all get the point,” Jaycen said abruptly without looking at the group as she trudged under the iron gate of the ParaScience College leaf.
“Percussive instruments—”
Somebody raised their hand.