Chapter 15
Ego
“I’m so sorry you’ve had such a hard time with this,” Sky said.
He hadn’t moved from the chair yet, which I was relieved about.
I didn’t feel any weird compulsion to jump on him and sink my fangs into him or anything, but who the hell knew how this would all play out.
Lysandro kept saying I needed to learn control, but before they’d arrived, he’d also assured me that I wouldn’t be a threat to Sky or King tonight.
“It’s not your fault. I brought this whole mess on myself.”
Sky’s head reared back like I’d slapped him. “What are you talking about? You didn’t ask for…” He trailed off.
“Maybe not, but I’ve always played it fast and loose when I was on tour, and I’d been testing fate since the minute I left Willowhope.”
“How?” he asked quietly.
Plunging my hands back through my hair, I yanked on the strands.
“I felt like I was missing out, you know? You were here training and hanging with ghosts every day, and I just wanted to…I don’t know.
Still feel a part of that, so I kept like, asking spirits to appear and shit. I guess I got what I wanted.”
Sky scowled. “Can I come sit by you? Would that be okay?”
I took a minute to think about it, but there was no sign of imminent danger on my end.
I was aware of his heartbeat, King’s too, but they were so overshadowed by the calming sound of Scotty’s blood rushing through his veins that it didn’t pull any form of hunger at all.
The rage I’d woken with this evening—with Scotty gone—was also gone.
“Sure.”
He moved slowly, like he didn’t want to scare me, which was laughable since I was the monster.
Sitting at the other end of the couch, he said, “You didn’t get what you wanted, nor did you get what you deserved.
Shit’s been unfair to you, but none of this—not now, not in the past—has ever been your fault. ”
The tears started slowly. I didn’t even realize they were there. In all of my anger and sadness since I’d been turned, I hadn’t cried once. I hadn’t even been sure I could still produce tears, but they leaked steadily out of my eyes and down my cheeks now.
“Oh, Ego,” Sky said, opening his arms to me.
I fell into them and sobbed. My life—my very existence—had been so unfair, and I felt like such a baby feeling that way.
But Skylar—my cousin, my longest and dearest friend—he’d been here for it all.
He knew all my truths. And if he said it wasn’t my fault, then, like I’d done so many times before, maybe I’d try and believe him.
“Hello, I’m here,” my cousin sing-songed from the entryway as he entered my house.
I’d heard his car pull up, and the beat of his heart increased as he came to the door, but I knew it wasn’t Scotty.
After the long, cleansing talk my cousin and I had last night, I was happy for him to be here again.
But Scotty had snuck out with Lysandro last night, and King and Sky had stayed, so I never got a chance to talk to him alone.
Although, I wasn’t surprised that those two had left. I was pretty sure they’d been able to hear my crying throughout the cavernous walls of this place. At the very least, Lysandro had been able to.
Sky stopped short and tilted his head. “Have you left that spot since last night?”
“Of course. I slept in my bed,” I said absently, wondering where Scotty was and what he was doing tonight.
Did that mean Sky was taking his place, and he wouldn’t be coming over anymore?
“Oh, okay. So…” He moved farther into the room. “You’ve just been going from your bed to that spot then?”
Aggravation stirred in my belly like hot coals. “And if I have?”
He came and sat at the other end of the couch, pulling his legs up under him. “Well, that’s boring.”
I shrugged. “It’s fine, Sky.”
“It would—”
“It’s fine,” I growled, unable to control my temper. “Did Lysandro send you with my…dinner?”
When he didn’t answer, I glanced up at him and found him glaring daggers at me. “Don’t get sassy with me, cuz.”
“I’m not.” Running a hand down my face, I said, “I’m sorry.
I wake up hungry.” Which was true, but also, I woke up pissed off again.
And now that Sky was sitting in front of me again, I felt a resentment toward him that I’d never felt before well up.
He wanted to be here for me. To commiserate and say he understood what I was going through. But he didn’t.
Not at all.
Not even a little bit.
Sure, being a witch and tether was all new to him, too, but he had Kingston to walk this path with. I was alone. My human status had shifted, and with it, my body and everything I knew about life.
He was excited about all of the things they were doing, and I dreaded growing further into my new nature.
He wanted to dreamwalk. I had no desire to drink blood from a human body—willing or not. I still hadn’t purposely let my nails come out or looked at the hideous teeth that sometimes descended without my permission.
No. He might be able to empathize, but he didn’t understand at all.
“When does Lysandro usually come?” he asked.
“By now,” I said, pushing off the couch to pace. I guess one good thing was that I was not inclined to attack my cousin to get my nourishment. In fact, his blood didn’t call to me at all.
It hadn’t last night either. Nor did Kingston’s. But then it was hard to hear anything above the siren’s song of Scotty’s blood. I didn’t know why that was, but I figured it had everything to do with him being the human I’d been most familiar with since my transformation.
My ears had become attuned to his sounds, and my nose to his smell. Purely from proximity, I was sure.
“Well, can I get you something? Do you have any more of those blood bags in the refrigerator?”
Bile filled my mouth at the thought of consuming one of those. How had I even managed to gag them down before? Maybe the sangria had helped, but I didn’t think that was it. I hadn’t had the real thing yet, so I didn’t understand how synthetic they tasted in comparison.
I thought of the coppery tang of Lysandro’s blood—the velvety richness as it coated my tongue and flowed down my throat—and I salivated. His blood was indeed the elixir of life.
“Oh, wow.” I barked out a harsh laugh.
Sky jumped up like he was ready to go to battle for me. “What’s wrong?”
“I was just waxing poetic about Lysandro’s blood in my head.”
“Uh.” I gave Sky credit. He didn’t look disgusted or anything. “Well, I guess that’s good since he’s the one providing your, uh, nourishment, right?”
“Indeed, I am,” Lysandro said, swooping in. “I thought we might start training tonight, too.”
Sky clapped his hands together. “Oh, cool. Can I help?”
“No training,” I snapped. “I need to feed.”
Lysandro narrowed his eyes at me, a challenge on his normally pleasant face. “Indeed.” He moved toward me slowly, rolling up his sleeve.
His meaning quickly became clear, and I hissed, jumping up from the couch and landing on the other side of the room. My voice came out in a garbled mess as I growled, “Noooo.”
Lysandro stared at me across the room. “You have to learn to—”
Slicing a hand through the air, I spat out, “No,” again.
Wide-eyed, Sky’s head whipped between Lysandro and me, finally landing on me. “But, Ego. You’re a vampire. You have to, you know, fang it up.”
My throat closed, and I gagged. “I will not hurt anyone.”
Lysandro sighed. “I’ve told you time and again. There are plenty of willing donors out there to choose from. I could bring someone here. You’d never even have to leave this self-imposed prison if that’s what you want.”
He’d spoken those words to me so many times, but never when I was already so angry or so damn hungry. I became acutely aware of Sky’s pulse beating in the side of his neck, and I clutched my amulet, ready to run up to my room and hide. I would not hurt my cousin.
“Ego. Drink this now,” Lysandro demanded, holding out a cup toward me. When had he slit his wrist? I’d been so hyper-focused on that steady beat under Sky’s skin that I hadn’t noticed Lysandro moving.
I snatched the cup away from him as my vision went hazy. I raised it to my lips and then…
“Is it always like this?” Sky asked, sounding far away.
“Mm. No, I don’t think so. For fledglings, their first meal of the day hits them differently depending on their emotions,” Lysandro answered.
“Shit,” Sky said, sounding so, so sad. “Do you think he didn’t want me here?”
Lysandro’s happy laughter filled the room. “Oh, now, Sky. I most definitely think I made him angry by insisting on training. That disgustingness was definitely my fault.”
Disgustingness? What was he talking about? He’d never said he found blood gross before. In fact, it was quite the opposite. As their conversation ebbed and flowed through my brain as it came back online, my chin began to itch.
Swiping my palm down the lower half of my face, I cringed when something sticky coated my skin. “Ew.”
“Ew, indeed. Your cousin offered to clean you up, but while you may be a baby vampire, you’re a grown-ass man, so I didn’t let him.”
“Thanks a lot, Dro,” I managed to croak out.
“Hmph. Skylar, please inform your cousin that I will not now, or ever, be responding to Lys or Dro. My name is Lysandro.”
“Okkayyy,” Sky said, obviously confused. Then, because he was now and had always been the best cousin a guy could have, he added, “But I really like Lys.”
I could picture Lysandro throwing his arms in the air as he asked, “What in the world is a Lys?”
“Your name if you’d quit being so stubborn,” I mumbled, finally sitting all the way up and peering at the other two occupants of the room.
Sky looked a curious mix between concerned and confused, but Lysandro’s face showed furious frustration. “Surely, you aren’t accusing me of being stubborn.”
I guessed he was the wrong one to say that to, but the feeding hadn’t really helped.
Now that my bloodlust was satiated, I still felt…
off. “Sorry, I’m just…” My voice trailed off as that familiar thump, thump, thump echoed throughout my body.
“Scotty,” I whispered, scrambling off the floor and gliding to the window.
“I don’t think so. I told him he didn’t have to worry about checking on you now that I know.” Sky came up next to me, and we watched Chance’s truck—which Scotty borrowed to get around—pull into view. “Huh. I wonder why he’s here.”
I didn’t care why. I only cared that he was here. He hadn’t thrown me to the side now that Sky knew my predicament. He hadn’t abandoned me. Maybe he’d stay late so that we could talk about what happened two nights ago.
I was pretty sure he didn’t plan on a repeat, but I wanted one. I wanted him. His time. His presence. His attention. I wanted it all. Now I just had to figure out how to make that happen.