Chapter 46
Greyson
Weeks passed, and Eleanor’s and my friendship only grew more and more.
Just like when we were younger. She listened to me whenever I needed to talk.
She sat through the dark days with me, not asking me for anything, but just staying by my side.
Eleanor was also a great wingwoman. I’d been around Karla more these past few weeks than I had the year before.
Lately Karla didn’t even fight against us all hanging out, and sometimes I swore she even smiled just like her mother.
When Eleanor’s birthday came around, I knew I wanted to make it special for her. She’d been beyond life-changing for my family, for me, and I wanted to celebrate her for that exact reason. She was Ellie, and she was worth being celebrated.
The girls and I decorated the house for her, and Karla didn’t grumble too much about it. She even baked a cake with Lorelai. I was pretty certain it was burnt and there were probably eggshells in it, but they decorated it anyway.
Claire came over, and luckily she’d brought a cake of her own for the celebration. It was probably a lot more edible.
“This is all too much,” Eleanor exclaimed as she grinned from cheek to cheek once we brought her over for the small party. “You didn’t have to do all of this.”
“Of course we did. You’re an important part of this family, and in this family we celebrate important days,” Claire said.
Hearing those words come from her lips was so meaningful. If there was anyone who was a professional at making a person feel loved, it was Claire. She loved in a way that was so loud, and she always found more love to hand out whenever it was needed.
“Girls, do you think we should give Eleanor her gift?” I asked.
“Yeah!” Lorelai cheered, hurrying over to the table and picking up the wrapped box with Eleanor’s name on it. “Here, Ellie.”
Eleanor’s eyes widened. “You guys really didn’t have to get me anything,” she said.
“Of course we did—it’s your birthday! Now, it’s nothing big, but we all put in some work on it,” I told her.
“Even Karla helped!” Lorelai remarked.
Karla huffed. “Don’t make a big deal of it. It’s whatever.”
Oh, my angst-filled teenager. What a joy.
Eleanor began to open the box, and the moment she saw what was inside, her eyes watered over and her hand flew to her mouth. “Grey . . .” she whispered.
“Pull it out,” I told her, nodding toward it.
She reached into the box and pulled out a crocheted dragonfly cardigan. Tears began falling down her cheeks as she hugged the fabric. She kept staring at it in awe, taking it in.
“Do you like it?” Lorelai asked.
“Oh my gosh, I adore it, Lorelai—more than I can say.” She looked over to me. “How did you . . . you made this?”
“Yeah. After a lot of YouTube videos and wasted yarn, it came together pretty well. The girls each put in a few of their own loops too. The dragonflies were all Claire, though. I’m not that talented. So it’s from all of us.”
“Made with love,” Claire chimed in.
Eleanor covered her mouth and broke into heavy sobs as her emotions took her over. She became completely overwhelmed, and Lorelai went over to hug her.
“It’s OK, Ellie. You don’t have to be sad.”
“Oh, no, I’m not sad, sweetheart. I’m just so unbelievably happy. You see, when I was a girl, my mother used to make me cardigans, and one just like this one right here was my favorite of all. When I lost them all, I thought I’d never have one again, so this is beyond amazing.”
“So those are happy tears?” Lorelai asked.
“The happiest tears,” Eleanor replied. “Thank you so much. Thank you all so much. This is the greatest gift I’ve ever received.”
“Shay told me how you lost your other cardigans. I know we can’t replace those, but I hoped this could bring a smile your way.” I smiled. “Happy birthday, Ellie.”
“Thank you, Grey.” She smiled back, and my heart skipped a beat.
I hadn’t known it could still do that.
I hadn’t known it could skip for another person.
And it felt kind of beautiful.
* * *
Later that afternoon, the girls headed to their bedrooms after a bit too much cake. Eleanor headed home to go out for a birthday dinner with Shay, and I was left to clean up from the birthday celebration.
“Eleanor’s great,” Claire said as she walked into the kitchen, where I was loading the dishwasher. “She’s really good for you.”
“Yeah, she’s great with the kids,” I agreed. “Even Karla is opening up to her, and we all know that’s a huge deal. Eleanor has been great for them.”
“Yes, I agree fully, but I was mostly talking about how she’s good for you.”
Her words caught me off guard, and I stood up and looked her way. “What?”
She gave me the gentlest look ever and walked toward me.
“I get it, Greyson, I do. I know you’re probably trying to ignore it, trying to push the feelings away, but you don’t have to do that.
I know you’re probably scared of what it means, having these feelings coming up, but you shouldn’t be afraid of them.
I knew my daughter. I know what she’d want for you.
She’d want you to be happy again. That’s all Nicole would ever want for you.
She’d want you to find happiness. If Eleanor is that for you, and I think she is, please don’t pass it up. ”
I put down the plate in my hand and leaned back against the countertop. “Is it that obvious?” I asked.
“Only when you look at her. When you look at her, it’s like the whole world lights up inside you.” Claire moved in closer and placed a hand on my forearm. “And that’s a good thing, Greyson. That’s a beautiful thing.”
My chest tightened, and I took a deep breath as I shut my eyes. “It just feels like a betrayal . . . like I’m betraying Nicole.”
“No,” Claire said quickly, shaking her head.
“No, no, no. I figured that was what has been holding you back, and I worried about those thoughts floating around in your mind. You are not betraying anyone, Greyson. You and my daughter, you had a beautiful love story. You two created a love so strong it will live on forever, and that’s an amazing thing, but that doesn’t mean you’re never allowed to love again.
Your heart is still beating, son, which means there’s room for more love, and if there’s anyone in this world who deserves to find that love, it’s you. ”
I pinched the bridge of my nose and inhaled. “It’s scary.”
“Yes, it is, but still worth it.”
“What if there’s nothing there? What if Eleanor doesn’t feel it back?”
“She does.”
“How do you know?”
“Because when she looks at you, it’s like the whole world lights up inside her. So trust what you’re feeling, and don’t let doubt creep in. Sometimes in life you just have to leap, Greyson. You have to take the leap and just trust that you can fly.”
She smiled a smile just like Nicole’s, and that made me happy and sad all at once.
I exhaled slowly, feeling my heart racing throughout my body.
She was right.
She was always right.
“Thank you, Claire.”
“Always.”
“I just . . .” I cleared my throat and shifted around in my shoes.
“I don’t think I’ve ever said this to you, but I just want you to know that I’ve always looked to you as my mother.
I’d never really had a motherly figure in my life until you, and from day one, you welcomed me into your life with open arms. You’ve given me guidance when I needed it.
You talked me off the ledge when I was ready to jump.
When I hit my lowest, you didn’t leave my side.
You fought for me when I couldn’t fight for myself.
You stayed by me, and I don’t think you know what that means to me.
I don’t think you understand how much of an honor it is for me to call you Mom. ”
Tears filled her eyes as she walked over and wrapped me into a hug. “You are the son I always prayed for.” That choked me up more than she knew. After a moment, she pulled back and placed her hands on my cheeks. “Now go,” she whispered, her voice filled with nothing but love. “Fly.”